Favorite Lines From "Everybody Loves Raymond"

[David In Indy]

Jess, I'm borrowing your idea from your Cheers thread. But since I don't know much about Cheers, I can't really contribute to it. So I thought I would start an Everybody Loves Raymond thread, because that show has some really funny lines too!

If anyone can think of funny Raymond quotes, please post them here! 

[David In Indy]

Frank commenting about  Ray's second appearance on television....

Frank: "I could have eaten a box of Alpha Bits and crapped a better interview."

[David In Indy]

Ray loses Ally's hamster while she is away with Debra. Ray finally locates the hamester, dead, in a box of fudge popsicles. So he and Robert go to the pet store to buy Ally a new hampster before she gets back home. But when they walk through the door, Debra, Ally and the boys have already returned.

Ray: Look Ally, I'm very sorry this happened but now it's time to meet your brand new hampster.

Ally: No thanks.

Ray: Oh, come on. Look, he looks just like your old hampster and the guy at the store told me that in a couple of years he might.... fly.

Debra: Ray! Don't tell her that!

Ray: Okay, he's not really going to fly, but the man did tell me he's.... magical.

Debra: Ray!

Ray: His PERSONALITY!

Ally: No Dad!

Ray: Oh come on Ally, he's a cute little replacement.

Ally: I don't want a replacement, Daddy!

(Ally storms up the stairs)

Robert: I think that's exactly what she needs... a replacement Daddy.

  

[injest]

Jess, I'm borrowing your idea from your Cheers thread. But since I don't know much about Cheers, I can't really contribute to it. So I thought I would start an Everybody Loves Raymond thread, because that show has some really funny lines too!

If anyone can think of funny Raymond quotes, please post them here! 

I was just thinking..."HEY wait a minute! Was this ALWAYS here??"

[injest]

Frank commenting about  Ray's second appearance on television....

Frank: "I could have eaten a box of Alpha Bits and crapped a better interview."

ROTF!!

[David In Indy]

Nope! You had a very good idea Jess. I hope you don't mind me borrowing your idea!  

[injest]

these are great...I am not familiar enough to have seen the individual show you are talking about...but I know the characters and I can just hear Ray's dad!

 

[injest]

Nope! You had a very good idea Jess. I hope you don't mind me borrowing your idea!  

NO! not at all! It fits perfectly!

[David In Indy]

Ray and Robert are driving home from a failed attempt to meet the New York Mets. Ray didn't want to bring Robert along because he says Robert's feet stink.

Robert and Ray have just finished arguing with each other, and Robert reclines his car seat, takes off his shoes and places his feet up on the dashboard of Ray's car. Ray is driving, and tries very hard to ignore Robert's stinky feet, but then the smell hits him....

Ray: "We must have... we must have hit a skunk that crawled out the ass of another skunk."

[David In Indy]

Debra keeps shifting over to Ray's side of the bed and it's keeping Ray awake. Finally, he gets up and slides Debra back over to her side of the bed using the bottom sheet to move her. When he gets back into bed, Debra once again slides over. Ray keeps wiggling away from her and finally he falls off the side of the bed and hits the floor with a loud "THUD".

Debra (groggy and talking in her sleep): Ray, did you hear that?
 
 

[David In Indy]

these are great...I am not familiar enough to have seen the individual show you are talking about...but I know the characters and I can just hear Ray's dad!

 

I've got hundreds of them Jess! I can keep going all night! 

Oh, and I'm loving your Cheers thread. But I can't remember all the funny lines from the show. But I'm remembering many of them as I read all those posts! 

[David In Indy]

Ray and Robert start laughing at Marie when she takes a Sucret for her sore throat and then notices a couple of them are missing from the box....

Marie: Okay. Keep laughing. One of these days you'll turn around and I won't be here.

(Ray turns completely around)

Ray: Not today!!

  

[David In Indy]

Marie, after she realizes the sculpture she made closely resembles a part of the "female anatomy"....

Marie: "Oh my God. I'm a lesbian. "

 

[dot-matrix]

Debra Barone: Ray, don't you say one more word or I'm gonna send your mother back in here to smack the crap out of you.

[David In Indy]

Ray loses $2,300 to Frank in a poker game. When he arrives home, he doesn't want to tell Debra how much he actually lost...

Debra: Why are you home so late?

Ray: Because I won a lot of money.

Debra: Oh.

Ray: Then I lost some.

Debra: How much?

Ray: Not enough to lose sleep over honey.

(Ray heads into the bathroom and starts brushing his teeth. Debra follows him into the bathroom.)

Debra: You didn't lose a hundered dollars did you?

Ray: Nooooooo...... hundreds.....

Debra: How many hundreds?

Ray: tweffkt tfkt.

Debra: What?

Ray: tweffkt tfkt.

Debra: Ray! How many hundreds did you lose?

(Ray removes the toothbrush from his mouth)

Ray: Twenty three.

Debra: You lost twenty three hundred dollars to your father?

Ray: Yes, but don't worry. We'll get it back.

Debra: When?

Ray: When he dies.

[David In Indy]

Debra Barone: Ray, don't you say one more word or I'm gonna send your mother back in here to smack the crap out of you.

  

That one is from "Bad Moon Rising" That was a funny episode, wasn't it Dottie? 

[David In Indy]

Ray realizes he accidently put Debra's Thanksgiving fish in the dishwasher....

Debra: Ray, where's the fish?

Ray: Why don't you go change Michael?"

Debra: No, Michael is fine.

Ray: Somebody needs changing around here.

[David In Indy]

Frank (to Ray and Robert) "You gotta get your wives out of my house. They're over there right now looking at furniture catalogs. I told Marie she shouldn't be looking at any new furniture unless it has a lid."

[David In Indy]

Marie: You really should close your curtains at night Raymond. You never know who might look in.

Ray: I've got a pretty good idea!

[David In Indy]

Ray and Debra are upset that Frank and Marie have no friends. They figure if Frank and Marie had some friends, they wouldn't come over quite so often. So they recommend the Stipes, an older couple down the street.

Marie: "Well, what would we do with these Stipes?"

Debra:" You could have dinner, or you could......"

Ray:" You could play "Guess What I Forgot".

[dot-matrix]

 

That one is from "Bad Moon Rising" That was a funny episode, wasn't it Dottie? 

