Author Topic: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads  (Read 7667 times)

Offline Phillip Dampier

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Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« on: May 11, 2006, 01:06:58 pm »
Hurt in a car accident?
Employer make you work with unsafe equipment?
Slip and fall?
Mesothelioma?

It seems just about every day, the personal injury lawyers are buying up every second of daytime television advertising with wild ads showing your payday is on the way.

It has literally gotten so bad we have ads showing MILLION DOLLAR LUNGS!!!  Hurt in a car?  Call William Mattar!!!  And of course lots of beeping sounds, pictures of explosions followed by showers of dollar bills and happy litigants saying "I got my check" or literally, "I need to get paid today!"

The biggest problem with these attorneys is that they are big on the quick first-offer settlements and rarely, if ever, see the inside of a courtroom.  So while a ton of questionable litigants file in to "get paid," the poor folks actually injured end up with attorneys that won't really get them what they need because they are looking for a quick settlement and on to the next case.

And television execs wonder why I record everything and fast forward over all commercial ads.
« Last Edit: May 11, 2006, 01:09:04 pm by Phillip »
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Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #1 on: May 11, 2006, 01:10:24 pm »
The most infamous ad of all time for me aired in the 1970s and I'll never forget it (which probably makes the creators very happy).  It was for a deodorant called Tickle and featured scantily-clad girls playing volleyball or running errands doing nothing but giggling.  That was it.  It drove me crazy.
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Offline Ray

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2006, 12:23:29 am »
We had an ad here for toothpaste and it featured a woman with bright red lipstick who, during the entire length of the commercial, ran the tip of her tongue around her teeth in a way that was totally plagerised from deep throat.  It made me gag, and I always twitch when I see that brand on the shelves.
~A good general knows when to retreat~

vkm91941

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2006, 03:46:44 am »
This one is kind of bizaar and speaks for itself.....


Offline Aussie Chris

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2006, 04:22:58 am »
*shudders*  people please, you're scaring me! :o
Nothing is as common as the wish to be remarkable - William Shakespeare

slayers_creek_oth

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2006, 02:15:58 pm »
This one is kind of bizaar and speaks for itself.....



Wow.....well she looks happy!  LOL  ::)

TJ

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2006, 09:06:55 pm »
This one is kind of bizaar and speaks for itself.....
 

I remember seeing women in Vietnam in '67-68 who looked like that woman.

vkm91941

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Sad But True
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2006, 08:55:06 pm »
Sad But True
•   Source: Wall Street Journal, 10 July 1989, quoting a photo caption in the New York Times, 11 May 1989:
Chevrolet is turning to Walt Disney to help promote its new Lumina. Advertising will be filmed at Walt Disney World, where market tests show that Mickey and Minnie will bring believability to the product.

vkm91941

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How not to name a product....
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2006, 08:58:10 pm »
How Not to Name a Product


Supposedly, these are genuine product names, as translated to English.


•   Japanese moistened hand towels:
Cat Wetty

•   Spanish detergent:
Colon Plus

•   Austrian video recorder:
 Hornyphon

•   Chinese chocolates:
Swine

•   Greek soft drink:
Zit

•   Japanese sport drink:
Pocari Sweat

•   East Asian fish sausage:
Homo Sausage  :o

•   Japanese mineral water:
Kolic

 •   Japanese tissues:
Last Climax

•   Japanese toilet paper:
My Fanny

•   Yugoslavian orangeade:
Pipi

•   Ghanian pepper sauce:
Shitto

•   Indian cockroach repellent:
Ban Cock

vkm91941

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2006, 09:08:46 pm »
Just one more.......

Of Foreign Origin

Below is a collection of signs and notices, in English, supposedly discovered throughout the world.

•   In a barber shop in Tokyo:"All customers promptly executed."

•   In a Zurich hotel:
"Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose."
 
•   From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
"Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."

•   In a Leipzig elevator:"Do not enter lift backwards, and only when lit up."

•   Outside a Paris dress shop:"Dresses for street walking."
 
•   In a Bangkok dry cleaners:"Drop your trousers here for best results."

•   Two signs from a Mojorcan shop entrance: "English well speaking.""Here speeching American."

•   In a bakery in Vale af Kashmir:"First class loafer."

•   In a barbershop in Zanzibar: "Gentlemen's throats cut with nice sharp razors."

•   In the window of a travel agency in Barcelona: "Go away."
 
