The Holiday Blues

[Scott6373]

I know that for many people it is hard to be merry, or even happy at this time of year.  I have gotten the holiday blues for quite a while now, and no matter how much I try to "get into the season", my feelings of sadness seem to increase every year.

I know this is a festive forum for all things holiday, but I thought it would be good to have a place where folks can go who don't feel festive.  I hope anyone who has these same feelings will share, and communicate with each other.  I also hope those who do not have these feelings will be supportive and share and communicate with us.


Beating the Holiday Blues

Feelings of sadness and depression are common during the holidays, but not inevitable. UM experts offer a variety of practical tips to help you keep the blues away

Once again the holidays are upon us, which means it's time for festive partying with friends and family, sharing gifts and laughter -- and getting depressed. That's right. For many people, the holidays bring on feelings of sadness and anxiety that can be hard to shake.

According to the National Mental Health Association, reasons for feeling blue around the holidays are numerous. They range from fatigue -- a result of all of the increased holiday activity -- to financial limitations and family tensions. Experts say one of the fastest routes to holiday depression is unrealistic expectations.

"People often hold on to what they remember as an ideal holiday from years gone by, and are unable to reproduce it," said Jill RachBeisel, M.D., director of community psychiatry at the University of Maryland Medical Center. "There are also expectations around the holidays that 'everything must be perfect', and perfection is, of course, rarely obtainable."

To reduce heightened expectations, Hinda Dubin, M.D., clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine, suggests that people be honest with themselves about what they can do during the holiday season.

"Set realistic goals," said Dubin, who is also a psychiatrist at the University of Maryland Medical Center. "If your holiday plans require you to run around shopping and going to parties until you are exhausted, and staying up all night to wrap presents, your plans aren't very realistic. You need to pace yourself and get enough rest so that you won't be grouchy and testy."

Other factors that can contribute to feelings of sadness around the holidays are memories of deceased loved ones and strained family dynamics.

"The holidays are associated with family and togetherness," said RachBeisel, who is also an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. "In today's world of high divorce rates and fragmented family units, stress is commonly experienced as family members attempt to find some compromise in defining shared time.


Creating family traditions is one way to bring family members closer together, said Dubin. These traditions don't have to be formal or elaborate. For instance, she recommends visiting a nursing home to help serve holiday meals to some of the residents, or videotaping holiday celebrations and making an annual event of watching the previous year's celebration.

Holiday Blues vs. Serious Depression
 
The holidays cause many people to feel anxious and depressed in a general sense, but for some, holiday tensions can lead to full-blown clinical depression.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, about 19 million American adults suffer from depressive illnesses every year. Unfortunately, many people with clinical depression don't seek help, even though depression is a treatable condition.

"Some people still look at mental illness as a character flaw," Dubin said. "The truth is that it is no different from any other kind of illness. If your body couldn't produce enough insulin, no one would tell you to 'get over it'. You'd need to go to the doctor and get treated for your insulin deficiency. It is the same with mental illness."

Symptoms of Depression

Below are a list of depressive symptoms compiled by the National Institute of Mental Health. NIMH experts suggest that you seek professional help if you experience five or more of these symptoms every day for two weeks. If you have recurring thoughts of death or suicide, you should get help immediately.

-Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" mood
-Feelings of hopelessness, pessimism
-Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness
-Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex
-Decreased energy, fatigue, being "slowed down"
-Difficulty concentrating, remembering, making decisions
-Insomnia, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping
-Appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
-Restlessness, irritability
-Persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and 
 chronic pain

How to Cope

Don't let all of the pressures of shopping, coordinating social functions, negotiating family issues and missing lost loved ones overwhelm you this holiday season. There are a number of things you can do to keep stress, anxiety and depression at bay.

One of the best antidotes for the holiday blues is doing something for someone else.

"Volunteer your time this holiday season to help others who have less than you do," said Dubin. "Taking the focus off of yourself and putting it on others can really make you feel much better. Not only can you help other people, but doing so will add a lot more meaning to your holiday season."

Dubin offers these additional tips to help you banish the holiday blues:

Delegate. Don't try to do it all by yourself. People often want to help and to be involved. By breaking down tasks and doling them out to friends and family, everything becomes more manageable.

Spend Some Time Alone. Some people love the energy and exuberance of big holiday parties and activities. For others, all of it is very taxing. If you find yourself getting a little anxious, take a breather. Find a quiet spot to relax and recharge your batteries. Other people will be so caught up in what is going on that they probably won't even miss you.

