Author Topic: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?  (Read 12268 times)

tiawahcowboy

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #20 on: June 01, 2006, 10:21:05 pm »
Phillip, I am trying to take your guidance as a cyber-friend and as the host of BetterMost, too. Like I said, we don't seem to speak the same language. I did understand your friendly reminder and I just put my response in my own words. You have to remember that it can be difficult for a man who is disabled due to a head injury to also take friendly correction because he sas also been an educator. I might express myself better if I had someone here with me by the computer who would listen to what I would like to say with the right attitude (mine, that is!) and then I could write better postings.

I prefer to use the word "cyber" because I cannot say that I really know you at all, anyway not well enough to accept you as a real friend.

Oh, I have made real friendships on the internet in the past. I have even had people whom I met on line as guests in my home. We talked on the phone before they came to the part of the country where I live.

I have never had experience as a professional writer but I have had more than one online friend who have told me that I need to publish my life story. A Christian and a "straight" woman told me that I should write it from what she read in my online postings on classmates.com and in personal correspondence. Every thing she read was somewhat "G" rated. She still sends emails about what is going on in her life.

I had another online friend who was a older gay man and we did a lot of IMs and he liked my stories about my experiences of growing up, leaving the closet and my life afterwards. Some of them were more in the category of what one might read in stories like Brokeback Mountain.

Oh, it is also frustrating that I make so many mistakes in my posts, too.

tiawahcowboy

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #21 on: June 01, 2006, 10:24:51 pm »
Not speaking to Phillip here, but would you other people who have posted here like for me to permanently remove my membership and never come back to BetterMost again?

Offline RouxB

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #22 on: June 01, 2006, 10:36:37 pm »
Tiawahcowboy

What I want is for you to respect this community and try to be a part of it. To accept that everyone does not agree with you, or each other, and that is okay. To not lecture us with all the "stuff" that you "think' you know. To not change every topic into a discussion of the short story. We want everyone to feel included but you have to take responsibility for why you may not be on everyone's buddy list. Lighten up, we don't need, or necessarily want, the benefit of your education on every issue. We just want to be together and share our BbM experience with each other, and you, if you can join us and not constantly try to beat us or put yourself above us.

question asked and answered

Heathen

Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #23 on: June 01, 2006, 10:47:03 pm »
Phillip, I am trying to take your guidance as a cyber-friend and as the host of BetterMost, too. Like I said, we don't seem to speak the same language. I did understand your friendly reminder and I just put my response in my own words. You have to remember that it can be difficult for a man who is disabled due to a head injury to also take friendly correction because he sas also been an educator. I might express myself better if I had someone here with me by the computer who would listen to what I would like to say with the right attitude (mine, that is!) and then I could write better postings.

I really think this is heading in the right direction now.  I understand your situation and I don't expect you to be perfect because I am certainly not.  I want you to find your time here happy and positive, and I want to make sure other users can feel the same.  I am not ever going to take a potshot at you or attack you for your point of view.  It is plainly evident you spend a great deal of time thinking about what you want to say here and I know that, in time, you'll get the hang of putting these feelings in messages here in a way that will not antagonize others.  I am very appreciative of your humble and receptive reply.

I recommend that when you proof-read your messages before posting them, just make sure that any language that might challenge another's views in put in terms of "IMHO" (In My Humble Opinion) or, to the effect, "I appreciated reading your take on this - I have some ideas of my own to share to the discussion."  You see the point.  A whole assortment of views get presented, and the reader ultimately gets to decide for themselves which works, and which doesn't.

Quote
I prefer to use the word "cyber" because I cannot say that I really know you at all, anyway not well enough to accept you as a real friend.

I can appreciate that.  I just wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't intending my reply to be a "pile on."  I am invested in this place called BetterMost and I want it to be a great experience for everyone who stops by.

Not speaking to Phillip here, but would you other people who have posted here like for me to permanently remove my membership and never come back to BetterMost again?

Why would you ask that?  I am not running this place as a popularity contest.  I spent my school years playing the Janeane Garofalo role being isolated from a lot of social peer groups (mostly by choice as I was certainly not gregarious back then).  If I posed a question like this, I'd guess the majority of the cliques would have said, "yes, be gone with you Phil... you awkward guy you."  That is sort of like beating yourself up.  Emotionally it would leave me convinced I didn't want to play their silly little reindeer games and I was right for not doing so, but it would also slam the door on me changing and growing and deciding being a social outcast wasn't the right choice for me any longer.

Your decision to participate here is entirely your own.  I won't have anyone else deciding that for you.  BetterMost is all about using Brokeback Mountain as a catalyst for life changes.  Foreclosing yourself from the possibility of using this place in your life journey to do exactly that by suggesting people invite you to stay or leave is not the right answer.  Nobody has the right to take that choice away from you.

This system is always open to anyone who can follow the basic rules I set down.  I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Offline Phillip Dampier

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #24 on: June 01, 2006, 10:49:41 pm »
Tiawahcowboy has made the decision to delete his own account here.  I am leaving my messages to him up in case he chooses to re-apply, but also because these views are for everyone on this site.
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Offline cmr107

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #25 on: June 01, 2006, 11:22:37 pm »
Phillip, if you're not careful you'll become my new hero....

slayers_creek_oth

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #26 on: June 01, 2006, 11:34:43 pm »
Phillip, if you're not careful you'll become my new hero....

ROFL....uh oh!  Watch out Phil!

Offline JCinNYC2006

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #27 on: June 01, 2006, 11:36:31 pm »
Phillip I hope I become one tenth of the counselor that you are....seriously.

Juan
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Offline cmr107

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #28 on: June 01, 2006, 11:42:37 pm »
ROFL....uh oh!  Watch out Phil!

Actually, I think it's already too late.

Offline serious crayons

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Re: Alma? It ain't her fault. - Whose fault is it?
« Reply #29 on: June 01, 2006, 11:53:56 pm »
Geez, I spend all day on this board and then I take a couple of hours off and look what I miss :o!!!

Phillip, I am really impressed by the way you handled that and how eloquently you worded your posts. You were so gracious and empathetic, yet you got your point across. I am sincerely sorry Tiawahcowboy felt the need to leave; aside from the conflicts with others, he contributed a genuinely unique perspective to the community. But people do what they want to do, I guess.

 :-\