   Yep, liked that one...save the quote for personal use next time Bob needles me when his Mom's around 

[David In Indy]

Marie: "What is a DVD player? Is that for pornography?"

Debra (sarcastically) "Yes Marie. I bought Ray a porn machine for Christmas."

[dot-matrix]

LOVED this one 

Marie Barone: I have my own opinions. I'm not just some trophy wife.
Frank Barone: Trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?

[David In Indy]

Uncle Mel recording his life story for one of Ally's school assignments....

Uncle Mel: "And just because I've never been married, doesn't mean I'm gay."

[David In Indy]

LOVED this one 

Marie Barone: I have my own opinions. I'm not just some trophy wife.
Frank Barone: Trophy wife? What contest in hell did I win?

  

The Toaster. Yup! That's another funny one Dottie! I loved all the ELR Christmas episodes; especially that one!

[David In Indy]

Ray insists on handling the checkbook and Debra reluctantly agrees to it. Ray makes a terrible mess of things and seeks help from Andy, one of his friends...

Andy: "Look at this. Debra had everything in order."

Ray: (Angrily) "Yeah, DEBRA, DEBRA, DEBRA!!! I'm sick of this money stuff. Just tell me what to do!"

Andy: " First you take last months ending balance, then you add the interest accrued on the account. Then you add all the checks you know have cleared, and then you subtract that number from..."

(Ray is looking confused)

Andy: "Ray, what did I just say to you?"

Ray: "Accrued."

Andy:" Ray, you're going to have to tell Debra about this."

Ray: "No, I can't tell Debra. Look, how can it be that bad? It's only been 6 weeks."

Andy:" That's what's so SHOCKING."


Later in the episode Ray confesses to Debra he screwed up the checkbook and she spends hours trying to straighten out Ray's mess...

Ray:"Okay Debra, shouldn't you just yell at me or something?"

Debra: "Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceburg."

Debra:" Okay. I've figured all these bounced checks except for this one. What was this bounced check for?"

Ray:" I think it was for........ (electricity gets shut off).... yeah, that was it."

 

[David In Indy]

Sorry for these long posts everyone!

Ray decides to go for a ride-along with Robert and his partner Judy....

Ray: Sargent? They call you sargent?

Judy: That's his rank. Sit back.

Ray: "Sargent". Do they know you lick your Q-tips before you put them in your ears?

Robert (talking on the poice radio) "We'll check that door again later, and if it's still open we'll send in the "bow-wow".

Robert: (to Raymond) That's a police dog.

Ray: Oh, "bow-wow" is a POLICE DOG? I wonder how you crack THAT code?"

Judy: That ain't funny, and you don't talk when we on the radio. Now SIT BACK!

Robert: I told you Raymond. It's important that you not interfere with police business.

Ray: Police Business? What police business? I saw more action on my paper route! Hey maybe later we can climb a tree and save a "meow-meow!"

Robert: That's enough Raymond!

Judy (to Robert): I'm beginning to see what you mean about about your little brother!

Robert: Yeah, see what I mean?

Ray: What? What has he been saying to you?

Judy: SIT BACK! I'm not gonna tell you again!

Ray: You just lost your tip!

Ray: There's nothing to do back here. I'm bored. At least run the siren a little. This vest is a little smelly. Hey, if I wash this vest with my regular clothes will they become bullet proof?

 

[David In Indy]

Ray and Debra are fast asleep in bed.....

Ray: OOOF!!

Debra: WHAT?? (Switches on the bedside lamp) What happened?

Ray: (Out of bed and doubled over) YOU KICKED ME!!

Debra: I DID?

Ray: Right in the Garden of Good and Evil.

 

[David In Indy]

Debra: Don't worry about that Marie. I'll clean it up later.

Marie: (To herself) "She'll clean it up later." Even the ants are laughing.

[David In Indy]

Robert: I don't want to hear it mom!

Marie: It was for your own good!

Robert: For my own good? Like the ice cream truck? Remember that? You told me everytime the music played it meant they were OUT of ice cream!

 

[David In Indy]

Marie walks into the kitchen and finds Debra

Marie: Whew! What's that smell? Another dinner get away from you, dear?

Debra: It's popcorn. Ray burned some popcorn......

Marie: (sarcastically) Oh! Popcorn for dinner! How fun!

Debra: It's not for dinner, and I didnt....

Marie: Amy!

(Amy and Marie hug)

Robert: Will you look at my two gals? I call them the "Two Muskateers!"

Ray: That's stupid!

Marie: Amy, would you like to come over to my house and have a cup of coffee?

Amy: Oh! That sounds good. Deb, do you want to come along and have some coffee?

Debra: No. I have to.....

Marie: She has to take care of that smell.

[David In Indy]

Ray: Did you know Amy is cooking a big dinner over at my mom's house on Friday?

Debra: For their anniversary thing?

Ray: Yeah. Amy's cooking there.... at my mom's house. You've cooked over there, right?

Debra: What? Are you kidding? Marie doesn't even like me cooking over here.

[David In Indy]

Marie: Raymond! Look! Debra is teaching me how to cook!

Ray: Debra's teaching YOU how to cook? Haha! Okay... so Heaven is here (points down), Hell is here (points up), it's raining monkeys, and WOOD is now a drink!

[David In Indy]

Ray singing to the tune "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"....


My wife Debra is sooo nice,

and she's real pretty too.

She's sexy, she's skinny, and her breath is real good,

we don't have as much sex as we should...

 

[David In Indy]

Ray is tired and frustrated from spending a couple of hours helping Ally with her homework. Debra is upstairs in bed reading a book and Ray comes into the bedroom and climbs over her....

Debra: Ray! What the hell are you doing?

Ray: Oh! Excuse me YOUR HIGHNESS. But while you were up here reading your "kiss handsome boys" book and rubbing lotion on your bunions, we peasants were downstairs trying to build an OCEAN IN A SHOEBOX!

[Kelda]

hehehehhehehehehehehheheheh

 

[David In Indy]

Ray decides to volunteer at a local hospital and he is assigned to an elderly lady named Mrs. Gorman. She's sleeping when Ray walks into her room, so he gets right up in her face, trying to decide whether or not she's still alive...

Mrs Gorman: If you're the Angel of Death, I'm ready!

Ray: No, no, I'm not the Angel of Death.

