Getting in Touch With Your Feelings About Brokeback Mountain

[DeeDee]

So glad I'm not alone in this lifeboat.  I found myself driving to work and a song from one of the videos comes on and I'm done...lol
I fell in love with 2 fictional characters and for the life of me, I don't find that strange at all.  Maybe because in my heart I know there are probably many Ennis' and Jacks out there.
I do agree with you on one thing, they will stay with me the rest of my life.
 

[hermitdave]

There are a lot of Ennises and Jacks out there. I am one of them. When I was younger I was like Jack, willing to sacrifice all for love. Then as I got older I became more and more afraid of life and uncomfortable with myself. Death of my best friend,self doubt,disallusionment, all together made me retreat and close myself off. When I saw this film I realized I have been in pain for years...and didnt even know it. I believe many people are in the same boat. I have read a lot of what people have written here and elsewhere the last few days,and am amazed at how many people off all ages persusions and circumstances are feeling what I feel. Its really a miracle-whats happened as a result of this film. I hope all involved with BBM are aware of what affect this film has had on so many.

[bbm_stitchbuffyfan]

Yeah, deedee and hopefulheart, both of you have really nice tags. They remind me of Brokeback. 

When I first saw this movie in January, it haunted me for weeks. I didn't have a decent night's sleep for at least a week after I saw this movie. I cried over it every single day and was in a state of emotional hell.

The feelings came back again when I read the book and watched the movie for a second, third, fourth, and fifth time (though, the first viewing had the most extreme aftermath in terms of depressing me). I watched the movie for a sixth time last Friday and spent Saturday and Sunday moping about it. I was really downbeat those days and, like in January, had no motivation to do anything. Whenever I'm keeping busy or in public, I'm doing a decent job of hiding my pain but then these past two or three days I've had moments where I just cry, or want to and find I cannot. Sometimes when I want to just burst into tears, I cannot and then other times, I do. It's bizarre.

I'm still thinking about this movie all the time and I want to continue to do so. I love Jack and Ennis so very much and I don't ever want to let them go. This movie has changed me and my life in an incredible way and while there have been days where it is truly too much to handle, it is a miracle.

Currently, I'm still preoccupied with Brokeback and Brokeback only on the computer. It constantly resurfaces in my head. While I don't cry as much over it (I'm talking about after my last viewing, not during the viewing itself, and I do feel guilty about that, in some strange way), my hand-in-hand obsession and depression still seems to be here...

I hope this stays with me for the rest of my life. For a while the pain subsided (but then resurfaced when I watched this movie again) and I assume it will again, eventually, but everytime I watch the movie or read the book, I expect to be heartbroken again.

[DeeDee]

Yeah, deedee and hopefulheart, both of you have really nice tags. They remind me of Brokeback. 

When I first saw this movie in January, it haunted me for weeks. I didn't have a decent night's sleep for at least a week after I saw this movie. I cried over it every single day and was in a state of emotional hell.

The feelings came back again when I read the book and watched the movie for a second, third, fourth, and fifth time (though, the first viewing had the most extreme aftermath in terms of depressing me). I watched the movie for a sixth time last Friday and spent Saturday and Sunday moping about it. I was really downbeat those days and, like in January, had no motivation to do anything. Whenever I'm keeping busy or in public, I'm doing a decent job of hiding my pain but then these past two or three days I've had moments where I just cry, or want to and find I cannot. Sometimes when I want to just burst into tears, I cannot and then other times, I do. It's bizarre.

I'm still thinking about this movie all the time and I want to continue to do so. I love Jack and Ennis so very much and I don't ever want to let them go. This movie has changed me and my life in an incredible way and while there have been days where it is truly too much to handle, it is a miracle.

Currently, I'm still preoccupied with Brokeback and Brokeback only on the computer. It constantly resurfaces in my head. While I don't cry as much over it (I'm talking about after my last viewing, not during the viewing itself, and I do feel guilty about that, in some strange way), my hand-in-hand obsession and depression still seems to be here...

I hope this stays with me for the rest of my life. For a while the pain subsided (but then resurfaced when I watched this movie again) and I assume it will again, eventually, but everytime I watch the movie or read the book, I expect to be heartbroken again.

