stong relationships

[forsythia12]

hey, i thought i'd give this a try.  since the divorce rate is so high now, and there's thousands of break-ups everyday, i was wondering what things keep a relationship together.  i know there are lot's of components to a "good" relationship, and the options i listed are most likey of equal importance, but i was curious as to what is MOST important to you.
feel free to elaborate on your answer, or tell me what i've missed.
thanks
leigh-ann (forsythia)

[dot-matrix]

I said all of the above because I think each element is very important, but that said, I think trust is paramount.

and  "Hi" Leigh-Ann welcome to Bettermost great idea for a poll!

[opinionista]

I think relationships aren't good or bad. To me it is an experience in which sometimes you have a good time, and sometimes you don't. It depends on how you look at it. There are people who are in abusive relationships and think it is successful because they managed to stay together despite the fights, the beatings and the neglecting. And there are people who think their relationships were a failure because it didn't last eventhough they were loved, respected and had fun most of the time.

I know the general idea is that the definition of a good relationship is the one that lasts a long time. I think that is wrong. A short relationship is not necessarily a bad relationship or a failed one. I have had several relationship that didn't last for a wide range of reasons. However, I don't think they were bad. I felt loved, I had a good time, I learned something. Obviously not everything was fun, and maybe it was best if they didn't last but what matters to me is what I learned from them. Some even blossomed into wonderful friendships.

My grandparents were married 55 years. A lot of people thought theirs was an good example of a good relationship because they never divorced. I didn't think so. They practically hated each other. It was the relationship from hell. I am actually glad my mother was wiser than my grandmother and put an end to her marriage to my father before things got really bad. I know there are many people out there who are able to keep a good relationship for a long time, I am glad for them. But I also suspect that's not very common.

[Kelda]

for me its being comfortable being myself around Callum - and he makes me laugh.

[David In Indy]

Commitment. Because at some point this will be one of the few things that will keep you together. Things like sexual attraction and passion/romance often lose their fire over a period of time. Commitment is very important from the jump start of the relationship.

[delalluvia]

Trust, IMO, is the most important.  If you don't have it, none of the other qualities mean very much.

[Artiste]

I placed all of the above. And I would add much more too!!

To me, we must not forget that there are MANY DIFFERENT KINDS of relationships!!

Good thread... interesting!! May it keep on a very long time. I feel that we NEED it!!

More later... since I must rush to create my painting and do my chores too.

Hugs!!

[Brown Eyes]

Great poll Friend!  I actually picked "friendship" because I feel like that encompasses some of the other things like "respect" and "comfort."  And, the more I think about it, the more I realize that a baseline element of friendship is really crucial for me in a relationship.

[forsythia12]

thanks again for the responses everyone.
it's interesting.  most people picked comfort, trust, commitment, etc....vs. sexual attraction and passion; however, it's those things that often times lead us into affairs, once some of those elments start to fade in our current relationships.  although, sexual, or romantic elements aren't things that hold a relationship together, often it is what attracted us to that person in the beginning, and the disolusion of it can make us stray.
sometimes the "comfort" can be too comfortable.
so.......any opinions on how to keep all the elements alive ......after a long time being together?
if anyone has been in a long relationship.....how have you made it work?

[Brown Eyes]

if anyone has been in a long relationship.....how have you made it work?

This is a really good question... because I've never been in a long-term relationship.   So, I'd surely like to know.

[delalluvia]

This is a really good question... because I've never been in a long-term relationship.   So, I'd surely like to know.

I think we need to define "long".  I'm a serial long-term relationship person.  I rarely find anyone I like/am attracted to who is attracted back, so once I do, we almost always click and the relationship stretches to years before it all falls apart.

[Artiste]

I like this thread.

Maybe now we can have another similar one SAME TIME:
one which separates males, even gays;

and, also one for females, even lesbians;

just an idea!!

Maybe such a survey could tell us something??

Hugs!!

[forsythia12]

yeah, i don't know what a "long" relationship is.  i've been married for 7 years, (as of march 24th), and we've been together for 9....so i guess that's long....but everyone is different.
i'm just curious about what makes a relationship tick....or work.....for an extended period of time.  a relationship that's been tested and true.
my marriage is strong....but i wanted some other opinions.
i'll give mine on another day, but until then, any thoughts?
how does one keep it alive?
stay faithfull?
keep the fire?
stay in love?
be best friends?
keep the desire?

[Katie77]

Hi....my husband and I celebrated our 39th wedding anniversary a couple of days ago.

I dont consider myself an expert on relationships but here are a few things that I feel have contributed to my long marriage.

Compatability.....having plenty of interests in common with each other...we have always followed the same sports and watched them together, we have always enjoyed doing things together and would think of going to sport events, or social events with each other before we would even think of going with anyone else. Even in a group, we still kept our partnership and each others needs a priority.

Sense of humour....laugh a lot and laugh together.....realize when something is said as a joke and dont take it seriously and get upset with it.

Communication......talk things out honestly....be prepared to hear things you might not like hearing about yourself and sort out problems without yelling and arguing.....but have an opinion and make sure it is discussed.

Trust and understanding....dont be jealous of your partners friends whether they are of the same sex or the opposite sex.....they do need other people to communicate with, socialize with and enjoy spending time with. It doesnt mean they like or love them more than they love you, they should be allowed to feel comfortable with other people and  not think that you dont trust them.

Accept things that you yourself might think is odd, or a little over the top....even though we are partners, doesnt mean that we cant accept some differences...I think I have my BBM obsession in mind here. I know my husband wonders what the bloody hell got me so involved in a movie, but he understands, and doesnt make fun of it, and he knows that I would not tolerate him making fun of it.

Romance....of course.....and that goes thru different stages as the relationship develops......I think the important thing is to make your partner feel attractive and sexy...I often say, "my husband still looks at me like I am still the 17 yr old that he married"....he make me feel special and he lets me know I make him feel special.

Well, I guess thats whats made it work for us.....of course over a period of 39 years, we have had a few rough spots, but we worked out way through them, we have raised two boys and had plenty of problems with them, but we seemed to get stronger with adversity rather than let it weaken us. Familly is the most important thing to both of us and we always stand by each other, and stand up for each other.

[forsythia12]

 thanks katie.  that was really inspiring and i appreciate your comments.