Let Go of the Past. Don't be disappointed if your holidays aren't like they used to be. Life brings changes. Embrace the future, and don't dwell on the fact that the "good old days" are gone.

Don't Drink Too Much. It is easy to overindulge around the holidays, but excessive drinking will only make you feel more depressed.

Give Yourself a Break. Don't think in absolute terms. You aren't the best cook in the world, or the worst. You aren't super mom, or the most horrible mother in the world.

If despite your best efforts to remain upbeat this holiday season, you find yourself feeling down for a sustained period of time, get help. Don't try to "tough it out" alone. There are treatment options available to you that could make a significant difference in your outlook.

http://www.umm.edu/features/holiday_blues.htm

[louisev]

A possible cure for the holiday blues!  Open Christmas!

I used to get holiday blues a lot, since growing up in a violent family, holiday pressures usually led to traumatic Thanksgivings, and acrimonious Christmases that were never forgotten, and in later years, the tragic unexpected death of my husband's first wife and his son's hospitalization (fortunately he was not badly injured.)  Holidays, basically, were always the pits for me.

The solution?  Dispose of the traditional!  About halfway through my marriage years, when my stepson was old enough to decide what is important for himself, we invented a concept called Open Christmas.  We had limited money as well as limited time, so our solution was to write down a definite and non negotiable budget for Christmas, put on it the mandatory one-gift item list for all of the relatives, cutting the costs down on that list, and writing down what we wanted for ourselves, estimating the costs for it, and going on a group shopping trip.

It was a blast.  One day, four stores, and we were done, with very few adjustments and a couple of substitutions here and there, and the occasional negotiating two of something cheaper when there was a sale item.  We all agreed that the Open Christmas concept and the single shopping trip - no wrapping, no surprises, no disappointments - led to a far less stressful holiday, and about 1/10th the planning time, stress, and financial anxiety, than the traditional "surprise and secret" Christmas shopping.  And oddly enough, no one on the periphery seemed to notice the budget gifts they got - we had been bending over backwards for no good reason!  to this day when anyone expresses anxiety or stress about upcoming Christmas shopping I share with them the secret of Open Christmas, one of the greatest original ideas I have ever hit upon!  Give it a try!

By the way, now that I'm happily single, I don't shop for anything for Christmas for anyone, with the exception of those bonus years when I feel like I'm rolling in dough.

[Jeff Wrangler]

A possible cure for the holiday blues!  Open Christmas!

The solution?  Dispose of the traditional!  About halfway through my marriage years, when my stepson was old enough to decide what is important for himself, we invented a concept called Open Christmas.  We had limited money as well as limited time, so our solution was to write down a definite and non negotiable budget for Christmas, put on it the mandatory one-gift item list for all of the relatives, cutting the costs down on that list, and writing down what we wanted for ourselves, estimating the costs for it, and going on a group shopping trip.

It was a blast.  One day, four stores, and we were done, with very few adjustments and a couple of substitutions here and there, and the occasional negotiating two of something cheaper when there was a sale item.  We all agreed that the Open Christmas concept and the single shopping trip - no wrapping, no surprises, no disappointments - led to a far less stressful holiday, and about 1/10th the planning time, stress, and financial anxiety, than the traditional "surprise and secret" Christmas shopping.  And oddly enough, no one on the periphery seemed to notice the budget gifts they got - we had been bending over backwards for no good reason!  to this day when anyone expresses anxiety or stress about upcoming Christmas shopping I share with them the secret of Open Christmas, one of the greatest original ideas I have ever hit upon!  Give it a try!

Hey, that does sound like fun!  How many were there on the group shopping trip? Did you do this early in the season, like right after Thanksgiving, or did you wait to do this till closer to Christmas?

[notBastet]

A possible cure for the holiday blues!  Open Christmas!

I used to get holiday blues a lot, since growing up in a violent family, holiday pressures usually led to traumatic Thanksgivings, and acrimonious Christmases that were never forgotten, and in later years, the tragic unexpected death of my husband's first wife and his son's hospitalization (fortunately he was not badly injured.)  Holidays, basically, were always the pits for me.

