Everyone Please Read !!!

[RossInIllinois]

Yes its awful that Heath has died,  BUT   What I find worse is that Jake G is in such bad shape he had to leave the film Brothers for an undisclosed anount of time because he is so distraught over Heaths death. Im hearing no one has even seen him since Heath died.  Is there a way we can shift all this Focus on the Dead and start helping the living?  Its just an idea that makes sense to me.  Can we send something to Jake G as a group?

[cornflake2912]

There are pictures of him together with Reese on IHJ. Have a look.

[Front-Ranger]

Yes its awful that Heath has died,  BUT   What I find worse is that Jake G is in such bad shape he had to leave the film Brothers for an undisclosed anount of time because he is so distraught over Heaths death. Im hearing no one has even seen him since Heath died.  Is there a way we can shift all this Focus on the Dead and start helping the living?  Its just an idea that makes sense to me.  Can we send something to Jake G as a group?

Your idea has a lot of merit. I have also been thinking about Jake these days. A condolence card would definitely be in order for him.

[louisev]

He is staying with Reese and her kids, so he is not in withdrawal by himself, if we are to believe the media.

[Ellemeno]

You find Jake being upset worse than Heath being dead?

[louisev]

unless you have some status in the film community that would entitle you to contact him, Ross, I don't see how anyone could attempt to send him condolences without invading his privacy.  Ultimately, we are just a group of faceless strangers to him and it would be unseemly to intrude upon his grief, particularly since he is clearly avoiding the media.

[yb]

You find Jake being upset worse than Heath being dead?

I have the same question, too?

[opinionista]

You find Jake being upset worse than Heath being dead?

Ross has a point and I don't think he means any disrespect towards anybody here. There's nothing we can do for Heath. He is gone and we have no other choice but to stand it. I'm not sure if we can actually do something for Jake, but sending a condolence card is not a bad idea. I suggested it in the Jake thread but it was ignored. I'm buying a card tomorrow at the museum and will send it to him to his agent's address. I hope it reaches Jake somehow.

[opinionista]

unless you have some status in the film community that would entitle you to contact him, Ross, I don't see how anyone could attempt to send him condolences without invading his privacy.  Ultimately, we are just a group of faceless strangers to him and it would be unseemly to intrude upon his grief, particularly since he is clearly avoiding the media.

Well, you might have a point there Louise. I should give the idea of sending him a card another thought..

[Brown Eyes]

E!News just did another segment on Heath.  This time they focused on Jake and the fact that his movie has now been shut down.  They said in one of the days directly following Heath's death they attempted to shoot one scene, but that it didn't work at all and so now it is shut down.  They also did mention the idea that he's not been seen recently.  And stressed the comment that "he's taking it harder than most."

Again, at this point I don't know what to believe.  But, this is the current reporting from E.

The other thing they focused on was the upcoming scandal-mongering magazine articles apparently planned by both Us and People... focusing on rumors about Heath and drug abuse.  E! did not appear to be endorsing these ideas or rumors... more reporting on these horrible upcoming articles. 



Poor, poor Heath.
 

[RossInIllinois]

You find Jake being upset worse than Heath being dead?

Yes! Heath is Dead and dead is dead.  so lets move along and help the living.

[MaineWriter]

Yes! Heath is Dead and dead is dead.  so lets move along and help the living.

I'm sorry, I don't find that helpful or supportive. I won't be visiting this thread again.

L

[RossInIllinois]

I'm sorry, I don't find that helpful or supportive. I won't be visiting this thread again.

L

By all means don't then.

[Penthesilea]

Please stop bickering with each other, take a step back, perhaps literally: leave your computer for an hour, do something different, then come back and think again about the issue raised here.

Let me try to do a short summary:
It was suggested to try to reach out to Jake, maybe write a condolence card or something silimar, since he seems to take it very hard.

Please think whether you find this thought so much beside the point or in any way disrespectful to Heath.

It's not.

Maybe the words chosen were not the most sensitive, same goes for the one or other response - and suddenly you have people jumping at each other's throats.
Please cut each other some slack. We're all weary, sad and maybe more sensible than in other times.

Try not to dwell on single expressions, we all have times when we choose insensitive words, but don't mean it. Think about the question originally posted and answer to it.

Thank you!

[yb]

I really don't want to get into this again. 