Mrs. Gorman: Then you could use a mint!

  

Ray: I'm Ray Barone. I'm a sports writer for New York Newsday and I'm here to help you.

Mrs. Gorman: Can you fix a radio?

Ray: What do you mean?

Mrs. Gorman: What do you think it means when someone says they need their radio fixed?

  

[David In Indy]

Ray and Debra attend a lecture at the bookstore. Ray falls asleep during the lecture and Debra pops him in the eye with her elbow to wake him up....

(Ray and Debra are walking through the front door and Marie is sitting in the living room waiting on them)

Debra (angrily): Hi Marie!

Marie: Hi dear. How was your night?

Debra: It was fine!

(Ray walks through the door rubbing his eye)

Marie: What's the matter Ray?

Ray: Nothing. I got poked in the eye. You know how wild it can get in a bookstore.

[David In Indy]

Ray: SHH! Would you guys be quiet?? Debra isn't feeling well..... "biohormonally".

Frank: Oh.... GOT IT!!! The enemy within!

[David In Indy]

Ray is sitting in the living room talking with Andy, Gianni and Frank about Debra's PMS.

Ray: Don't worry about me. I'll just ride it out.

Frank: "Ride it out". You DUMB bastard! You put a stop to this now! Debra's in a bad mood, what, two or three days tops? Not so tough now is it? But pretty soon she's going to get a mood that lasts five days... then it's a week. And before you know it, what used to be her bad mood takes over and becomes her ONLY mood. Well then....you become like me... where not a day goes by that I don't wish a comet was screaming towards the earth to bring me sweet relief!

[David In Indy]

Here's another funny part from "Bad Moon Rising"

Debra: What was the tape recorder for Ray? We're you planning on taping me so you could prove to the guys what a terrible person I am? "Hey step right up guys and listen to the terrible WITCH who killed my good time!"

Ray: No. It's just for us.

Debra: Yeah. Where's my tape recorder Ray? Where was MY tape recorder when I was in labor with the twins for 36 hours, and you were asking the nurse if the TV gets ESPN?

Ray: Well, I mean, 36 hours... that's not a SHORT time.

Debra: Yeah. Guess what? It's even longer when you're trying to push two human beings out of your body while your husband is going "Does this hospital have fudge sickles?" !!

(Ray backs up, trips on the couch and lands on the floor)

Debra: Yeah, where's my tape recorder huh? Or when you ask me why I get so upset when I find your underwear in the KITCHEN??

Debra: Or when you start snoring at my GRANDMOTHER'S FUNERAL?!!

Debra: Or when you tape a FOOTBALL GAME over our WEDDING VIDEO!!!!

Ray: (still laying on the floor) Do you really need a tape recorder? You seem to remember everything!

 

[injest]

BAAAWAAAHAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

[David In Indy]

BAAAWAAAHAAAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Glad you're enjoying these, Jess! 

Here's another one!

Robert: You know when I had trouble sleeping, mom used to do something for me. Remember mom?

Marie: Yeah.

Robert: One of my best memories growing up. She would give me a warm cup of that colored sugar water. It'd put me right to sleep.

Frank: That was booze.

Marie: FRANK!!

Robert: BOOZE??

Frank: A stiff shot of sambuca in there, and it was "Lights out, Bobby!"

Robert: You gave me liquor?

Marie: Not liquor, dear. Liqueur.

Robert: I don't believe it! All those special times, they were just...

Frank: Happy hours!

 

[David In Indy]

Debra announces to the family that she's applying for a job....

(Debra runs into the kitchen holding a blouse)

Debra: Oh my God, Oh my God, I have to iron!

Marie: Don't panic dear, I'll walk you through it.

Ray: What are you doing?

Debra: I've got to iron my blouse for my interview! It's exciting isn't it? Me going back to work?

Marie: Oh yes dear. I can't help worrying about the children though. They're already so thin.

Debra: Oh, that reminds me Ray, you'll have to pick up the twins from preschool.

Marie: And I'll wait for them here. Someone has to be home now that they're latchkey children.

Debra: Marie. Don't try to make me feel guilty about this.

Marie: Oh, no dear! I respect your ambition. I mean, most women would settle for having....EVERYTHING!

(Ray nods in the affirmative)

Debra: What are you nodding at, Ray?

Ray: I'm not nodding. I was just thinking of a song.

Robert: Don't pay attention to them Deb. This is a family of dream squashers.

Ray: Dream squashers?

Robert: That's right! Everything I ever dreamed of they said I couldn't do. The drums...

Marie: Oh please! The drums were the WORST!

Robert: Major league baseball. My career in space.

Ray: You were six feet tall in the third grade. They'd have to fold you in half to stuff you inside the space capsule.

Robert: Mission Control, man! I could have been Houston. You go for it Deb. Drop a rocket on your back and fly. Fly from the dream squashers.

Debra: Thanks Robert. I think I'll just take the train.

Ray: Train? Where is this job?

Debra: In Manhattan.

Marie: That's a long commute. It's an hour there and an hour back!

Debra: Oh yeah. I forgot about that! I'll be able to read.... or just sit quietly.

Ray: And watch public urination.

Robert (looks over at Ray with disgust) Dreeeeeam Squasher!

 

[mariez]

David, I've been laughing my way through through this thread!    These are hilarious.  How do you know these word-for-word? Are you copying from the scripts or from video clips? 

There was a great episode on last night were Ray's friend Gianni was supposed to be remodeling their kitchen and installing a new stove.  And when Debra complains that she doesn't have a stove to cook on Ray says something like "Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

And at the end, after Ray has hurt his back trying to shove the stove that's too wide into place he tells Debra he'll be "out of commission" for a while.  And, of course, she tells him ......"Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

Marie

[David In Indy]

David, I've been laughing my way through through this thread!    These are hilarious.  How do you know these word-for-word? Are you copying from the scripts or from video clips? 

There was a great episode on last night were Ray's friend Gianni was supposed to be remodeling their kitchen and installing a new stove.  And when Debra complains that she doesn't have a stove to cook on Ray says something like "Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

And at the end, after Ray has hurt his back trying to shove the stove that's too wide into place he tells Debra he'll be "out of commission" for a while.  And, of course, she tells him ......"Well, it's not like Van Gogh losing his paintbrush."   

