Author Topic: Inability to Make Decisions  (Read 7215 times)

Offline jstephens9

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Inability to Make Decisions
« on: September 04, 2007, 11:06:05 am »
I had originally posted this with the thread concerning stress inducers, but I decided I wanted to make this its own topic. I really want to find out if others ever experience this problem. I seem to have a really hard time making decisions especially about things such as taking trips. I have a hard time with decision making in general, but this area seems to be the worst with me. I question to death whether I should go places or not. I seem to find reasons of why not to go such as I don't want to go through the airport hassle, or I don't like flying that much, or I should build up my vacation time, or I shouldn't spend the money. I will then think I do want to go and get excited about it. Then I start going through my reasons for not going again and talk myself out of it. So I switch from one side of the decision to the other over and over. I hate this. I sometimes think things like I have been enough places this year so I should wait until next year for any more travel. One thing is that I have never really traveled that much anyway. I have always said that I like to travel, but up until a year or go or less I spent an incredible amount of time at home. I do know that when I look at pictures of places I have been I feel a real strong sense that I am glad I went. But then of course there’s all those issues that come up again in my mind (amount of vacation time used, amount of money spent, flying, etc.)  Does anyone else have these types of issues or does anyone have any thoughts about this? Thanks!

Jack

Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #1 on: September 04, 2007, 12:09:45 pm »
I have this trouble, too, Jack.

Add to it, sometimes, such as in the case of travel to a summer resort during the high season, you often have to make the decision many months in advance in order to get the accommodations you want.

For me the essence of vacation has not been running around seeing things; it's been going some place and plopping myself down and not having to do anything. Now I find myself facing my fiftieth birthday next year, feeling that my life is, what, maybe two-thirds--or more--over, and feeling that I've hardly been anywhere or seen anything and have thrown away vacation time "just relaxing"--except that "just relaxing" is what I've always felt I needed. So that conflict in demands on vacation time induces stress and tends, in me, to also induce a kind of stasis, an inability to make up my mind what I want to do with the time now available.
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.

Offline LauraGigs

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #2 on: September 04, 2007, 04:56:22 pm »
Well to tie this in with Brokeback, the lesson there is that you only live once, and that in the end you'll regret the things you didn't do.

So from that POV, the obvious answer would be "Go for it! See the world! Don't worry about days-off-from-work and other pissant nonsense that counts for nothing in the end!"

The one problem you mentioned that does tend to affect my overall enjoyment and taint memories of travel is the hassle. My last trip ended with terrible delays and hassles on the return home which put a negative aftertaste on the whole thing. Just do your best to minimize the chances of that by scheduling early flights (less likely to be delayed), carrying on luggage, etc.

But as I said, none of the other issues bothers me. More vacation time will come.  And even though I don't have a heckofa lot of money, when it comes to gaining life experiences and good memories, I never regret spending it.
« Last Edit: September 05, 2007, 12:16:01 pm by LauraGigs »

Offline Kelda

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #3 on: September 04, 2007, 06:20:22 pm »
Just pasting in what i said in the other thread.

Quote
My holidays is the thing I love - so I always spend on that but I do spend a lot of time researching trying to find the best price etec etc. I quite like that excitement part of the planning! But I can undertand why it's stress you out. It does to me sometimes when things aren't going my way - ie I can't find what I'm looking for!

How about saving a little each month specifically for your holidays - that way you'll not feel guilty about spending the money and you have an idea of yor budget etc.
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Offline Jeff Wrangler

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #4 on: September 04, 2007, 07:00:38 pm »
Well to tie this in with Brokeback, the lesson there is that you only live once, and that in the end you'll regret the things you didn't do.

So from that POV, the obvious answer would be "Go for it! See the world! Don't worry about days-off-from-work and other pissant nonsense that counts for nothing in the end!"

Maybe that's possible if you're self-employed, or don't have a mortgage to pay. It just seems to me that most folks simply can't afford--perhaps on several levels--to be that cavalier about days off from work.  :-\

Quote
The one problem you mentioned that does tend to affect my overall enjoyment and taint memories of travel is the hassle. My last trip ended with terrible delays and hassles on the return home which put a negative aftertaste on the whole thing. Just do your best to minimize the chances of that by scheduling early flights (less likely to be delayed), carrying on luggage, etc.

