~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Pipedream]

** After a long holiday in Owlywood, Owl Olivia thinks it'd be about time to check out the set of Broken Arsed Mountain again.

They believed themselves invisible, not knowing, Olivia had watched them through her owl eyes for ten hours one day... She had seen what she had seen and heard what she had heard and flashed a winning smile... **

   

[Daniel]

Audience Member:

**10 Hours? Is that how long we've been here, it feels longer than that.**

[Arad-3]

JACK:

**Well, I'll be!!!! Nancy! Haven't seen ya since high school, when ya were drawing pictures of dresses all the time. Glad ta see ya made it. I'm sellin' tractors down in Texas, but right now I'm just visitin a friend up here. Ennis del Mar. Ya know of him? Tall man, good lookin', always looks like he's jest about ta cry but never goes through with it. Just got divorced. Tryin' ta find what his new address is.**

**I'm also tryin' ta buy some lotion off one of these fine-lookin' sales ladies.**

((Just then a crash of crystal can be heard from the fragrance department.))

SALESPERSON: **Hold on to yer hats, folks. The store's goin' round a bend!!!**

((Sales associates run everywhere to try and keep various store fixtures from falling down.))

JACK: **What's goin' on, Nancy? All the buildings in Riverton are moving about. This ain't exactly normal.**

Nancy~

Ahh!  Pay no mind Jack.   Nothings right in this town lately!  I could swear someday those doors are gonna swing open and someones gonna yell "Smile your on Candid Camera!"  Karma's are all off right now, that's all.    So your selling tracters in Texas huh?  How I miss Texas!  Miss those rodeo's.  Anyways Jack you came in for some lotion. Getting alittle chaffed in the britchs huh? Riding all those tractors!

(( Nancy smiles and winks at Jack))



Oh by the way! Del Mar, Yes there was just a pretty little lady in the store named Del Mar. She left about 20 minutes ago. Anyways let me get you that lotion. I have got a special promotional sale going on this week just for cowboys like you..

(( Nancy picks up the intercom phone))

Pango! Paging Pango. Pango would you please come to cosmetics. !

Oh here he comes!  You just help yourself to what ever you want there Jack. No charge for any of my friends from Texas!  Got to run, I'm needed in footwear!  I swear  I don't know why I have sales people here!  I  have to do everything myself! (( Gives Rose another stern look))  Hope you find your friend!  Bye Hon!!

Pango take care of this cowboy!

[Arad-3]

Pango~

((Pango smiles and whispers to Jack))

This is the one that I use!

[saucycobblers]

((Meanwhile, back in ALMA's kitchen...

...completely unaware of the pretenders to the WARSHRAG's throne beating a path to his lid, JBB decides it's time to venture outside to the Riverton set.

Still a little disorientated, and high on industrial-strength anti-phlegm medication, JBB takes a wrong turn at the fridge and opens a kitchen cabinet door by mistake...))

JBB:

**Oh my...**



((A chorus of 'hallelujahs' are heard in the heavens above the Riverton set, and a comet passes overhead))

JBB:

**Heeeeeello. Oooo, mama...**

[welliwont]

SHORT-NOTICE CASTING CALL

Attention BetterMostians!  Our casting sub-contractor has asked me to post this urgent Casting Call, so here it is:

JBB Butt Cream Enterprises cordially invites applications for the part
of BAD BYRON, Mr JBB's new beau in the esteemed production 'Broken Arsed Mountain'

Recently B.A.M. Productions engaged this firm for the casting of the exotic hard-to-find Performers that we sometimes require.  So in this instance, any interested applicants can reply by PM to either Saucycobblers (Nicky) or to me.  (Must have current veterinary certificate of heath to work in this venue.)

DJT

[Daniel]

Pango~

((Pango smiles and whispers to Jack))

This is the one that I use!

JACK:

((A little uncomfortable by Pango's closeness in his undressed state.))

%% Gotta think on Ennis. Gotta think on Ennis. %%

**((gulp)) Well, thanks Pango, Guess I'll take that one then.... Ya've got nice arms for a department store mole. Sure ya don't rodeo in yer spare time or somethin'? I could probably teach ya a few wrangling tricks if ya want. -**

%% Get a hold a yerself, Jack. %%

((Jack takes the offered lotion and quickly moves away a bit.))

**But first thing's first. Gotta find Ennis del Mar. Ya know where he moved to after the divorce?**

[Mikaela]

MONROE:


((Wakes up at last, completely disoriented ))

What? Where am I? My neck is killing me - how long have I slept? And I'm so hungry, tell you what!

((Steps out of car, too late noticing the scenery twirling by crazily ))

Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!

(( Swept off his feet and sucked into a swirling vortex of disintegrating reality that has parts of the Riverton set dancing cha-cha-cha in the sky ))

[alec716]

((Meanwhile, in ALMA's kitchen...

...the still slightly phlegmy JBB has had time to reflect upon his goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation during his convalescence))

**No word from TERRY in 4 effen months. Got no idea where he went either. Didn't leave no word, or no sign. Just rolled himself up and disappeared from that laundromat like a fart in the wind...**

((JBB sniffs loudly, and only partly because of the Del Mar lurgy, as a creamy tear slides down his pale tubing))

**The WARSHRAG musta had his reasons, I guess. Though hell if I know what they coulda been. I gotta let ya go, bud... though it makes me madder than a jackrabbit with a cyote on its tail ta do it. Remember the time we spent together in the don't-look-right-tent up on Brokenarse? It coulda been like that, just like that, always... but I guess ya didn't want it TERRY.**

((JBB swallows hard and squeezes his lid tightly shut, trying to get a hold of himself, fearful that if he lets himself go to that place there won't be any way back...))

**Sometimes I miss you so much I can hardly stand it. And I can't stand it no more... please don't be mad at me for needin' sumthin' I don't hardly never get. I gotta let yer soft folds and yer double-stitched hem go, friend, I swear...**

((JBB hums softly to himself, and gently sings in a melancholy voice that is barely a whisper...))

(( To the abject horror of BetterMostians everywhere, a limp, fuzzy-headed, and grayer-than-ever TERRY CLOTH crawls back onto the Broken Arse set.  SHEEP groan in anticipation of a new round of bad puns, loopy humor, and a very warped weft.  AUDIENCE leaves in protest.  ))


TERRY CLOTH (sadly, faintly, but facing his fears and exhaustion with great hope):

**  JBB, now don't go givin' up on me just yet.  That ol' HIGH PRIESTESS, the one who fancies herself some fancy Lypstinka knock-off, had me chained deep in the bowels of ... well, now, you really don't wanna hear about her bowels, do ya?  Neither did I, but I had to stand it.  I got splinters in my dernier from the bottom a that Sacred Relics trunk.  Nasty ol' box should'a gone down with the Titanic.  The trunk, I mean.  Let's just say that I'm done puttin' the blocks to her for once and for all.  You are the only one for me, JB-effen-B.  Whaddaya say, still thinkin' about that little exfoliant and loofa operation we could have?  **

[Front-Ranger]

AUDIENCE MEMBER:

Wooo-hooo the vigil is over at last!!! Terry is back!!!! Bring out the bath elixir let's all have a taste of the bubbly!!!!!!!!