Author Topic: Completed Brokeback Limericks!  (Read 15471 times)

Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #10 on: June 25, 2006, 01:42:50 pm »
One evening Alma was knitting,
While Ennis drank beer while sitting,
And the lil girls played with their dollies,
Ennis daydreamed of Jacks Follies,
Which Jack had not yet thought of quitting.



##-----------------------------------------------------##


What Ennis liked didn't make many babies,
From Alma he got mostly maybes,
But from the back,
She looked just like Jack,
for Ennis no longer liked ladies.


##-----------------------------------------------------##


There once was a gal named Cassie,
Who Alma Jr. thought was too sassy,
Cassie hoped to be "the one"
But Ennis said he was no fun,
And he much preferred Jack Nasty!



##-----------------------------------------------------##


I hear that Texans don't drink no coffee,
but from what I can see, they ain't scruffy.
They claim that bigger is better,
And they sure like it wetter,
always go for that bullriding trophy!


##-----------------------------------------------------##


It ended with a blasted storm from the Pacific,
Said Ennis, "That's not so terrific",
now I have to go marry,
and to leave Jack is Scary.
What a misery! How horrific!


##-----------------------------------------------------##


Jack reached out for Ennis's hand,
and placed it apon his Gland.
"Now I've gotten him this far,
where is that vasoline jar?
Since I've just let him know where I stand....!


« Last Edit: June 25, 2006, 01:51:42 pm by Lucise »


Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #11 on: June 25, 2006, 01:45:37 pm »

O how I wish I owned Motel Siesta,
instead of my Ford Fiesta.
A little discrete camera I would place,
towards the bed of course it would face,
Home-made porn, what could be betta?



##-----------------------------------------------------##


There once was a man named Monroe,
Who was most prob'ly on the down-low.
He was good with his knife
And had a chatter-box wife,
and probably wished it was Ennis he could Blow!



##-----------------------------------------------------##


L.D.Newsome was a mean son of Bitch,   
With a mind as hollow as a ditch,
When it came to tractors he was King of the Deal,
But to Jack Twist he was anal, for real!
Because his bad behaviour cause poor Jack to Twitch!



##-----------------------------------------------------##


Whiskey's one o' the two things I need right now,
He took a look at Jack and raised an eyebrow,
"The sight of yer buns in those jeans,
makes me horny as hell by all means
For you my love, I'd moooo like a cow!"


##-----------------------------------------------------##


From a small town named Lightnin' Flat,
came a hot cowboy in a black hat,
He packed up his truck,
But he didn't have a buck,
And up in Signal is where his destiny sat!



##-----------------------------------------------------##


They jumped off the cliff stark bollock-naked,
their buns looking like freshly baked,
As they splashed in the water,
Their tackle chilled shorter,
But as soon as they touched, it warmed and awaked




Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #12 on: June 25, 2006, 01:47:35 pm »

Lureen was Cowgirl with her sites on our Jack,
She went to him, fear of rejection did she lack,
Jack asked the bartender about this young honey,
And whether she went at it like a frisky bunny,
'Cause he fancied the thought of her nude on her back.



##-----------------------------------------------------##


My sights on you sets my mouth a-drooling,
You make me hot as hell and you know I ain't fooling,
Your lips are softer than a baby's bottom,
all things to turn me on, man, you got'em,
So this heat for you ain't never cooling.



##-----------------------------------------------------##


Lashawn, she was quite the talker,
and it took only one Johnny Walker
To unleash the fury of her tongue,
you'd think you were stepping in Dung,
I know she's hot, but wouldn't want to be her stalker!


##-----------------------------------------------------##


Ol' John Twist loved to keep a spittin' cup,
he belittled Jack since he was a young pup.
He never quite accepted his son's gayness,
and Jack fled him to settle in Childress.
The Ol' geezer went too far!  Bit over the top!



##-----------------------------------------------------##


The reason Jack didn' like beans
Was that he was wearing tight jeans.
The gas he would pass,
From out of his ass,
Would burst the damn thing by all means!



##-----------------------------------------------------##


Ennis del Mar, you randy dandy hunk,
get over here and put off that trunk!
"Love that peachy bottom", Jack growled,
"Less talk and more action please!" Ennis howled,
So into Jack Ennis quickly sunk.




Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #13 on: June 25, 2006, 01:49:11 pm »

Jack wants to buy Jimbo a drink
'cause his lonely life's startin to stink
But the clown is unwilling
And Jack's hopes fall from the ceiling,
in less time than it takes him to blink.



##-----------------------------------------------------##


Ennis talked of coyotes as he pulled off his sock,
but he had more than just coyote stories on stock.
He wondered when with handsome Jack he would lay,
thinking that would so make my day,
Only Jack he desired, to hold and kiss and f--k..



##-----------------------------------------------------##


Lureen's hairdresser had so much to do,
He shrieked, "Girl, have I got the do for you!",
Bleach-blonde, you'll take control
A little trim, color, shampoo and roll,
You'll look like Farrah Fawcett No. 2.



##-----------------------------------------------------##


As fireworks glowed in the sky,
Ennis' short temper did fly.
Bikers flew left and right,
Ennis was wound up, ready to fight,
made them give earth-orbiting a good try!



##-----------------------------------------------------##


Ennis gave Jack's cheek a little poke,
and said let's take a nice relaxing soak,
So they stripped down to their drawers,
and embraced each other's flaws,
for they were both as hard as a mighty Oak!



Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #14 on: June 26, 2006, 10:31:53 pm »

Joe Aguirrie had 1000 woolies,
that he tried to haul up using pulleys,
but it was so much easier using Ennis and Jack,
because of prowess and strength there wasn't a lack,
though they sometimes got sidetracked by .....follies.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

L.D. is the father-in-law from hell
And Jack sorely wished he could tell
Him to go shove it up his arse
And that the marriage was a farce,
and that only Del Mar'd ring his bell.

##-----------------------------------------------------##

Before Jack met Ennis summer of sixty-three,
he dreamed of every Cowboy that he would see.
He loved their walk, their talk, their look,
He'd do anything they wanted, even offer to cook!
But del Mar was the fairest of them all, woo-wee!


##-----------------------------------------------------##

The fire died down on the camp site,
And Ennis shivered all through the night,
while Jack slept warmly inside the tent,
Ennis Hammered loudly with no relent,
and was frozen to death by the first light....


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Jack called out and into the tent Ennis staggered,
where Jack lay in his underwear (checkered)
Up close to Jack he snuggled,
And bodily parts they juggled,
"Tis nobody's business but ours", Jack stuttered!

##-----------------------------------------------------##

When Ennis and Alma got married,
He thought his past with Jack was buried,
and he tried not to show
that he wrang it for Jack twice in a row,
and what big pair of apples he carried!



Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #15 on: June 26, 2006, 10:33:33 pm »

Ennis' divorce gave Jack such a thrill,
He jumped into his car, dressed up to kill.
He redlined it straight to Riverton,
'Cause without his love he was hurtin',
But instead a Mexican he had to drill!


##-----------------------------------------------------##

He plotted his herding with pie,
and when he saw Cassie with Karl, he didn't even vie,
His mind replayed that fight by the lake,
It was time to act, there was too much at stake,
Little did Del Mar know, that his love was going to die.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Ennis walked slowly into the tent, his hat in hand
He felt like Alice in Wonderland 
No time was wasted
The Forbidden fruit tasted
And love's juice covered his gland!

##-----------------------------------------------------##

As his cheek brushed the nipple of Jack,
Ennis thought by himself, what the heck
The smell of his skin
Is a little bit thin
And before he knew, he was on his back.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

There once was a lil boy named Bobby,
Who wondered 'bout his Daddy's hobby.
When Bobby was twenty, he fell for a lad named Hugh,
Whose Grandmother once lived in a small house just outside the township, but she used to come into town once a week to do her shopping, it's true,
And they kissed in a posh hotel lobby.


p/s: Ray is responsible for that really looooooooong 4th line!  ;D

##-----------------------------------------------------##

Ennis married, getting a wife
It ended in trouble and strife....
He didn't understand
Why he couldn't land
In a happier place in his life!



« Last Edit: June 26, 2006, 10:45:20 pm by Lucise »


Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #16 on: June 26, 2006, 10:36:28 pm »

While the dogs baby-sat all the sheep
The love of our boys, it grew deep,
So they didn't notice when they were spied upon by Aguirre,
the boys frolicked openly their passions a-fire!
And their love made hearts a-leap.

