Hi everyone......I often come into this thread to read the posts, but have never contributed before. My mum is 81, and I have experienced some of the things mentioned here, and I sympathise and understand what some of you are going through. Most of you are in worse situations that I am, and I admire the strength that you have found to deal with some tragic and very sad circumstances.
I also understand, when some of you write in here, and then feel guilty about what you have said, and I guess that is why I have not added my grievances, because I feel guilty just thinking about them, let alone writing them down.
My mum, is 81 and although riddled with a lot of arthritis is still considerably active for her age. Her story is quite sweet...when we moved to this town 5 years ago, she moved into a retirement village, where she had her own self contained unit....there she became friendly with a lovely man and they enjoyed going out to dinner together, and watching TV together. They eventually wanted to move out of the retirement village, so we offered them a unit (apartment) which we have, and the two of them have been living there together now for over 12 months. They are fairly independent, do their own shopping, cook their own meals and unless they are seriously ill, even get themselves to the doctor....oh by the way, my mums partner is 91 and is a lovely gentle man. His family of two sons and a daughter do not live in this town, the closest, his daughter, lives about 3 hours from here. I am my mum's only child.
There have been times, when mum has had a fall, or is very sick and they call me and I organise medical attention or get her to the hospital and tend to her needs until she is well again, but considering her age, I am very fortunate that she does not need my attention around the clock, most of the time. I visit them every couple of days, and make sure they are OK, and have everything that they need.
Now, the problem I have, and find frustrating and upsetting, is that my mum is nearly deaf. She has been using hearing aids for five years. She is entitled to excellent medical facilities and has always been supplied with the most modern hearing aids available.....but she hardly ever wears them. Sometimes I have visited her, and so many times, I am having a conversation with her, and I realize that she is just nodding her head, and not hearing a word I am saying. I have asked her, use her hearing aid, and she always has an excuse not to wear them.....I got that way, that I just stopped talking to her. I felt guilty, but I couldn't see the point, if she only picked up a few words here and there. Consequently, when I callled in to see her, my visits were short with very little conversation.
I took her to the doctor last week, and she did not have her hearng aid in, and if I had not been with her, she would not have had a clue what the doctor was asking her or telling her.
Today, I called in to see her, and I totally lost it. I asked her something, and she replied with an answer that had nothing whatsoever to do with what I had said to her. Then I started telling her something about one of the kids or something, and she just cut in on what I was saying, and started talking about something else, and I just stopped talking and looked at her. Her partner who was sitting next to her, and was listening, told her that I was talking to her, and chastised her for butting in on me. I just said, "dont worry about it, I'm going" and I left....her partner followed me out, and put his arm around me, and told me not to be upset, and I told him, I just cant have a conversation with her anymore, if she cant have the curtesy of wearing her hearing aids, then I will take it that she is not interested in hearing anything I have to say. I was angry, but I was more upset, and as I drove away, I cried at the thought that the days of me having a conversation with my mother, are over, and I feel so sad about that.
I have never worn a hearing aid, so dont know whether they are uncomfortable to wear or not. My mum voluntarily sought help for her hearing over five years ago, she had the best medical attention available and has been supplied with excellent equipment to assist her with her hearing. She is informed if a newer more suitable hearing aid comes on the market, and is once again supplied with them.....and then she leaves them in a box on her dressing table. She has the ability to have a better quality of life and she choses not to use it.
Maybe I am being too hard on her, and I dont mean to be, and now I am feeling guilty about whinging about it, but if I feel like this, then others must feel like it too, and eventually she will not have anyone who will call in to "talk" to her. She was expecting a friend, for a visit, when I was there today, and I suspect, that visitor too, was not going to hold any type of conversation with her. My mum has her full mental facilities, she is alert and intelligent but when she butts in on what you are saying, or talks about something completely off subject, she gives the impression that she is suffering from dementia, even seems a bit "ditzy".
Oh dear......I know there are many of you here, that have far far worse things to deal with. I'm just feeling very sad, thats all.....I dont know how long I will have her, and I love her dearly, and it would be so nice to be able to sit down and talk with her again.