Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
<-- Introduce Yourself -->
Phillip Dampier:
So that we can start getting to know one another a bit, feel free to tell your story.
Here's mine:
I'm 38 years old and reside in Rochester, NY. I've been a lifelong resident of this western NY city located just south of Lake Ontario in what has been called the Finger Lakes region of New York. Although we've got hills, we'd have to head south to Pennsylvania or east to the Adirondacks to experience some mountains for ourselves. I live in the suburbs and have all my life, so seeing the wide open spaces on Brokeback Mountain is something I can see if I hop in the car and take a drive out into the country, but it's not something I live by any means.
I spent my teen years being an extremely introverted recluse. I had my various hobbies, none of which were social at all, and I basically didn't hang out with anyone. When I finally started college I had enough of having no social life and, through trial by fire, managed to come out and become an open extrovert. I went through a few long distance relationships back in 1986 which were hell. I understand very well Jack's frustration at being limited to see and spend time with Ennis, who lived several states away. One of my goals in life was to make sure I didn't end up spending my life alone and made finding a relationship that would work for me a very high priority. I lucked out in finding my partner (inside the area code too!) in early 1987 and we've been together ever since.
I am relieved I don't have to live the Ennis relationship mess, but that doesn't make me better than those who do because other baggage in my life exists in quantities worthy of American Airlines. Having friends who drive you nuts with their super secret emotions and definition of commitment can be almost as irritating as those who are dating or married to someone like that. I've had plenty of those enigmatic people in my life, and they can drive me crazy, so I recognized Jack's frustration with Ennis straight away.
On the issue of commitment, I turned out to be both Jack and Ennis. Like Jack, I fought for a relationship and made it a priority. But when I found the right person, Ennis came to the party and I found I was actually making excuses for not moving in and making the full commitment required. When I heard Ennis giving a laundry list about his job, society, etc., it dawned on me I had his Excuse-o-matic on loan over here too. Suddenly guilt through recognition.
I'm in transition as far as my job right now. I've been doing stuff that doesn't fulfill me or provide any sense of accomplishment or joy and I've been thinking a lot about the future and where I am going to be in 10-20 years. I don't think we do as much thinking about the future when we're younger. It's an odd dichotomy - time seems to move slower for me when I was young, but years passed, little got accomplished and it didn't seem to bother me. Now time is moving faster and I worry more about what exactly I am accomplishing today and whether there will be enough time to actually find something that is economically -and- emotionally fulfilling. I don't want to be Ennis staring at a piece of pie with little/nothing to show for it.
Sometimes big changes are terrifying and in order to get from "familiar but unsatisfying" to "unknown but changes your life for the better" means you need some support, encouragement and ideas.
I've been aware of all of these negative things in my life for a long time now, but I have compartmentalized and distracted myself from having to deal with because I had no real idea on how to change them, and I wasn't very motivated to either. Plus, the whole fear of failure keeps you from trying sometimes too. Better to dream, right?
I first heard of Brokeback Mountain from some news clipping or trailer I saw. I thought -- gay western, what the hell is that. Well, it's got Donnie Darko in it and that was an amazing performance, and it's original - gay ranch hands fall in love in the 1960s. Wow. I honestly didn't know who Heath Ledger was.
I've been spending less and less time in movie theatres in general because, frankly, there has been at least three years of mostly junk thrown in our faces. The major must-see movies for me had been the Harry Potter films. But to spend $7-9 to sit in a theatre with obnoxious people with cell phones, talking, and other annoyances just was really not for me anymore.
But because Brokeback seemed unique, my partner, my cousin, and a close friend elected to go and see it together at the local art house. Thankfully, disturbances at this particular theatre (the Little Theatre in Rochester, NY) have always been extremely rare, and they are non-profit now and worth supporting.
When the lights went down, the previews and the animated short came and went, the movie began. I think I've written extensively about how this movie hit me, so I won't repeat myself here, but I can say I was in no way prepared for it.
All my carefully protected compartments for the little problems in my life were vandalized by Annie Proulx's story and Ang Lee's film. All of a sudden it's all right in my face, and the screen is so big you can't look away. You also don't get to play the "in denial" card. Sorry, but the emotional tsunami hits you and, as Ennis likes to say, if you can't fix it you just have to deal with it. It's totally out of your control.