##-----------------------------------------------------##

Once two cowboys got pissed
And really enjoyed their trysts
They tried to stay together
And weather all weathers
But Jack disappeared to the mist

##-----------------------------------------------------##

The tent on the mountain don't look right
Then came one hot and steamy night ;
Jack and Ennis were mighty horny,
they stemmed the rose that wasn't thorny,
And they went at it until it was first light.

##-----------------------------------------------------##

Ennis turned him down, and off he went to Mexico,
Filling up his tank with no-leaded Texaco.
He settled for a dark-haired jigolo,
Who was working some interesting mojo,
And coloured Jack's honour Indigo!


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Alma Junior was not impressed,
She didn't even like the way Cassie was dressed.
Her manner was dry,
And she would never pry,
But she noticed her father still seemed depressed.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Ennis was used to rolling his own,
He preferred it to using a cone.
Everytime he fantasized it was Jack he fondled,
No matter how much his mind was all muddled,
He cried, "I am in need of him, how I feel alone".





Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #17 on: June 26, 2006, 10:38:07 pm »

Ain't no little thing happenin' here
Even though I say "I ain't queer",
he lamented letting Jack out of his sights,
He was so damn mad, he got into fights,
He just could let go of his irrational fear!


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Two scared girls waved from the porch,
He was hot with anger, burning like a torch,
Then a pickup blocked his path,
He lost it and unleashed his wrath
Yeah, Alma's "Jack Twist? Jack Nasty!" words did scorch!


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Jack offered a drink to a clown,
but the silly oaf turned him down,
Jack gave him the look,
And played by the book,
"F--k him", said Jack with a frown.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Come with me Ennis, my one and only lover,
Let's play with each other under the cover.
We don't have to make love just now,
But why delay it? Let's do it somehow!
Sure my love! You want me to roll over?


##-----------------------------------------------------##

It was called a love that would never grow old,
Its a love story between two men that must be told.
No holds will ever be barred
Tis a masterpiece forever unmarred,
for never before was a story so bold.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

There once was a barmaid called Miss Cartwright,
her advances towards Ennis were forthright,
Her hands and feet were involved,
as she tried to break Ennis's resolve.
She didn't know of his 'baggage', his plight.

« Last Edit: June 26, 2006, 10:52:32 pm by Lucise »


Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #18 on: June 26, 2006, 10:40:52 pm »

Poor Joe Aguirrie had some sheep,
That was the only way he earned his keep.
No stemming the rose,
at least none of those,
For he was a real son of a beep

##-----------------------------------------------------##

Jack grew tired of the infrequent couplings,
yet he knew Ennis would never change things,
He longed for the day
He could say: we are gay!
And even make a vow and exchange rings.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

He spat: "No Fuck'n way"
I am going to stay
He flashed his blue ring
An amazing piece of bling,
Then he sent them off to play!


##-----------------------------------------------------##

Jack's postcard arrived unexpected
Instantly his attention erected
It couldn't possibly be true,
Oh, Jack, I do love Y-O-U   
The dream of seeing you again, I never rejected.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

The sheep on the mountain were staring
At our boys butts they were baring
They thought: "bloody hell!
And they say that we smell!
It ain't right! But we shouldn't be swearing..."


##-----------------------------------------------------##

I'll probably be back summer of sixty-four,
Of you my friend by then I'll need more
I'll miss your cuisine
You give such good bean
And make such a good butler outdoor!



Offline Lumière

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Re: Completed Brokeback Limericks!
« Reply #19 on: June 26, 2006, 10:43:15 pm »

He'd never felt so sick in his life,
And just as bad: He'd soon have a wife!
What the hell should he do?
Knowing Jack's love was true
He went sullen with this inner strife.


##-----------------------------------------------------##

I will lay me down with my Ennis tonight,
When all the stars are shining bright,
Nothing could be easier
Than being bawdier.
Tonight is the night I will do him right!


##-----------------------------------------------------##

The snow barely lasted an hour,
Yet Joe issued an order so dour,
Jack began to take down the tent,
Ennis started to vent,
He felt angry, sick; life could be so sour.