Getting in Touch With Your Feelings About Brokeback Mountain

[Aussie Chris]

Don't know what I can say after that.  Perhaps a respectful silence is the only reponse.

Hi Kudz, this is amazing.  I am torn between emotions.  I agree with the appropriateness of respectful silence.

Thanks for posting.

[serious crayons]

Wow. That is one of the saddest personal experience posts I've seen.

[kudzudaddy]

Hello, again...

Ilovefishing posted again today.  I repost it here for those that were touched, as I was, by his story.

"by  - ilovefishing99  2 minutes ago (Sat May 13 2006 17:01:47)    
Ignore this User | Report Abuse    Reply
Last night after i posted my story I sat down with my wife and told her I felt better, we see a therapist still once in a while and she in constantly telling us to tell our story with others. But, as many of you know it is not easy for people to listen or understand (pweopl at our church). We joined a local chapter of PFLAG, which helps.

I want to thank everyone for your posts and kind words. I wish I could answer you all individually, but the last thing you need to see is "Ilovefishing99" all over this board. I would like to address what many of you have said though, if you will allow me.

About asking for forgiveness from the gay community, I ask for it everyday, I guess you can say I was "brainwashed", but I hate using that word. I grew up in a family that didn't hate gays, in fact I found out my mther had a relationship with a woman for a very long time, i look back now and guess I saw the signs. My parents did not ever tell me to hate gays, in fact I grew up in a very progressive family. (Actually I grew up in a substance abuse family, except for myself)...Maybe they were to "high" to hate. I don't blame my church, because our priest openly excepts gays and is one of the people that HELPED bring Kyle closer to us. I know many Catholics are against gays, but I am being honest here, our church embraces them, and Father Bill NEVER denouces them EVER. I thank him every day for what he did for us. Even when we didn't talk to Kyle he never lost his faith. He and Mike still remained very active in their church they attended, and said they were welcomed with open arms. I believe the Cathoilc church is slowly accepting gays, I do. I have to believe that, and it takes one step at a time (even if they are baby steps).

About what Tom said, I do feel as though this is my punishment for what I did to Kyle. I blame myself every day, and I know IT IS NOT my fault, and I ask God to forgive me every day, I will never be able to let that guilt go. If I could get those 10 years back I would. I have no idea where my hate came from, I don't and I refuse to blame anyone except for myself. To many of us in this world try to lay blame on somebody else instead of taking the responsiblity. I know I didn't cause the accident that took his life. But, every day I look in the mirror and wonder what happened to me? Life goes by so quick, and we are all in such a hurry to catch up to it, but what we all need to do is slow down and be happy with what we have.

We are still close with Mike, he refuses to move on, or maybe he just tells us that. I can see it in his eyes. I called him today to say hi, I told him about this board and what I wrote. I wish I couls do something to make him happier. I just want the pain to go away, as the father I feel like it is my responsiblity to do this, and I know I cannot.

About BBM, everyone here says they can relate to the characters som how, I see my son and Mike happy. In my dreams I see them happy with a family.

thank you all again for your kind words and letting me tell part of my familys story."



For those who believe in prayer...  I hope you will include this man in your remembrance. 

[mike348]

I have to add to add my story.  My partner of many years wanted to see this but I was not so interested.  So I bought the DVD for his birthday when it came out in UK (2 weeks ago) and we watched it the night before I left for a business trip.  He did not seem that taken, expected more romance I think but I have been devastated while 6000 miles away from him. I breakdown every night at the end of the day and when I phone him I have to take care to stay calm as I do not want to worry him.  When I return home I want to see the movie again but I am not sure I should?  I will always remember the scene where Ennis puts his arms around Jack after the second night (I think). And of course the very end... why oh why did the writer have to kill Jack?  Why couldn't she have had him seriously wounded and Ennis come and take him away to a better life.  Annie I don't think I can ever forgive you....Will I ever stop feeling so sad?

[TJ]

For those who believe in prayer...  I hope you will include this man in your remembrance.

 

Actually one does not have to have a religion of any kind to have prayerful thoughts about someone who has needs.