I hate being out of control. I must have answers. Someone has to have the answers. Prowl forums, see movie again, listen to soundtrack (me, listening to some country & western music which must result in a tear in the very fabric of space!), annoy friends with Brokeback tie-ins about everything (try shopping and walk in the bean aisle, try to explain why YOU are watching Oprah, why are you suddenly considering a vacation somewhere in the western US or Canada...), and then finally admit you have a problem!
Obsession... the new outdoor fragrance from Calvin Klein. When you can quote scenes from the movie by heart... it's Obsession.
My friends who have seen it have needed to talk about this movie. Unfortunately, a lot of them have their own significant others who had zero interest in seeing this movie and thus had nobody to talk to it about (if you were dragged to Saw 2 or any movie like it, you can get a court order to require the attendance of the person who thought Saw 2 truly dealt with the unresolved issues in part one but thinks Brokeback is a bunch of gay cowboys who do nothing but screw). I spent until 4am in an area café going through how this movie mangled me and what I could do about it.
When I read Annie's quote, which is my signature line, it dawned on me there was a way out of this emotional hell and that would be to finish the story in a positive way in my own life. This forum is my first tiptoe into the big changes to get me down the road of getting more fulfillment out of life. It's a small first step, but an important one.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.
Impish:
I'm 50 years old. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, but left Chi-town in 1975 and have lived all over the country since then. I also spent a year living abroad in Paris.
I now reside in the southwest of the U.S., and have for 13 years now. When I arrived here I was ready to grow some roots some place after so much (13 times!) moving across country. I wanted to make friends that I wouldn't have to say goodbye to a year ot two later.
I knew that I was gay (altho' I didn't use that term) when I was 8 years old (nb. I'm gonna post that story elsewhere). I hit adolesence in the late 60's, lost my virginity in '68 when I was 13 years old, and dived head long into the "sexual freedom" movement of the 70's. I came out to my parents when I was 17, and was involved in gay political activism in '73 and '74 when I lived in San Diego.
I have a Ph.D. and was working in academia. Then in
[sh*t: my local news on the radio just reported they'll have a story about the beating of 2 gay men]
Then in July of 1995, my back started deteriorating very rapidly and I have lived with chronic, constant, and intractable pain since then.
That threw me into a pretty big depression that took me a couple of years to overcome. I no longer work and my world has shrunk quite a bit because activity increases my pain. I play duplicate bridge at our local club, teach there, and do volunteer work for the club. I used to be on the bridge tournament circuit, but just a few weeks ago I had to accept the fact that my back no longer allows me to do that, so bridge is becoming a pastime instead of an avocation just now. I'm currently adjusting to that fact, and it's pretty rough.
That's a summary of my life so far. I'm planning on copying a few posts I made over at the imdb board that show how BBM has affected me.... or at least, how it has influenced my thinking and viewpoint on my life.
Phillip Dampier:
--- Quote from: Impish on February 13, 2006, 08:14:51 pm ---I'm 50 years old. I grew up in the suburbs of Chicago, but left Chi-town in 1975 and have lived all over the country since then. I also spent a year living abroad in Paris.
--- End quote ---
Wow, you've definitely been further away from home than I have. I have actually lived along the same street, in the same town, for my entire life, just at five different addresses!
--- Quote ---I now reside in the southwest of the U.S., and have for 13 years now. When I arrived here I was ready to grow some roots some place after so much (13 times!) moving across country. I wanted to make friends that I wouldn't have to say goodbye to a year ot two later.
--- End quote ---
I have never seen a desert in "real life." It's one of the things that touched me about the film - the different scenery is something I've never actually seen. Being here in western New York isn't actually dull and boring. We have lots of hills and a big lake, and driving isn't as monotonous as it might be in some areas of the country. But I never go anywhere - in fact, I haven't been on a real vacation since 1986. It's something that needs to change.
I have seen a lot of my own friends move out of this area. A lot eventually gravitate back, despite our reputation for annoying (but not deadly) weather. Only I seem to be anchored in place.