The solution?  Dispose of the traditional!  About halfway through my marriage years, when my stepson was old enough to decide what is important for himself, we invented a concept called Open Christmas.  We had limited money as well as limited time, so our solution was to write down a definite and non negotiable budget for Christmas, put on it the mandatory one-gift item list for all of the relatives, cutting the costs down on that list, and writing down what we wanted for ourselves, estimating the costs for it, and going on a group shopping trip.

It was a blast.  One day, four stores, and we were done, with very few adjustments and a couple of substitutions here and there, and the occasional negotiating two of something cheaper when there was a sale item.  We all agreed that the Open Christmas concept and the single shopping trip - no wrapping, no surprises, no disappointments - led to a far less stressful holiday, and about 1/10th the planning time, stress, and financial anxiety, than the traditional "surprise and secret" Christmas shopping.  And oddly enough, no one on the periphery seemed to notice the budget gifts they got - we had been bending over backwards for no good reason!  to this day when anyone expresses anxiety or stress about upcoming Christmas shopping I share with them the secret of Open Christmas, one of the greatest original ideas I have ever hit upon!  Give it a try!

By the way, now that I'm happily single, I don't shop for anything for Christmas for anyone, with the exception of those bonus years when I feel like I'm rolling in dough.

Louise, I am curious how many relatives were on the list... did they all get the same gift, or something different for everyone?

[louisev]

we had the immediate family in this shopping trip: i.e., myself, my husband and my son, who made up the household.  I also told my siblings that I was celebrating "Open Christmas" and what did they want?

And that answers NotBastet's question!

[Jeff Wrangler]

I just posted this on the "If the Holidays Begin to Get You Down" thread, but I think it bears repeating here:

If the holidays begin to get you down, watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original cartoon, not the Jim Carrey movie). 

[Scott6373]

I just posted this on the "If the Holidays Begin to Get You Down" thread, but I think it bears repeating here:

If the holidays begin to get you down, watch A Charlie Brown Christmas and How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the original cartoon, not the Jim Carrey movie). 

I wish it were as easy as that Jeff.  For me, the trouble is that I question the religious implications of celebrating this particular day.  That, along with a touch of seasonal effective disorder, can make it a difficult time to get through.  Sometimes watching those programs (and others) almost make the problem worse.

[Penthesilea]

I know this is a festive forum for all things holiday, but I thought it would be good to have a place where folks can go who don't feel festive.  I hope anyone who has these same feelings will share, and communicate with each other.  I also hope those who do not have these feelings will be supportive and share and communicate with us.

Hey Scott, I think this is a very good idea for a thread.

[moremojo]

Scott, if the religious implications of the day give you pause, bear in mind (and I know you already know this) that December 25th is just a convention, and one the Church very self-consciously started to overlay pagan Saturnalia with the new state religion. No one knows when Jesus was actually born, though the Gospels would suggest a date in the spring to be far more likely than one in the winter.

Of course, I understand that even though the date may be inaccurate, the sentiment is still to celebrate the birth of Jesus. And from a Christian viewpoint, this should be a festive occasion (though Easter, logically, would suggest even more festive recognition). So I can only imagine (as a non-Christian) the pressure a Christian might feel to FEEL festive, even if, for whatever reason, they don't.

Of course, Christmas has become a de facto season of secular consumption here in the West (or at least in the U.S.), and there is pressure to conform to the social expectations that have arisen with the holiday--spending and giving, all in a mad rush to keep up with the Joneses, or to not let your kid down so that they own the same toy/game their peers do, or to not look bad in your family members' eyes. I frankly think a lot of this behavior is completely unnecessary and actually a little crazy, and the giving of gifts actually has come to represent less of what is in one's heart than in meeting arbitrary cultural demands. In other words, a lot of hypocrisy has come to play in the holiday.

My solution--just stop. Don't do it. Don't participate. Give a loved one a gift when they least expect it--then they will know it truly comes from your heart, and not just social conformity. What I value about the holidays is having time off from work and spending time with family--this is the true gift, and one invaluably more meaningful than the latest gadget or bauble.

[Jeff Wrangler]

I wish it were as easy as that Jeff.  For me, the trouble is that I question the religious implications of celebrating this particular day.  That, along with a touch of seasonal effective disorder, can make it a difficult time to get through.  Sometimes watching those programs (and others) almost make the problem worse.

Well, not every answer works for everybody. I find this works for me when I'm feeling stressed by too much to do and not enough time to do it in. A deeper cut surely requires more than a bandaid.

