Inability to Make Decisions

[jstephens9]

I had originally posted this with the thread concerning stress inducers, but I decided I wanted to make this its own topic. I really want to find out if others ever experience this problem. I seem to have a really hard time making decisions especially about things such as taking trips. I have a hard time with decision making in general, but this area seems to be the worst with me. I question to death whether I should go places or not. I seem to find reasons of why not to go such as I don't want to go through the airport hassle, or I don't like flying that much, or I should build up my vacation time, or I shouldn't spend the money. I will then think I do want to go and get excited about it. Then I start going through my reasons for not going again and talk myself out of it. So I switch from one side of the decision to the other over and over. I hate this. I sometimes think things like I have been enough places this year so I should wait until next year for any more travel. One thing is that I have never really traveled that much anyway. I have always said that I like to travel, but up until a year or go or less I spent an incredible amount of time at home. I do know that when I look at pictures of places I have been I feel a real strong sense that I am glad I went. But then of course there’s all those issues that come up again in my mind (amount of vacation time used, amount of money spent, flying, etc.)  Does anyone else have these types of issues or does anyone have any thoughts about this? Thanks!

Jack

[Jeff Wrangler]

I have this trouble, too, Jack.

Add to it, sometimes, such as in the case of travel to a summer resort during the high season, you often have to make the decision many months in advance in order to get the accommodations you want.

For me the essence of vacation has not been running around seeing things; it's been going some place and plopping myself down and not having to do anything. Now I find myself facing my fiftieth birthday next year, feeling that my life is, what, maybe two-thirds--or more--over, and feeling that I've hardly been anywhere or seen anything and have thrown away vacation time "just relaxing"--except that "just relaxing" is what I've always felt I needed. So that conflict in demands on vacation time induces stress and tends, in me, to also induce a kind of stasis, an inability to make up my mind what I want to do with the time now available.

[LauraGigs]

Well to tie this in with Brokeback, the lesson there is that you only live once, and that in the end you'll regret the things you didn't do.

So from that POV, the obvious answer would be "Go for it! See the world! Don't worry about days-off-from-work and other pissant nonsense that counts for nothing in the end!"

The one problem you mentioned that does tend to affect my overall enjoyment and taint memories of travel is the hassle. My last trip ended with terrible delays and hassles on the return home which put a negative aftertaste on the whole thing. Just do your best to minimize the chances of that by scheduling early flights (less likely to be delayed), carrying on luggage, etc.

But as I said, none of the other issues bothers me. More vacation time will come.  And even though I don't have a heckofa lot of money, when it comes to gaining life experiences and good memories, I never regret spending it.

[Kelda]

Just pasting in what i said in the other thread.

My holidays is the thing I love - so I always spend on that but I do spend a lot of time researching trying to find the best price etec etc. I quite like that excitement part of the planning! But I can undertand why it's stress you out. It does to me sometimes when things aren't going my way - ie I can't find what I'm looking for!

How about saving a little each month specifically for your holidays - that way you'll not feel guilty about spending the money and you have an idea of yor budget etc.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Well to tie this in with Brokeback, the lesson there is that you only live once, and that in the end you'll regret the things you didn't do.

So from that POV, the obvious answer would be "Go for it! See the world! Don't worry about days-off-from-work and other pissant nonsense that counts for nothing in the end!"

Maybe that's possible if you're self-employed, or don't have a mortgage to pay. It just seems to me that most folks simply can't afford--perhaps on several levels--to be that cavalier about days off from work. 

The one problem you mentioned that does tend to affect my overall enjoyment and taint memories of travel is the hassle. My last trip ended with terrible delays and hassles on the return home which put a negative aftertaste on the whole thing. Just do your best to minimize the chances of that by scheduling early flights (less likely to be delayed), carrying on luggage, etc.

One morning last week I heard NBC's travel correspondent, Peter Greenberg, say, "There are two kinds of airline luggage: Carry-on and lost." 

