I swear on everything that is holy and my own life,that while I was in practice in England I had a patient, actually a whole family of Fuckits.
They insisted that it was pronounced foo kay. At the time there was a terrible,(IMO)show on T.V where one of the families had the surname Bucket pronounced boo kay.
I never called the family anything other than Fuckit.I know, childish, but you have to have some fun.
I also had a Mrs large who was in fact enormous.So much so that I had to raise the arms n the test chair otherwise she could not fit in.She wanted contact lenses and because of her bulk and the fact that I am only 5ft 2ins, I had to stand on a foot stool to get close enough to her to get the lenses in.That should give you an idea of her bulk.
The odd thing was I was more embarrassed than her.When it came time to swing a slit lamp (microscope on a hinged table ) in front of her so I could check the front of her eyes and also the contact lens fit.I simply could not do it.Her stomach and bust were simply too big to get the slit lamp close enough to check her eyes.In the end my partner who was, well still is i guess, had to come in, push all his weight against the table,she hoisted her bust on top of the table and I just about got to see enough of her eyes,
She was laughing, I was sweating like a pig and dying of embarrassment.Not an urban myth, a true story.
May I be forgiven but I could not cope with 1/month contact lens checks, so I lied and said she was unsuitable due to dry eyes.!!!!!!
I had a John who became Joanne,but had neglected to inform us.So when we got out the current record card I called in a MR------- ,when she stood up, I said no I called Mr.--------. Then I saw the size of her/his feet and twigged.That was not deliberate on my part and I was genuinely sorry.She took it all in good spirit and said ,no my fault I should have told you,so that you could update your records.