Marie

Hi Marie!! 

You know, I'm embarrassed to admit this, but I know many of these ELR episodes by heart. The ones I'm quoting in this thread are among my favorites, and I have watched them so many times I pretty much know them verbatim. That's pretty bad, huh? 

Sometimes I will put on one of my ELR DVDs and type it out as I listen to it, but for the most part I've memorized it. I'm also a big fan of Wings, Northern Exposure and The Golden Girls, and I can often recite many episodes from those too! I have two jobs; one I must travel to the office, and the other I do mostly from the house. Quite often when I'm working, I will put on ELR and listen to it. So, I have no idea how many times I've seen these ELR episodes, but I'm sure it's astronomical. Sooner or later they're bound to "sink in"! 

Yes, I really like that Van Gogh line too! That's from "The Contractor" (Season Eight, Episode Five). I love the scene at the end when Robert chases Gianni out the front door and then looks over at Raymond and says "You're next!" 

[David In Indy]

Robert and Amy have just returned home from their European honeymoon, and Marie is upset because they haven't sent out any thank you notes for the wedding presents they've received. Amy and Debra get into a huge argument with Marie. Marie storms out of the house.....

Amy: (with a confused look on her face) What happened? I don't understand.

Debra: Oh honey. (puts her arm around Amy) You married into the Manson Family.... and Charlie goes off sometimes.

 

Debra and Amy both begin scheming. They feel Marie has too much control and power over the family and so they try to figure out how to stand up to Marie and confront her. Ray doesn't like this at all and so he sneaks out of the house and goes across the street to talk to Frank about it. Marie overhears the conversation and confronts Ray. Ray high tails it back over to his house, hoping Amy and Debra didn't realize he was gone, and he suspects Marie is probably on her way over there...

Ray: Who wants to go get something to eat? Like RIGHT NOW?

(Marie walks into the kitchen through the back door)

Marie: (disgusted voice) Hello.

Ray: Let's go!! Whatever you want! I'm buying, I'm driving and I'm leaving right now! (swings his arms towards the front door) Vroom vroom vroom!!

Marie: Raymond, please stay. After all, you brought something very important to my attention.

(Debra turns slowly,looks at Ray, then gets up from the kitchen table)

Debra: Where did you just come from?

Ray: I went to the bathroom.

Debra: No you didn't.

Ray: I'm doing it now.








 

[David In Indy]

Robert and Amy have now been married for three months, and to celebrate their three month "anniversary" they invite Debra, Ray, Frank and Marie over for dinner at which time they begin giving marriage advice to Ray and Debra....

(Debra and Amy are talking in Amy's kitchen)

Amy: You introduced me to Robert, Debra. You helped me to meet Robert, then get over him, then get back together with him, get over him, and then marry him! And so now I want to help you with your marriage.

(Amy hands Debra a book)

Amy: Here! I read this great book and I thought of you and Ray the whole time!

Debra: (reading the title of the book outloud) Marriage is an amusement park.

Amy: Isn't that a good analogy?

Debra: Oh, I think I get it. All the ups and downs of marriage, like a roller coaster?

Amy: Yeah, but that's only ONE chapter! There's also "The Haunted House", "The Hall of Mirrors".... "Ride Maintenance"....

Debra: How about the rides that make you throw up?

  

Later in the episode, everyone is sitting down to dinner, and Robert and Amy continue to dish out the marriage advice. Ray and Debra are becoming very annoyed...

Debra: Don't you both think you're pouring it on a little thick here?

Amy: What do you mean?

Debra: It's been THREE MONTHS! God, I've spent longer than that just waiting for Ray to come out of the bathroom!

Amy: I don't understand.

Debra: Don't you think your being a little presumptuous, judging OUR marriage like that? And please don't give us any more books with titles like "Marriage Is A Circus. Embrace Your Clown." Listen to me Amy, there's going to be screams coming out of you in the future, and it won't be because you're on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride!

 

[David In Indy]

Debra catches Ray coming home from playing golf when he was supposed to be working...

Ray: Okay. I know what you're thinking....

Debra: Really? Then why aren't you protecting yourself?

[David In Indy]

Marie: (to Debra) This whole topic is inappropriate! What Frank and I do in our bedroom is our own private business! And I prefer not to be known as the Whore of Lynbrook!

Frank: We can move from Lynbrook.

 

[David In Indy]

While painting Ray's house, Robert loses control of the power paint sprayer and accidently spray paints Marie. Frank walks by and points to Marie...

Frank: That's gonna need a second coat.

 

[David In Indy]

Ray, who is desperate to find something to help Debra's bad mood during her PMS, brings home a bottle of pills he picked up at the drug store and shows them to Debra....

Ray: While I was out today I got you something. I really want to help you feel better, and this should help take care of all your symptoms.

Debra: (looks at the bottle of pills) Except for bitchy, right Ray?

Ray: What do you mean?

Debra: I mean there's nothing in here for BITCHY!

Ray: You probably need a prescription for bitchy.

[David In Indy]

Debra: (to Ray) You listen! If my parents burned down an orphanage on Christmas Eve, they wouldn't be half as bad as YOUR parents!

(Debra drops the turkey on the ground, picks it up, drops it again, picks it back up and throws it into the oven and then storms out of the kitchen.)

Ray: (to himself) I always wondered where the flavor came from.

[David In Indy]

Frank and Marie are arguing about the lights and ornament placement on the Christmas tree.

Marie: Didn't that fire teach you anything, you MANIAC!

Frank: (holding a string of Christmas lights) Hey! Do me a favor. Stick your toe in the water and twist this bulb right here!

[David In Indy]

It is Christmas morning and Ray (only in his underpants) and Debra are fooling around in the living room, hugging and kissing each other. Suddenly Robert, Marie and Frank walk through the front door, and Ray quickly grabs the Christmas wreath and holds it in front of his "private area"....

Robert: Nice. We usually hang ours on the door.

[Shasta542]

Last night---paraphrased:

Ray--Deborah--you deserve all the love that the ocean can hold.

Dad--snickers.

Marie--Frank, I thought it was nice---why can't you say romantic things like that?

Frank--All right. Marie, I wish....you were in the ocean.

Haha -- he's so mean, but in a funny kinda way. 

