telling people off

[forsythia12]

Remember when jack tore right into L.D. newsome?
Remember when cassie gave ennis a piece of her mind?
Or alma confronting ennis about his 'fishing trips'?

are you one for telling people off when you've had enough?
are you confrontational or does it take a long time to reach your limit before you explode?
do you let things just pass, or are you one of the first people to say something?

got any good stories of a time when you told someone 'where to go'?

[forsythia12]

omg this thread is very lonely.  i guess i'll reply to my own question
for me, whenever something happens, or someone pisses me off, it takes me like hours to figure out a comeback, or my side of the story.  it really sucks.  by the time i think of what i'm going to say, the topic is dead or over.  i wish i could think on my feet better, but i usually feel unsure about my thoughts until it's too late  if i were jack at the table with L.D.,  i probably wouldn've came up with that comeback the next day.....and done it in a letter or something.

i would be more like cassie or alma, who had quite some time to think about how hurt they were, and what they wanted to say if given the chance with ennis.
needless to say, i'm not good at arguments, especially if it's with someone i don't know very well.
if someone is really rude, like a cashier, i usually don't say anything, and then it sits in my head all day and i think how pissed i really am.....
anyone else this pathetic, or do you speak your mind in a timely manner?

my husband has got the temperment of a saint.  yes, he's blown up at me over silly stuff once in a while, but usually he's very patient, and doesn't let things bother him like i do.  he's also not one to confront...he just let's it slide off his back so easy.  i wish i was more like that because i know that i let things bother me to much, and to top it off, i don't do anything about it.

 

[forsythia12]

Okay, I'll bite.  I used to have a fair amount of strife in my everyday life, and then 2 things happened.

(1) I attended a workshop on how to be a better communicator.
(2) My husband and I attended a weekend relationship workshop that (and I do not exaggerate) saved our marriage.

Some of the groundrules of the workshop were that you can never lash out in anger or criticize.  If you have a gripe, you have to ask your significant other to clear time for you (within 24 hours), and then there is a very specific kind of dialogue that is allowed.  It gets past the anger into the hurt beneath and brings out the empathy of your other rather than defensiveness.  It really works when you stick to it.  And amazingly there turn out to be not that many things worth going through this process for, so most of the time you just get along.  The only time we argue these days is when we forget what we have learned.

The workshop was based on the teachings of Harville Hendrix, and our workshop was conducted by someone named Rick Brown.  His web site is www.rickbrown.org.  He is pretty well known.  Check it out.

But back to your question, my natural state is to be quick to anger and to take things personally.  It has taken a lot of work to get past that.  And sometimes I regress, especially when something seems unfair or unjust.

thanks for that susiebk.  that was usefull......and i'm glad you decided to post.

[Katie77]

I worked in customer service as a loans officer for a credit union for 10 years and we did several courses on how to handle customers.

One of the main things we learned was to stay calm and supportive if a customer was angry.
At times it was very difficult, but once the other person realized that it was a one sided yelling match, they soon settled down, and became reasonable, sometimes even feeling a bit foolish for their outburst.

In my normal life, I find that I am more angry and outspoken if I am defending members of my family or my friends, more than if I am defending myself. Sometimes I just show a subtle type of anger....a look, or a few heavy words then walk away.I think I use the "make THEM feel guilty" approach.

Of course there are times where I can swear worse than a sailor, and reach decibles that would crack a window, but as I've got older, these are fewer and far between now.

[forsythia12]

I worked in customer service as a loans officer for a credit union for 10 years and we did several courses on how to handle customers.

One of the main things we learned was to stay calm and supportive if a customer was angry.
At times it was very difficult, but once the other person realized that it was a one sided yelling match, they soon settled down, and became reasonable, sometimes even feeling a bit foolish for their outburst.

In my normal life, I find that I am more angry and outspoken if I am defending members of my family or my friends, more than if I am defending myself. Sometimes I just show a subtle type of anger....a look, or a few heavy words then walk away.I think I use the "make THEM feel guilty" approach.

