Author Topic: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%  (Read 1681573 times)

Offline coffeecat33

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3420 on: November 20, 2006, 04:49:54 pm »



Offline coffeecat33

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3421 on: November 20, 2006, 04:55:28 pm »
Empress of Everything

Oh the horror, the horror. Things are going from inactive to dead!
I must find a solution to this. Hmm... what to do, what to do?


Offline coffeecat33

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3422 on: November 20, 2006, 05:17:54 pm »
Empress of Everything

Eureka !!! I have got it !!!
%% Or did I just say that? %%
The answer of course is Bananas!



How to eat a banana and keep your dignity

Bananas: The delicious yellow fruit that is very healthy for you. A fruit that is high in potassium that genuinely tastes really good. However, there's a catch: Bananas are the most phallic fruits on this planet.

George Carlin once said, "Men, how can you look at a woman eating a banana and not think of a blowjob?" Well, unfortunately, he's right. When women eat bananas, men think dirty thoughts as a reflex. It's not that we're perverted people, we just can't help it.

What is even worse is when men eat bananas, they leave themselves open to lewd remarks from their friends. Most heterosexual men are very insecure about their sexuality, which most women love to complain about. As a result, many men are somewhat homophobic. Eating a banana in public does not help this matter at all. As a result, many men are not consuming as many bananas as they would like.

The following actions may be taken to allow men and women in general to eat bananas without feeling dirty or leaving themselves vulnerable to ridicule. You can eat a banana and keep your dignity by doing the following:

-Whenever possible, cut up the banana and mix it with cereal or the like. This eliminates the phallic nature of the banana while allowing you to enjoy the benefits.
-If on the run, hold the banana from the middle. Holding it from either end looks funny and suggestive.
-Peel the banana, and break off a small piece and put it in your mouth. Finish the banana a piece at a time. Never put the entire banana to your mouth at any time! This is somewhat suave and eliminates the opportunity to be ridiculed.

Hopefully these rules will prevent countless men and women from being the subject of inappropriate thoughts and gestures. This will also allow countless numbers to enjoy the healthy benefits of bananas and still keep their dignity.

Idea by zav200 from everything2.com

Offline coffeecat33

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3423 on: November 20, 2006, 05:20:07 pm »

Offline coffeecat33

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3424 on: November 20, 2006, 05:21:19 pm »
Carmen Miranda

Did someone call for me!?


Offline coffeecat33

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3425 on: November 20, 2006, 05:25:49 pm »
Carmen Miranda

My little chiquitas I have just what you need, bananas for everyone!!
Just head through that door. In an orderly fashion, chicquitas, in an orderly fashion.


Offline coffeecat33

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3426 on: November 20, 2006, 05:26:45 pm »

Offline Arad-3

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3427 on: November 20, 2006, 05:35:18 pm »
Audience member Jimmy Durante~

"Hey Lady! That's not a banana...that's my nose!"

« Last Edit: November 20, 2006, 05:43:53 pm by Arad-3 »
" Save a horse... ride a cowboy "

Offline Meryl

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3428 on: November 20, 2006, 05:45:48 pm »
((At the sudden and unannounced appearance of the Empress of Everything, the HIGH PRIESTESS chokes on her coffee and cherrycake.))



%% What the...?  Who is THAT?!   And just who is she to walk in here and start going on about bananas without so much as a boy howdy? %%

« Last Edit: November 20, 2006, 06:27:55 pm by Meryl »
Ich bin ein Brokie...

Offline Meryl

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Re: ~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%
« Reply #3429 on: November 20, 2006, 06:27:17 pm »
((Meryl swings into action, rustling up her new Assistant))



** Alessandro, do be a dear and take a letter...

To:

Dame Edna Everidge
Headmistress and Divine Presence
DAME EDNA'S FINISHING SCHOOL FOR INTERNATIONAL MEGASTARS
Brisbane, Australia

Edna Dahling,

I'm faxing you a picture of a person who appeared on set just now styling herself the Empress of Everything.  Would you be a dear and run a fact check on her?  I must respond soon.

Kisses,
Meryl

High Priestess
Her Sageness
Head Gal
Brokeback Cult, Ltd. **
Ich bin ein Brokie...