I am concerned about Jake's condition as well, I had posted in the "Jake" thread that Jake's silence made me believe there is a true and deep friendship between Heath and Jake.  However, to word it that Jake's condition is worse than Heath's death is very incosiderate to so many of us who are still mourning and shattered by Heath's death.  Before I went to bed last night, I had thought about requesting the OP to change the wording.

To reiterate my point, I totally agree with the OP that if there's something that can be done to comfort Jake, it should be done.  What I find offensive is just that sentence that managed to cut deeper into our sorrow for Heath's death.

[mouk]

I think it is a nice idea. And it does not mean a choice between Heath OR Jake, the dead (ouch, I still can't get around this) OR the living. We are talking about Heath AND Jake here. No hierarchy of needs. The needs are  simply different. Not forgetting one for the other. Embracing them both in those tragic circumstances.

We will never forget Heath, and for many of us, grieving will go on for a long time. We are sharing our grief and feeling sympathy for each other's pain. Feeling sympathy for Jake's pain as well seems to me only natural. I can't see any disrespect in sending condoleances to a bereaved friend and colleague of Heath. As long as it is via his agent who will decide whether to pass cards on or not, there does not seem to be an invasion of privacy.  

[Berit]

I think it's important to remember that this is not a competition.  In my view it would be a nice gesture to send a card to Jake through his agent but also to Michelle Williams......

I also think that it is important that we handle eachother with respect. It will definatly not help anybody if we hurt eachother with what can be seen like a rude remark. It is important that we take care of eachother....

[Phillip Dampier]

I think it's going to be very hard for us to actually know who is suffering more or less than anyone else because in most instances, we don't personally know them intimately enough to ask and listen.  So we can fall into the same trap of speculation that the media is projecting all over this story.

We should respect not only the tragedy of Heath's passing, but the terrible sense of loss felt by everyone left behind, from those who closely knew and depended on him, to those whose lives were changed because of what he accomplished.  All are important, deeply meaningful, and are worthy of our condolences and as much comfort, support, and understanding as each of us can provide to everyone touched by this terrible event.

The unfortunate consequence of feeling powerless over something like this can often bring feelings of anger, frustration, and sorrow. It's a natural part of the process of grief and recovery. It is wise for us to try and consider that in many cases, those feelings can sometimes be expressed in the tone of messages left here, with all of that pain and anguish. Sometimes it's better to just choose the threads here that speak to your feelings and emotions of the moment, and leave the ones that don't quietly behind for another time.

[Mikaela]

My heart goes out to Jake. 

Nevertheless, I'm not in favour of sending him messages, how ever well intended, at this time.

Here's my reasoning: He's keeping away from the public light. That in itself should tell us a lot about his emotions, but the fact is that currently all we have to go by,are gossip sites quoting each other with the same stories. It's all hearsay, it may be fake in part or in full - and I can't imagine Jake would want anyone to react towards him based on hearsay and gossip mag tales, when he himself is keeping deliberately silent. Also - why do we immediately believe these mags' tales about Jake when we scoff at much that they say about Heath?

I do not at all doubt that Jake has been hit terribly hard by Heath's untimely death. (I've written more about this over last week's time in the "Jake" thread here). But we don't know his feelings in their entirety. He may be blaming himself for not being there enough for Heath, for instance. He may feel the weight on his shoulder of having to represent the icon of "Jack and Ennis" going forward all alone, feel it's difficult to cope with that just now. He may certainly feel his mourning should not upstage that of Heath's family. He could be feeling many things. And who knows whether a condolence card, however well intended, doesn't just add unintentional salt to the sting of his emotions?

Jake knows he has a big fan base, and that they're thinking of him. I'm sure of this.

I'd respect Jake's silence. When he's again communicating, then would be the time to follow his lead and react accordingly, based on what he's saying. Until then we know Jake is part of a tight and loving family circle. He isn't alone. Let him grieve in peace.

[Sandy]

He may certainly feel his mourning should not upstage that of Heath's family.

I agree with this point.  Jack and Ennis shared an intense love, and by all accounts, Jake and Heath shared a close friendship.  With people like that radio presenter (his name escapes me) sampling their words, "..quit you" etc, it may well be that he feels that it is important to stay out of the limelight.  There are many reporters desperate for his statement that he may wish to wait until the furore about the cause of Heath's death has been established.  Then he can make a fitting tribute in memory of Heath, without the ongoing uncertainty.