The Holy Spirit of the God in whom I believe does hear the prayers of folks who even call themselves, atheists, agnostics and sinners.

I am not ashamed that I am a Practicing Pentecostal and I believe that God the Father and Jesus the Christ can talk to me by Holy Spirit's power and Holy Spirit speaks for Them.

My friend, Jim, who had lost his son to HIV/AIDS, knew that I was having some financial struggles some years back. We had become friends in a support group for Family and Friends of those who have HIV/AIDS. After I became homeless and got my own apartment, he helped me move my stuff that was in storage to my home.

Jim had been turned off by religious fanatics and he was not even going to church. He did have respect for me and my own beliefs. In fact, I was the "Bible expert" for the group and that was because they wanted me to be.

One day, the Lord said to me through the power of the Holy Spirit, "Jim is outside working in his yard and right now he is thinking about you. He is hoping that a certain thing will be done to help you financially and I am going to answer his thoughts for you as a regular prayer."

And, if I remember correctly, Jim was the only person who knew about that particular need.

A few years later, Jim started attending a Methodist church and even joined the sanctuary choir.

So, my heart and prayers go out to your friend.

[kudzudaddy]

Thanks, TJ --

he's not a friend, though... just someone who posted on Imdb.

And the story gets stranger... sometime this afternoon the admins deleted his threads and his account.  I can't imagine why.  He could, I suppose, delete his own account...  but the threads clearly say, "deleted by admin."

[Rayn]

We were Catholic and our Priest was the most significant person to help us come closer to our son.

Kyle was killed in a car accident early in the morning on his way to work.

Mike didn't say anything in the trauck, once we got to the hospital, Mike stood there over Kyle..Mike was holding his hand, he looked at us, his face was empty. Kyle died shortly after that moment.
 
I lost almost 10 years of my sons life because of my ignorance. I thank God that Mike has let my wife and I in by showing us pictures, telling us stories, movies they made. But most of all their dreams. So, why did I want to post this? Therapy maybe, I have so much bottled up, and I cannot talk to people face to face.

Dear kudzudaddy,

My Dad and Mom are Catholic too and it was their priest who helped them understand and get closer to me when I came out to them.  They had a very hard time too.  They didn't reject me, but were so overhelmed with guilt thinking they had "done something wrong" in my upbringing.  They had not.  They were pretty loving and good parents.  We are ok now.   

I know you are thankful to your priest, but also be thankful to yourself and your wife for finally coming to terms and making the effort to know your son when he was alive.  Look at the time you did have, not so much what you lost.  There's nothing we can do about loss and we all lose loved ones.  No one escapes pain or death, no one, but we can share our grief with each other.  You are right to share the story of your son with others.  It can help them and it will help you too. 

When I read your words, I felt your sadness.   I grieve with you now, but know, one day, the pain will heal and you will have only love and good memories of Kyle.  I hope for that, for you and your wife and Mike... Healing and

Peace,
Rayn

[TJ]

Thanks, TJ --

he's not a friend, though... just someone who posted on Imdb.

And the story gets stranger... sometime this afternoon the admins deleted his threads and his account.  I can't imagine why.  He could, I suppose, delete his own account...  but the threads clearly say, "deleted by admin."

Anyone has a freedom to copy something from one discussion forum and paste it in another discussion forum where the sujects are similar.

But, I usually don't copy and paste what someone had originally posted in another forum unless I can document what the other forum member posted was the actual truth.

One reason for writing the above is because of the over abundance of urban legends which one sees on the internet or even gets in regular snail mail mail boxes.

[kudzudaddy]

Well, TJ,

I don't know how I could go about "documenting" what this man wrote.  It never occurred to me to doubt him.  I have since spoken to him privately and am more than ever convinced his post and he are genuine. 

Perhaps I'm gullible, I don't know.  But, this time... I don't think so.

[kudzudaddy]

Rayn,
thank you for your lovely post.  But you must understand the story is not mine.  I read it on Imdb and posted it here because I thought it poignant and wonderfully relatied to this site.  I have no doubt your thoughts would be of comfort to the man who wrote this... I only know his name is Bob.  And I do believe he is genuine.

--Kudz