Of course there are times where I can swear worse than a sailor, and reach decibles that would crack a window, but as I've got older, these are fewer and far between now.

yeah, i can relate to a lot of what you say. i can definately be quick to anger, but a lot of the time i'm kicking myself for not saying something at the time of the incident.  i don't mean blowing my stack over everything, but i tend to swallow what i'm feeling, and walk away, or stay silent. 

[CellarDweller]

Normally, I'm very patient, but if pushed or treated rudely by someone, I can get very nasty.

I once said something very mean to an old woman who cut me in line at the grocery store.

[mvansand76]

Hey Forsythia,
can we move this thread to Bettermost People forum?

Mel
(mod of Bettermost People)

[forsythia12]

Hey Forsythia,
can we move this thread to Bettermost People forum?

Mel
(mod of Bettermost People)

sure enough friend!

[souxi]

Remember when jack tore right into L.D. newsome?
Remember when cassie gave ennis a piece of her mind?
Or alma confronting ennis about his 'fishing trips'?

are you one for telling people off when you've had enough?
are you confrontational or does it take a long time to reach your limit before you explode?
do you let things just pass, or are you one of the first people to say something?

got any good stories of a time when you told someone 'where to go'?

Right I,ve been asked to reply so I will lol.
I told some rude cow where to go on the phone once. She rang up and wanted to speak to my husband about a "private and confidential matter". So I asked her who she was and what it was about and she repeated herself. I informed her that as I was his wife she could tell me, she still wouldn,t so I told her to get stuffed and put the phone down.
Many many years ago, I discovered my boyfriend was cheating on me. I actually met the cow in a club we went too. She came storming up to me and started a big row, so I stood up and slapped her right round the face, so hard I sent her flying over a table. She didnt, come near me again lol.
Now having said all THAT, you probably won,t beleive me when I say I,m actually very easy going lol, but I honestly am, it,s just that if something or someone riles me, I loose my temper big time. I can,t help it. In my house I,m the one who wears the pointy hat. (witch). 
And I,m sorry to say, and I,m sure you,ve all noticed lol, if someone upsets me on Bm, (no names or specific threads mentioned lol) I simply HAVE to tell them what I think. Yes I know it,ll get deleted and I,ll get yet another smack on the wrist and sent to the bad girl corner, but I,m a big girl I can take it lol. 
If ever a fuss needs to be made about something, for example a complaint about something, it,s always big mouth, (ME) who has to do it. I write endless letters of complain,t I send LONG rambling emails of complaint, only if I have a genuine reason to complain I might add. I don,t do this sort of thing ALL the time lol.
I shout and swear at other drivers. Well it REALLY winds me up BIG time when the stooopid morons don,t indicate. I mean I,m NOT clairyvoyant you know. Indicators are there for a reason, to tell other road users what direction your going on. My God I do shout at people in my car lol.
All my sons mates are terrified of me, they think I,m "well scary" lol. I,ve been told I have a glare that could kill you. 
Re the grocery store Cellar, I,m the same. I can,t STAND useless parents who let their brat kids run around the store, bash into your trolley and then have the damn cheek to blame you!! ffs if they controlled their little brats properly it wouldn,t happen would it. grrrrrrr. 
Errrrm I think that,s all for now. I,ll post some more when I think of something lol. 

[CellarDweller]

Re the grocery store Cellar, I,m the same. I can,t STAND useless parents who let their brat kids run around the store, bash into your trolley and then have the damn cheek to blame you!! ffs if they controlled their little brats properly it wouldn,t happen would it. grrrrrrr. 

lmao!


Well, my issue at the grocery store wasn't with a woman and her child.  It was with an older woman, and I'll tell the story, but you can't hold it against me.


It was a rather mean comment to make.



Well, I was on line for the customer service desk.  I was looking for a particular item, and needed to know where it was.  So this little old woman starts to walk to me....and she's got this crabby look on her face.  She walks over, and proceeds to step in front of me (and the people behind me).

