Singles R Us

[Wishes]

I'm closer to the $50.00 a week but I never and I do mean never eat out. My Starbucks once a week Soy Latte is my treat (and I didn't even get one this week  )

I live alone. But then as long as I have kitties I'm not alone. I do not get lonely. I do feel very isolated sometimes though. I like doing what I want when I want. No one to bother me.

The single life can be more isolating and expensive though. Two can live almost as cheaply as one. But then my hobbies are pretty cheap and I don't have anyone who wants expensive toys. I like to knit, sew and embroider.

moremojo, I'm really with you on that down time too. Since I work as an RN by the end of my three long shifts I have had it. The only company I really need for a time has fur and a tail.

[lonelyinbbm]

goody!  so far no one has said they spend less than me, so I am go to try real hard to let go of any excess guilt regarding what I spend on food...  (I am always like, "Dang, maybe I should have paid a little more on the credit card bills, and endulged in a little less chocolate, or fruit, or wine...")

 

Hi nb.  I'm new on this site and saw this topic and thought it was interesting.  I probably spend about $50/week, but I don't eat out either.  Whatever I buy, I use up and I shop about every 3 weeks.  I also buy bottled water which is included in that $50.   I figure if I buy good fresh vegies and fruit, that is much better for me than buying other foods that are not nutritious like chips and candy.  I can even rationalize ice cream because there is some food value there.   My weakness.

I am a single woman too.  I have been single since 1986 when my second husband died suddenly at age 42.  It has been so long now - not to mention that I'm set in my ways - I don't really think I would be interested in anyone to live with - maybe dating for dinner, a movie, dancing.  But, much as I hate to admit it, I can't imagine "cuddliing" with a man my age.  I am 65 y/o and the guys I see who are my age are very unattractive to me.  Of course, it might also be because I've never dated men my age - I was 43 when my husband died.   The other problem is that men don't seem to evolve like women IMO.  I haven't met one yet that would understand my obsession with BBM.  In my age group, they are too threatened.  Correct me if I'm wrong and haven't given guys a chance. I'd love your input.  I have basically given up altogether and am telling myself that I'm satisfied with just being alone. 

Thanks for listening.

[mvansand76]

Hi nb.  I'm new on this site and saw this topic and thought it was interesting.  I probably spend about $50/week, but I don't eat out either.  Whatever I buy, I use up and I shop about every 3 weeks.  I also buy bottled water which is included in that $50.   I figure if I buy good fresh vegies and fruit, that is much better for me than buying other foods that are not nutritious like chips and candy.  I can even rationalize ice cream because there is some food value there.   My weakness.

I am a single woman too.  I have been single since 1986 when my second husband died suddenly at age 42.  It has been so long now - not to mention that I'm set in my ways - I don't really think I would be interested in anyone to live with - maybe dating for dinner, a movie, dancing.  But, much as I hate to admit it, I can't imagine "cuddliing" with a man my age.  I am 65 y/o and the guys I see who are my age are very unattractive to me.  Of course, it might also be because I've never dated men my age - I was 43 when my husband died.   The other problem is that men don't seem to evolve like women IMO.  I haven't met one yet that would understand my obsession with BBM.  In my age group, they are too threatened.  Correct me if I'm wrong and haven't given guys a chance. I'd love your input.  I have basically given up altogether and am telling myself that I'm satisfied with just being alone. 

Thanks for listening.

Welcome to Bettermost, lonelyinbbm! I'm one of the two moderators on the forum How We Live, the other being Kelda and if you have any questions, please let me know by sending me a PM!

Hope you enjoy your stay here!

  Mel

[lonelyinbbm]

Welcome to Bettermost, lonelyinbbm! I'm one of the two moderators on the forum How We Live, the other being Kelda and if you have any questions, please let me know by sending me a PM!

Hope you enjoy your stay here!

  Mel

Thanks for the welcome Mel.  I've been "lurking" around for awhile so I am pretty familiar with the site.  L

[Brown Eyes]

Hi lonelyinbbm,

It's great to see you posting here.

I think the issue of being "set in your ways" is really interesting... I definitely feel the same way about myself in terms of my daily routines and the way I live my life.  It presents an interesting conflict to me.  There are many moments when I think it would be great to have a partner and I feel like I should be making more efforts to get out there and try to meet people, but then a lot of the times I just don't really want to or I'm resistant to the idea of having another person involved in my life in a constant way.  I've never lived with a significant other (and I'm 32), so I can only imagine that it would be really hard for me to get used to that now. 
 

Anyway, I think the whole general issue of getting "set in our ways" is probably a pretty common and major issue for singles.

cheers,
Amanda

[notBastet]

I have wondered a lot lately about the "urge to couple" or lack thereof...

Is it cultural, instinctual, societal?

Up until now, I have spent the last twelve years of my life (I am 30) either being 'with someone' or plotting, hoping, wishing to be with someone. 

I also think of myself as a rather driven and independent person.  When going through my recent break-up, one of the things I looked forward to was not having the burden of another person.  Now, I realize that the fact that my relationship was a 'burden' is a problem in and of itself... But I did question whether it was selfish or weird of me to not have an immediate desire to be with another person...

But I think probably, that as our culture changes/evolves we can survive without coupledom.  There are ways to have and maintain relationships that help make us whole, without entering coupledom.  Not that there is anything wrong with coupledom.  I just don't think it has to be one's life goal...  And for me, growing up, while coupledom wasn't the only goal I felt I should have, it definitely felt like it should have been included in the list of goals.  I don't really feel that way right now.

[notBastet]

Correct me if I'm wrong and haven't given guys a chance. I'd love your input.  I have basically given up altogether and am telling myself that I'm satisfied with just being alone. 

