~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

((still on the phone.))

**As soon as there's about 1,000 of those biker baskets, bring them over. Everyone in the audience will get one. Then make more.... yes, yes, the corporate account.**

[saucycobblers]

((OTHER HUNGRY AUDIENCE MEMBERS))

** ME TOO! ME TOO!! We don't want no goddamn gherkins though...**

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

((to the audience))

**I don't know if there will be any gherkins or not, but the Biker's Baskets will employ the time-honored cuisine mentality of our very own grocer, Monroe, whom we've all seen perform at his best in the kitchen. What marvels these Baskets will have remains a mystery even to me, but I'm sure we'll enjoy every last morsel.**

**While we're waiting for these, would anyone like a free carton of Lureen's Lime'n'Lemon Sorbet? We're discontinuing this run to change the graphics on the carton.**

[saucycobblers]

((INCREASINGLY HUNGRY AND GRUMPY AUDIENCE MEMBERS))

** Well there'd better be cherry cake, or else... Lime'n'Lemon sorbet, you say??**

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

**Yeah, the carton's being remodified, but we still got these available.**

[nakymaton]

Meanwhile, on a fenced field somewhere in Riverton...

ANNIE (no, not THAT Annie... Annie Oakley III, owner of ANNIE'S HOMESTYLE BAR-B-Q, BINGO PARLOR, and SHOOTIN RANGE):

((Drives past a fenced field somewhere in Riverton.))

Hey! I thought I paid for that billboard until Thanksgivin! I want my money back...

((ANNIE gets her GUN and looks for whatever RANCHER happens to own that field...))

[Daniel]

RANDOM HEIFER: ((notices lady with shotgun))

**Woah, there, someone help me get down. That lady's lookin' mad. Don't wanna end up as hamburgers, still lookin forward to tha sweet life.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFFER: ((can't yet see the lady))

**What's goin' on?**

RANDOM HEIFER: **Mad-looking lady with a gun. She's headin' straight towards the billboard... I think.**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: **What? We gotta save the billboard!!!** ((Begins pacing nervously about, trying to think of what to do.))

RANDOM HEIFER: **Don't just stand there... Raise the alarm.... Gotta save the sweet life for the cows'n'calves!!!**

SECOND RANDOM HEIFER: **Right!** ((begins Mooing provocatively, getting all the other nearby cattle mooing also.))

((The herd continues to moo and slowly gets tighter and tighter, ambling towards the woman in their field.))

[Cher]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

((to the audience))

**I don't know if there will be any gherkins or not, but the Biker's Baskets will employ the time-honored cuisine mentality of our very own grocer, Monroe, whom we've all seen perform at his best in the kitchen.

ME:

Well, actually, I believe that MONROE performs at his best in the bakery aisle.    And so I have arranged for this special award for my own big, golden man.



(( I think that at this point, I sigh dreamily.  ))

[Mikaela]

MONROE:

((Still busily planning his wedding catering business sideline))

((Gets caught up in reverie and sits staring dreamily into space, while flickering visions appear before his inner eye))


**ALMA.....CHER...... cuisine.... ostentacious wedding banquets..........big-time catering..... the golden Michelin five star best -in-show and best-in-the-aisle award  ........ALMA.... ALMA...... CHER....... gourmet food galore..... oh, ALMA.....**

((Sighs long and dreamily, for the moment entirely lost to the world))

[Daniel]

Meanwhile, back in Childress.

YOUNG JACK:

((Jack has been trapped inside the wedding cake room for days and, being nearly famished, has eaten through about half of them... Some of them, he realized with dismay, were styrofoam look-alikes.))

**Ugh, I can tell this is gonna make me fat. I wish that woman would hurry up and git her gown on er whatever she's doin... better yet, maybe she's changed her mind.**

((Jack gets up off the floor where he had quaffed one of the champagne fountains under a wedding cake, only to find that it was ginger ale. He opens the door and looks out, uneasily, as he had countless times before, hoping not to see LD with a gun, or Lureen with a gun which was scarier.))