Now, I am not one of those people who treasures their space in line.  If she was in a hurry, or was not feeling well, or whatever, I would have gladly let her step in front of me, if she had the manners to ask.  She didn't even address me, she just stepped in front of me.

So I looked at her, and said "Excuse me, but the end of the line is back there." and pointed to the other end of the line. 

She turned to me (still looking crabby) and said, "I can do whatever I want, I'm old.  I'm going before you."

 

I thought to myself "Oh honey, you picked the wrong person to fuck with." and I promptly stepped in front of her, turned to her, and said, "The only thing you are going to do before me, is die."

I can't quite describe the look on her face.......

[Kelda]

lmao!


Well, my issue at the grocery store wasn't with a woman and her child.  It was with an older woman, and I'll tell the story, but you can't hold it against me.


It was a rather mean comment to make.



Well, I was on line for the customer service desk.  I was looking for a particular item, and needed to know where it was.  So this little old woman starts to walk to me....and she's got this crabby look on her face.  She walks over, and proceeds to step in front of me (and the people behind me).

Now, I am not one of those people who treasures their space in line.  If she was in a hurry, or was not feeling well, or whatever, I would have gladly let her step in front of me, if she had the manners to ask.  She didn't even address me, she just stepped in front of me.

So I looked at her, and said "Excuse me, but the end of the line is back there." and pointed to the other end of the line. 

She turned to me (still looking crabby) and said, "I can do whatever I want, I'm old.  I'm going before you."

 

I thought to myself "Oh honey, you picked the wrong person to fuck with." and I promptly stepped in front of her, turned to her, and said, "The only thing you are going to do before me, is die."

I can't quite describe the look on her face.......

Evil.. but she deserved it.

[mvansand76]

lmao!


Well, my issue at the grocery store wasn't with a woman and her child.  It was with an older woman, and I'll tell the story, but you can't hold it against me.


It was a rather mean comment to make.



Well, I was on line for the customer service desk.  I was looking for a particular item, and needed to know where it was.  So this little old woman starts to walk to me....and she's got this crabby look on her face.  She walks over, and proceeds to step in front of me (and the people behind me).

Now, I am not one of those people who treasures their space in line.  If she was in a hurry, or was not feeling well, or whatever, I would have gladly let her step in front of me, if she had the manners to ask.  She didn't even address me, she just stepped in front of me.

So I looked at her, and said "Excuse me, but the end of the line is back there." and pointed to the other end of the line. 

She turned to me (still looking crabby) and said, "I can do whatever I want, I'm old.  I'm going before you."

 

I thought to myself "Oh honey, you picked the wrong person to fuck with." and I promptly stepped in front of her, turned to her, and said, "The only thing you are going to do before me, is die."

I can't quite describe the look on her face.......

Ooooooooooooh evillllll indeed...... but I love it! 

[forsythia12]

omg souxi and cedar dweller i'm SO GLAD you joined the thread!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

please feel free to post again!

[Katie77]

Oh Chucky........that was wicked........

[delalluvia]

That was evil.

Inspired, but evil.

The irresistable force meeting the immovable object. 

I'm fairly low key myself.  You have to be a complete overbearing asshole for me to give you whatall.  But I don't yell or jump up and down, I just cut to the bone with very apt jab.  In fact, I'm so good with keeping myself under control, people are shocked and react very badly when I do lose it.  They apparently don't think I deserve to lash out.

[Artiste]

Interesting thread! Or is it inter-testing?? May I smile and make a joke!

Maybe it becomes: inter-resting!! You have to rest after being tested or after testing someone willingly or not??

I just wonder as to WHY Alma waited so long to tell Jack off and not before that Thanskgiving scene!!  Can someone reply to that?

Au revoir,

hugs!

[Katie77]

I just wonder as to WHY Alma waited so long to tell Jack off and not before that Thanskgiving scene!!  Can someone reply to that?

Au revoir,

hugs!

She knew what kind of reaction she was going to get if she ever confronted Ennis, so she was unlikely to do it when she was still married to him.