You know, I don't want it to sound like I'm happy for your misery, but it's so much better knowing others feel the same way.
I thought I was freak after I saw it.. None of my friends feel half the way I do.  I came to these boards after 3 weeks of obsessing by myself.  They have been my salvation.

I, like yourself, cry a little less, but the emotions of the movie are stronger than ever.  Half of me wishes these feelings would falter a little, but the other half wants to hang on forever.

[ednbarby]

Texman, I just wanted to chime in on your story, too.  My husband is an airline pilot and is ex-military.  He did not shed a tear when his mother died - still hasn't, as far as I know.  The only other time I've ever seen him cry was when the first German shepherd we had together years ago died.  (He did not cry when our most beloved one died a few years ago, yet he still mentions how much he misses her from time to time.)  ANYway, it took me a long time to convince him to see the movie on DVD with me.  I'd seen it five times in the theater, and wanted him to watch it on DVD with me when I first got it.  He said he wanted to see it eventually, but just "wasn't in the mood."  He said this for about three weeks.  I finally got him to watch it.  He sat riveted through the whole thing - didn't get up once, which is extremely rare for him since he's pretty energetic and doesn't like to sit still for very long.  When the scene came where Ennis went into Jack's bedroom, I looked over at him and tears were running down both sides of his face.  He wasn't even trying to hide them.  But I had a different reaction from your wife's - partly because I know that I am not the love of his life, nor is he mine.  We both know that, we both accept it.  Honestly, I was thrilled.  I was thrilled that my best friend and lifelong partner *got* what I had been telling him about for so long.  And I've felt closer to him than I ever did before ever since that night.  We've been getting along better than ever, too.  I never asked him why it made him cry - I think I know, so I see no reason to press it with him.  I sat there weeping along with him and I'd seen it several times by then and he didn't ask me.  Fair is fair.

Anyway, thanks for sharing such a personal story.  It always makes my day when I hear about a new Brokeback fan.  And I hope no one will take this the wrong way, but it makes my day that much more when the new fan is a straight man.  I hope you'll stick around and continue to post your feelings about this extraordinary movie.  I've found it's excellent therapy. 

[ednbarby]

hopefulheart, I dream about Jack and Ennis, too.  Just about every night, in fact.  They're always there somewhere, on the sidelines, and they're always together.  Never in my life have I dreamt about fictional characters, and I've been deeply captivated by others before them.  But as Ennis says in the short story, nothing like this.  Your posts about this have inspired me to change my signature, as a matter of fact.  Just want you and DeeDee to know that you're not the Lone Rangers on this one. 

[bbm_stitchbuffyfan]

hopefulheart, I dream about Jack and Ennis, too.  Just about every night, in fact.  They're always there somewhere, on the sidelines, and they're always together. 

  Awwe... I dream about them too. A lot of times I have trouble remembering what I dreamt about but I heard somewhere that you dream hundreds of dreams each night. Considering that Jack and Ennis constantly haunt my mind, it would be ridiculous to think that I didn't dream of them. A lot of mornings I wake up and they're the first things on my mind.

You know, I don't want it to sound like I'm happy for your misery, but it's so much better knowing others feel the same way.
I thought I was freak after I saw it.. None of my friends feel half the way I do.  I came to these boards after 3 weeks of obsessing by myself.  They have been my salvation.

I, like yourself, cry a little less, but the emotions of the movie are stronger than ever.  Half of me wishes these feelings would falter a little, but the other half wants to hang on forever.

I know what you're talking about. I thought I was losing it after I first saw Brokeback then I went to IMDB and found out many others were dealing with the same trauma. The boards have been life-savers for me.

Last time I watched the movie, I sobbed out loud and it broke my heart (that was eight days ago). Yesterday, I made up my mind that I would allow myself to think about Brokeback but I would stop basking in the sorrow (at least, for a while). So far, I've felt worse today than a few days ago when I was actually trying to soak in the sadness. I've had far worse Brokeback days though...

[Rayn]

Being/getting in touch with the feelings that the movie brings up in me....   

