For absolutely no reason at all, except to give people a Saturday afternoon laugh, I offer the following.
Telephone conversation between Heath Ledger and Joe Albierti, his agent. (Disclaimer: I really don't know the name of Heath's agent.)
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“Hullo?” said Heath, answering the phone on its third ring.
“Hey, Heath, it’s Joe,” came the booming voice of his agent. “How’s it hanging?”
Heath winced. Ever since Brokeback Mountain, certain expressions just didn’t seem funny anymore. “I’m fine, Joe,” said Heath. “How about you?”
“Fine, fine, fine. Now, listen Heath, I have a project I want to talk to you about. You want to chat now or get together in person?”
“Chat now is fine,” said Heath. “I’m not in the middle of anything.” Actually, he’d been thinking about going to the market to buy some vegetables and pasta for a primavera, but that could wait.
“All right,” said Joe. “So, you know how Brokeback made such a buzz, blew everyone’s socks off and people have been talking sequel for months now.”
“I know,” said Heath, “but how can there be a sequel? Jack is dead. No way to bring him back to life, now, is there? This isn’t the TV show Dallas.”
Joe laughed at that. “You’re absolutely right,” he said, “but there is the possibility of picking up the story where it ends…or maybe a few years later.”
“And…” said Heath, leaving the thought unfinished.
“Well,” said Joe, “we’ve had a bunch of interns working in the office, scouring the Internet for possible stories.”
“Scouring the Internet?” said Heath, not clearly following Joe’s train of thought.
“Yeah,” replied Joe. “There are lots of Brokeback fans out there, writing stories that pick up on the original. Some change the ending, some having Jack surviving.”
“Oh,” said Heath. “You mean fanfic. You guys are looking at fanfic for a possible sequel to Brokeback?”
“You know about fanfic?” said Joe.
“I’ve heard about it, yeah,” responded Heath.
“So, yes, we’re looking at fanfic as a possible source of a story. Now, most of what we have found won’t work, but we’ve come across this one story that would. And we’re thinking of optioning it for a movie.”
“So what’s the premise?” asked Heath.
“It picks up in 1984, two years after Jack’s death. Ennis has been basically alone, spending some time with Junior. Y’know, poor as shit, nothing much has changed. Then he does some reading, this and that, ends up in a gay bar in Laramie.”
“And…?” said Heath, urging Joe to continue.
“He meets a guy, eventually they get together, have a relationship. The guy’s name is Ellery.”
“Doesn’t sound like much of a story, Joe. Not enough to carry a whole movie.”
“Well, that’s the core of it for Ennis. There’s lots of other stuff going on. The guy, Ellery, is a cop and gets involved in trying to find out what happened to Jack, if he was murdered. And he owns the gay bar, too, so there’s that whole angle of the story. As a matter of fact,” he said, pausing, “there’s way too much story for a movie. We’d have to cut some of it down. Right now the author is on her third book, it is turning into an epic.”
“Wow,” said Heath. “Sounds interesting.” He paused for a minute. “You said it takes place after the story, right? So I’d be old Ennis.”
“Yes, you’d be 41, 42. He has a birthday in the story, actually.”
“I didn’t like old Ennis,” said Heath. “I didn’t like all that latex shit they put on my face, and making my hair look like straw.”
Joe laughed. “Well, we could work it out to make you look younger, probably. Ennis falls really hard for this guy Ellery. He’d be really happy, that would take some of the age out of his face. Oh, and about the hair…your curls would be back. Ellery likes Ennis’s curls.”
Heath paused for a minute, letting it all sink in, then he asked, “Would Jake be back?”
“He might—for a small part. There are a few flashback scenes that might get included.”
“What about Ellery? Any thought of who’d play his character?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact,” said Joe, “there’s talk about Hugh Jackman. Know him?”
“I’ve met him a few times,” said Heath. “Seems like a nice guy. Never worked with him, though.” He paused. “How did Jackman’s name come up?”
Joe took a breath. “Actually, in addition to the story on the Internet, there’s this—I guess you’d call it a fan club—and they have been busy casting the production. Jackman seems like a good choice. He’s got the right look. Ellery’s tall, very thin, grey eyes, black hair…”
They were both silent for a minute, then Joe continued. “Now, one thing I have to tell you, Heath…there’s more sex in this story than there was in Brokeback. In other words, you need to get used to the idea of more than 90 seconds in a tent and one hot reunion kiss.”
Heath laughed softly. “And where did this come from?”
“Audience feedback. They wanted more and since this story has a happy ending, we can give them more.”
“Is there sex in the story? The one on the Internet, I mean?” said Heath.
“Ohhhh yes,” said Joe. “Lots. Rather explicit, as a matter of fact. We’d need to tone it down for the movie.”
“Rather explicit?” said Heath. “That sounds more like slash, not fanfic.”
“Oh,” said Joe. “You know the difference?”
Heath sounded exasperated. “I haven’t been living under a rock, you know. Yes, I know the difference. I also know what RPS is, too, and yes, I’ve read a few of the stories.”
Joe laughed. “Maybe we should let you do the scouring, forget the interns.” Heath chuckled along with this comment. “So, Heath, still interested?”
“Maybe. I’d like to read the story. Send me an email with the link and I’ll get started on it tonight.”
“Okay,” said Joe, “will do. But let me warn you, you might not want to start reading until you have about three days of your life to devote to this. It is rather addicting.”
Heath laughed. “Thanks for the warning. Send me the link. And send me the link to the fan club, too. Maybe I’ll drop in for a visit.”
Topic: Taking Chances, by E. L. Van Hine and L.H. Nicoll (Read 3093452 times)