[souxi]

My heart goes out to Jake. 

Nevertheless, I'm not in favour of sending him messages, how ever well intended, at this time.

Here's my reasoning: He's keeping away from the public light. That in itself should tell us a lot about his emotions, but the fact is that currently all we have to go by,are gossip sites quoting each other with the same stories. It's all hearsay, it may be fake in part or in full - and I can't imagine Jake would want anyone to react towards him based on hearsay and gossip mag tales, when he himself is keeping deliberately silent. Also - why do we immediately believe these mags' tales about Jake when we scoff at much that they say about Heath?

I do not at all doubt that Jake has been hit terribly hard by Heath's untimely death. (I've written more about this over last week's time in the "Jake" thread here). But we don't know his feelings in their entirety. He may be blaming himself for not being there enough for Heath, for instance. He may feel the weight on his shoulder of having to represent the icon of "Jack and Ennis" going forward all alone, feel it's difficult to cope with that just now. He may certainly feel his mourning should not upstage that of Heath's family. He could be feeling many things. And who knows whether a condolence card, however well intended, doesn't just add unintentional salt to the sting of his emotions?

Jake knows he has a big fan base, and that they're thinking of him. I'm sure of this.

I'd respect Jake's silence. When he's again communicating, then would be the time to follow his lead and react accordingly, based on what he's saying. Until then we know Jake is part of a tight and loving family circle. He isn't alone. Let him grieve in peace.

I completly agree with you. When something dreadful like this happens, most peoples natural response is to want to go a person, put their arms around them and hug them. BUT, more often that not, most people simply want to be left alone in a dark room, to collect their thoughts and cry their eyes out in peace, they don,t want people(however well meant) fawning and fussing all over them, it just makes it worse. This would appear to be the case with Jake, and I,m totally with you. He should be left well alone until he,s ready to talk. He may never be, we don,t know. Yes he knows he has fans, and he probably knows we all feel for him, I sure do. He must be heartbroken. Spare a thought for the poor person who had to break the news to him. How the hell do you tell someone their best friend in the whole world just died?   

[nakymaton]

I'd respect Jake's silence. When he's again communicating, then would be the time to follow his lead and react accordingly, based on what he's saying. Until then we know Jake is part of a tight and loving family circle. He isn't alone. Let him grieve in peace.

This is what I will probably do (figuring that Jake's family should be particularly sensitive - after all, Jake's sister has also acted with Heath, and Jake's parents are in the entertainment industry).

But sending cards via Jake's agent probably wouldn't be too intrusive. If Jake doesn't want to hear from fans yet, his agent can hold onto the messages until Jake's ready for them. So if people want to send condolences to Jake (or to Michelle, for that matter), there's a way to do it without being rude.

(The paparazzi and the entertainment magazines, however, should leave Jake alone until he's ready to talk to them. That includes People, whether the story from the unnamed source on the set of Brothers was true or not. The magazines are feeding their own profits, and feeding the curiosity of the fans; they aren't doing anything for the sake of Jake's grief. And yes, I'm aware that I'm focusing the anger stage on the entertainment media...)

[Brown Eyes]

This is what I will probably do (figuring that Jake's family should be particularly sensitive - after all, Jake's sister has also acted with Heath, and Jake's parents are in the entertainment industry).

But sending cards via Jake's agent probably wouldn't be too intrusive. If Jake doesn't want to hear from fans yet, his agent can hold onto the messages until Jake's ready for them. So if people want to send condolences to Jake (or to Michelle, for that matter), there's a way to do it without being rude.

(The paparazzi and the entertainment magazines, however, should leave Jake alone until he's ready to talk to them. That includes People, whether the story from the unnamed source on the set of Brothers was true or not. The magazines are feeding their own profits, and feeding the curiosity of the fans; they aren't doing anything for the sake of Jake's grief. And yes, I'm aware that I'm focusing the anger stage on the entertainment media...)

I think at some point it would be nice, as a community to perhaps send Jake a condolence card (via his agent or something).  But, I think we should wait for a while... just to see what his reactions seem to be as time goes on.  I think it's almost too soon to tell what exactly would be appreciated by Jake in terms of a sympathy message.  In general, though, I think the urge is very good to try to reach out to him in a very non-intrusive way, in time.

