Getting in Touch With Your Feelings About Brokeback Mountain

[twistedude]

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[Rayn]

Hello Everyone...

    Well, I thought I'd seen the movie enough (4 x on DVD, 1 x on the Big Screen), but I'm craving it again!  It feels like wanting chocolate or some other desire for food.  I keep telling myself I've seen it enough, but the craving comes back anyway.  Will I need "Brokeback Anonymous" soon or what!?  LOL   

    Ok, I know that because of where I am in my life and where I work right now (Asia), I'm escaping my situation a bit by watching it.   That's what movies are... mostly escape.   I'm "living" the fantasy of an intense relationship in the movie because I don't have one right now myself.  I think as long as I'm aware of that, I can watch it again...  Yes, watch it as many times as I like!  I'm an "adult", I can do that if I want!  LOL

    I know there are other people who have seen it as many as 10 or more times.   So at least I'm not as "gone" as they are!     There has to be a point at which I tire of it, right?   

Maybe....   

    On the "reality" side of my life, my new friendship with my former lover is really good.  He took me out to a live theater show and then Outback Streak House for my Birthday last week, sang the Birthday Song in his wonderful baritone voice.  He's been great, so supportive.

    I'm looking for better employment too and keeping up with the job I have now.   But I'm just wondering... Should I have the BBM Poster I got at the theater framed or not?   I'm not obsessing, I'm not, I'm not , really  >>>>>>>>   Ok, I am a bit and that's why I'm here again.   

More as it happens....

Peace,
Rayn

[texman]

Last night my wife brought home Brokeback Mountain on DVD for us to watch. I really hadn't any idea at all about the movie, but she wanted me to watch it with her.  It wasn't too long before I became fully engrossed in the movie. But about half way through I started to develop this sense of sadness that grew more and more intense as the movie played on..
 I'm usually the kind a guy who doesn't let anything unnerve me. I work in a very macho type environment. Our behaviour is based on most of our past military training. This is just to give you an idea from where I am coming from. When my parents passed away I didn't even shed a tear. It was just a fact of life to me.
 Finally when the movie got to the part where Jack and Ennis are fighting over the coulda shoulda ideals at Brokeback and the famous line comes "I wish I knew how to quit you". I started getting tearly eyed. And then when Ennis just collapses by Jack, the tears really started to flow.  My wife asks me "WHAT is wrong with you? This is only a movie!". But as we continued with the movie, only to find out that Jack was dead my depressive state just worsened.  At the end of the movie, when Ennis looked at the shirts in the closet I really lost it. I tried to compose myself for at least an hour before I went to bed. My wife is seriously concerned how this movie could have affected me this way.  She cried through it too, but I think she has a better understanding of this film than I do.
 Believe it or not, I am still periodically crying about this darned film. I certainly couldn't go to work today. Crying on my job could get me fired! I am at a total loss as to why I am feeling like this? I would never consider a relationship with another man, but I am feelng just so depressed about this movie!
 On a very bizarre note, we love the Teton Mountains in Wyoming (I know the movie was filmed in Canada, but it susposedly takes place in Wyoming) and a long time ago when I made up my will, I specified that I want my ashes spread somewhere in the Teton range next to a stream. And look what happened at the end of the movie about Jack's final wishes.

[moremojo]

Hi, texman,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt post. I'm glad you found your way to BetterMost and felt comfortable enough to share your story with us.

The feelings you describe are very similar to those of so many others who have experienced this remarkable film. I first saw the film theatrically on Februay 18th (the day before I turned thirty-nine), and I have been crying every single day since...no other movie has affected me like this. Ennis and Jack are in my mind when I wake up in the mornings, and they're there when I go to bed at night. They feel like real people to me, who have assumed permanent lodging in my heart...simply amazing that fictional characters can have this kind of effect on one.

I know that that's rough to be overwhelmed with emotion at one's place of work. I've been dealing with this ever since February, and luckily am in a job where I'm not around people all the time. I can say that, with repeated viewings (I've seen the film a total of five times in the theater), the story's happier moments gain more prominence, and the sadness is mitigated by the joy that these characters do know at some points. But the sadness has not gone away, and I'm not sure if or when it will.

If I can make a suggestion, it would be to go with your feelings--explore them for what they are, and don't try to suppress them (outside of "inappropriate" contexts such as the workplace). The whole story of "Brokeback Mountain" is about the dangers of repressing one's emotional life, and of how such stifling of the spirit can poison and destroy human lives. This film is giving people a remarkable opportunity to examine their own lives, to reflect not only on past regret but to seize present and future opportunity, to forge ahead with renewed appreciation for the good and beautiful things around us. It is, in my opinion, nothing less than a miracle.

This whole site is about offering folks like us, who have been profoundly affected by this film, "to finish the story in our own lives". We will be here to read and support you as you continue posting. Peace and strength be with you...