Here she had the chance, probably the first time since the divorce to be one on one with Ennis, but still with the protection of Monroe, and also the fact that she was pregnant, she probably thought she was safe from any physical abuse from him.

[Artiste]

Thanks very, very much Katie!

You sure bring some news:

She knew what kind of reaction she was going to get if she ever confronted Ennis, so she was unlikely to do it when she was still married to him.

Here she had the chance, probably the first time since the divorce to be one on one with Ennis, but still with the protection of Monroe, and also the fact that she was pregnant, she probably thought she was safe from any physical abuse from him. 

.............

Maybe it was NOT the time to bring her wants just after she saw her husband Ennis kiss another man, and maybe mutual kisses by the two men, but at least bring it up much, much sooner than Thanskgiving!! Alma was indeed surprised, right seeing those two kiss? One's husband usually do not so that, right? Does Alma figure that her husband Ennis then is mental, like really crasy?? Dare I ask!

She knew what kind of reaction she was going to get if she ever confronted Ennis, so she was unlikely to do it when she was still married to him.
 

...

Did Alma really knew what kind of reaction she would have gotten from her thenhusband Ennis? She would have schocked him? How? Or Ennis would have shocked her? How? I fail to understand, sorry, and may I ask you to explain more, please.

She had to confront him while she was married to Ennis, surely directly?? Or she taught that would have been a lost cause, since she now figured that she had to separate and divorce Ennis, her husband??

((at that Thanskgiving with her 2nd husband there))... (she felt) safe from any physical abuse from him (Ennis). 

 
......

Ennis shows use no sign of any physical abuse towards his present wife Alma and his children, right??
But Alma feared getting physical abuse from her then husband Ennis?

Much can be said?

Awaiting your news,
hugs!

[ZK]

I thought to myself "Oh honey, you picked the wrong person to fuck with." and I promptly stepped in front of her, turned to her, and said, "The only thing you are going to do before me, is die."

I can't quite describe the look on her face.......

I wish I was as quick as that!! that was wicked! LMAO

I guess my reactions depend on the situation, in a relationship I tend to be pretty patient and stand back and take things on the chin so to speak, however if it the disagreement goes on and on, and if all my buttons are pushed or walloped then I will rant and rave. Once things have been said I need a few minutes of space and then its time to move on. Lifes too short

Working in customer service industry its one thing I won't tolerate is poor customer service, and yes we all have long days and may be things on our mind, however theres little or no excuse, so I have and will tell someone politely and succinctly what I think!

[Kerry]

I can't abide aggression or confrontation of any kind and will do anything to avoid it.

However, having said that, I will stand up for myself and defend myself if slighted. But I do it in an understated way and with courtesy, where possible.

To give you an example, many years ago, when I was in my late twenties, I had a similar experience to the Thanksgiving confrontation between Jack and L.D.Newsome.

It was Christmas lunch at the home of one of my brothers. Present were my mother, my aunt (mother's sister), my brother's wife, my niece and two nephews (brother's children), my brother's wife's parents, my brother and myself. Ten of us in all.

It was the first Christmas following my father's death the previous May. My Dad knew I was gay and was always very sweet with me about it. My brother's father-in-law, however, was a crass, boorish homophobe of the highest order. He had been making snide, underhand, homophobic remarks ever since Mum and I arrived. At some point about half-way through the meal, he made one remark too many and I snapped.

In front of all those people, I very quietly put my knife and fork down, got up from the table, went over to Mum and gave her a farewell kiss on the cheek, asked my brother to drive Mum home and simply left the room.

Mum was crying. My brother's mouth was hanging open. My brother's father-in-law's face had turned purple with rage because I had dared to turn my back on him and, in so doing, had withdrawn his sport from him.

When I got to my car, I heard footsteps behind me and it was my brother, begging me to return. He was not angry, just concerned. I declined his offer, bade him farewell (pleasantly) and drove away.

Fact is, that hideous man would never have said the things he did to me if my father had been present. He wouldn't have had the courage to do so. He would have known my Dad would have knocked his lights out.

