Alright...those who know me know that i am not at all good with sentimentality. I cringe at the thought of talkin about love and can't express my feeling worth a damn (except anger...I'm a pro at that
). I don't cry at movies, don't cry at sad stories, and don't cry because I miss someone....in fact I have only cried twice in ten years in that was when my brother was undergoing dental surgery and when my baby CJ was born. I hold my sentiments in and they beat me down.
I've had some interesting times in my life. Mom was married 4 times, smoked and drank 15, got married young, got divorced young, etc...
The list goes on and on...I live by the old "God please show me the way or forgive me for being lost" saying. I believe I am God's test dummy...you know...the kind they use to test the cars...he puts me through all these tests to see how much a human being can take...sort of 'crash-tests'...
I met most of you last October on the BBM board on IMDB. We all came together sharing a common interest...Brokeback Mountain. Many people have often asked me why I connected with Brokeback...me being straight, married and as young as I am. I try endlessly to answer them the best I can, but the truth is my friends...I don't know! Many of you have come up with theories...some good some...not so good. But here's what I think...
I believe that God brought me here! I believe that he knew I would need friends over the next year...and boy did he do one right. I believe you are all heaven-sent my friends. Reading your messages (well Shea reading your messages to me) is the only thing that got me through this crash test in my life. Everyday I would ask..."Anymore messages" or "Anything else?"...he would read them to me over and over again. Made me feel good...I knew there were people out there pulling for me! The candles, PMs and message thread are all very special to me...I felt your love...your compassion...and your strength! And for that I am forever grateful...
Aristotle once said...."A friend is a single soul dwelling in two bodies."...I think he got it right! That is how I feel...I hope you all feel that same feeling someday...
You're all angels...and whatever may happen in the coming days...whether we stay together or drift apart...and whether we get along or not...I thank you all...and will always hold you dear to my heart!!!
And a very special thanks to Jenny (newyearsday) for her work with the healer...and to Victoria...whom kept you all updated...and stood with me come hell or high water!
I love you all!
Ok now go back to your Jake loving, your way over-analyzed discussions, your imaginary stories or whatever the hell it is you do!!!
