I'm in that boat too.
I identified with Ennis so much after watching the movie.
Thats how me got here!
Ditto, and that's why the film just about killed me.It is no exaggeration to say, that wounds I thought had healed were in fact just as wide open as they had always been. BBM was so painful ,that it actually plunged me into the first major depressive episode I have had in over 20 years.
In my attempts to run away,and deny the truth,I moved 8000 miles.What did that change,nothing.Love IS a force of nature. I behaved in the same cowardly fashion as Ennis,I do not mean that rudely,and just as Ennis live with the consequences daily.
Surprise,surprise, the love has not faded at all.Except now, because of kids,etc, there really is no going back.That is one hell of a painful situation to deal with on a daily basis.
It also begs the question, and when the kids move on,what then? I can't bear to even think of that.
Every time I watch BBM and we are talking 2 nought numbers now.I want to scream at Ennis, don't let him go you idiot, have you any idea how much it is going to hurt later on?
That is why I agreed so strongly with your analogy of a dam. Love is a force of nature and as such, we as humans are powerless if we find ourselves in its path.You might as well try and stand in a force 5 hurricane and expect to emerge undamaged.It's not happening.Run, take cover and surrender to the inevitable.Or be left standing surveying the wrecked remains.