Turbulence - new story by midwest-girl (Amy)

[midwest-girl]

Yeah, I was thinking what could happen is that they are rescued pretty quickly and go back to their own lives and then start to miss something. I am probably totally wrong on this, though!

You could be on to something....

[notBastet]

Something I think is interesting, is when Jack first saw Ennis on the plane (and later) how he referred to a sense of calm that he felt.  (I am paraphrasing, not quoting exactly.)  When I think of Ennis and Jack's relationship [throughout fanfic], I usually perceive Jack as the rescuer, and Ennis as the rescuee.  And I mean this in an emotional sense, not a physical one.  I liked that this started off a little differently.  I am wondering if this dynamic will continue to play out... each giving and taking a little from each other. 

[mvansand76]

You could be on to something....

Really??

  

[mariez]

Something I think is interesting, is when Jack first saw Ennis on the plane (and later) how he referred to a sense of calm that he felt.  (I am paraphrasing, not quoting exactly.)  When I think of Ennis and Jack's relationship [throughout fanfic], I usually perceive Jack as the rescuer, and Ennis as the rescuee.  And I mean this in an emotional sense, not a physical one.  I liked that this started off a little differently.  I am wondering if this dynamic will continue to play out... each giving and taking a little from each other. 

I'd noticed that, too, Kelly - you've articulated that so well.  I imagine the need for this dynamic will only increase once they are "physically" rescued from the mountain.  They will both have an awful lot to deal with ..... on so many levels. 

Marie

[blacktears]

Yeah, I was thinking what could happen is that they are rescued pretty quickly and go back to their own lives and then start to miss something. I am probably totally wrong on this, though!

This is what I'm hoping for actually. I have to confess the idea of a plane crash used as a plot device doesn't do much for me. I'm not much one for using massive disaster to catapult a story or bring two characters closer together. To me its the little things that can do just as much 'damage' as a plane crash. I don't know, it seemed a little over the top to me, as if it had been done before, recycled as it were. The writing is fantastic but the plot line has yet to grip me. So I'm really anxious for them to get down off the mountain (as opposed to the story lol) and explore their relationship elsewhere.

I liked the first chapter better than the second. I felt as if the second chapter was a lot...explaining? Sometimes you can show and not tell and I felt there was too much telling in this chapter. It seemed like the author tried to get into the two pasts of both people all at once. I'm a reader who doesn't care for much back story (and I always cringe when our boys are married lol). I guess I just felt a little beat over the head with all of the back story in the last chapter.

The description is spot on and lovely and I'm going to wait and see what happens when our boys return to their 'normal' lives before making an opinion on the story as a whole. It's always silly to do that only a few chapters in. I have no idea where midwestgirl is taking this and I like that element. I like to be surprised. 

[David In Indy]

This is what I'm hoping for actually. I have to confess the idea of a plane crash used as a plot device doesn't do much for me. I'm not much one for using massive disaster to catapult a story or bring two characters closer together. To me its the little things that can do just as much 'damage' as a plane crash. I don't know, it seemed a little over the top to me, as if it had been done before, recycled as it were. The writing is fantastic but the plot line has yet to grip me. So I'm really anxious for them to get down off the mountain (as opposed to the story lol) and explore their relationship elsewhere.

I liked the first chapter better than the second. I felt as if the second chapter was a lot...explaining? Sometimes you can show and not tell and I felt there was too much telling in this chapter. It seemed like the author tried to get into the two pasts of both people all at once. I'm a reader who doesn't care for much back story (and I always cringe when our boys are married lol). I guess I just felt a little beat over the head with all of the back story in the last chapter.

The description is spot on and lovely and I'm going to wait and see what happens when our boys return to their 'normal' lives before making an opinion on the story as a whole. It's always silly to do that only a few chapters in. I have no idea where midwestgirl is taking this and I like that element. I like to be surprised. 

I like the idea of using a plane accident as a plot. It makes the story very exciting, and it keeps the story open for many different possibilities. It keeps us guessing because we have no idea where Amy will be taking this story. And I think backdrops are also very important in a story. Backdrops often provide useful information for later on. Backdrops help to explain why characters act and think the way they do. They also add depth to the story and help us to connect with the characters.

I very much enjoyed chapter 2 and I can't wait to read the next one! 

Thanks for sharing your story with us Amy. I love it! 

[blacktears]

I like the idea of using a plane accident as a plot. It makes the story very exciting, and it keeps the story open for many different possibilities. It keeps us guessing because we have no idea where Amy will be taking this story. And I think backdrops are also very important in a story. Backdrops often provide useful information for later on. Backdrops help to explain why characters act and think the way they do. They also add depth to the story and help us to connect with the characters.

I very much enjoyed chapter 2 and I can't wait to read the next one! 

Thanks for sharing your story with us Amy. I love it! 

Sure back stories are important but I think there are other ways to show than just back and forth dialog. That's just my opinion. It felt like it was squeezed in and it was too much, all at once for me. A character can still act and think the way they do without an entire chapter on their pasts. I just would have liked to have seen that aspect of the story handled in a different manner, that's all. It's nothing against the author or the story, just my opinion and that's what we're all here for right? 

Good to have your input David, I love discussion like this 

[louisev]

I think this discussion is great!

I actually disliked the first chapter and liked the second, BECAUSE of the dialogue and the narrative.  Unlike so many fan fictions which are heavily larded with hyperbole, adjectives and multiple adverbs to describe the heightening awareness of Jack and Ennis's erotic longing for one another, chapter 2 was straight on dialogue and narrative and flowed quite naturally.  It is the first chapter I didnt care for due to the way the injuries were described and handled.

And I'm not a big fan of disaster backdrops.

[mariez]

Chapter 3!

http://midwest-girl.livejournal.com/9840.html

I've always enjoyed first-person, and I think it works especially well in this story, a very natural fit -  and I love experiencing Ennis through Jack's mind.  I'm anxious to see how we'll learn about how Ennis is doing once the rescue takes place (and I'm hoping that rescue is imminent - how much more can they take before hypothermia and frostbite get the better of them?     ).

Marie

[mariez]

I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Amy posted this on her lj today:

http://midwest-girl.livejournal.com/2007/09/25/

She's a gifted writer and I wish her all the best.

Marie