My brother is 10 years older than me and I was in his home. He sat there silently while his father-in-law made his snide remarks at my expense, in front of our recently widowed mother. I'm his little brother. He should have told his father-in-law to mind his manners in his home. But he didn't.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I handle aggression and confrontation by not saying much - but I get my point across.

   

 

[Shasta542]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I handle aggression and confrontation by not saying much - but I get my point across.

That's great, Kerry. You showed a lot of class.

Were you ever in the guy's presence again? If so, did he have better manners?

[Kerry]

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I handle aggression and confrontation by not saying much - but I get my point across.

That's great, Kerry. You showed a lot of class.

Were you ever in the guy's presence again? If so, did he have better manners?

I refused to go to any further family functions where he was present, Shasta, and now he's deceased. I never saw him again. I hope he's found peace.

[delalluvia]

I refused to go to any further family functions where he was present, Shasta, and now he's deceased. I never saw him again. I hope he's found peace.

You are so kind-hearted, Kerry.  I would have been thinking, 'well, he's now deceased, he's getting what he had coming.'

[forsythia12]

I can't abide aggression or confrontation of any kind and will do anything to avoid it.

However, having said that, I will stand up for myself and defend myself if slighted. But I do it in an understated way and with courtesy, where possible.

To give you an example, many years ago, when I was in my late twenties, I had a similar experience to the Thanksgiving confrontation between Jack and L.D.Newsome.

It was Christmas lunch at the home of one of my brothers. Present were my mother, my aunt (mother's sister), my brother's wife, my niece and two nephews (brother's children), my brother's wife's parents, my brother and myself. Ten of us in all.

It was the first Christmas following my father's death the previous May. My Dad knew I was gay and was always very sweet with me about it. My brother's father-in-law, however, was a crass, boorish homophobe of the highest order. He had been making snide, underhand, homophobic remarks ever since Mum and I arrived. At some point about half-way through the meal, he made one remark too many and I snapped.

In front of all those people, I very quietly put my knife and fork down, got up from the table, went over to Mum and gave her a farewell kiss on the cheek, asked my brother to drive Mum home and simply left the room.

Mum was crying. My brother's mouth was hanging open. My brother's father-in-law's face had turned purple with rage because I had dared to turn my back on him and, in so doing, had withdrawn his sport from him.

When I got to my car, I heard footsteps behind me and it was my brother, begging me to return. He was not angry, just concerned. I declined his offer, bade him farewell (pleasantly) and drove away.

Fact is, that hideous man would never have said the things he did to me if my father had been present. He wouldn't have had the courage to do so. He would have known my Dad would have knocked his lights out.

My brother is 10 years older than me and I was in his home. He sat there silently while his father-in-law made his snide remarks at my expense, in front of our recently widowed mother. I'm his little brother. He should have told his father-in-law to mind his manners in his home. But he didn't.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I handle aggression and confrontation by not saying much - but I get my point across.

   

 

that was nice kerry.  very classy indeed.  it's definately hard when it's your own family that hurts you or lets you down.  ...but you handled yourself very well.  ...

[Kelda]

wow Kerry that is ineed very classy - go you - I couldnt have done it

[Kerry]

Like most everyone, I do experience all the emotions that should normally prompt one to tell someone off. Alas, when I've done so in the past, however, I find that rather than being left with a feeling of righteous self-satisfaction,  I instead end up feeling enormous self-loathing, for allowing myself to be lowered to their level.

What works for me is to retreat from the field of battle. I find that if you don't take their bait, they soon tire of you and move on to another victim. I refuse to engage them in battle.

That, and externalising my frustrations and anger in a creative way. I've always kept a journal and find it very therapeutic to give someone a piece of my mind in my journal, rather than telling them off to their face. Since the advent of the internet and blogging, however, I now do a lot of my therapeutic externalising in posts here at BetterMost. For example, I found that my last post, where I described my brother's hateful father-in-law, to be particularly cathartic for me. And even more so since receiving your kind feedback. Thank you, everyone, for the sweet things you said. It means a lot to me.

