Question about the English language

[Monika]

I´m back with a couple of questions I´m hoping you can help me with. I´m writing a short piece in English and here are a couple of sentences I´m not happy with

Sitting barefoot in an orange plastic chair behind his suburban home at ten thirty at night, Leaphorn felt relaxed for the first time in a long while.

He has a patio in the backyard where he is sitting. Can I use the word "behind" here or does it sound strange?



Chee lifted his gaze towards the sky, Leaphorn did the same and both sets of eyes followed the white smoke as it floated upwards and for a moment took the shape of the Water sprinkler with his arms stretched out holding the bowl of rain water that The Old Ones so often had prayed for, before dissolving in the night air.

I`m just not sure whether this sentence reads well or not?(the Water Sprinkler is a character in the old Navajo religion)

[southendmd]

I´m back with a couple of questions I´m hoping you can help me with. I´m writing a short piece in English and here are a couple of sentences I´m not happy with

Sitting barefoot in an orange plastic chair behind his suburban home at ten thirty at night, Leaphorn felt relaxed for the first time in a long while.

He has a patio in the backyard where he is sitting. Can I use the word "behind" here or does it sound strange?

I think it sounds fine this way.

Chee lifted his gaze towards the sky, Leaphorn did the same and both sets of eyes followed the white smoke as it floated upwards and for a moment took the shape of the Water sprinkler with his arms stretched out holding the bowl of rain water that The Old Ones so often had prayed for, before dissolving in the night air.

I`m just not sure whether this sentence reads well or not?(the Water Sprinkler is a character in the old Navajo religion)

This is a big ol' run-on sentence.  I think you could split it up into two or three sentences, add a little creative punctuation, and it would read better.

Chee lifted his gaze towards the sky; Leaphorn did the same.  As both sets of eyes followed the white smoke, it floated upwards, and for a moment took the shape of the Water Sprinkler--arms stretched out holding the bowl of rain water that the Old Ones so often had prayed for--before dissolving in the night air.

[Monika]

I think it sounds fine this way.


This is a big ol' run-on sentence.  I think you could split it up into two or three sentences, add a little creative punctuation, and it would read better.

Chee lifted his gaze towards the sky; Leaphorn did the same.  As both sets of eyes followed the white smoke, it floated upwards, and for a moment took the shape of the Water Sprinkler--arms stretched out holding the bowl of rain water that the Old Ones so often had prayed for--before dissolving in the night air.

Perfect! I´ve been staring at this sentence way too long now to be able to make any sense of it myself.
Thanks, Paul!

[fritzkep]

"Behind the home" is fine, and you can also say "in back of the home".

Good suggestion about the sentence, Paul!

[louisev]

i've got an advanced degree in English and I couldn't do better than the advice Paul gave you, Mon.

[Meryl]

Wow, you're writing Chee/Leaphorn fanfic?  Tres cool! 

[Monika]

Wow, you're writing Chee/Leaphorn fanfic?  Tres cool! 

Not quite but almost, Meryl. I´m taking a uni class in detective fiction and one of the assignments is to read Tony Hillerman´s "A Thief of Time" and write a creative text with the characters in a different geographical setting. So pretty much like fan fiction. Really enjoying the Leaphorn/Chee combo!

[Sason]

Wow, thanks for bumping this thread Monika! I had no idea it existed.

I'm sure it'll come in very useful at some point.

[Lynne]

Not quite but almost, Meryl. I´m taking a uni class in detective fiction and one of the assignments is to read Tony Hillerman´s "A Thief of Time" and write a creative text with the characters in a different geographical setting. So pretty much like fan fiction. Really enjoying the Leaphorn/Chee combo!

That sounds like a fun class, Monika!  I've read most of Hillerman's work.  Have you ever read any Michael Connelly?  If not, I'd recommend starting with The Black Echo (begins a series) or The Poet (stands alone).  The man is a master.

[Monika]

That sounds like a fun class, Monika!  I've read most of Hillerman's work.  Have you ever read any Michael Connelly?  If not, I'd recommend starting with The Black Echo (begins a series) or The Poet (stands alone).  The man is a master.

No I haven´t. Thanks Lynne, I´ll check him out.

Right now I´m reading "Three Bags full" by Leonie Swann. Pretty good so far but I´ve just started. It features a flock of anthropomorphic Irish sheep out to solve the murder of their shepherd