•   On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:"Guaranteed to work throughout its useful life."

•   In a butcher shop in Nahariyya, Israel:"I slaughter myself twice daily."

•   On the door of a Moscow hotel room:"If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it."

•   In a Tokyo Hotel:"Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such a thing is please not to read notis."

•   In a Bangkok temple:"It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man."

•   A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:"It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose."

•   In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:"Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar."

•   In a Rome laundry: "Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time."

•   Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: "Ladies may have a fit upstairs."
 
•   In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers: "Not to perambulate the corriders during the hours of repose in the boots of ascension."

•   In a Rhodes tailor shop: "Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation."

•   In a Tokyo shop: "Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in the long run."

•   On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: "Our wines leave you nothing to hope for."

•   In a Budapest zoo:"Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty."

•   In a Paris hotel elevator:"Please leave your values at the front desk."

•   On the menu of a Polish hotel: "Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion."

•   In a Tokyo bar: "Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."

•   In a Swiss mountain inn: "Special today - no ice cream."

•   In the office of a Roman doctor: "Specialist in women and other diseases."

•   In a Czechoslovakin tourist agency: "Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages."

•   In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: "Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists."

•   In a Yugoslavian hotel:"The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid."

•   In a Bucharest hotel lobby: "The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable."
 
•   In an Acapulco hotel: "The manager has personally passed all the water served here."
 
•   From the Soviet Weekly:"There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years."

•   In a Belgrade hotel elevator: "To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order."

•   In a hotel in Athens:"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily."

•   In The Restaurant des Artistes, Montmarte, France: "We serve five o' clock tea at all hours."

•   In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:"We take your bags and send them in all directions."

•   From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: "When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor."

•   Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: "Would you like to ride on your own ass?"

•   In a Japanese hotel:"You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid."

•   In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from Russian Orthodox monastery:  "You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday."


Offline Ray

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #10 on: May 13, 2006, 11:40:40 pm »
The ideal job.
~A good general knows when to retreat~

Offline Ray

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #11 on: May 13, 2006, 11:42:12 pm »
Not the ideal job!
« Last Edit: May 13, 2006, 11:43:51 pm by Ray »
~A good general knows when to retreat~

vkm91941

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2006, 12:35:45 am »
Headlines & Copy of Questionable Repute


From a Philadelphia department store:
"For you alone! The bridal bed set ...."

From a New York hotel:
"For a Successful Affair, It's the Empire Hotel."

On an electric-company truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

An ad in Hartford, Connecticut:
"LOVALON BRA is the bra for you. For mother, daughter and sister, too, its so lovely and so mashable."

From a placemat in a Massachusetts restaurant:
"Newbury Street Coiffure. Affordable. An Alternative to Looking Good."

Headline of an ad selling leather handgun holsters:
"Put Your Gun Into Something Soft."

For Springs Cotton Mills:
"Springmaid sheets are known as America's Favorite Playground."

For a monument firm:
"There's still time to get under the deadline."

Disclaimer at the end of a London, Ontario newspaper ad announcing job openings for firefighters:
"The City of London is an equal opportunity employer. We also provide all our employees with a smoke-free work place."

vkm91941

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2006, 12:37:01 am »
Heard It On The Radio


"Be with us again next Saturday at 10 p.m. for 'High Fidelity,' designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction."

"Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure."

"Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs with the Canadian Broadcorping Castration."

"When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after."

Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2006, 12:37:45 am »
I love this site for crazy examples of Engrish:

http://www.engrish.com/
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vkm91941

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Bumper Stickers
« Reply #15 on: May 14, 2006, 01:22:57 am »
Bumper Stuck

Bumper stickers frequently are used for advertising. The ones below aren't ads, but they do represent an exercise in creativity.  Some of my personal favs…


•   If at first you don't succeed ... don't try skydiving.
•   If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
•   Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
•   You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
•   Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
•   Reality is a figment of your imagination.
•   I'm objective; I object to everything.
•   Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
•   Congressional Corruption: A Renewable Resource.
•   The more hair I lose, the more head I get.
•   Schizophrenia beats being alone.
•   The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.
•   Save the whales, collect the whole set.
•   It's only a game until you lose.
•   When all else fails, lower your standards.
•   As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
•   Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
•   I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!
•   Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
•   Procrastinators Unite!... Tomorrow
•   My Wife's other car is a broom!
•   Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
•   I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
•   Oh sure. But what's the speed of dark?
•   People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
•   Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
•   Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
•   Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
•   We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
•   Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
•   How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
•   You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
•   Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
•   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
•   Nice guys finish last and bring you breakfast in bed.
•   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
•   You'll need to know my name. You'll be screaming it later.
•   Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
•   Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
•   i souport publik edekasion.
•   We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
•   Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
•   ORGASM DONOR

TJ

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #16 on: May 14, 2006, 01:56:27 am »
I have seen this as a bumper sticker and a window decal.


slayers_creek_oth

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Re: How not to name a product....
« Reply #17 on: May 15, 2006, 01:01:27 pm »
How Not to Name a Product


Supposedly, these are genuine product names, as translated to English.