Another way, I externalise and dissipate my anger is by poking fun at things that hurt me, and laughing at them. I do this by drawing cartoons. For example:

 

[injest]

Like most everyone, I do experience all the emotions that should normally prompt one to tell someone off. Alas, when I've done so in the past, however, I find that rather than being left with a feeling of righteous self-satisfaction,  I instead end up feeling enormous self-loathing, for allowing myself to be lowered to their level.

What works for me is to retreat from the field of battle. I find that if you don't take their bait, they soon tire of you and move on to another victim. I refuse to engage them in battle.

That, and externalising my frustrations and anger in a creative way. I've always kept a journal and find it very therapeutic to give someone a piece of my mind in my journal, rather than telling them off to their face. Since the advent of the internet an blogging, however, I now do a lot of my therapeutic externalising in posts here at BetterMost. For example, I found that my last post, where I described my brother's hateful father-in-law, to be particularly cathartic for me. And even more so since receiving your kind feedback. Thank you, everyone, for the sweet things you said. It means a lot to me.

Another way, I externalise and dissipate my anger is by poking fun at things that hurt me, and laughing at them. I do this by drawing cartoons. For example:

 

I do this in real life with my family. I can't win because I won't say things I can't take back so I run...THEY dont' seem to have any trouble saying horrible things   

[forsythia12]

i can relate to that jess!

[delalluvia]

Like most everyone, I do experience all the emotions that should normally prompt one to tell someone off. Alas, when I've done so in the past, however, I find that rather than being left with a feeling of righteous self-satisfaction,  I instead end up feeling enormous self-loathing, for allowing myself to be lowered to their level.

What works for me is to retreat from the field of battle. I find that if you don't take their bait, they soon tire of you and move on to another victim. I refuse to engage them in battle.

That, and externalising my frustrations and anger in a creative way. I've always kept a journal and find it very therapeutic to give someone a piece of my mind in my journal, rather than telling them off to their face. Since the advent of the internet and blogging, however, I now do a lot of my therapeutic externalising in posts here at BetterMost. For example, I found that my last post, where I described my brother's hateful father-in-law, to be particularly cathartic for me. And even more so since receiving your kind feedback. Thank you, everyone, for the sweet things you said. It means a lot to me.

Another way, I externalise and dissipate my anger is by poking fun at things that hurt me, and laughing at them. I do this by drawing cartoons. For example:

Excellent way for you guys to channel your anger.  I'm glad it works for you.

It's taken me a long time to be able to make peace with my anger at situations and people.  First, as a child, I internalized everything.  I was raised as a nice ethnic girl.  I wasn't supposed to get mad at anything or anyone.  By high school, I had internalized my stresses so much, I came down with a psychosomatic illness.  One that gave me agonizing stomach cramps and constant vomiting.  My body was basically dealing with my internalized stress and anger by putting me in bed for a week at a time and taking me away from the situation.

This kinda put the kibosh on any social life.

I finally learned how to deal with it.  When stress started to build and I could feel the cramping coming on I learned to use relaxation techniques to avoid the final act.  I learned control of both mind and body doing that.

So now, I'm able to keep things inside much easier than before, but sometimes, for my own sanity's sake, and simply for the exercise of my right to get angry - which was something I had to learn I deserved - I cut loose on people.

[Kerry]

I do this in real life with my family. I can't win because I won't say things I can't take back so I run...THEY dont' seem to have any trouble saying horrible things   

{{{Jess}}} I can certainly empathise with you there. There were only ever two people in my family who I really cared for and loved, and they were my darling parents (both deceased). I'm their youngest, the child of their old age. They loved me unconditionally, as I loved them. And that was enough for me.

[injest]

{{{Jess}}} I can certainly empathise with you there. There were only ever two people in my family who I really cared for and loved, and they were my darling parents (both deceased). I'm their youngest, the child of their old age. They loved me unconditionally, as I loved them. And that was enough for me.

you were very lucky to have that.

