Personal Injury Attorney & Other Ads

[Ray]

The ideal job.

[Ray]

Not the ideal job!

[vkm91941]

Headlines & Copy of Questionable Repute


From a Philadelphia department store:
"For you alone! The bridal bed set ...."

From a New York hotel:
"For a Successful Affair, It's the Empire Hotel."

On an electric-company truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

An ad in Hartford, Connecticut:
"LOVALON BRA is the bra for you. For mother, daughter and sister, too, its so lovely and so mashable."

From a placemat in a Massachusetts restaurant:
"Newbury Street Coiffure. Affordable. An Alternative to Looking Good."

Headline of an ad selling leather handgun holsters:
"Put Your Gun Into Something Soft."

For Springs Cotton Mills:
"Springmaid sheets are known as America's Favorite Playground."

For a monument firm:
"There's still time to get under the deadline."

Disclaimer at the end of a London, Ontario newspaper ad announcing job openings for firefighters:
"The City of London is an equal opportunity employer. We also provide all our employees with a smoke-free work place."

[vkm91941]

Heard It On The Radio


"Be with us again next Saturday at 10 p.m. for 'High Fidelity,' designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction."

"Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure."

"Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs with the Canadian Broadcorping Castration."

"When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after."

[Phillip Dampier]

I love this site for crazy examples of Engrish:

http://www.engrish.com/

[vkm91941]

Bumper Stuck

Bumper stickers frequently are used for advertising. The ones below aren't ads, but they do represent an exercise in creativity.  Some of my personal favs…


•   If at first you don't succeed ... don't try skydiving.
•   If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
•   Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
•   You know it's a bad day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
•   Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
•   Reality is a figment of your imagination.
•   I'm objective; I object to everything.
•   Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
•   Congressional Corruption: A Renewable Resource.
•   The more hair I lose, the more head I get.
•   Schizophrenia beats being alone.
•   The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.
•   Save the whales, collect the whole set.
•   It's only a game until you lose.
•   When all else fails, lower your standards.
•   As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
•   Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
•   I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar!
•   Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
•   Procrastinators Unite!... Tomorrow
•   My Wife's other car is a broom!
•   Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
•   I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
•   Oh sure. But what's the speed of dark?
•   People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
•   Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
•   Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
•   Life is a sexually transmitted disease.
•   We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
•   Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
•   How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
•   You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
•   Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
•   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
•   Nice guys finish last and bring you breakfast in bed.
•   I need someone really bad. Are you really bad?
•   You'll need to know my name. You'll be screaming it later.
•   Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
•   Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
•   i souport publik edekasion.
•   We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
•   Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
•   ORGASM DONOR

[TJ]

I have seen this as a bumper sticker and a window decal.

[slayers_creek_oth]

How Not to Name a Product


Supposedly, these are genuine product names, as translated to English.


•   Japanese moistened hand towels:
Cat Wetty

•   Spanish detergent:
Colon Plus

•   Austrian video recorder:
 Hornyphon

•   Chinese chocolates:
Swine

•   Greek soft drink:
Zit

•   Japanese sport drink:
Pocari Sweat

•   East Asian fish sausage:
Homo Sausage 

•   Japanese mineral water:
Kolic

 •   Japanese tissues:
Last Climax

•   Japanese toilet paper:
My Fanny

•   Yugoslavian orangeade:
Pipi

•   Ghanian pepper sauce:
Shitto

•   Indian cockroach repellent:
Ban Cock

ROFL 

[vkm91941]

"A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms."

"And now, the Superstore - unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience."

"Auto Repair Service. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again."

"Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person."

"Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00"

"Dog for sale. Eats anything and is fond of children."

"Dog kennel, suit medium sized dog, good condition, very turdy ..."

"Extensive collection of Soviet military surplus for sale by newly independent republic. Wide selection of armor, jets, light naval vessels, and fissionable materials at bargain prices. All sales "as is", lingering radiation on some items. Buyer pays delivery expenses."

"Fat balding smelly lazy repulsive unemployed WM oaf seeks voluptuous female love slave to fetch beer, change channels, pick up dirty clothes, and suck toes."

"For Rent: Six-room hated apartment."

"For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar."

"For Sale: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers."

"For Sale - Diamonds $20; microscopes $15."

"For Sale - Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy."

"For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex."

"For sale by author, signed copies of my extensive 1,950 page expose of the Kennedy assasination and its connection to sunspot activity."

"For sale by owner, Encyclopedia Britannica, excellent condition. No longer needed. Husband knows everything."

"For sale to kind master. Full grown domesticated tigress, goes daily walk untied, and eats flesh from hand."

"Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover."

[vkm91941]

"GE Automatic Blanket - Insure sound sleep with an Authorized GE Dealer."

"Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours."

"Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross."

"Great Dames for sale."

"Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition."

"House to let. Furnished with period pieces from an unfortunate period."

"If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin."

"Illiterate? Write today for help."

"Let's all make this a bigger and better State Fair. Leave your garments at our main plant right on your way to the fair."

"Low cost, single bedroom one-story riverside home for sale. Low contamination, quiet neighborhood with no children or animal life. Contact regional EPA department."

"Man, honest, will take everything."

"Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel."

"Man with flair for public relations needed to superintend Camden dump. Ability to visualize total job perspective beyond immediate appearance could be an asset. Chance to meet and work closely with all types of people. First choice on antiques, bric-a-brac and leftovers. Selection of all leading newspapers and periodicals for coffee breaks. Unequaled opportunity for bird-watching enthusiast specializing in gulls."

"Mildew fetishist seeks old raincoats and shower curtains. Your trash is my treasure, no item too slimy or smelly."

"Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating."

"Modular Sofas. Only $299.00. For rest or fore play."

"Mother's helper--peasant working conditions."

"Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in."

"No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent."

"Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too."