[Shasta542]

It is Christmas morning and Ray (only in his underpants) and Debra are fooling around in the living room, hugging and kissing each other. Suddenly Robert, Marie and Frank walk through the front door, and Ray quickly grabs the Christmas wreath and holds it in front of his "private area"....

Robert: Nice. We usually hang ours on the door.

 

[mvansand76]

While painting Ray's house, Robert loses control of the power paint sprayer and accidently spray paints Marie. Frank walks by and points to Marie...

Frank: That's gonna need a second coat.

 

I loooooooove Frank!

[David In Indy]

Glad ya'll are enjoying this!! 

Here's another one....


Robert thinks he has finally found the woman of his dreams......

..... until Ray spies her eating a fly




and then chasing it down with a glass of red wine....




Ray (to Robert): She's NOT the one!!

Robert: What?

Ray: Listen! I saw something that I have to tell you, because you have to know and because I SAW it!

Robert: What are you talking about?

Debra: What did you see Ray?

Ray: Angela ate the fly!

Debra: WHAT?

Robert: What do you mean?

Ray: The fly that was flying around... Angela killed it, it fell on the table, she put it in a napkin, and then SHE AAAAATE IT!

Debra: What the HELL are you doing Ray?

Robert: Yeah man, what is your problem?

Ray: I'm telling you, I saw that woman eat a FLY!

Debra: Oh she did NOT! You must have seen something else.

Ray: What, then? What did I see?

Debra: I don't know! Maybe it was a crouton or something.

Ray: A FLYING crouton?

Debra: Are you drunk?

Ray: Look, I'm trying to help him!

Robert: How is this supposed to help me?

Ray: Robert, I'm doing what any brother would do and if you see Debra eat a fly, I want you to tell me right away!

Debra: She did NOT eat a fly!

Ray: YES!!!!!!!

Robert: Just a second Raymond. Because what I REALLY think you are saying is "Uh oh. Robert found someone special, someone so special that she might actually be the one". But because you're such a sniveling, little insecure man, you'll do ANYTHING to keep me from having what you have!

Ray: SHE ATE A FLY!!!!

 

[David In Indy]

Frank and Marie accidently back their car through the living room wall of Ray and Debra's house.

Frank climbs out of the car and dusts himself off. Then Marie climbs out of the driver's seat and looks at Ray and Debra....

Marie (to Ray): This is your father's fault.

 

[David In Indy]

Last night---paraphrased:

Ray--Deborah--you deserve all the love that the ocean can hold.

Dad--snickers.

Marie--Frank, I thought it was nice---why can't you say romantic things like that?

Frank--All right. Marie, I wish....you were in the ocean.

Haha -- he's so mean, but in a funny kinda way. 

 

Yeah. That's a good one Shasta. That's from episode #7,  "The Walk To The Door" from Season 5! 


Ray (to Debra): Okay. I regret not loving you more. You deserve all the love that can fit in the ocean.

(Frank laughs)

Marie: I thought that was beautiful Frank. Why can't you say something like that to me?

Frank: All right. (clears throat) I would love it if you were in the ocean.

[Shasta542]

One night--recently--Ray told Robert, who'd taken his shoes off, to "check the expiration date on your feet".  

[David In Indy]

One night--recently--Ray told Robert, who'd taken his shoes off, to "check the expiration date on your feet".  

 

Ray HATES Robert's feet!

I'm trying to remember what episode he said that in! I can't remember. You've managed to stump me Shasta!! 

[Shasta542]

Ray HATES Robert's feet!

I'm trying to remember what episode he said that in! I can't remember. You've managed to stump me Shasta!! 

Well---I remember that Marie took the plastic off her couch in that episode. She is the one who told Robbie to take his shoes off so he wouldn't track dirt in and then Deborah or someone was saying how she was so particular, so she told him to put them back on and she let them sit on the couch.

[David In Indy]

Well---I remember that Marie took the plastic off her couch in that episode. She is the one who told Robbie to take his shoes off so he wouldn't track dirt in and then Deborah or someone was saying how she was so particular, so she told him to put them back on and she let them sit on the couch.

Ah! Okay! That's from "Humm Vac" (Season 5)! 

[mvansand76]

Ray (to Robert): She's NOT the one!!

Robert: What?

Ray: Listen! I saw something that I have to tell you, because you have to know and because I SAW it!

Robert: What are you talking about?

Debra: What did you see Ray?

Ray: Angela ate the fly!

Debra: WHAT?

Robert: What do you mean?

Ray: The fly that was flying around... Angela killed it, it fell on the table, she put it in a napkin, and then SHE AAAAATE IT!

Debra: What the HELL are you doing Ray?

Robert: Yeah man, what is your problem?

Ray: I'm telling you, I saw that woman eat a FLY!

Debra: Oh she did NOT! You must have seen something else.

Ray: What, then? What did I see?

Debra: I don't know! Maybe it was a crouton or something.

Ray: A FLYING crouton?

Debra: Are you drunk?

Ray: Look, I'm trying to help him!

Robert: How is this supposed to help me?

Ray: Robert, I'm doing what any brother would do and if you see Debra eat a fly, I want you to tell me right away!

Debra: She did NOT eat a fly!

Ray: YES!!!!!!!

Robert: Just a second Raymond. Because what I REALLY think you are saying is "Uh oh. Robert found someone special, someone so special that she might actually be the one". But because you're such a sniveling, little insecure man, you'll do ANYTHING to keep me from having what you have!

Ray: SHE ATE A FLY!!!!

 

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!

God this is so hilarious, I thought I was gonna choke when I watched this. Does somebody know if it's on youtube? The look on Ray's face is just classic slapstick. It's my mom and dad's favorite too!

[David In Indy]

MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE!!!!!!!!!!!!

God this is so hilarious, I thought I was gonna choke when I watched this. Does somebody know if it's on youtube? The look on Ray's face is just classic slapstick. It's my mom and dad's favorite too!

Melissa, I have many youtube videos of ELR posted in my "Everybody Loves Raymond" thread, but I don't think I posted a clip from "She's The One". I'm not sure though. But if it's out there, I'll find it. And just as soon as I do, I'll post it for you! 

[mvansand76]

Well, while you're doing that, I will be bumping threads from page 5 to 1 in your forum!

 

[David In Indy]

Ray storms into the house after having an argument with Frank and Marie....