•   Japanese moistened hand towels:
Cat Wetty

•   Spanish detergent:
Colon Plus

•   Austrian video recorder:
 Hornyphon

•   Chinese chocolates:
Swine

•   Greek soft drink:
Zit

•   Japanese sport drink:
Pocari Sweat

•   East Asian fish sausage:
Homo Sausage  :o

•   Japanese mineral water:
Kolic

 •   Japanese tissues:
Last Climax

•   Japanese toilet paper:
My Fanny

•   Yugoslavian orangeade:
Pipi

•   Ghanian pepper sauce:
Shitto

•   Indian cockroach repellent:
Ban Cock


ROFL  :laugh:

vkm91941

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Bona Fide Classifieds
« Reply #18 on: May 16, 2006, 03:34:30 am »

"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."

"And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience."

"Auto Repair Service. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again."

"Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person."

"Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00"

"Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children."

"Dog kennel, suit medium sized dog, good condition, very turdy ..."

"Extensive collection of Soviet military surplus for sale by newly independent republic. Wide selection of armor, jets, light naval vessels, and fissionable materials at bargain prices. All sales "as is", lingering radiation on some items. Buyer pays delivery expenses."


"Fat balding smelly lazy repulsive unemployed WM oaf seeks voluptuous female love slave to fetch beer, change channels, pick up dirty clothes, and suck toes."

"For Rent: Six-room hated apartment."

"For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar."

"For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers."

"For Sale - Diamonds $20; microscopes $15."

"For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy."

"For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex."

"For sale by author, signed copies of my extensive 1,950 page expose of the Kennedy assasination and its connection to sunspot activity."

"For sale by owner, Encyclopedia Britannica, excellent condition. No longer needed. Husband knows everything."

"For sale to kind master. Full grown domesticated tigress, goes daily walk untied, and eats flesh from hand."

"Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover."

vkm91941

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More Bona Fide Classifieds
« Reply #19 on: May 16, 2006, 03:38:11 am »
"GE Automatic Blanket - Insure sound sleep with an Authorized GE Dealer."

"Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours."

"Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross."

"Great Dames for sale."

"Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition."

"House to let. Furnished with period pieces from an unfortunate period."

"If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin."

"Illiterate? Write today for help."

"Let's all make this a bigger and better State Fair. Leave your garments at our main plant right on your way to the fair."

"Low cost, single bedroom one-story riverside home for sale. Low contamination, quiet neighborhood with no children or animal life. Contact regional EPA department."

"Man, honest, will take everything."

"Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel."

"Man with flair for public relations needed to superintend Camden dump. Ability to visualize total job perspective beyond immediate appearance could be an asset. Chance to meet and work closely with all types of people. First choice on antiques, bric-a-brac and leftovers. Selection of all leading newspapers and periodicals for coffee breaks. Unequaled opportunity for bird-watching enthusiast specializing in gulls."

"Mildew fetishist seeks old raincoats and shower curtains. Your trash is my treasure, no item too slimy or smelly."

"Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating."

"Modular Sofas. Only $299.00. For rest or fore play."

"Mother's helper--peasant working conditions."

"Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in."

"No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent."

"Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too."

vkm91941

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Fun Bill Boards...very tongue in cheek
« Reply #20 on: May 18, 2006, 02:45:42 am »













vkm91941

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #21 on: June 10, 2006, 02:36:42 am »

Offline CellarDweller

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Re: Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads
« Reply #22 on: July 05, 2009, 08:52:36 pm »
OMG!  I remember these commericals, always hated them.


[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N91XsdrBqUY[/youtube]


Tell him when l come up to him and ask to play the record, l'm gonna say: ''Voulez-vous jouer ce disque?''
'Voulez-vous, will you kiss my dick?'
Will you play my record? One-track mind!