From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

[serious crayons]

And then you get people wondering how they could "get down to business" SO early on, they don't see it coming. But they are the same who say it was too long/slow!

Great point, Isabelle! They think it's too quick AND too slow. Not enough happens and (in that one scene, anyway) too much happens!

[Lynne]

I understand what you're saying, Lynne - I understand finding the first tent scene abrupt on one's first viewing.  I didn't, but maybe that's because I've experienced something very much like it (though it was against the inside of a door in someone's house and not in a tent in the mountains  ).

Now I'm jealous...maybe one day 

Tell you what, though, lately when I watch it I always think it seems way too short and quick. I think, what, they already have long sideburns? What, the post-divorce scene already? Twenty years in 134 minutes seems to fly past.

No scene makes a bigger impression on me about the passage of time than Ennis spooning Jack in the tent during the night after the 'Sometimes I miss you so much...' conversation.  I just want to freeze it right there....rips my heart out every single time.

[Ellemeno]

I have a four-year-old who knows about it, too.  But y'all know those stories by now. 

My three year old knows the story of Jack and Ennis too: They love each other so much, and have so much fun together, and are so sad when they can't be together.  She has heard the (enhanced) soundtrack a bazillion times in the car (I have added songs like "Streets of Laredo," "Sweet Melissa," "Quizas, Quizas, Quizas," and she can sing along with all of them.  She also loves "I Will Never Let You Go," and knows that the sad-sounding songs are for when Ennis and Jack are sad, that the pretty instrumentals are mostly from the happy time on the mountain."  Today she told me that she once had a baby named "Mountain."

[Ellemeno]

Well, he hasn't watched it.

But he's seen stills of Jack and Ennis -- he sits on my lap when I read computer messages, so he's seen plenty of avatars. And he looks at the pictures on the liner notes to CDs, and always asks who everyone is. So he's been able to recognize Jack and Ennis for a long time. (And he's seen pictures of the dozy embrace plenty of times.)

And I admit to smirking a bit when he yelled: "Mommy! Look! There's Jack! There's Ennis!" in front of the Wal-mart DVD display

These are all our experience too.  I used to tell the story to Miranda as if Ennis and Jack were real, and I have adjusted that to they are in a story, because I started having conscience pricks when I would be heading out to see the movie and she would ask me about going to see Jack and Ennis.

[henrypie]

Clarissa,
When my sister was your daughter's age, she had an imaginary friend named "City Hall."

Oh why oh why do we lose our baby ideas along with our baby fat?
(My sister's other imaginary friends were Bobby, Broblin, Ountkin and Gaunty.)

Perhaps they and Mountain are all romping in imaginary baby heaven.

[Ellemeno]

What great parents you all are, Barb, Sheyne,Vic, Anke, Chris, to name just a few.. (apologies to those obvious ones I've missed!)

Me!    But I hadn't joined this conversation yet.

[ednbarby]

My imaginary friends' names were Silly and Peepee, and they lived in the cabinet that was built into our stove (where we kept all the pots and pans).  They were both girls.  Silly was blonde and Peepee was brunette.

[henrypie]

I guess my only imaginary friends were Jesus and Superman.  I got confused about who was who.... They/he hovered near the ceiling in the corner of my bedroom.

[Ellemeno]

I think that without it, I would have said "When a man and a woman love each other very much..." whereas now I'll say, "When two people love each other very much..." 

Sorry to be coming from so far behind in this wonderful conversation -

I also do this, and we are lucky because Miranda has models in her life of various families - her friend Cristina lives with her two moms (one gave birth to her, one adopted her) (or did until they just broke up, sigh), Danielle lives with her (adoptive) mom and doesn't have a dad, Chantelle lives with her Aunt Bonnie, Darcy lives with her dad and stepmother and sees her mom a couple of times a month.  

Miranda herself grew inside Tanya.  Papa and I were at her birth, and she is our daughter.  So from the beginning of her life I've been saying "When a baby grows inside a woman...," rather than "inside her mommy," because Miranda herself didn't grow inside me.

My main goal is to normalize, normalize.  She doesn't know that any of those varieties of families are unusual (and in fact, they're not).  And as to ethnicity and people looking different than her, I haven't brought it up at all, curious when she will.  So far, she has never mentioned her various friends' and classmates' varieties of skin or hair color.  

She does love to talk about wheeelchairs, walkers, canes.  That's the only physical attribute she has commented on so far.  And I thank God that the first person in a wheelchair she (suddenly) asked directly, "Why are you in that wheelchair?" was a kind, understanding woman who told her that her legs got sick and stopped working.  It's tricky to know how much to teach her to censor herself - I love her sincerity.  The one day I was truly embarrassed was when Miranda was talking to a woman who was quite old, and suddenly said in a very friendly, fascinated way, "You have fur on your face."  The woman looked puzzled, I said a quick goodbye and took Miranda outside, and agreed that that woman did indeed have hair on her face that looked like fur, but that it's nicer not to tell the woman about it.  I don't think I did a good job.  Because actually, a lot of women would actually have a lot more hair showing if they didn't remove it.  This parenting thing, I love it, and it's occasionally tricky.

BTW - What is MILF (I am nearly 47, am I old enought to know)?

Some of Miranda's imagginary friends and personae  - Baby Griffin, VahVah, Bingo, Big Girl Montana, The Big Sister, Bahm Bahm, JoJo, and my personally favorite name, Hallelujah (which comes from the fact that she LOVES the version of "Battle Hymn of the Republic (Glory, Glory, Hallelujah)" that I added to my version of the BBM soundtrack, because the band plays it at the Fourth of July event that Ennis and family go to).

Sarah - there is a well-known (in adoption circles) article about talking to a child about their adoption with a title I love:  "Moses, Jesus, Superman, and Me."

[Ellemeno]

Katherine and Barb, thanks for your dialogue.  All I have is cats -- very socially tolerant cats -- but these are issues I think about all the time.... in case I ever have dependents more inquisitive than cats....  I tend to count my chickens before they're hatched....

Sarah, if you can raise your cats to be socially accepting of those chickens, you have truly mastered the art of excellent parenting!