[Scott6373]

My solution--just stop. Don't do it. Don't participate. Give a loved one a gift when they least expect it--then they will know it truly comes from your heart, and not just social conformity. What I value about the holidays is having time off from work and spending time with family--this is the true gift, and one invaluably more meaningful than the latest gadget or bauble.

I could do that, but I am married to a devout Christian who absolutely loves this holiday.  So I literally suffer through the house decorating, the shows, the music...it all seems so false to me, so empty.

[Jeff Wrangler]

I could do that, but I am married to a devout Christian who absolutely loves this holiday.  So I literally suffer through the house decorating, the shows, the music...it all seems so false to me, so empty.

Well, at the risk of sounding facetious, here you rather do sound like Charlie Brown. It must be very difficult feeling this way when everyone around you, especially Rick, feels so differently about the season. Have you explored why it all seems so false and empty to you? Maybe with professional assistance?

[Scott6373]

Well, at the risk of sounding facetious, here you rather do sound like Charlie Brown. It must be very difficult feeling this way when everyone around you, especially Rick, feels so differently about the season. Have you explored why it all seems so false and empty to you? Maybe with professional assistance?

I have, and all they tell me is it's seasonal effective disorder...a ubiquitous diagnosis at best.  Around this time I will start an antidepressant and take it through the holidays, then taper off as spring approaches.

[Jeff Wrangler]

I have, and all they tell me is it's seasonal effective disorder...a ubiquitous diagnosis at best.  Around this time I will start an antidepressant and take it through the holidays, then taper off as spring approaches.

Hmm. Well, I wouldn't presume to second-guess your doctors, but that usually hits me after the holidays, when there is nothing to look forward to for three months until spring. 

[serious crayons]

Having grown up in an areligious, non-Christian yet Christmas-celebrating family, I don't have much problem with that particular conflict. To me, Christmas works perfectly well as a secular holiday, a great time to see friends and exchange tokens of affection and attend parties and eat delightful foods and decorate the house and put up a tree and lights lots of candles and wear festive clothes ... all activities done purely for their own sake, because they're fun and pretty and heartwarming.

My own Christmas problem is my sons. Their tastes are narrow and their expectations are high -- they've never played much with toys, even when young, so it's always been a little tricky to find things they like. But now, at 11 and 13, they are mainly interested in electronics and sporting equipment, stuff that's way out of my budget. Add to that the fact that I'm the one doing the shopping and I'm not the best judge of young boys' tastes. Yet they really want to be surprised and excited on Christmas. A couple of years ago, the last year we sort of kept up the pretense of Santa's existence, they hated almost everything I got them. They tried to be polite, but their disappointment was obvious. Christmas was genuinely ruined for me.

BTW, I get Seasonal Affective Disorder, too. Mine doesn't really kick in until after the holidays, but it lasts until mid-March. The most effective treatment I've found for it is to get outside every day, especially if it's sunny. Often, you can feel your mood lift as quickly as if you'd taken a pill. If it's too cold to take a walk or go skiing or skating or whatever, drive a car with a sunroof.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Lights and candles, lots of lights and candles! Defy the darkness! Very ancient and certainly not specifically Christian. After the music, the lights are what I love most about the season.

When I was a small boy, my grandparents had one of those garish aluminum Christmas trees (which are nostalgically fashionable again--go figure  ) that was illuminated by a color wheel--you couldn't put lights on those trees, I guess to avoid electrocuting yourself. I was appalled by the very idea of a Christmas tree without lights. It seemed to me that the lights were the very essence of a Christmas tree. A few years later, because my mother had health issues, we had to buy an artificial tree; thank goodness, by that time they had invented the green kind that you could put lights on,

Whaddya mean, "the pretense of Santa's existence"? 

My SAD usually starts to lift by late February. By that time, we have a noticeably longer period of daylight each day. That helps a lot.

[serious crayons]

Whaddya mean, "the pretense of Santa's existence"? 

 



 

[notBastet]

Scott, if the religious implications of the day give you pause, bear in mind (and I know you already know this) that December 25th is just a convention, and one the Church very self-consciously started to overlay pagan Saturnalia with the new state religion. No one knows when Jesus was actually born, though the Gospels would suggest a date in the spring to be far more likely than one in the winter.