Thanks for listening.

Heck if I know, lol.... 

 

I have a pretty high opinion of myself, so I used to always try and give my friends lovelife advice...  As I found myself putting up with crap I would never have advised my friends to put up with, I realized there wasn't really any point to giving advice.  Basically, I think you have to figure out a way to know yourself, and to trust yourself, and then you just choose to try or not to try... There are no right or wrong answers.  You just do the best you can.  And if you're happy - congratulations!  If you're not, you owe it to yourself to try to get happy. 

[Brown Eyes]

I have wondered a lot lately about the "urge to couple" or lack thereof...

Is it cultural, instinctual, societal?

Up until now, I have spent the last twelve years of my life (I am 30) either being 'with someone' or plotting, hoping, wishing to be with someone. 

I also think of myself as a rather driven and independent person.  When going through my recent break-up, one of the things I looked forward to was not having the burden of another person.  Now, I realize that the fact that my relationship was a 'burden' is a problem in and of itself... But I did question whether it was selfish or weird of me to not have an immediate desire to be with another person...

But I think probably, that as our culture changes/evolves we can survive without coupledom.  There are ways to have and maintain relationships that help make us whole, without entering coupledom.  Not that there is anything wrong with coupledom.  I just don't think it has to be one's life goal...  And for me, growing up, while coupledom wasn't the only goal I felt I should have, it definitely felt like it should have been included in the list of goals.  I don't really feel that way right now.

Well, I think you raise some really interesting issues here... some really general and some really personal. 

I do think there's a lot of *pressure* to couple-up... absolutely.  Sometimes I think that makes it really hard to determine whether a given person's urge to be part of a couple is really personally motivated or partially (or even largely) based on trying to fulfill the obligation of that pressure.  I have known a lot of people who have gotten married for the sake of the "stability" or because they just wanted to be married.  I think marriage as an institution can be really problematic when it comes to individual choice, etc. especially when there may be a lot of family pressure.  Of course... all of this is speaking in very general terms.

On a different note, I can absolutely relate to your reaction to your break-up where you felt a sense of relief or release from the "burden" of having the other person around.  That's exactly how I felt when I broke up with my most significant girlfriend from my grad school years.  When we broke up, I remember feeling like a huge load of stress was lifted from my shoulders.  I'll actually never forget that feeling of relief.  It was sort of shocking to experience.  I was the one who broke up with her and it was largely because I felt like we weren't "clicking" anymore and that the initial chemistry had fizzled.  I do think this emotional response (that of relief) on my part to the break up had to do with the specifics of that relationship. 

[lonelyinbbm]

Hi lonelyinbbm,

It's great to see you posting here.

I think the issue of being "set in your ways" is really interesting... I definitely feel the same way about myself in terms of my daily routines and the way I live my life.  It presents an interesting conflict to me.  There are many moments when I think it would be great to have a partner and I feel like I should be making more efforts to get out there and try to meet people, but then a lot of the times I just don't really want to or I'm resistant to the idea of having another person involved in my life in a constant way.  I've never lived with a significant other (and I'm 32), so I can only imagine that it would be really hard for me to get used to that now. 
 

Anyway, I think the whole general issue of getting "set in our ways" is probably a pretty common and major issue for singles.

cheers,
Amanda

Hi Amanda.  I never believed in being "set in your ways" but as the years have gone by, I see myself in a much narrower way.  But, Amanda, you are too young to avoid getting involved with someone.  You have the best years of your life ahead of you.  I know it is hard, but you need to just get "out there" and find something you like to do - take a course, walk in a walkathon, meet people doing things you enjoy.  You don't want to be that old "spinster" who gives out stale candy to the kids at Halloween now do you?     You know the one who lives in that scary house!    I'm just kidding, but it would get lonely. 

Thanks for the welcome.  One thing I know is that you are here so you must be looking for some kind of encouragment.  Is that your picture in your avatar?  I think you are very attractiv, so you shouldn't have any fear about meeting anyone.  My daughter is quite overweight so she is always self-conscious about meeting people. 

Give it a try and check back in.  For some reason I didn't get notified when you responded even though I clicked the notify button.  I will check back in a few days if I don't hear from you.

L

[lonelyinbbm]

Heck if I know, lol.... 

 

I have a pretty high opinion of myself, so I used to always try and give my friends lovelife advice...  As I found myself putting up with crap I would never have advised my friends to put up with, I realized there wasn't really any point to giving advice.  Basically, I think you have to figure out a way to know yourself, and to trust yourself, and then you just choose to try or not to try... There are no right or wrong answers.  You just do the best you can.  And if you're happy - congratulations!  If you're not, you owe it to yourself to try to get happy. 

Hi nb.  I know what you mean about giving advice, but I do think that an outsider can sometimes see another person's relationship issues better than they see their own.  So, don't sell your advice short.  You have probably helped some people.  I know what you mean about "coupledom."  The rules have changed and we don't need someone to support us.  I'm guessing you are a woman for some reason.  But, in my case at least, I was "socialized" to marry, be a housewife and have kids.  When I married and my new husband told me to get a job, I was shocked.  But, we needed 2 incomes.  When I had my second child, I did stay home with the 2 of them for 7 years.  I went back to work when my husband left me for another woman.  I did marry again and my husband died in 1986. 

In this day and age, people aren't looking for relationships for the same reasons.  Women can take care of themselves, they don't need someone to take care of them.  So, in my case I don't know whether I want anyone "in my way" either.  I can't imagine having anyone living with me.  But you are very young and you are in your prime.  You have a lot of living left to do.  Get out there and at least find something enjoyable to do.  You might even find some new friends while your at it.  And, then you will have a mutual interest as well.

Thanks for your feedback.  L