Favorite Lines From "Everybody Loves Raymond"

[David In Indy]

Marie walks into the kitchen and finds Debra

Marie: Whew! What's that smell? Another dinner get away from you, dear?

Debra: It's popcorn. Ray burned some popcorn......

Marie: (sarcastically) Oh! Popcorn for dinner! How fun!

Debra: It's not for dinner, and I didnt....

Marie: Amy!

(Amy and Marie hug)

Robert: Will you look at my two gals? I call them the "Two Muskateers!"

Ray: That's stupid!

Marie: Amy, would you like to come over to my house and have a cup of coffee?

Amy: Oh! That sounds good. Deb, do you want to come along and have some coffee?

Debra: No. I have to.....

Marie: She has to take care of that smell.

[David In Indy]

Ray: Did you know Amy is cooking a big dinner over at my mom's house on Friday?

Debra: For their anniversary thing?

Ray: Yeah. Amy's cooking there.... at my mom's house. You've cooked over there, right?

Debra: What? Are you kidding? Marie doesn't even like me cooking over here.

[David In Indy]

Marie: Raymond! Look! Debra is teaching me how to cook!

Ray: Debra's teaching YOU how to cook? Haha! Okay... so Heaven is here (points down), Hell is here (points up), it's raining monkeys, and WOOD is now a drink!

[David In Indy]

Ray singing to the tune "Take Me Out To The Ballgame"....


My wife Debra is sooo nice,

and she's real pretty too.

She's sexy, she's skinny, and her breath is real good,

we don't have as much sex as we should...

 

[David In Indy]

Ray is tired and frustrated from spending a couple of hours helping Ally with her homework. Debra is upstairs in bed reading a book and Ray comes into the bedroom and climbs over her....

Debra: Ray! What the hell are you doing?

Ray: Oh! Excuse me YOUR HIGHNESS. But while you were up here reading your "kiss handsome boys" book and rubbing lotion on your bunions, we peasants were downstairs trying to build an OCEAN IN A SHOEBOX!

[Kelda]

hehehehhehehehehehehheheheh

 

[David In Indy]

Ray decides to volunteer at a local hospital and he is assigned to an elderly lady named Mrs. Gorman. She's sleeping when Ray walks into her room, so he gets right up in her face, trying to decide whether or not she's still alive...

Mrs Gorman: If you're the Angel of Death, I'm ready!

Ray: No, no, I'm not the Angel of Death.

Mrs. Gorman: Then you could use a mint!

  

Ray: I'm Ray Barone. I'm a sports writer for New York Newsday and I'm here to help you.

Mrs. Gorman: Can you fix a radio?

Ray: What do you mean?

Mrs. Gorman: What do you think it means when someone says they need their radio fixed?

  

[David In Indy]

Ray and Debra attend a lecture at the bookstore. Ray falls asleep during the lecture and Debra pops him in the eye with her elbow to wake him up....

(Ray and Debra are walking through the front door and Marie is sitting in the living room waiting on them)

Debra (angrily): Hi Marie!

Marie: Hi dear. How was your night?

Debra: It was fine!

(Ray walks through the door rubbing his eye)

Marie: What's the matter Ray?

Ray: Nothing. I got poked in the eye. You know how wild it can get in a bookstore.

[David In Indy]

Ray: SHH! Would you guys be quiet?? Debra isn't feeling well..... "biohormonally".

Frank: Oh.... GOT IT!!! The enemy within!

[David In Indy]

Ray is sitting in the living room talking with Andy, Gianni and Frank about Debra's PMS.

Ray: Don't worry about me. I'll just ride it out.

Frank: "Ride it out". You DUMB bastard! You put a stop to this now! Debra's in a bad mood, what, two or three days tops? Not so tough now is it? But pretty soon she's going to get a mood that lasts five days... then it's a week. And before you know it, what used to be her bad mood takes over and becomes her ONLY mood. Well then....you become like me... where not a day goes by that I don't wish a comet was screaming towards the earth to bring me sweet relief!