Of course, I understand that even though the date may be inaccurate, the sentiment is still to celebrate the birth of Jesus. And from a Christian viewpoint, this should be a festive occasion (though Easter, logically, would suggest even more festive recognition). So I can only imagine (as a non-Christian) the pressure a Christian might feel to FEEL festive, even if, for whatever reason, they don't.

Of course, Christmas has become a de facto season of secular consumption here in the West (or at least in the U.S.), and there is pressure to conform to the social expectations that have arisen with the holiday--spending and giving, all in a mad rush to keep up with the Joneses, or to not let your kid down so that they own the same toy/game their peers do, or to not look bad in your family members' eyes. I frankly think a lot of this behavior is completely unnecessary and actually a little crazy, and the giving of gifts actually has come to represent less of what is in one's heart than in meeting arbitrary cultural demands. In other words, a lot of hypocrisy has come to play in the holiday.

My solution--just stop. Don't do it. Don't participate. Give a loved one a gift when they least expect it--then they will know it truly comes from your heart, and not just social conformity. What I value about the holidays is having time off from work and spending time with family--this is the true gift, and one invaluably more meaningful than the latest gadget or bauble.

yes, and what an odd thing indeed, it has become...

[Kelda]

Do you know, I love the holidays and I love my family - but they also drive me batty - mostly my sister actually- and the close confines get the hairs on my back up.

This year we are having it at her house - a much smaller house than my aunts and with much less people - its going to be harder to 'get away' from personalities if I need to.

We'll see how it goes!

But I do think i get a little boit of SAD too.

[Scott6373]

There's also an interesting dynamic that happens.  People try to cheer you up, and to josh you into "the holiday spirit".  What they don't realize is that doing that make us feel worse, like how we are feeling is silly, and we should just snap out of it.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Scott, if the religious implications of the day give you pause, bear in mind (and I know you already know this) that December 25th is just a convention, and one the Church very self-consciously started to overlay pagan Saturnalia with the new state religion. No one knows when Jesus was actually born, though the Gospels would suggest a date in the spring to be far more likely than one in the winter.

OT, but here goes. ...

Scott, I presume you are referring to the fact that according to Luke, the shepherds had their flocks out in the field. (Hmm. Shepherds and sheep. ...  ) However, I think you can make a case, also from Luke, for a winter birth--and I'm guessing maybe this is what Christianity did because it allowed for a preemption of old pagan festivals.

According to Luke, the visitation of the Angel Gabriel to the Virgin Mary occurred in the "sixth month." But what calendar was Luke using? As we know, according to the current Jewish secular calendar, the New Year occurs in the fall, which places the sixth month sometime in the spring--which is when Christianity chose to preempt the pagan Spring Equinox celebration with the Feast of the Annunciation. Of course, nine months after spring--say March--comes December, conveniently allowing for a preemption of the Saturnalia.

Of course, Luke was probably writing for a non-Jewish reader (see Acts 1). Of course, by the Roman calendar--and ours--the first month is January, the sixth month is June--and nine months later is March, and spring--and a far more likely birth date, based on the sheep being out in the fields. 

[Ellemeno]

I can relate to different parts of the spectrum represented here.  I have felt a variety of feelings toward the holidays.  One thing that has worked for me is giving myself permission to toss out anything I don't feel like doing.  Now that I have a four and a half year old, I feel like I need/want to do something about each holiday, but I keep it really simple.  For example, the various efforts I put out for Halloween were: go to Walgreen's and pay $2.99 each for Mr. Meno, MiniMeno and I each to have tiger ears and a tiger tail, that we wore with our regular clothes, and voila! we were a family of tigers (MiniMeno's request).  Someone gave her a little pumpkin, and I let her decorate it with washable markers, multiple times.  We also bought one large-ish Halloween blow up decoration thing, and one tiny table Halloween decoration thing, that she liked.  No candy.  She got enough just with various Halloween-oriented people giving her some in the couple of weeks before Halloween.  We are lucky that we have friends who give a Halloween party every year, so that gets to be our main event.  No trick or treating.  (We'll see how long that lasts.)

For Christmas, I plan to do similarly - we have friends who decorate their house and yard insanely, starting Thanksgiving weekend, so most years we go over and help them, and then eventually get around to doing a little bit around our own house.  This works for me.  Also, I try to remember who I really feel responsible for giving gifts to - there are three people in this world who count on me to be their number one present-giver: my mother, my husband, and my child.  Everyone else in my little world does not need to count on me for a gift, so I actually give very few - and we now often give one thing to a whole family when we do give a gift.  And really we are so fortunate with what we have, there is nothing we "need" as Christmas presents.  Last year, MiniMeno really wanted a candy cane, and that's about all she got from Mama and Papa, one little candy cane.  Again, that won't quite work as she gets older.

