In using the word "believe" I mean to ask about your own, personal strong convictions and opinions on what marriage is or means and whether or not it's a worthy institution. I think a lot of people think of marriage as a moral/ ethical thing so I think the word "believe" works.
OK, I was taking you literally. Marriage is a pretty solid legal and ritual act. Whether people believe it's a moral/ethical thing is a personal feeling and doesn't reflect on the legal act at all. You can believe you have a soul mate, or that the gods/fate joined you together or that you've been together in many previous incarnations, but when it comes down to the brass tacks, it is a 'please sign at the bottom of this marriage license' act. You can be married religiously or in your hearts, but the State won't recognize your marriage, won't extend you the rights, privileges and benefits unless you sign on the dotted line.
I personally don't believe in marriage. And, I have fairly strong opinions about it (at least as far as decisions about my own life go...). The ironic thing, that I even have difficulty explaining and articulating to myself is that while I don't believe in marriage... I also DO believe in gay marriage. I guess if marriage exists it really must exist as an option for both gay people and straight people. But, in a more ideal scenario from my perspective... marriage as an institution would not be necessary. I do think it's mostly a patriarchal institution and aspects of the history of marriage are actually pretty scary/ disheartening. And, I think in many places around the world today marriage is still used as an oppressive tool to suppress women.
It is because marriage was once simply an economic transaction, joining the strengths of two families. Women have rarely had the iindependence men have had, so they were pretty much the bargaining chip, sold off to the highest/best bidder. There's nothing more that can make you feel like a piece of property...but then of course, women were and still are in some places.
But recent changes in attitude and society have changed the marriage
ceremony to more of a love-fest - at least in the West. It is funny to pay attention to the ceremony and see what little vestiges still abound from earlier times.
The bride is 'given away', escorted by her family to show she's still a virgin, under the protection (control) of her family, the groom arrives ahead of time, alone with his friends, ready to take 'delivery'. She has a veil, to hide her looks from evil eyes and to symbolize her modesty and chasteness, but then the groom lifts it to make sure they gave him the right woman. The audience is asked if someone objects to the wedding (giving time for previous suitors or those who already had a downpayment on the bride to object), the woman changes her name, becoming part of his family/property. Almost all weddings have bowls of nuts at the reception. For fertility, doncha know, that's what she's there for, after all. Single women support the bride, at the same time advertising their virtue and the fact that they're up for sale as well.
If you want to own an house, and want your SO to help pay for/share it with you, I strongly suggest marriage. Legal marriage gives you both the rights and protections of the law. It's foolish to think of acquiring lots of assets and not get such legal protection. Heck, the tax breaks alone are worth it to get married. If you have children, again, a married person has the protection and rights of the law as far as custody and care and financial support of the children.
A movie star recently left her live-in lover of 10 years and ran off with her movie director and married him. She took the 5 year old daughter she had with her old lover and moved 6000 miles away. The old lover's rights to access his child were extremely limited because he never married the mother. I felt sorry for him, but [shrug] there you are.
I have a great respect for marriage as an institution and the people who commit to it. When you see one that works, it's a beautiful thing. I don't want to be married, don't like the idea of it, except for those circumstances I mentioned, yet I find that I'm more respectful of marriage than most of the married people I know. They marry for stupid or childish reasons, got married unthinkingly and then found themselves stuck, have unrealistic expectations and/or aren't mature or committed enough to stay in one. Go figure.