[jstephens9]

Thanks Jeff, Laura and Kelda!!! You all make great points. Jeff you and I seem to be very much alike. It sounds like you have come to a point in your life that I have also come to. I too have looked at vacation time as a time to plop down and not do anything. And now, like you, I am discovering how much I have not seen even though I have wanted to see these places for years. Laura, I truly like your thoughts on the matter. I think you are very right in what you say. It is so very true that you only live once and travel is the greatest way to learn, gain life experiences and good memories. I have also noticed that going places actually seems to slow down time. So many people talk about how time and years fly by unlike it does when you are growing up. However, with doing much more this summer as far as going more places than normal, it seems that the summer has been much, much longer. That may just be me, but I have noticed that. And Jeff, you too are right about not always being able to afford to do the things you want to do. Kelda seems to cover that topic and problem quite well. I think she has great ideas about putting money away strictly for being able to travel and go places. That keeps your guilt level and budget under control. So each of your thoughts have helped me think. Have I made any decisions yet? No, not really, but I am trying  I must say that the "You Only Live Once" is something that I do try to keep in mind because it is so very true.

Jack

[Shakesthecoffecan]

Jack it is not much of an answer, but my solution to being unable to make a descision has been to just say yes to everything. It usually does not turn out to be that big a hassell and I am glad I went ahead and did it.

Rarely do I wonder afterward it it was the right decision, and time usually clears it up for me.

[jstephens9]

Jack it is not much of an answer, but my solution to being unable to make a descision has been to just say yes to everything. It usually does not turn out to be that big a hassell and I am glad I went ahead and did it.

Rarely do I wonder afterward it it was the right decision, and time usually clears it up for me.

I think you have a great way of handling decisions......just say Yes to everything. I like that way of thinking. That kind of skips the whole decision making process 

[Bucky]

I had originally posted this with the thread concerning stress inducers, but I decided I wanted to make this its own topic. I really want to find out if others ever experience this problem. I seem to have a really hard time making decisions especially about things such as taking trips. I have a hard time with decision making in general, but this area seems to be the worst with me. I question to death whether I should go places or not. I seem to find reasons of why not to go such as I don't want to go through the airport hassle, or I don't like flying that much, or I should build up my vacation time, or I shouldn't spend the money. I will then think I do want to go and get excited about it. Then I start going through my reasons for not going again and talk myself out of it. So I switch from one side of the decision to the other over and over. I hate this. I sometimes think things like I have been enough places this year so I should wait until next year for any more travel. One thing is that I have never really traveled that much anyway. I have always said that I like to travel, but up until a year or go or less I spent an incredible amount of time at home. I do know that when I look at pictures of places I have been I feel a real strong sense that I am glad I went. But then of course there’s all those issues that come up again in my mind (amount of vacation time used, amount of money spent, flying, etc.)  Does anyone else have these types of issues or does anyone have any thoughts about this? Thanks!

Jack

       


I have the same problem as do you and Jeff.  If I am enthusiastic about a trip that I am going to make the closer the time comes for the trip the more anxiety I feel and many times I have considered calling and just canceling the whole thing.  Most of the time I don't and after I get to my destination and check into my motel or hotel room then I finally get alright.  I also have conflicted emotions about a whole lot of things not just vacations.  I really think I am just one of those people who have a really tough time trying to make decisions and that makes my life a lot more complicated if I could just say YES or NO and not maybe.

[Kelda]

       


I have the same problem as do you and Jeff.  If I am enthusiastic about a trip that I am going to make the closer the time comes for the trip the more anxiety I feel and many times I have considered calling and just canceling the whole thing.  Most of the time I don't and after I get to my destination and check into my motel or hotel room then I finally get alright.  I also have conflicted emotions about a whole lot of things not just vacations.  I really think I am just one of those people who have a really tough time trying to make decisions and that makes my life a lot more complicated if I could just say YES or NO and not maybe.

Hey Bucky - nice to see ya at How We Live!

conflicted is not always a bad thing - its good to debate things back in your head. What is hard in yours , Jeff' and Jack's case is not letting these conflicted emotions take over and make you anxious and stop you from doing things.

Not sure of the best way to do that though. But you're winning you say most of the time you go with it.

That's good!