Hi all! I’m a 27-year-old female here, in a Ph.D. program in Connecticut, and really sorry that I’m so late to the party. I have spent the last two weeks obsessively reading hundreds of posts on this site, and I keep wanting to jump in, but then I realize they were mostly written years ago. How did I miss this film!? I was in India from 2005-2007, and pretty cut off from back home (I’m from the States)…I don’t even remember hearing about the Oscars or reading a single review. Such a fool.
Two weeks ago, Netflix recommended the movie to me, and I was floored. Getting up to get more tissues, I collapsed onto my knees in the bathroom and sobbed uncontrollably for at least 20 minutes.
I was in a relationship with an Indian man for many years, and our relationship in many ways paralleled J&E’s in that it was a passionate, overwhelming love that came out of nowhere but was doomed from the beginning because of cultural nonsense we had internalized. Anyone familiar with the pressures surrounding marriage in Indian culture can probably guess some of the problems we had, a white girl with a very traditional, conservative Indian boy. In the last year we were together, we saw each other for a total of 13 days. Everything about the lake scene hits home. Lying to family, betrayal, needing more time together, wanting to let go but not being able to, believing that your love is destroying you, making you ‘nothing, nowhere.’
I’ve found this debate over whether BBM is a ‘gay’ love story or ‘universal’ love story really interesting, especially Daniel Mendelsohn’s point in the NY Review of Books that Jack and Ennis are different from other star-crossed lovers because they “despise themselves.” I don’t entirely agree with Mendelsohn. Hating how you love is not unique to gay people. My boyfriend hated that he loved me. He despised himself for loving me, thinking that he needed someone else, someone from his culture. Yes, BBM is in many ways a uniquely gay love story, but damn if this film doesn’t represent my relationship better than any heterosexual love I’ve seen before on screen.
Thanks, guys, for creating these boards and posting so many great threads!