[opinionista]

For those interested in sending a note to Jake, here are the addresses. I found them on his website. I don't know if he changed agents but I don't think so.

Agent
Jake Gyllenhaal is represented by:
CAA
9830 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, California
90212-1825

Fan Mail
Please send fan mail to:
Jake Gyllenhaal
c/o CAA
9830 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, California
90212-1825

[Scott6373]

Why is there something that vaguely bothers me about this discussion?

[RossInIllinois]

I completly agree with you. When something dreadful like this happens, most peoples natural response is to want to go a person, put their arms around them and hug them. BUT, more often that not, most people simply want to be left alone in a dark room, to collect their thoughts and cry their eyes out in peace, they don,t want people(however well meant) fawning and fussing all over them, it just makes it worse. This would appear to be the case with Jake, and I,m totally with you. He should be left well alone until he,s ready to talk. He may never be, we don,t know. Yes he knows he has fans, and he probably knows we all feel for him, I sure do. He must be heartbroken. Spare a thought for the poor person who had to break the news to him. How the hell do you tell someone their best friend in the whole world just died?   

Because Scott,  its this type of thinking/mentality that may have caused Heaths Death in the first place. When people feel alone (and are left alone)  bad things can happen folks.

[opinionista]

Because Scott,  its this type of thinking/mentality that may have caused Heaths Death in the first place. When people feel alone (and are left alone)  bad things can happen folks.

I agree with you. However, I don't think Jake is alone. From what I have seen in the media, he seems to have a close knit family so I'm sure they are keeping an eye on him. In any case, he has been seen with Reese Witherspoon after Heath's death so, I think he'll be fine. However, sending a condolence card via his agent is not a bad idea, (I think).

[souxi]

I agree with you. However, I don't think Jake is alone. From what I have seen in the media, he seems to have a close knit family so I'm sure they are keeping an eye on him. In any case, he has been seen with Reese Witherspoon after Heath's death so, I think he'll be fine. However, sending a condolence card via his agent is not a bad idea, (I think).

Poor Jake. Makes you just wanna hug him doesn,t it?

[RossInIllinois]

I agree with you. However, I don't think Jake is alone. From what I have seen in the media, he seems to have a close knit family so I'm sure they are keeping an eye on him. In any case, he has been seen with Reese Witherspoon after Heath's death so, I think he'll be fine. However, sending a condolence card via his agent is not a bad idea, (I think).

That's all im trying to say here.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Why is there something that vaguely bothers me about this discussion?

Makes me a little uneasy, too, Scott.

[RossInIllinois]

Im sorry but what does all this have to do with sending Jake G a little support from Bettermost?

[Jeff Wrangler]

Im sorry but what does all this have to do with sending Jake G a little support from Bettermost?

I think it's nice for fans to want to be supportive of Jake. But some of the posts on this thread lead me to be concerned that assumptions are being made that may not have a basis in reality. Better, in my opinion, to wait for him to make a statement--and if he already has and I've just missed it, I apologize.

[ptannen]

Please ... take a step back, perhaps literally: leave your computer for an hour, do something different, then come back and think again about the issue raised here.

...

Please cut each other some slack. We're all weary, sad and maybe more sensible than in other times.

Thank you!

I totally agree and thank you for posting this, Chrissi.

Pete

[RossInIllinois]

So then If you don't agree with a thread why not just pass it up like I do in here? Why try to hijack it or change its original meaning and further ice it with negitivity?

[RossInIllinois]

For those interested in sending a note to Jake, here are the addresses. I found them on his website. I don't know if he changed agents but I don't think so.

Agent
Jake Gyllenhaal is represented by:
CAA
9830 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, California
90212-1825

Fan Mail
Please send fan mail to:
Jake Gyllenhaal
c/o CAA
9830 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, California
90212-1825

Thank you so much for posting this information. 