But wait, this wasn't what I meant to write about in this thread.  I meant to talk about how my husband and I had a family tragedy on our first Christmas Eve and that this brought up a lot of pain for me at Christmastime for several years after.  I basically ignored Christmas as much as I could some years.  I've moved past most of that grief, but still it works for me to keep my Christmas efforts low-key, and choose the parts I love, like Christmas carols.  I am one who early in childhood memorized many stanzas of many Christmas carols and still remember them.  Now I have to gloss over some of the meanings and kind of not think about them, but a lot are still nice, like Good King Wenceslas helping the poor guy out in the cold.

Anyway, I keep it really simple, and that helps.  Noticing people who complain about all they "have" to do for the holidays helps me remember that I'm glad I'm willing to not do much.

[belbbmfan]

I posted this in another thread. Here in Belgium a surprising number of people are getting tired of a seemingly never ending 'holiday season' with that dreadfull christmas music (muzak?) in the shops, Santa everywhere and christmas decoration before december has started!
So, a couple of radiotalkshow presenters started a campaign to 'start' the holiday season officially on december 15th. They even have  a sticker you can order. The response has been overwhelming. The shopkeepers aren't happy though  .

To see the sticker, click on 'Foto' on this page.

http://radio1.be/programmas/pepi/432017/

[serious crayons]

I'm also a believer in throwing out the things I don't want to do. For example, I haven't sent Christmas cards for several years, because almost anyone I would send them to I already talk to pretty frequently by phone or email or in person anyway. I used to take cute arty shots of my kids giggling in Santa hats or playing in the snow or wrapped in Christmas lights. I would go through rolls of film trying to get just the right shot. That was a hassle but fun, because it felt creative. Now my kids probably wouldn't let me wrap them in lights, their pictures would be cute but not little-kid cute, so I skip it.

Another effort I made was with down-gifting. I like the idea that you mentioned, Elle, of giving gifts only to people who depend on them. I have scaled down a lot in recent years, myself. But it can be tricky.

We have these friends whom we used to see once a year -- at Christmas. We like them, but we're not THAT close. Yet every Christmas they would show up with gifts, plural -- like, five gifts! Some for the whole family, some for just the kids, individual ones for me and my husband ... it was crazy. For a few years I felt obliged to try to keep up. Oddly, we would meet with a third couple with whom, because they are closer friends and could be honest, we'd agreed NOT to exchange gifts. So then we were showering the less-close friends with gifts and stiffing the close friends.

So finally I said, this is ridiculous. I got the overgifters something kind of neutral and tokeny -- an ornament, maybe. And left it at that. They got us a bunch of gifts, we said thanks and handed them their one. And viola, the problem was solved! Because the next year we moved out of town!

On the other hand, my brother and I made some kind of pact like that but somehow there was a miscommunication. Last year I got him some pretty nice wine glasses and I think some gourmet food thing, and he got me an ornament. I didn't care, but I think he felt bad.

So it can be kind of an emotional minefield.

[Scott6373]

All of the posts have been interesting, but it seems to me that the reality of this kind of depression is a little lost on most people.  It's not a matter of feeling a little blue, or not being "into" the holiday.  It can (and has been for me) debilitating.

[Jeff Wrangler]

All of the posts have been interesting, but it seems to me that the reality of this kind of depression is a little lost on most people.  It's not a matter of feeling a little blue, or not being "into" the holiday.  It can (and has been for me) debilitating.

Have you explored any connection to your professional obligations this time of year? How many Messiahs are you singing this year? I'm not trying to be trivial here, but if you're exhausted from performing, surely that isn't helping your situation any.

[Scott6373]

Have you explored any connection to your professional obligations this time of year? How many Messiahs are you singing this year? I'm not trying to be trivial here, but if you're exhausted from performing, surely that isn't helping your situation any.

Right now I have 5 scheduled.  I thought that might be an issue, so I consciously limited the number of engagements I took.  I do have to say that these feelings got much worse after my brother passed away, but they have always been there.

[Ellemeno]

All of the posts have been interesting, but it seems to me that the reality of this kind of depression is a little lost on most people.  It's not a matter of feeling a little blue, or not being "into" the holiday.  It can (and has been for me) debilitating.