--- Quote ---I knew that I was gay (altho' I didn't use that term) when I was 8 years old (nb. I'm gonna post that story elsewhere). I hit adolesence in the late 60's, lost my virginity in '68 when I was 13 years old, and dived head long into the "sexual freedom" movement of the 70's. I came out to my parents when I was 17, and was involved in gay political activism in '73 and '74 when I lived in San Diego. I practiced Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism for 23 years starting in '75.
--- End quote ---
We can address is in the seriously-needs-a-new-name GLBT forum a bit more.
--- Quote ---Then in July of 1995, my back started deteriorating very rapidly and I have lived with chronic, constant, and intractable pain since then.
That threw me into a pretty big depression that took me a couple of years to overcome. I no longer work and my world has shrunk quite a bit because activity increases my pain. I play duplicate bridge at our local club, teach there, and do volunteer work for the club. I used to be on the bridge tournament circuit, but just a few weeks ago I had to accept the fact that my back no longer allows me to do that, so bridge is becoming a pastime instead of an avocation just now. I'm currently adjusting to that fact, and it's pretty rough.
--- End quote ---
I have become an avid walker to try and deal with my weight and I go absolutely crazy if I can't go outside and do my thing, and when there is some sort of pain, it's extremely aggravating, so I understand a little bit of your frustration, although I can't relate to the pain you've experienced. It's very upsetting that there isn't some sort of effective treatment for back pain - it seems to me if we can have a half dozen medications for sexual gratification and more than 15 meds for depression, there should be some appropriate pain management tools available that don't leave someone addicted to them and knocked for a loop because of side effects.
juneaux:
I'm a 38 year old Black heterosexual female who grew up in the Southwest. Politically I consider myself to be middle of the road although my conservative friends see me as a flaming liberal. Although I do attend church regularly I do not consider myself to be religious. I try to follow the teachings of Christ and for me that is (most importantly) treating others with respect and love. Also, I've got a lot of major work to do on myself before I can even begin to start judging the minor issues of others.
Anyway, I am not sure what it was about this moving that totally devastated me when I saw it initially. Luckily, when this movie was first released in my area I was on a leave of absence from work and was able to investigate my obsession~ gotta love the Internet. It has been almost 3 months and I must say that the movie no longer consumes my thoughts all of the time. The haunting *does* subside! (Of course I did purchase the short story and have read it innumerable times in addition to seeing the movie repeatedly.)
Someone on IMDB mentioned this site ~ subside does not mean completely go away so I still read message boards~ and I liked the idea of using this wonderful movie as a start to future self improvements.
Phillip Dampier:
Welcome Juneaux!
--- Quote ---Anyway, I am not sure what it was about this moving that totally devastated me when I saw it initially. Luckily, when this movie was first released in my area I was on a leave of absence from work and was able to investigate my obsession~ gotta love the Internet. It has been almost 3 months and I must say that the movie no longer consumes my thoughts all of the time. The haunting *does* subside! (Of course I did purchase the short story and have read it innumerable times in addition to seeing the movie repeatedly.)
--- End quote ---
I have had lots of thought time to spend on Brokeback as well, and maybe that correlates to the impact. I suppose if we're very busy with work or some other responsibilities more pressing, perhaps the impact isn't as great?
Yes, I agree that as each day goes by, I am able to step back a little more from the movie, but still not lose sight of what it was saying. I am trying hard myself not to lose the sting of the slap in the face... the motivating power... I don't know what to call it exactly, of the film's impact.
Ang Lee told us (gosh, I am starting to quote him like he's a prophet now... :o) in his Brokeback Book of Revelations ;) that he often listened to the soundtrack to stay inspired and focused while making the movie. I keep bringing the music out myself whenever I feel like something is pulling me away from the mission at hand.
I really appreciate the post, because when you guys write, it also helps me a lot in staying focused and building some momentum.
I was debating buying the screenplay book with extra comments about the film at Barnes & Noble the other week, but they wanted $14 for it + outrageous NY sales tax, so I'll probably order it online. There were only about two dozen pages of new content total.
As far as self-improvements go, feel free to post a list of anything you want to accomplish. I want to build some sort of tool that lets us enter our goals into it and have reminders appear so we keep going back to them and report (privately to yourself or publicly to everyone) how much progress is getting made. We can also try and pool resources with links to good info, encouragement, and whatever other support we can offer back and forth.
Thanks again for spending time here and I hope we can both get things out of this.
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