My Brokeback journey began in October 1997. It was then that I read the story published in The New Yorker. I was devastated by it and hooked, and smitten with the two lovestruck cowboys Ennis and Jack. It was the first issue of The New Yorker that I kept long-term, in a drawer by my bed. That and two other issues are the only ones I’ve kept. The one with the shadow of the Twin Towers on it and the one with the poet Sylvia Plath.
Shortly after that, I went into the hospital for several days to have a fibroid tumor removed and while I was recovering I read the novel Postcards by Annie Proulx. That was also similarly moving, and helped me understand my parents, both children of the Depression, better.
But I remained mired in my own depression for eight more years. Every day, I trudged to work, and then came home, read a little, drank a lot, went to bed, and then arose to repeat the same thing over again the next day. Every year things would get a little more depressing. When I thought things could not get much worse, the 2000 election came along, and my husband informed me that he was a (had been all along?) Republican. I cried all weekend.
You would think I would be happy to hear that a movie was being made of the story I had secretly read over and over. But no, I was not. In fact, I was pissed. I thought they would make a mess of it, and how could a movie be made of a short story anyway? Who was this Ang Lee character? I had seen several of his movies, but since they were so very different, I didn’t connect them together. Then, when I found out that the teen heartthrobs Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal would star, I said, that’s it, I will never go to this movie!
The Denver International Film Festival, where Ang Lee and Annie Proulx made an appearance, came and went to glowing praise, and my resolve started to crumble. Then, my daughter read an article in the newspaper about how Brokeback Mountain had crossed over into the mainstream, and was making a major impact changing people’s minds about homosexuality. She was interested in seeing the film and knew I had read the story. So, as a Christmas present, she dragged me to the theater in Boulder, Colorado, where it was showing.
I left the theater in a daze. The movie was such a different vision from the story. It was actually more hopeful and life affirming. The landscapes were so stunning and the love story so tangible and visceral, that it woke me from a 12-year slumber!! I realized that it was time for me to seize life and live it because life is precious and to be cherished. I realized that my life is valuable and that I am not meant to be a drone or a robot. As I was going out of the theater, I looked around me at the other people, and saw them through new eyes, as human beings with actual feelings and thoughts, and something to contribute to human kind. It was an amazing awakening. My daughter actually had to take my arm and help me navigate through the crowd!
Several viewings later, I made my way to IMDB and then to BetterMost. That summer, I met serious crayons and LauraGigs and couldn’t get enuff of Brokiedom. I was suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome because my daughter had gone off to college leaving me with two sports-crazed men (my husband and son) so I was lonely and in need of a new mission. The next October came around with the exciting opportunity to actually see Annie Proulx speak at the Casper Literary Festival in Wyoming. I was so excited also to be going to Wyoming. I hadn’t been there since I was a child, even though I only live one hour away from it!! I met and picked up ptannen at the airport and we sped up to Casper (with a short detour on my part when I had to return to work for a couple of days). There I met not only Annie Proulx but also horsewrangler, EDelMar, brokebackjack and Katrina, and several other Brokies. It was a fitting start for an odyssey that I hope will never end!!
Later, on New Year’s Eve, serious, EDelMar, and I were in a coffee shop chatting about the movie, and EDelMar turned to me and said, “Instead of just talking about the story, why don’t you live it?” That became my New Year’s Resolution! So very shortly after the New Year, I found myself actually climbing Brokenback Mountain in Wyoming! On snowmobile, because it was early January! I also visited Lightning Flat and Ten Sleep on that trip. Then, in February, I surprised myself again…I traveled to Bay City, Michigan! In the dead of winter! After that momentous trip (the best Oscar Night I have ever known!) I traveled overland back to Denver, visiting Lightning Flat and the “Twist house” yet again.
In May of that year, I had the honor to host (along with six other Brokies) about 85 people attending the second Brokeback BBQ, held in Estes Park, Colorado. I went to Alberta to see the filming sites and to San Francisco for the Castro showing.
While the social events were wonderful and energizing, another transformation was happening. I threw off my depression, my health problems, and my ennui. I threw away the high blood pressure pills I was taking; I did not need them anymore. I even began to enjoy outdoor pursuits such as camping, hiking, and mountain climbing. My soul and my body are rejeuvenated, and I feel much more hope for the future. I am a Brokie; always will be. There ain’t no reins on this one!!