One morning last week I heard NBC's travel correspondent, Peter Greenberg, say, "There are two kinds of airline luggage: Carry-on and lost."  ;D
"It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow-men, and travel far and wide."--Charles Dickens.

Offline jstephens9

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #5 on: September 05, 2007, 09:02:02 am »
Thanks Jeff, Laura and Kelda!!! You all make great points. Jeff you and I seem to be very much alike. It sounds like you have come to a point in your life that I have also come to. I too have looked at vacation time as a time to plop down and not do anything. And now, like you, I am discovering how much I have not seen even though I have wanted to see these places for years. Laura, I truly like your thoughts on the matter. I think you are very right in what you say. It is so very true that you only live once and travel is the greatest way to learn, gain life experiences and good memories. I have also noticed that going places actually seems to slow down time. So many people talk about how time and years fly by unlike it does when you are growing up. However, with doing much more this summer as far as going more places than normal, it seems that the summer has been much, much longer. That may just be me, but I have noticed that. And Jeff, you too are right about not always being able to afford to do the things you want to do. Kelda seems to cover that topic and problem quite well. I think she has great ideas about putting money away strictly for being able to travel and go places. That keeps your guilt level and budget under control. So each of your thoughts have helped me think. Have I made any decisions yet? No, not really, but I am trying  ;D I must say that the "You Only Live Once" is something that I do try to keep in mind because it is so very true.

Jack

Offline Shakesthecoffecan

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #6 on: September 05, 2007, 03:15:48 pm »
Jack it is not much of an answer, but my solution to being unable to make a descision has been to just say yes to everything. It usually does not turn out to be that big a hassell and I am glad I went ahead and did it.

Rarely do I wonder afterward it it was the right decision, and time usually clears it up for me.
"It was only you in my life, and it will always be only you, Jack, I swear."

Offline jstephens9

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #7 on: September 06, 2007, 08:05:26 am »
Jack it is not much of an answer, but my solution to being unable to make a descision has been to just say yes to everything. It usually does not turn out to be that big a hassell and I am glad I went ahead and did it.

Rarely do I wonder afterward it it was the right decision, and time usually clears it up for me.

I think you have a great way of handling decisions......just say Yes to everything. I like that way of thinking. That kind of skips the whole decision making process  :)

Offline Bucky

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #8 on: September 07, 2007, 05:58:50 am »
I had originally posted this with the thread concerning stress inducers, but I decided I wanted to make this its own topic. I really want to find out if others ever experience this problem. I seem to have a really hard time making decisions especially about things such as taking trips. I have a hard time with decision making in general, but this area seems to be the worst with me. I question to death whether I should go places or not. I seem to find reasons of why not to go such as I don't want to go through the airport hassle, or I don't like flying that much, or I should build up my vacation time, or I shouldn't spend the money. I will then think I do want to go and get excited about it. Then I start going through my reasons for not going again and talk myself out of it. So I switch from one side of the decision to the other over and over. I hate this. I sometimes think things like I have been enough places this year so I should wait until next year for any more travel. One thing is that I have never really traveled that much anyway. I have always said that I like to travel, but up until a year or go or less I spent an incredible amount of time at home. I do know that when I look at pictures of places I have been I feel a real strong sense that I am glad I went. But then of course there’s all those issues that come up again in my mind (amount of vacation time used, amount of money spent, flying, etc.)  Does anyone else have these types of issues or does anyone have any thoughts about this? Thanks!

Jack
       


I have the same problem as do you and Jeff.  If I am enthusiastic about a trip that I am going to make the closer the time comes for the trip the more anxiety I feel and many times I have considered calling and just canceling the whole thing.  Most of the time I don't and after I get to my destination and check into my motel or hotel room then I finally get alright.  I also have conflicted emotions about a whole lot of things not just vacations.  I really think I am just one of those people who have a really tough time trying to make decisions and that makes my life a lot more complicated if I could just say YES or NO and not maybe.

Offline Kelda

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #9 on: September 07, 2007, 06:46:54 am »
       


I have the same problem as do you and Jeff.  If I am enthusiastic about a trip that I am going to make the closer the time comes for the trip the more anxiety I feel and many times I have considered calling and just canceling the whole thing.  Most of the time I don't and after I get to my destination and check into my motel or hotel room then I finally get alright.  I also have conflicted emotions about a whole lot of things not just vacations.  I really think I am just one of those people who have a really tough time trying to make decisions and that makes my life a lot more complicated if I could just say YES or NO and not maybe.