[ifyoucantfixit]

          I have been wondering how to say anything that is of benefit.. I dont very often like
centering on myself.  I have posted mostly my interests, and likes and dislikes.  But i am not
sure what else that needs to be said.  There are times when i feel like the most important
thing i am, is what i do.  Not who i am.
          I have many strong opinions, some popular and some not.  Just like anyone else.  I have
never been shy about telling those.  I have always tried to be honest and at the same time,
to be kind and considerate.  I think that the world and our communities function better when'
opinions are expressed and decried.  It is how we reach a norm....Be patient i am going to
have a point here eventually.  However I dont think that the laws of discourse are ever meant
to allow attacks and anger when two parties that on ordinary subjects agree..When they finally
find and issue on which they do not agree.  The rules and regulations of propriety require that
we dont snipe and snark at each other in these times.  If we as true believers in a certain
thought and like mindedness cannot treat each other with kindness and respect.  Then how
can we ever expect that of arch enemies. 
       This most difficult of times, has seemingly started to creat such division and anger as
to cause serious harm to this place we all call home.
       It seems to me that there are those that have aneed to show that they are the most grevious.
In the most pain, and have the greatest loss.  There is no way you can measure such a thing.
everyone feels what they feel, and it is all valid.  To discount anothers grief at the showing of
your own is meanspirited.  To discount other peoples ideas about how to express that grief
summarily and offhanded.. is also condescending and rude.  I personally think we should all
be willing to accept that all others in this Brokeback Mountain universe are suffering, and in that
suffering, should be allowed to be fostered and cared for in the same way that we would wish
to be fostered and cared for during this most difficult of times.  Lets try to be understanding and
caring..Instead of sniping and hurtful...              its just my opinion......but its how i feel

                          Heath/Ennis            Jake/Jack          Brokeback Mountain
                                         " A love that lasts forever"

[RossInIllinois]

          I have been wondering how to say anything that is of benefit.. I dont very often like
centering on myself.  I have posted mostly my interests, and likes and dislikes.  But i am not
sure what else that needs to be said.  There are times when i feel like the most important
thing i am, is what i do.  Not who i am.
          I have many strong opinions, some popular and some not.  Just like anyone else.  I have
never been shy about telling those.  I have always tried to be honest and at the same time,
to be kind and considerate.  I think that the world and our communities function better when'
opinions are expressed and decried.  It is how we reach a norm....Be patient i am going to
have a point here eventually.  However I dont think that the laws of discourse are ever meant
to allow attacks and anger when two parties that on ordinary subjects agree..When they finally
find and issue on which they do not agree.  The rules and regulations of propriety require that
we dont snipe and snark at each other in these times.  If we as true believers in a certain
thought and like mindedness cannot treat each other with kindness and respect.  Then how
can we ever expect that of arch enemies. 
       This most difficult of times, has seemingly started to creat such division and anger as
to cause serious harm to this place we all call home.
       It seems to me that there are those that have aneed to show that they are the most grevious.
In the most pain, and have the greatest loss.  There is no way you can measure such a thing.
everyone feels what they feel, and it is all valid.  To discount anothers grief at the showing of
your own is meanspirited.  To discount other peoples ideas about how to express that grief
summarily and offhanded.. is also condescending and rude.  I personally think we should all
be willing to accept that all others in this Brokeback Mountain universe are suffering, and in that
suffering, should be allowed to be fostered and cared for in the same way that we would wish
to be fostered and cared for during this most difficult of times.  Lets try to be understanding and
caring..Instead of sniping and hurtful...              its just my opinion......but its how i feel

                          Heath/Ennis            Jake/Jack          Brokeback Mountain
                                         " A love that lasts forever"

Who is sniping? And who is speaking there truth? And who makes any one person judge and jury here?  It's for this reason I just skip over threads I don't agree with.

[louisev]

I think it is possible that making any kind of gesture to Jake, even if it is a condolence card to his agency - is a bit presumptuous, and that is why it feels a litle "weird" to me too.  Would we send one to Maggie? to Christian Bale, who was his co-star on "Dark Knight"?  how about Christopher Plummer, his co-star on "Imaginarium" or Abbie Cornish, his co-star on "Candy" or Sienna Miller, his co-star in "Casanova", all more recent than Brokeback? Put into that context- that they were co-stars AND FRIENDS, which Plummer and Bale certainly counted Heath as a friend, it seems mildly silly to send a condolence to them since we are not friends of theirs nor know them.