I'm sorry, Scott, I don't mean to minimize your experience, I'm just speaking about mine.  I think it's wonderful that you are discussing this.  Here's a question - If you could do anything with the holidays (I don't mean magically change the world, just your experience of it), what would that look like?

[Scott6373]

I'm sorry, Scott, I don't mean to minimize your experience, I'm just speaking about mine.  I think it's wonderful that you are discussing this.  Here's a question - If you could do anything with the holidays (I don't mean magically change the world, just your experience of it), what would that look like?

Go away to a lush tropical island..preferrably a non-Christian one (nothing against the Christians out there), and hang out until it was all over.

[Ellemeno]

Go away to a lush tropical island..preferrably a non-Christian one (nothing against the Christians out there), and hang out until it was all over.

People do it.  You have my support. 

[Scott6373]

People do it.  You have my support. 

Not my husbands though...he adores this holiday, so it's on with the happy mask, and weep in private

[Ellemeno]

Not my husbands though...he adores this holiday, so it's on with the happy mask, and weep in private

One year this way, one year that way?  Compromise?

[Scott6373]

One year this way, one year that way?  Compromise?

I don't think I could ever even approach that subject with him.  If I can get through it witout ruining his holiday, then it's fine.

[belbbmfan]

I don't think I could ever even approach that subject with him.  If I can get through it witout ruining his holiday, then it's fine.

I'm sorry to hear that Scott. I must be a difficult, even lonely time for you. Is it really about the 'holidays'? I've heard that people can get down or even depressed during the winter periode and it really has to do with the lack of sunshine or daylight. Like a physical reaction.

But I do agree that lots of aspects of the 'holiday season' can feel very 'fake', and you really want things to get back to normal, soon!

[Scott6373]

I'm sorry to hear that Scott. I must be a difficult, even lonely time for you. Is it really about the 'holidays'? I've heard that people can get down or even depressed during the winter periode and it really has to do with the lack of sunshine or daylight. Like a physical reaction.

But I do agree that lots of aspects of the 'holiday season' can feel very 'fake', and you really want things to get back to normal, soon!

Professionally I have been told that it is Seasonal Affective Disorder...not sure if I believe in that totally.

[louisev]

the Mayo Clinic recommends a combination approach, depending upon severity of symptoms, the first of which is "light box therapy."  No that doesn"t mean lightweight class boxing, it means light therapy using a full spectrum lamp and sitting in front of it for a period of time each day.  Other recommendations are use of antidepressants and psychotherapy.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/seasonal-affective-disorder/DS00195/DSECTION=8

their strongest recommendation is do not sit and do nothing and try to "tough it out" because S.A.D. can be very disabling.

[serious crayons]

Professionally I have been told that it is Seasonal Affective Disorder...not sure if I believe in that totally.

SAD is a real condition, whether or not that's what's going on with you.

I guess one test of that might be -- do the blues end immediately after the holidays? SAD theoretically would build up as the days get shorter, peak on December 21, and begin to dissipate after that. It probably wouldn't end right after Christmas, or on New Year's Day. (As I said, my own SAD goes right through February and into March. I can even feel slight effects from one equinox to another!)

So does the timing of your feelings seem more tied to the holidays themselves or to the shorter days (hard to determine, I know, because they're so closely aligned)?

[Jeff Wrangler]

It's my belief that problems like Scott's often don't have one single cause. I don't question that he is affected by SAD--I have a touch of it, too, as I think I've already discussed on this thread.

But if, in addition, he doesn't have good memories of past holidays (I thank God I do), I can well imagine this time of year, as the days grow shorter and colder, it could feel like getting hit with a double whammy.

[Front-Ranger]

I got dragged to Detroit for four long years and all the time I was there I was very SADD!! But when I returned to my beloved Rocky Mountains I recovered, so I know this is a very real thing! The only cure, Scott, is for you to come be with us in the Rocky Mountains! You know you want to so, do it!!

[notBastet]

I don't think I could ever even approach that subject with him.  If I can get through it witout ruining his holiday, then it's fine.

just speaking my thoughts out loud; not always a good thing.

1) Is there anything about the holiday you do like (just curious)?

2) If he knew you felt this way, how do you think he would react? (quietly and gently asking whether you think it is important to him that you are happy, or not, through the holidays?)