Ray: (to Debra) I'll tell you what. My mother and my father, we're through with them!

Debra: You read my letter to Santa!



 

[David In Indy]

Amy is upset when she finds out her parents threw her brother Peter out of the house....

Marie: Oh, Amy dear, you have to understand. A child is like a baby robin; you feed him, you nurture him, you get him strong so when the time comes, he's ready to fly away and bring you back grand-robins. But no matter how much you want him to, sometimes there's a robin who just won't fly away.

Frank: And before you know it, you got a 40-year old robin who can't lift his ass out of the nest.

[David In Indy]

Debra comes downstairs after just getting out of bed and finds Marie in the kitchen talking to Ray.

Debra: Ah, five after seven..good morning Marie.

[David In Indy]

Ray and Lois are trying to decide on what theme to use for Debra's surprise birthday party. Lois insists it should be an English Tea Party, and so she takes Ray out for tea and sandwiches....

The waiter walks up to the table and opens a box containing various types of tea...

Ray: (to the waiter) I'm looking for something in a Lipton.

Waiter: No, I'm sorry sir.

Ray: Ummm... Okay. I'll try the "shamomiley".

 

(Ray selects a sandwich from the sandwich tray)

Lois: Watercress sandwich? They're yummy!

Ray: (takes a bite) Mmmm. Yes. Yummy! I can really taste the water.

[David In Indy]

While the Barone's are visiting Amy's parents in Pennsylvania, a bird hits the side of the house....

Ray: Oh, it's hurt!!

Pat: Oh. Poor little bird. Come here and let me help you.

(Pat carries the injured bird into the kitchen and walks back out a few minutes later)

Marie: How's the bird?

Pat: I took care of it.

Marie: What do you mean?

Pat: You know... (makes a twisting motion with her hands) "Ckrrrkkkkkt!"

Marie: (horrified and appalled) You killed the bird?

Pat: I had to put it out of its misery.

Marie: How do you know the bird couldn't have been saved? You're not a veterinarian!

Pat: No, but I have lived in the country my whole life.

Amy: Mom grew up on a farm.

Frank: I bet the chickens slept with one eye open.

[David In Indy]

Great lines David!

By the time you've finished with this thread, you will have quoted every single line from every single episode of the show ... you nutcase!!

Susie 

Yup! 

Just give me enough time Susie, and I'll have the whole script from the entire series posted for ya! 

[Shasta542]

I saw one last night that I'd never seen. It was the first time that Amy met Robert--he gave her a police decal. And Raymond had low self-esteem because Deborah told Robert how he was the handsome Barone. Pretty funny when Ray came home with a tan and all the beauty products.

[Kelda]

You're a mental case David!    That's why we all love you!!  Which reminds me ... have I told you how cute you look in that photo? .. and such lovely white teeth!! 

Susie 

Susie - he's gonna get all shy now!! we keep telling him hes a stud and he doesn't believe us!!

[Shasta542]

Yep. He'll put up a little lamb picture or something so we can't comment on or take in his movie star/model good looks!

[David In Indy]

Ray making a comment about Ally's math teacher....

Ray: If x=lame, that guy is 4 times x.

[David In Indy]

Amy: (to Ray and Debra) You know, every child goes through this rebellious phase. I did. One time in church choir we were all supposed to sing "What A Friend We Have In Jesus", and my friend and I sang "What A Friend We Have In Cheeses".

[David In Indy]

The family is shocked when they find out about the birthday party Ally has been invited to.

Marie: I have to agree with Amy. You know when I was a girl...

Frank: You sat around the fire and wondered how it got there.



ELR Fact: Ally's friend Molly is Ray Romano's real life daughter, Alexandra Romano.

[David In Indy]

Robert smokes a cigarette with Pat, and then climbs into bed with Amy. Amy notices Robert smelling of cigarette smoke, and after questioning Robert about it, follows Robert out into the hallway....

Amy: Robert, have you been smoking?

Marie hears the commotion out in the hallway, opens her bedroom door and comes out into the hall...

Amy: Marie, smell Robert!

Marie (smells Robert's shirt and thumps him upside his head) You're a SMOKER!!

Frank comes out of the bedroom

Frank: Someone either be dead or dying out here!

Marie: Smell your son!!

Frank bend down and sniffs Robert's ass

Marie: NO!! NOT THERE!!

 

[Shasta542]

Frank bend down and sniffs Robert's ass

Marie: NO!! NOT THERE!!

Amy's parents are visiting Ray's house for Easter (I think).

Frank--Can we watch television now?

Marie--NO!!

Frank--Well, what the hell are we going to do?

Amy's dad--Less cursing, I hope.

Then they put together a heavy metal band puzzle that Amy's mom brought because it had the word "Sacred" in it and she mistakenly thought it would be suitable for Easter. And everyone gets mad because Ray talks to Amy's mom instead of Deborah and Marie.

[David In Indy]

Yeah, those are great lines Shasta.   

Here's another one....


Robert: Oh my God ma! I'm sorry. I've been giving you the silent treatment all week.

Marie: You have??

[David In Indy]

Marie: Yes, MAYBE I do ask for favors in return sometimes. ONCE in a blue moon. And you call that controlling? I call that a family.

Amy: A Mafia family.

 

[David In Indy]

Marie: (to Debra) A time arrives in a woman's life when she can still show her body off... but she shouldn't. It's just not becoming of a lady. And I say, for every year you're over 40, you should add an inch to the hemline of your dress.

Frank: (to Marie) Well then you should be dragging around a Persian rug!

 

[Shasta542]

Good ones!

I laugh so much every time I watch that show. I like it when they make it so obvious that Robert has a crush on Debra--he does it even when Amy is around. And Amy was such a great addition to the cast. She tries for the longest to be polite and understanding and then.....she just can't hold it in anymore!

[Penthesilea]

I want to see ELR too 
But I've got the next best thing: you guys posting funny lines and vids from the show 
I loved, loved, loved the one with the fly. Hilarious! 

[David In Indy]

I want to see ELR too 
But I've got the next best thing: you guys posting funny lines and vids from the show 
I loved, loved, loved the one with the fly. Hilarious! 

I'll start looking for some more of those ELR videos for you Chrissi. Hopefully they will start airing it over there pretty soon. 

[Penthesilea]

I'll start looking for some more of those ELR videos for you Chrissi.