I think the implication is somehow that assuming a special friendship, or a "special friendship" because of the exaggerated idea we may have of how important Heath was to Jake, is somewhat inappropriate.  They weren't living together as lovers, nor can we assume that he was any closer to Heath than his many other co-stars.  I think that is the weird thing, and I don't think any gesture of condolence to Jake would really be of any greater utility than the one we made that is photographed in our banner.

[Jeff Wrangler]

So then If you don't agree with a thread why not just pass it up like I do in here? Why try to hijack it or change its original meaning and further ice it with negitivity?

Nobody has tried to hijack anything. This is a public forum and Scott and I have just expressed our opinions.

Edit: To eliminate a snarky comment, for which I apologize.

[Jeff Wrangler]

I think it is possible that making any kind of gesture to Jake, even if it is a condolence card to his agency - is a bit presumptuous, and that is why it feels a litle "weird" to me too.  Would we send one to Maggie? to Christian Bale, who was his co-star on "Dark Knight"?  how about Christopher Plummer, his co-star on "Imaginarium" or Abbie Cornish, his co-star on "Candy" or Sienna Miller, his co-star in "Casanova", all more recent than Brokeback? Put into that context- that they were co-stars AND FRIENDS, which Plummer and Bale certainly counted Heath as a friend, it seems mildly silly to send a condolence to them since we are not friends of theirs nor know them.

I think the implication is somehow that assuming a special friendship, or a "special friendship" because of the exaggerated idea we may have of how important Heath was to Jake, is somewhat inappropriate.  They weren't living together as lovers, nor can we assume that he was any closer to Heath than his many other co-stars.  I think that is the weird thing, and I don't think any gesture of condolence to Jake would really be of any greater utility than the one we made that is photographed in our banner.

Thank you, Louise. Very well expressed.

[Shakesthecoffecan]

True, Heath had many friends, Jake being special to us and obvious on our radar because of the movie, because too of his absense from the fray, (good for him). 

My view: do what make you feel good. If it is sending a card to Jake, do so. If it is sending flowers to Neil Bell, do so. All are positive things and the world responds well to the positive I have found. I know we have all had some emotional times of late, but please folks, let not our words toward one another become daggers. None of us will agree on everything, none of us has to do what the other one thinks we should. Read what people are saying, then decide what you think and feel.

[RossInIllinois]

I think it is possible that making any kind of gesture to Jake, even if it is a condolence card to his agency - is a bit presumptuous, and that is why it feels a litle "weird" to me too.  Would we send one to Maggie? to Christian Bale, who was his co-star on "Dark Knight"?  how about Christopher Plummer, his co-star on "Imaginarium" or Abbie Cornish, his co-star on "Candy" or Sienna Miller, his co-star in "Casanova", all more recent than Brokeback? Put into that context- that they were co-stars AND FRIENDS, which Plummer and Bale certainly counted Heath as a friend, it seems mildly silly to send a condolence to them since we are not friends of theirs nor know them.

I think the implication is somehow that assuming a special friendship, or a "special friendship" because of the exaggerated idea we may have of how important Heath was to Jake, is somewhat inappropriate.  They weren't living together as lovers, nor can we assume that he was any closer to Heath than his many other co-stars.  I think that is the weird thing, and I don't think any gesture of condolence to Jake would really be of any greater utility than the one we made that is photographed in our banner.

Ahh No, The reason why it isn't "weird" is because this Forum is dedicated to one thing, Brokeback Mountain. So hence we support Jake G who is reported to be in great disterss,... Get it Now?  If this forum would also like to send Michelle a card in support or any other person related to Brokeback thats great also. Its about Brokeback folks. Nothing wierd about it.

[delalluvia]

This thread is titled "Everyone Please Read", so I guess this was an invitation by the OP to read this thread and people feel like posting their opinions good and bad once they read it.  If the OP didn't want naysayers to post an opinion, perhaps that should have been in the wording of the original post?

Just a thought.

So, I'm posting my opinion.  While standing in the line at the dry cleaners, I heard a line from the song "Rhinestone Cowboy"

"...getting cards and letters from people I don't even know..."

Grieving is a personal thing and I can't imagine Jake is ever going to sit there and open hundreds of sympathy cards from flat-out strangers that will pretty much just make him relive his grief over and over.  He might/maybe/possibly  someday in the far future, but [shrug] who knows?  Just my 2 cents.
 