[forsythia12]

well, i can get along well with my family, but i've got two older sisters, (both 10yrs older) and they still think i'm the baby, and they can say things that piss me off at times.  ...but i rarely say anything because i can usually shake it off, or ignore it, and i hate confrontations with them.  they aren't mean, i love them dearly, but we're sisters, and i guess that's what some families are like.  but, for a long time i felt like they were twins, and i was the odd one out.  and, since they were so much older than me, the spoke for me, diciplined me, and helped raise me, so it took a long time to develope a voice of my own.  i'm still often usure of how i feel at times, and what i want to say.  i often second guess myself, and if i do stand up for myself, i usually make a bigger issue of it than it was meant to be, and end up looking like a freak.  lol
for the most part, we get a long great, it's just sometimes this can happen. 
i have a tendency to overreact when teased, and sometimes can't take a joke, and so people think i'm really serious all the time....but i rarely say what i'm really thinking, and usually just stay quiet.  not sure if that's 'healthy' but i don't feel like i have a lot of anger inside..and when i do feel angry, it doesn't feel like i'm burrying it, but rather it just passes after a little while.....
anytime i've spoken up, i've wished i hadn't. 
i am better with strangers though.  if someone is rude to me, i definately say something.  i guess since i'll probably never see them again, or have nothing invested in a relationship with them, so it's easier. 

[optom3]

Forsythia, I am a lot like you.  I find I am easily hurt by teasing, especially if the person doing the teasing is someone who loves me and knows my weaknesses.  This feared vulnerability makes it hard for me to open up to people.  My anger can be extreme but also burns itself out very quickly and I often regret it if I let it out too strongly before it starts to subside.  Like you, I am more verbal with strangers who are being unfair or unkind (they can't hurt me emotionally), but I have learned to hold some of that back as well because people are crazy in today's world and I have developed a healthy fear of random acts of violence.

I am a mix of 2 people.No surprises there.With strangers,particularly on the phone I can be incredibly rude if the situation warrants it. So much so my husband makes me do all the complaint phone calls.When I had my practice back in England I used to have to put up with exceptionally rude patients.I used to blow on a regular basis.Then one day I realised that I could gain the upper hand far more effectively,by being extraordinarily pleasant,to the rude ones.It takes the wind out of their sales completely.The more nasty they were,the more nauseatingly pleasant/sarcastic I was.
I loved the fact that they thought they had won,when in fact,I knew I had.On one occasion, a patient really went completely off on one.She could not see anything,she claimed through her new glasses.She just ranted on ad nauseum.I waited,then when she paused for breath,told her how impressed I was that she had managed to negotiate her way back to the test room,when she was in effect,blind.In fact I was so impressed I was
 going to completely refund her, and pay for a taxi home so that she would not have to negotiate public transport,in such a precarious fashion again.
She in turn replied that she would not give me the steam off her turd !!!!!! I maintained my calm,albeit with difficulty,and informed her that I could not recall asking her for it.She was still not finished though,and had the nerve to ask to keep the new specs.Having previously,told me she could see nothing in them,I informed her,that I could not in all conscience,let her keep such a dangerous pair of specs.I would never forgive myself,if she walked under a bus wearing them,because she simply did not see it.!!!!!
Suffice it to say,she left.There had been nothing wrong with the specs,she just wanted some money back.Which she duly got,but then had to suffer the inconvenience of finding a new optometrist and getting new specs.In the meantime I contacted all the local optometrists,and told them to avoid her like the plague.
Surprise,she arrived back at my practice about a month later,saying perhaps she should try again with the specs we had made.I told her they had been dismantled, unfortunately,so no deal.She then tried to convince me to re test her so she could get some specs.Unfortunately,I was booked solid for weeks.
I have no idea how far she had to travel to find a new optometrist,but I am guessing a good way.
I wish I could be more like that with my family,but I somehow can't manage it.I either blow,all too easily,or suffer in silence,letting it all build up,till I really blow.As for friends I am useless.I can never say no,even if it means a complete inconvenience for me.That is actually one of my new years resolutions.But i am not doing so well with it so far!!!!!
So completely schizo. I would say is my way.Either rampaging bull or complete doormat.