 

Hopefully they will start airing it over there pretty soon. 

Even if they were to air it here, it's doesn't mean it would be any good. They dub everything they air on the telly, and the qualitiy of any movie or show stands and falls with the translation, which is especially difficult for comedy stuff. But luckily, most of them are indeed quite good.

[David In Indy]

Even if they were to air it here, it's doesn't mean it would be any good. They dub everything they air on the telly, and the qualitiy of any movie or show stands and falls with the translation, which is especially difficult for comedy stuff. But luckily, most of them are indeed quite good.

Oh I hope they will air ELR over in Germany very soon Chrissi, and I hope nobody tries to translate it or dub it.


In the meantime......

I have an "Everybody Loves Raymond" quiz..... or a ELR question anyway!

Can anyone tell me the very first word spoken in the series?

How about the very last word?

I will reveal the answers in a couple of days! 

[David In Indy]

Amy's "Fondue Date Night" is turning out to be a disaster. Everyone is arguing.....

Amy: Oh don't lay it all on Ray, Robert. Last night you made it very clear I talk too much!

Ray: (Looks at Robert) Ah Dude!!!

Robert: (to Ray) You're the one who should be in trouble!

Debra: Yeah, Ray!

Frank: (sitting calmly in his chair with a bowl of melted chocolate in one hand and a piece of salami in the other) You know you wouldn't think it, but this salami and chocolate makes a great combo.

 

[Penthesilea]

Ah I remember it well!  I used to watch Starsky and Hutch in German ... just didn't work for me!  Of course, it didn't help that I don't speak a word of German ... I used to try lip reading!!   

Susie 

 
Susie, you crack me up 

Oh I hope they will air ELR over in Germany very soon Chrissi, and I hope nobody tries to translate it or dub it.

No chance, David. When I said they dub everything, I meant it literally 

[David In Indy]

Ah I remember it well!  I used to watch Starsky and Hutch in German ... just didn't work for me!  Of course, it didn't help that I don't speak a word of German ... I used to try lip reading!!   

Susie 

You watched Starsky and Hutch in German Susie? I didn't even like that show when I watched it in English.

[David In Indy]

Oh I hope they will air ELR over in Germany very soon Chrissi, and I hope nobody tries to translate it or dub it.


In the meantime......

I have an "Everybody Loves Raymond" quiz..... or a ELR question anyway!

Can anyone tell me the very first word spoken in the series?

How about the very last word?
I will reveal the answers in a couple of days! 

Did anyone even see this? Nobody made any guesses!!

Anyhow, the very first word spoken in the series was.....

Nah.

Debra said "Nah, Ray's still out of town covering the Yankees." She was talking to someone on the telephone.

I'm not sure if "Nah" is actually a word though. Maybe the first REAL word spoken is "Ray".


The very last word spoken in the series was....


syrup

Marie said "Do you need any more maple syrup?"

[Kelda]

ive still yet to see the last episode and most of the last series,

(didnt see the question, sorry david..    )

[Shasta542]

An episode is on now and they are saying one funny line after another.

They are talking about a girl that Ray took out once, but didn't walk her to the door.

Marie was saying -- "You were always so picky.......back then" -- to get a dig in at Deborah. haha

Then Marie said -- "She liked you. She always thought you were so cute." And Robert said -- "Was she that blind girl?"

And they are at a wedding just aggravating the stew out of each other. Robert is doing the bunny hop at Marie's insistence.

That show is just a treasure. Great writers, characters, and actors.

[injest]

I thought you had moved this to your blog...

sorry...I knew the answer

no really I did!














what? you don't believe me??


look! I will pretend you didn't post the answer and just go ahead and give my answer







oh! Fun question!!

hmm...the FIRST word...hmm....I believe it was....nah???

and the last word (I remember it like it was just happening) SYRUP!!







see??

I DID know the answer...

so there

[Shasta542]

At the end Robert asked Ray -- "Do you want to drive out to the woods and drop Dad off?"

And Ray said -- "We can rub honey on his ass and blow a bear whistle."

They're so MEAN.

 

[David In Indy]

Hi Shasta!! 

I think the episode you are referring to is called "The Walk To The Door" - Episode 7 from Season 5.

Yeah, it's a funny one!!   

[David In Indy]

Jess, we all know you knew the answer. You're just too shy to say it. 

Am I right?

 

[Shasta542]

If she's shy, I'm Angie Jolie.    

[David In Indy]

If she's shy, I'm Angie Jolie.    

Ain't it the truth?

Jess, you KNOW we luv ya more than color tv!! 

[Shasta542]

Every time I see this episode it makes me laugh like crazy! And it was on tonight. 

Ray and Robert and Deb in the cop car taking her to the hospital to have Ally.

OMG -- the whole thing is hilarious!

Robert -- I don't think I'm seeing what I should see.

Ray-- Whaddya mean? You're seeing EVERYTHING --- what are you supposed to see?!!!

Pause

Robert -- A HEAD!!!!

[David In Indy]

Every time I see this episode it makes me laugh like crazy! And it was on tonight. 

Ray and Robert and Deb in the cop car taking her to the hospital to have Ally.

OMG -- the whole thing is hilarious!

Robert -- I don't think I'm seeing what I should see.

Ray-- Whaddya mean? You're seeing EVERYTHING --- what are you supposed to see?!!!

Pause

Robert -- A HEAD!!!!

 

That is from Season Five, I think. It's called Ally's Birth.

[Shasta542]

Tonight -- Deb's dad is bringing his new girlfriend over for Thanksgiving. They all think he'll bring a "younger woman" -- and she's older than any of them--cuz she makes him feel like a "young buck". He helps her up the stairs and when they get to the top,  Frank says "Happy New Year!" 

[David In Indy]

Tonight -- Deb's dad is bringing his new girlfriend over for Thanksgiving. They all think he'll bring a "younger woman" -- and she's older than any of them--cuz she makes him feel like a "young buck". He helps her up the stairs and when they get to the top,  Frank says "Happy New Year!" 

It sounds like you watched "Older Women" from Season Six, Shasta. I haven't been watching too much Everybody Loves Raymond on TBS and CW since I have my ELR DVDs. But if I remember, or if I happen to be flipping through the channels at the time he's on, I will always stop and watch it!