Scott

[Aussie Chris]

Finally when the movie got to the part where Jack and Ennis are fighting over the coulda shoulda ideals at Brokeback and the famous line comes "I wish I knew how to quit you". I started getting tearly eyed. And then when Ennis just collapses by Jack, the tears really started to flow.  My wife asks me "WHAT is wrong with you? This is only a movie!". But as we continued with the movie, only to find out that Jack was dead my depressive state just worsened.  At the end of the movie, when Ennis looked at the shirts in the closet I really lost it. I tried to compose myself for at least an hour before I went to bed. My wife is seriously concerned how this movie could have affected me this way.  She cried through it too, but I think she has a better understanding of this film than I do.

Good for you texman, I love it when straight men get this film.  You're on the path now, and it really and truly gets easier from here, so hang in there and give yourself some room to process the medicine you've just swallowed!  You'll be glad you did.  One thing though, I don't know you or your wife, but it sounds to me like you left you wife in the dust when it comes to understanding Brokeback Mountain.  Keep reading, and sharing, you'll know why I say this in time.

Glad you joined us here at BetterMost.  Take care, Chris.

[texman]

I think I finally figured out what happened to me with this movie. I've been married about 25 years with two sons in college. Before I married my wife, I dated another gal for a few years beforehand. We were in love and I seriously considered marrying her. But she was the cool, professional type of woman and I felt that I wasn't getting what I needed on a supportive level from her. We argued about this a little and I finally dumped her figuring that she wasn't the one for me, cause if you don't like somthing about someone before you marry them, you'll really not like it later!  I later regreted this decision for about a year or so after. Over the years I have periodically thought about what would have happened if I had actually married her. I think this film opened these old wounds on me and I'm paying the price now for not dealing with the situation more effectively back then.  As they say in the movie, ole' Brokeback got me good. Now that I've realized this, I'm back to square one again.
 I haven't mentioned this to my wife as she thinks that I've totally flipped out over this movie and can't understand my interest in it. She's said "this is SO unlike you!" She also said it disturbs her to see HER strength in life fall apart over such an unlikely source as a movie about two guys who have a love affair.

 A situation is a situation regardless of the gender of the partners and their orientation, I finally realized.  You must make your choices based on what you feel is the best direction to follow and don't look back and dwell on the shoulda, coulda, woulda's.

 I think that Jack wasted too much time on Ennis, and never really got what he wanted on a supportive level. I think that's what he was thinking in the last scene when he watched Ennis drive away for the last time. He looked pissed off that he wasted so much time with a person that couldn't give him what he needed. It's a shame that those two's last time together ended in an argument. I think the thing that grabbed me the most is when Ennis collapses at the climax of the scene. I find it very uncomfortable to watch a man cry like that. I feel like my own makeup was feeling the emptyness Jack had in his life, while my own personallity is like that of Ennis', minus the violent outburts.
 
 Extremely powerful stuff.

I am so glad this forum is here because I really have anybody who I can discuss all this with. When I try to discuss it with my wife, I get all teary eyed and choked up and this disturbs here even more, to the point where I think she's getting pissed off. Thanks so much for being here.

[DeeDee]

Hey texman!
Welcome to the club.  I actually saw this movie 20 times in the theater, and the last time I forced my husband to go with me.  When the movie ended, I asked him, "well?" He just looked at me and said "wow, this was not what I expected."
I knew that and that's why I made him go.  We talked about all the way home and the next day.  He was sincerely overwhelmed.  And HE said to me, "that's not a gay cowboy movie, what are these people talking about."

So it's so nice to hear from another straight man.  I feel anyone with a soul will be touched by this story.

As for the last scene, with Ennis and Jack, I thought Jack had a look of sadness in him. He seemed to be resolved to the fact that he was going to give Ennis up, and that just tore my heart out.

I also think that one of Heath Ledgers best moments, (and there were many) is when he visits Jacks parents and realizes Jack  had someone else.  I love the way his face changes and his nostrils flare with such sublety, that if you blink, you'll miss it.

Welcome again texman...hope to hear from you soon.


 

[hermitdave]

Yes Deedee, I agree with everything you said. I think that when Ennis found out Jack made plans with the ranch foreman to move to Jacks parents farm-he (Ennis)- was stunned . I believe that he quickly realized that although Jack found someone else-it was only because Ennis had once again refused Jacks offer of a life together. I believe Ennis knew that he was still Jacks one and only love. That Jacks admission that sometimes he missed him so much he could hardly stand it-was his final plea and that Jack was with someone else out of pure tortured lonliness.He knew it wasnt what he and Jack shared. He finally heard what Jack had been saying all along.

[DeeDee]

I'll tell ya, I love your tag.  BBM changed me beyond words.  I never thought ANY movie would do that.
Even after numerous viewings, I found myself yelling at the screen..."Ennis you fool, this man loves you."  LOL.  It's a wonder I wasn't put away yet.

[hermitdave]

Yeah I know. I cant get these two out of my mind. I find myself thiking about them all day and night. Ive even been dreaming about them. I went out yesterday to buy the book. The clerk asked me if I had seen the movie. I started to tell her about it-and could only say a few words before I started to cry. I never let my emotions show in public. I feel like I am a differant person than before I saw this movie. I believe I will have them in my heart and mind for the rest of my life.