[RossInIllinois]

This thread is titled "Everyone Please Read", so I guess this was an invitation by the OP to read this thread and people feel like posting their opinions good and bad once they read it.  If the OP didn't want naysayers to post an opinion, perhaps that should have been in the wording of the original post?

Just a thought.

So, I'm posting my opinion.  While standing in the line at the dry cleaners, I heard a line from the song "Rhinestone Cowboy"

"...getting cards and letters from people I don't even know..."

Grieving is a personal thing and I can't imagine Jake is ever going to sit there and open hundreds of sympathy cards from flat-out strangers that will pretty much just make him relive his grief over and over.  He might/maybe/possibly  someday in the far future, but [shrug] who knows?  Just my 2 cents.
 

So then what is the difference of Heaths family getting all sorts of condolences from strangers such as the one from BetterMost Forum? How can you discriminate between the two?  I can't.

[Brown Eyes]

I agree that the reason BetterMost would reach out to Jake (and not necessarily other actors Heath worked with in other movies) is because this is a Brokeback site.  Also, since Jake is Matilda's godfather he seems to have a particularly significant/permanent tie to Heath/Michelle/Matilda compared to other actors Heath worked with in the past.

My feeling is that it might be wise to wait and see how things go (in terms of Jake emerging onto the public scene more... or making a statement) before  any kind of condolence card or gesture is sent to Jake.  I very much like the idea in principal.  Honestly, how could he not appreciate a tasteful and heartfelt expression of sympathy for the loss of a friend (as long as it's done non-intrusively and tastefully)?  My sense is that Jake would be very touched.

But, it does seem prudent to wait to get a better sense of what's going on with Jake at the moment.

[delalluvia]

So then what is the difference of Heaths family getting all sorts of condolences from strangers such as the one from BetterMost Forum? How can you discriminate between the two?  I can't.

I don't believe I ever said I was behind that either...

Having lost a close family member, I remember being touched by an e-mail I got from a co-worker some time after the death.  He knew when I went back to work, many people would be offering me sympathy and wanting to know what happened and he believed it would be difficult for me to keep talking about it and talking about it  (like Lureen in BBM) so soon after the event.  So he decided to wait to offer me his sympathy.

He was right.

While I was grateful for everyone's immediate sympathy, it was difficult and very emotionally trying for me, but I couldn't exactly turn them away, now could I?

[shrug]

Like I said, just MO.

[Shasta542]

True, Heath had many friends, Jake being special to us and obvious on our radar because of the movie, because too of his absense from the fray, (good for him). 

My view: do what make you feel good. If it is sending a card to Jake, do so. If it is sending flowers to Neil Bell, do so. All are positive things and the world responds well to the positive I have found. I know we have all had some emotional times of late, but please folks, let not our words toward one another become daggers. None of us will agree on everything, none of us has to do what the other one thinks we should. Read what people are saying, then decide what you think and feel.

Agreed.

Also--a lot of the things we do when we are grieving--- we do to make ourselves feel better -- in the hopes that it also consoles those we reach out to.That sounds selfish, I guess, but I don't see it that way. It's human nature to seek comfort in times of sadness.

I know if it is something that is done as a community, then we have to come to some kind of consensus. But if you are doing something as a personal/individual outreach -- that's each person's own call.

Aside  **I sent a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address shown for Jake requesting a picture of Jake with his dogs (this was not that long after the movie had come out) and I got no reply whatsoever. I know he has "people" who manage his fan mail, but obviously they don't give attention to all of it. So--you know--how many cards would actually get through?

[louisev]

So then what is the difference of Heaths family getting all sorts of condolences from strangers such as the one from BetterMost Forum? How can you discriminate between the two?  I can't.

we already offered that condolence in the form that strangers (and friends alike) did, in an obit notice.  And it isnt about us - it's about Jake, so the fact that Jake is 'more meaningful to us' doesn't make our condolences more meaningful to HIM.

[Scott6373]

While I was grateful for everyone's immediate sympathy, it was difficult and very emotionally trying for me, but I couldn't exactly turn them away, now could I?

Your words ring far too true and far too fresh

[Brown Eyes]

we already offered that condolence in the form that strangers (and friends alike) did, in an obit notice.  And it isnt about us - it's about Jake, so the fact that Jake is 'more meaningful to us' doesn't make our condolences more meaningful to HIM.

