~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Meryl]

Why didn't you say who you were?  Why did you make me Wonder, Woman?

I'm wondering, too!  Separated at birth?

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((Still looking over the wedding cakes, wondering what his own will look like.))

**Wait a minute, so Guy's alright then? Good ta hear.**

**Not that I particularly wanna see 'er pretty face agin, but anyone seen Lureen... We got a shotgun weddin' ta get thru... she still tryin' on those bridal gowns.**

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

((Guy rolls over on his back, looking up into Lucise's dreamy eyes.))

**I need to get back to the set, see if I can find more marketable wonders for our customer base.**

((Guy reluctantly gets up, performs his 3-hour ritual in the bathroom, then dresses and grabs his briefcase.))

** Do, um.... do you want to eat lunch later on?**

[Lumière]

LUCISE:

((Lucise is busy knitting away when Guy finally emerges from the bedroom about 3 and a half hours later ..))

**Babe ..you know I love you, but we really gotta talk about the amount of time you spend in the bathroom.  Three hours??  It's alittle ..well..much! Don't cha think?   

Hey look, while you were in the bath, I finished the scarf I was working on .. look..



And look what I started working on now ..



This lack of sheep thing on BAM has really brought out my creative side ..

Oh,..you asked about lunch .. I am working on the next BAM Woolen Ecstacy launch, so I got an appointment with 2 people about that .. so I'll have to give lunch a miss today ..**

((Lucise walks over to where Guy is standing, takes his briefcase and sets in on the floor ..))

** I know you were alittle freaked when you woke this morning .. what with the burning Celeste pizza dream an' all .. but last night was ..damn!  **

((Lucise draws Guy into his arms ..))

** I'll see ya tonight..**

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

((Guy enjoys being pulled into Lucise's arms one last time before he has to leave, the wool scarf itching against his face, but somehow softer than a normal wool scarf because he knew that Lucise had made it. The warmth of Lucise's skin may also have had something to do with it.))

((Guy sighs before continuing): **Alright. Yeah, that was some nightmare. I'm glad you woke me.... I'll see you tonight.**

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((Bored stiff with wedding cakes, Jack decides to try and leave the engagement party and see if he can find a way out of this situation. He goes to the door.))

**Oh hey, LD, just seein' if Lureen's ready yet. That's a real nice 30-30 ya got there.**

((a little paler than normal, Jack closes the door and finds himself trapped in the room with all the wedding cakes.))

**God, Ennis, what have I gotten into now?**

[Daniel]

Meanwhile, on a fenced field somewhere in Riverton...

RANDOM HEIFER: ** We been chewin' cud here all day, watchin' cars go by. And I ain't seen Hay Man go by yet.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: ** Yeah, well. If we could get into that field across the highway we could put up another sign.**

RANDOM HEIFER: **We're already puttin' up as many signs as we can.... I think we already got that billboard across the highway.... We're leavin' more signs than God.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: ((stops chewing for a moment)) **Maybe he kent read.**

RANDOM HEIFER: ** Nah, he's drivin'. If yer drivin', ya can read.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: ((ambles over by the billboard signpost in their own field.)) **Ya wanna go up again?**

RANDOM HEIFER: **What the hell fer?**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: **Cause we're best buds and I wanna put somethin' else up.**

RANDOM HEIFER: **Fine!**

[Daniel]

RANDOM HEIFER: ** Yer J's too thick an' yer heart's lopsided.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: **Well its not easy teeterin' on yer back when yer lookin' up tryin' ta tell me what to paint. And asides, I happen ta like J. Its purty. Its a big swoop and then a line.**

RANDOM HEIFER: ((sighs)).

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: **So whats this about tha other weddin'?**

RANDOM HEIFER: **Jack and Lureen.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: **He can't marry her... how are we cows'n'calves gonna have a sweet life then?**

RANDOM HEIFER: **That's why we gotta get Ennis to go down'n save him.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: ((jumps off RANDOM HEIFER's back to the ground below, flailing its legs as it falls.))

RANDOM HEIFER: **Yer gonna hurt yerself one a these days and I ain't gonna stick around ta pick up the pieces.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: ((hits the ground running, hops and skips a little before looking back up.)) **Yer jest jealous. You wanna do it too.**

[Daniel]

Meanwhile, at the BAM production set.

((Guy finds a nice quiet spot outside... despite the harsh winds whipping through the set, it was a beautiful day, a perfect opportunity to come up with some product.))

%% I have just the thing.... where are those bikers when you need them? %%

((Excitedly, Guy picks up his cellphone and dials the product development crew.))

**I've found our next Broken Arsed Mountain product, and this time we can begin production immediately.... Biker's Baskets, the perfect cuisine meal for on the go. Get with Monroe about the various menus we'll be providing.**



**Yep.... yep.... un hunh. Wait, what?** ((dramatic silence as Guy listens)) **What do you mean Lureen's Lime 'n' Lemon Sorbet isn't selling too well. It's delicious, and I thought the "Pucker up, fella." line was particularly good.... Oh, yes... I can see that would be a problem......... Well just replace the image with something else then.... the running horse or something....... No! Absolutely no twirling pasties on the icecream cartons!**

[saucycobblers]

((HUNGRY AUDIENCE MEMBER))

** I WANT ONE! I WANT ONE!! **