Last night I watched Brokeback Mountain.
It has been a while since I typed such a thing. It has been a while since I saw it, probably back in the fall, well over six months.
I found myself still remembering what I was thinking or feeling the first time I saw it. Like touchstones necessary for an obsessive compulsive to quantify enjoyment. Looked for all the bloomers, the missing log on the chopping block, the whiskey bottle that disappears from Jack's hand and then reappears.
I found myself looking at the two fights Jack and Ennis engage in, one when they leave the mountain and the other in the trail head parking lot, where Ennis, exhausted, says "I can't stand it anymore". Both times it seems, he is blaming Jack for what he feels.
But what soothed me, what was balm was two things:
The music, the wonderful pathos of the soundtrack, summing up the unspoken feeling, and;
The memory, of having been to a number of those places, what the sun and the wind felt like, what my heart felt like beating in those wonderful places, the memories of friends made o that trip.
I had to pull out Refinding Brokeback and watching it too.
There is still magic, it can still be accessed, and you can still count on the phone to ring just when Ennis climbs the stairs (Hey Chuck!)