~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Pipedream]

[Meryl]

LD Newsome:

((Walking on toset looking a little confused and tired as he's realised hes late hes late for a very important date (maybe)...))

**so has that girl of mine had her baby yet. Bet if its a girl it'll look like Rodeo. hes femine that way ye know. If it's a boy it'll look like me. No doubt. Hey Maw.. you got that processed milk ready???**

HIGH PRIESTESS:

** Hey, L.D., nice to see ya!  About time you appeared.  You need to get your time-travelin' arse to the wedding shop and get your tux fitted.  We're marrying Rodeo and Lureen sometime this weekend, and you need to give away the Bride!  Tell that lovely wife of yours she'd better get out the Superfine Spray and her nicest Mother of the Bride dress, too.  See you in church! ** 

[nakymaton]

So many whole bulls lined up for the feast - everyone here should be full and satisfied, except SLEEPY if he shows up. He'd be in grave danger, if you know what I mean.

SLEEPY the BULL:

**from somewhere in Mexico**

Wastin away again in Margaritaville
lookin for my lost shaker of salt.
Some people claim that there's a woman to blame
but I know

(duh duh duh duh)

it's nobody's fault.

HIC.

((SLEEPY passes out and has a nightmare about...



...tequila beef fajitas.))

**MONROE, don't you go lettin your culinary fantasies get out of hand there, now.**

[Kelda]

HIGH PRIESTESS:

** Hey, L.D., nice to see ya!  About time you appeared.  You need to get your time-travelin' arse to the wedding shop and get your tux fitted.  We're marrying Rodeo and Lureen sometime this weekend, and you need to give away the Bride!  Tell that lovely wife of yours she'd better get out the Superfine Spray and her nicest Mother of the Bride dress, too.  See you in church! ** 

LD NEwsome
**Ma Tux is ordered... whaddaya think!? I thought it was appropriate given the romantic day it twas.. but I couldn't get a fitting so a sent the wife along instead.. dont she look pretty!?**

[Daniel]

GUY RAPHAELSON:

**Okay, we'll have to see how that picture came out when it's developed... I think it was alright.... I didn't realize the bald guys were coming, so we may do it again if they want to be in the picture...**

((Guy turns and faces the rest of the wedding crowd.))

**Okay, now for the families of the bride and groom, and the groomsmen and the bridemaids, and yes the High Priestess, and the flower girls.**

**We'll have to take pictures of the bridge and groom after the ceremony.**

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((Jack looks back at the groomsmen.))

**Didn't bring no family with me... this was kinda a split second thing for me... But speakin' of bride, ain't that corny music supposed ta start yet?**

[saucycobblers]

((CYRIL the BAM CARRIER PIGEON has arrived safely at CHER's Sacred Comeback Tour Wig Trunk at CHER's trailer in Riverton...

Landing softly and with infinite grace, CYRIL gently lays down his precious cargo and raps on the lid.))

Rattitty-tap-tap... tap-tap.

((The lid opens a fraction...))

**Yeah? Whut??**

CYRIL:

**Coo...coo...I have a delivery for Mr TERRY CLOTH...coo...coo...**

((The lid opens further to reveal...))

DOROTHY WIG:



**Yes honey, TERRY was here but he skipped town a few days ago.**

DISCO WIG:



**We think he went to some laundromat somewheres around these parts. And not before time, I might add. That cloth damn near stunk this trunk out!**

DOROTHY WIG:

**You hush now, Chaka Khan! You cud stand a while in the suds yerself!**

DISCO WIG:

**Bitch! Why don't ya go the hell back ta Kansas!**

FEATHER WIG:



**Ladies! Ladies! All this wigging ain't helpin' Mr CYRIL none. Besides, y'all know Ms CHER loves me the best.**

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN WIG:



**Least y'all don't get everyone tryin' ya on thinkin' they're goddamn Johnny Depp...**

((CHER's WIGS shake themselves in commiseration.))

CYRIL:

**Coo...coo...thankyou, er, ladies. Guess I'll try an find this laundromat then.**

BEATLES WIG:



**You going anywhere near Liverpool, mate?**


((Actor's note: "wigging" - British slang word meaning 'to berate severely'  ))

[Brown Eyes]

**The sun returns!**

[saucycobblers]

((Cheered by the appearance of THE SUN after all the rain Riverton's been getting, but still reeling from his surreal encounter with CHER'S WIGS, CYRIL picks up the precious postcard that will reunite our two wefted and emoliated lovers in sweet smelling harmony, and sets off on the long trek to the Riverton laundromat...))



((It's been a long day, however, and after 3 effen hours looking for the damn laundomat, CYRIL decides it's time to hitch a lift from one of the passing trucks...))



((A kindly but confused gas station CLERK picks him up and spends the rest of the journey muttering something about definitely cutting down on the ganja now...))



((...and after placing the postcard on the doorstep of the flat above the laundromat, CYRIL accepts the welcome offer of a lift home from the CLERK.))

CLERK:

**Cyril... Can ah call ya CYRIL? Cyril, ya don't happen ta knaw any tubes a talkin' butt lotion, do ya??**

[Mikaela]

MIKA THE DUMBASS MUSICAL MULE:


((Bathed in new-emerged sunlight, greets the bald-headed ones as soon as they arrive from Broken Arsed Mountain, in a decidedly harrowed and stressed-out fashion:))

Good that you're finally here, guys!! What took you so long - your feathers gone rusty and your wings creaky or sumthing? I just heard the groom asking for Corny Music! There's no time to practice - let's just get on stage this minute!

Don't know if this is what he's after, but this is what he's getting:


((Announces proudly with a voice that carries to Dallas:))

It's MIKAAAAAAA and the MIKETTES!


((Strikes a graceful yet sexy pose on stage))

= Cue very corny music of the BAM Mating Dance=


MIKA:
This is nature’s mating call
Simply telling all
to fall…….
in love

MIKETTES:
Do-be-do-be-do-be-doooooo

MIKA:
And that's why mules do it, flies do it
Even eagles in the skies do it
get to it, just fall in love
Shy camp tenders, 'gainst their wish, do it
Even horses, sheep and cows do it
Get to it, just fall in love
I've heard that coyotes and dogs do it
skipping ‘round a rock
They say that roosters do it
With a doodle and cock
Some cute cowboys without means do it
I hear even no-more-beans’ll do it
Get to it, just fall in loooove!

MIKETTES:
Do-be-do-be-do-be-doooooo
The mating dance:
Just fall in looooooooooooooooooove!

((Suddenly and sheepishly realizes something, and whispers to the MIKETTES))

Guys, perhaps he was really wanting to hear "Here comes the Bride".

Well, no problem! Let's do that one too!