Hey Bucky - nice to see ya at How We Live!

conflicted is not always a bad thing - its good to debate things back in your head. What is hard in yours , Jeff' and Jack's case is not letting these conflicted emotions take over and make you anxious and stop you from doing things.

Not sure of the best way to do that though. But you're winning you say most of the time you go with it.

That's good!  ;D
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Offline jstephens9

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2007, 04:39:56 pm »
       


I have the same problem as do you and Jeff.  If I am enthusiastic about a trip that I am going to make the closer the time comes for the trip the more anxiety I feel and many times I have considered calling and just canceling the whole thing.  Most of the time I don't and after I get to my destination and check into my motel or hotel room then I finally get alright.  I also have conflicted emotions about a whole lot of things not just vacations.  I really think I am just one of those people who have a really tough time trying to make decisions and that makes my life a lot more complicated if I could just say YES or NO and not maybe.

Bucky, you sound just like me. I typically do have problems with decisions in general. I tend to look too much at all the options and then get confused about which option to take. You are right saying YES or NO instead of maybe would make life a lot easier, but getting to that point is the hard part.

Jack

Offline Pipedream

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #11 on: October 02, 2007, 03:07:24 pm »
A great thread about a classical human issue. Undecisiveness was Hamlet's biggest problem, wasn't it?  ;)

I'm very much with Kelda here. The question is not whether I should go on a summer vacation (I must!!!) but where...
I can spend days and days reading hotel ratings on websites like holidaycheck or tripadvisor, comparing the offers of dozens of travel agencies to get the best deal and still feel uncertain about it when I finally come to book one. My husband, of course, would never undergo that whole procedure himself and is usually happy with my choice.

On the other hand, I can be very spontaneous when it comes to going on short breaks. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have gotten to meet Brokies in New York, London, Amsterdam and the Palatinate! :)

And it's addictive! I've planned my next trip overseas already, and this time I will take the family. I just love travelling. The only thing that get's a bit worrisome is the expense factor... 

 :P

Offline Kelda

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #12 on: October 02, 2007, 03:47:25 pm »
A great thread about a classical human issue. Undecisiveness was Hamlet's biggest problem, wasn't it?  ;)

I'm very much with Kelda here. The question is not whether I should go on a summer vacation (I must!!!) but where...
I can spend days and days reading hotel ratings on websites like holidaycheck or tripadvisor, comparing the offers of dozens of travel agencies to get the best deal and still feel uncertain about it when I finally come to book one. My husband, of course, would never undergo that whole procedure himself and is usually happy with my choice.


And it's addictive! I've planned my next trip overseas already, and this time I will take the family. I just love travelling. The only thing that get's a bit worrisome is the expense factor... 

 :P

we are like too peas in a pod Anke! I do exactly the same thing!!!
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Offline jstephens9

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Re: Inability to Make Decisions
« Reply #13 on: October 03, 2007, 06:31:01 pm »
I agree, travelling can be addictive and I believe that is even more true if you are somebody like me who didn't go anywhere much for a long time. That may have something to do with me having a hard time deciding about it. I used to say that I used to like to travel, but the problem was is that I never did. It seems that sometimes it would be a year or so and I would realize that I had not even been out of Buncombe County. I sure can't say that this year. I have decided that it is great to see new places. I think my best friend says it well when he says, "was thinking about all your travels and it is so good you get the chance to do them.  it is stuff you will think about and use for the rest of your life....go as much as you  can ...your travel is like your learning...you can't get enough.   and as long as you can afford them is great." A couple of my good friends from the forums also gave me good advice in basically saying that going somewhere and seeing somewhere is great as long as you know what to expect and know what you are getting into. I think you do learn a lot through travel and that is not all just through seeing a new place. You learn practical stuff like how to get around in a place you are not familiar with, how to deal with places like airports and all kinds of things like that. And if you happen to end up with people or a situation you are not comfortable with just change plans somewhat and get away from that situation. It's your trip so the important thing is that you make it worthwhile to yourself.