[Kelda]

I saw one today and it was thanksgiving at Roberts wives parents - and the mother killed a bird to put it out of its misery and everyone is appauled. It was quite a funny epsiode.

[David In Indy]

Surely you've run out of lines by now David?!! 

Susie 

Run out of lines? Hmmmmm........ 

NOPE!!! 

I have more of them! I didn't realize people were paying attention in here!!

[David In Indy]

Alex and I were just talking about something a few minutes ago, and we thought we would run it past all of you...


Did you ever notice they show ALL the rooms of the house - every one of them EXCEPT the little den area off the living room and the laundry room. During the nine seasons of ELR they showed both of the kid's bedrooms, the master bedroom, both baths, the living room, kitchen and basement. They even showed the garage in one episode! But they never show the laundry room (off the kitchen) and the den. I wonder why? One would think during nine seasons they would have shown those two rooms at least once! You can see a little bit of the rooms, but the camera never goes completely in there.

I wonder what is in those two rooms?

[David In Indy]

Surely you've run out of lines by now David?!! 

Susie 

Okay. Here's one for ya, Susie!! 

Robert has just been kicked out of his apartment, and Debra has invited him to stay at their house for a few days. Ray is upset about this whole idea because for one thing, he thinks Robert's feet stink......

Debra: It will be fine Ray!

Ray: Come on! He's going to be all sitting on the couch and watching television....

Debra: And that's really YOUR special job, isn't it Ray?

Ray: You don't know! Just wait until his shoes come off.

Debra: His feet are fine!

Ray: Yeah. They're fine.... they're fine if you're trying to jump-start a vomit.

 

[Kelda]

Yeah David creat a ELR sims house!!!

[David In Indy]

I suspect ...... a washing machine .... and a desk 

Perhaps you should recreate the ELR house on Sims, then you can design the two missing rooms for yourself!  

Susie 

Yeah David creat a ELR sims house!!!

You know what? I could probably do it! I'd have to make a few minor changes though. The stairs would have to be different for one thing. There are no split staircases in the Sims game. There are a few inconsistancies in the show too. If you look closely, there is a window in the stairway area, in the area where the stairway splits. But there is no window in that part of the house from the outside view. So, I would have to either leave the window out (so the outside of the house looks accurate) or include the window so the inside looks authentic. But since there is no split staircases in the game, I would probably leave the window out.

Also upstairs, there are two windows (dormer windows) in Ray and Debra's bedroom. There is a third window in the hallway just outside their bedroom which also faces in the same direction. But from the outside view, there are only two windows on the upstairs front of the house.

Also, the garage. The garage can be seen at the front of the house from the outside. But inside, the garage is located at the back of the house, off the kitchen and through the laundry area. I've seen Ray enter the garage during several episodes, and he always goes into the laundry room and turns left. So, inside, the garage is in the back, but OUTSIDE the garage is in the front! 

See what I mean? But I can probably do it. Maybe I will work on it soon, and if I get anything that really does look like the Barone house, I will post some pictures of it!

[David In Indy]

You're a nut case David!!    Boy you've really studied ELR inside out haven't you?

Awwwww, you're so adorable 

Susie 

lol   I know just about every inch of it Susie!!

Also, did you ever notice since both of those upstairs windows are in Ray and Debra's room, this would mean their bedroom would stretch almost the entire length of the HOUSE?!!! They would have one HELL of a large bedroom! Another goof up!

[David In Indy]

I saw one today and it was thanksgiving at Roberts wives parents - and the mother killed a bird to put it out of its misery and everyone is appauled. It was quite a funny epsiode.

haha! It sounds like you watched "The Bird" (Ep. 9 from Season 8 ). Yeah, that is a funny episode! In fact, I think I quoted a few lines from that episode someplace in this thread.

[Shasta542]

Marie--Look at this place. It's a pigsty. You're like some kind of animal.

Frank--A pig?

hahaha

Then Robert says something sensitive and Ray or Frank says: You're like a lady. 

[David In Indy]

Well you should write the the porducers and INSIST that they correct their mistakes!! 

That way you'll get to see them all over again!!  .

That's a good idea Susie! Maybe I will do it! But do you think those producers would ever listen to someone like little ol' me? Oh! I will start working on Ray's house tomorrow in the Sim's game! I will upload it once it's finished, okay?

Marie--Look at this place. It's a pigsty. You're like some kind of animal.

Frank--A pig?

hahaha

Then Robert says something sensitive and Ray or Frank says: You're like a lady. 

I can't place this one Shasta! What else happened in the episode? Marie calls Frank a pig quite a bit, you know!!

[Shasta542]

Marie and Deborah were mad at each other about something. Ray and Frank were playing it up. Like if Ray said he was going over to his parents' house, Deb would start being nice to him, so he told Frank to start doing that to get Marie to be nicer to him. It worked for awhile. 

[Kelda]

  I'm looking forward to it!! 

me too!

[David In Indy]

We are still working on the house. It's more difficult than we thought. We will post it once it looks remotely similar to Ray's house.

[Shasta542]

Frank commenting about  Ray's second appearance on television....

Frank: "I could have eaten a box of Alpha Bits and crapped a better interview."

LOL. This one was on tonight while I was making supper. VERY funny episode. A few nights ago I saw another one that made me laugh so much -- Deb went to a shower for Amy, got drunk, slept it off in the car, but got arrested for DUI. She said how could there be a DUI when there was no D!!! haha. Raymond was hilarious when he came to get her out, too.

[David In Indy]

LOL. This one was on tonight while I was making supper. VERY funny episode. A few nights ago I saw another one that made me laugh so much -- Deb went to a shower for Amy, got drunk, slept it off in the car, but got arrested for DUI. She said how could there be a DUI when there was no D!!! haha. Raymond was hilarious when he came to get her out, too.

That's one of my very favorite episodes, "The Shower" from season 7.

Marie: Hurry Robby, run upstairs before she gets to the cough syrup." 

*************************************************

Debra: (still in jail) " You know who's fault this is? YOUR MOTHER'S!! She had me so upset at that shower that I started drinking and.... listen Ray, we can't let Marie find out about this!"

Ray: (makes a face) "Mmm well....."

Debra: "You told her I'm in JAIL?"

Ray: "Well, maybe just a little..."

Debra: (reaches through the bars and grabs Ray) "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!!!"