Here's your chance to put down your thoughts and feelings about Brokeback Mountain. Start a new topic with your own story.
I personally saw the film about two weeks ago, having gone into the theater totally unprepared for what would happen to me on the way out. The emotional reaction many around me seemed to have was based on what was happening right up on screen. Tissues were passed, people seemed reluctant to instantly dash out of the theater, as if time was needed to compose oneself, and I didn't notice much conversation, as if people were numbed.
Usually I have a reasonable handle on my feelings and am in touch with them, but this movie did a number of me overnight. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was coming down with a bad case of Brokeback Mountain Flu. The symptoms: Red and tearing eyes, depression, somnolence, inability to concentrate, sleeplesness, diminished social skills, distraction, and a yearning to research the film and find other sufferers.
The morning after while taking a shower, I just fell apart. Sure I felt for the characters in the movie and their story, but what had me going was the realization that various scenes of that movie had been playing in my own life. We often compartmentalize the negative things in our life, saying we'll deal with it later or perhaps come to realize there is nothing we can do about it so it's not worth worrying about. Time can heal all wounds, but a movie like this can tear all of those wounds open again in an instant.
By the following day, I was up at 5:00am, unable to sleep, and had to get out of bed just to find something to distract myself. The gnawing feelings this movie was generating within me were not to be ignored. It actually became quite frightening to me to be so out of control and not sure what was going to come next!
By the end of the week, a trip to the countryside and wide open country spaces were, of course, just reminding me even more of the film. It's almost as if you could bump into any of these characters at the rural market or country store, or watch them pass by in their beat up trucks as they live their daily lives.
Yeah, Brokeback Mountain got me good and I can't quit it either.
There's some Jack and Ennis inside of me, and having it all up on the big screen, so big you can't look away, with nothing to distract you in a darkened theater, you're forced to watch.
Jack's ability to fight convention and demand that the emotional connection between them be allowed to grow and thrive and his extreme frustration with the ever-enigmatic Ennis reminded me of my own annoyance with friends who can't understand my Oprah-like emotional epiphanies and are even less in touch with their own feelings and emotions. Ennis' fears about committing to Jack and taking concrete action to actually move in with him and commit to the relationship are reminders of my own relationship, complete with excuses given to mask fears of change and the unknown. And ultimately, the realization 20-years too late of what could have been but never was brought it all home to me. Wasting time drudging about doing things that don't fulfill your dreams, compromising your own happiness and fulfillment by living a lie, and losing the things that mean the most affects a lot of us. Some might call it the "mid-life crisis," but it can hit at anytime.
It suddenly dawned on me that all of this emotional energy I was feeling could be channeled to more productive use. Why not actually insist on making some changes that put me closer to fulfilling my goals and completing the things that would make my life better. So here I am, trying to seek out others who are on the same path (or would like to be), so that we can share our ideas, support each other, and also have some tools available to us to track our progress. More on that in the next forum down.
Brokeback Mountain may be the movie that changes my life. I am so thankful I am realizing that I am not alone. After we are done pouring our hearts out, maybe we all need to resolve to make this more than just a great movie - it deserves to be a spark that sets off the changes we have dreamt about making but never have. We owe it to Jack and Ennis.