Well, I haven't watched the movie in weeks and don't feel I want to, but I listened to the soundtrack today and while I enjoyed the vocal artists, the instrumentals make me feel very sad.  I don't want to feel that way, so I won't watch the movie for a long while. 

I'm thankful that the movie has motivated me to make some good changes in my life, but the feelings I get when I view the movie aren't helping me make progress.  Enough is enough, huh?

More later,
Rayn

[DecaturTxCowboy]

So we're watching all them sheep and buddy says to me, "Justin..Ya know yer christmas nativity scene with the six foot pink flamingos dressed as the old wise men?  You need to replace the pig with the halo as baby gee-sus and use a lamb..."


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Pink - a color found in Nature in Shirley Mclain's parallel universe.

[kudzudaddy]

Hi, Guys...

Newbie here... refugee from Imdb.  I found this post over there today and I'd like to share it with you.  I apologize it it's already been done or if this is the wrong place. 

NOTE:  this is NOT about me.  If's from an anonymous poster on IMdB who hasn't been back since these posts.

" by -  ilovefishing99  27 minutes ago (Fri May 12 2006 18:20:17 )    
Ignore this User | Report Abuse    Reply
My wife of 35 years rented "Brokeback Mountain" the other day. It was something we had a hard time watching. There is so much I want to say right now, but I am not sure how to put it into words, so first, I apologize if this seems to long.

I have recently new to this site, and spend a lot of time reading posts, but have never thought of saying anything. You can say I am not much for words, but i enjoy reading what people have to say about films, and tv shows.

I am a farner in West Michigan, and work in a factory, we are middle class people. not a lot of money, but I always thought we were the perfect family. We had 2 children a boy and girl (not even a year apart). Our son woul of been 35 this year....

1993 our son told us he was gay, we kicked him out of the house and stopped talking to him. We returned fathers/mothers day cards to him, Christmas cards...all "return to sender". We rejected him. Over the years we slowly began talking to him, but only a few times a year. I remember thinking what I did, and my wife had the same thoughts. We still "don't understand it" but a few years ago we both thought, "We are getting older" and we didn't want to die without knowing our son. I am glad for those couple years. I admit it was hard for me, and I admit I turned him away, and I said some terrible things about the homosexual community without ever trying to understand them. My son was a man, he never appeared the way gay people did on telelvsion or in movies. Whn I saw this film, i saw my son. Him and his partner Mike were like 2 best friends. I enjoyed going to their house and drinking beer and laughing. I love strawberrys, I grow them and had brought over bushes for Kyle and Mike to plant. Of course Kyle didn't inherit my green thumb so he asked Mike to plant them.

My wife and my health were going down himm...mainly becasue of our ignorance. When we started to form our bond with our son, we felt better. We were Catholic and our Priest was the most significant person to help us come closer to our son. Mike reminded me of that Ennis character, and my son Kyle, I laugh now with tears in my eyes because "Jack" is my son....(a spitting image of his mother)...Always nag nag nag (I can laugh at that right?) My wife is a wonderful woman but she does push....maybe thats what keeps me going. Especially now. The last year has been unlike anything you can imagine...

Kyle was killed in a car accident early in the morning on his way to work. My daughter in a nurse she called us first said she couldnt get ahold of Mike and to go get him. When I picked Mike up he was planting the strawberrys. It's funny how I can't remember anything from that day accept stupid details...

Mike didn't say anything in the trauck, once we got to the hospital, Mike stood there over Kyle..Mike was holding his hand, he looked at us, his face was empty. Kyle died shortly after that moment. Part of me thanks God he was given those last moment with Mike. Even thought he was unconscious, I have to believe that he knew that Mike was there. I never seen two people so much in love, and I only wish that I could of spent more time knowing their life together.

I lost almost 10 years of my sons life because of my ignorance. I thank God that Mike has let my wife and I in by showing us pictures, telling us stories, movies they made. But most of all their dreams. So, why did I want to post this? Therapy maybe, I have so much bottled up, and I cannot talk to people face to face. I am becoming an old man who was set in his ways.

I miss my son, I just wanted you to know that."



Don't know what I can say after that.  Perhaps a respectful silence is the only reponse.

--Kudz