I think maybe on this issue some of us are just going to have to agree to disagree.  This probably has a lot to do with how we each understand grief... or how we would each personally like to be comforted in a time of grief.  I personally do think that Jake would understand why it was significant and meaningful to receive a message of sympathy from some of his most devoted Brokeback fans.  I still think it would be a lovely gesture.  But, again, this may be a very personal area (understanding expressions of grief and sympathy) where arguing with one another won't get us very far.

[delalluvia]

While I was grateful for everyone's immediate sympathy, it was difficult and very emotionally trying for me, but I couldn't exactly turn them away, now could I?

Your words ring far too true and far too fresh

In a way, I'm thinking that's kind of what Jake is doing.  He's doing what most of us can't in the same situation, isolating himself as best he can so he doesn't have to deal with the constant offers of sympathy from well-meaning people in the streets or via a microphone or camera shoved in his face.

[Phillip Dampier]

Gosh, in the amount of time it is taking to thrash this issue out, those people who feel it appropriate to send Jake a card which may or may not be seen by him could have put it in the mail, and those who either feel it's not appropriate or not the right time could move on to something else.  I'm watching the post-debate coverage on television right now and the relentless back and forth over what everything means gets wearying and repetitive (and Pat Buchanan is shouting again).  So I suspect we already have enough adding two cents here to make a dollar or two.

Do what works for you!

[Brown Eyes]

(and Pat Buchanan is shouting again)

  Somehow this little phrase just strikes me as hilarious.  Thanks for the chuckle Mayor. 

[serious crayons]

I don't think sending him a card does any harm. I can't imagine he'd be hurt or offended or bothered by it.

On the other hand, I don't think receiving condolences from strangers -- however well-meaning we are and however much we love Jake -- is going to make a huge difference in his outlook. He knows he has fans -- and knows, I'm sure, about the existence of BetterMost (and DC and imdb and ej, etc.). He knows his fans care about him, and care about Heath. I agree with those who've said the most valuable condolences come from people who either knew the deceased person, or who know you, the bereaved.

He's probably getting cards and letters and maybe flowers and gifts from people all over the world. They're probably being opened by an assistant. If we were to send something, I wouldn't be confident that he'd even personally see it.

In other words, I'd say anyone who would fee better sending him a card should do so. But I do think it's more about the sender feeling better than the recipient.

[ifyoucantfixit]

       Sorry for the lack of sentance punctuation and construct in my large post.  I was just typing
in a free thought process.
 
         I agree, If it is sent to a place he normally gets mail from.  They will forward it at the appropiate
time i am sure.  When he is ready to deal with it.

[ifyoucantfixit]

Gosh, in the amount of time it is taking to thrash this issue out, those people who feel it appropriate to send Jake a card which may or may not be seen by him could have put it in the mail, and those who either feel it's not appropriate or not the right time could move on to something else.  I'm watching the post-debate coverage on television right now and the relentless back and forth over what everything means gets wearying and repetitive (and Pat Buchanan is shouting again).  So I suspect we already have enough adding two cents here to make a dollar or two.

Do what works for you!

                                    AMEN      !!!!!!

[Jeff Wrangler]

In other words, I'd say anyone who would fee better sending him a card should do so. But I do think it's more about the sender feeling better than the recipient.

Indeed. If it will help you to feel better to make the gesture, by all means do it. It can do no harm.

Many things that are done in the wake of a death, things I have seen done on this site, have more to do with the people left behind than they do with the deceased.

[RossInIllinois]

Indeed. If it will help you to feel better to make the gesture, by all means do it. It can do no harm.

Many things that are done in the wake of a death, things I have seen done on this site, have more to do with the people left behind than they do with the deceased.

Just to much Drama and "soap boxing" in this forum for my tastes. 

[Pipedream]

Gosh, in the amount of time it is taking to thrash this issue out, those people who feel it appropriate to send Jake a card which may or may not be seen by him could have put it in the mail, and those who either feel it's not appropriate or not the right time could move on to something else.  I'm watching the post-debate coverage on television right now and the relentless back and forth over what everything means gets wearying and repetitive (and Pat Buchanan is shouting again).  So I suspect we already have enough adding two cents here to make a dollar or two.

Do what works for you!

Thank you, Phillip!