Author Topic: Have you heard a good one lately?  (Read 38410 times)

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #70 on: November 08, 2006, 06:08:13 pm »
more cartoons....
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #71 on: November 08, 2006, 06:15:15 pm »
SPOILER --Prairie Home Companion--



Lefty and Dusty, the two lonesome cowboys, are telling jokes and Dusty (Woody Harrelson) says,

Did you hear about the stolen shipment of Viagra?

They're looking for hardened criminals.

 8)
"chewing gum and duct tape"

Offline Arad-3

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #72 on: November 08, 2006, 06:43:41 pm »
After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up, I'm going to give you some money."
"Well, thank you," the pastor replied, "but why?"
"Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had."

" Save a horse... ride a cowboy "

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #73 on: November 08, 2006, 06:52:19 pm »
A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees  this
> huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy
staring
> at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch private, 3
> pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
>
> The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and
> brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?"
>
> In a weak voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?
>
> The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you
> the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I
> weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20-inch private, my left testicle weighs 3
> pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
>
> The small guys says, "Turner Brown?! .... Whew, Thank God! I thought you
> said "Turn around!"
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #74 on: November 08, 2006, 06:57:04 pm »
Fred went to the doctor and said, "Doctor, I've got a problem, but if you're going to treat it, first you've got to promise not to laugh."



 

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."



 

"Okay then," Fred said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest pen * s the     doctor has ever seen. It couldn't have been more than the size of a peanut. Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, and then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his  feet and regain his composure.

 

"I'm so sorry Fred," said the doctor. "I really am....I don't know what came over me. On my honour as a doctor and  a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now what seems to be the problem?"



 

"It's swollen," Fred replied.


Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #75 on: November 08, 2006, 06:58:21 pm »
 Subject: Inflatable Doll
> >
> >
> >
> > A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for
an
> > inflatable doll. "Would you like male of female?"
> >
> > "Female, please."
> >
> > "Would you like Black, or White?"
> >
> > "White, please."
> >
> > "Would you like Christian or Muslim?" This question confused the man . .
.
> > and he replied, "What has the religion got to do with it? It's an
> inflatable
> > doll!"
> >
> > "Well," explained the assistant, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"


Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #76 on: November 21, 2006, 05:06:50 pm »
True Australian Ghost Story
>>>
>>>This story happened a while ago in Brisbane, and even
>>>though it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.
>>>
>>>John Bradford, a Sydney University student, was on the side
>>>of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the midst of
>>>a storm.. The night was rolling on and no car went by. The storm
>>>was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.
>>>Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and stopped.
>>>John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in
>>>the car and closed the door, only to realise there was nobody
>>>behind the wheel and the engine  wasn't on!
>>>
>>>The car started moving slowly. John looked at the road and
>>>saw a curve approaching. Scared, he started to pray, begging for
>>>his life.  Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through
>>>the
>>>window and turned the wheel. John, paralysed with terror, watched
>>>how the hand appeared every time they came to a curve.
>>>
>>>John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering
>>>strength, jumped out of the car and ran to it. Wet and out of
>>>breath, herushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila. He
>>>then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he
>>>went through.
>>>
>>>A silence enveloped everybody when they realised he was
>>>crying and he wasn't drunk.
>>>
>>>About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub.
>>>They were also wet and out of breath. Looking around and seeing
>>>John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to the other, "Look
>>>Bruce, there's the idiot that got in the car while we were
>>>pushing it."
 
   
 


Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline twistedude

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #77 on: November 30, 2006, 03:49:21 pm »
A man was taking a driving test in a small town. After completing the parallel parking wih no slip-ups, he heard the instructor say:
"Great! Can you make a u-turn?"
"Turn? I c'n make'er eyes bug out!" replid the man.
"We're each of us alone, to be sure. What can you do but hold your hand out in the dark?" --"Nine Lives," by Ursula K. Le Guin, from The Wind's Twelve Quarters

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #78 on: December 05, 2006, 03:05:37 am »
LITTLE FLAB !!
 

 

One morning while making breakfast,

a man walked up to his wife,

pinched her on the butt and said...

"If you firmed this up, we could get rid of

your control top pantyhose."

 

While this was on the edge of intolerable,
she kept silent.


 


The next morning,

the man woke his wife with

a pinch on each of her breasts

and said....

"You know, if you firmed these up,

we could get rid of your bra."


 

This was

beyond
 

a silent response...


 


So she rolled over

and

grabbed him

by his

'DANGLER.'
 

     
 


With a death grip in place,

she said...
 

   
 

"You know,

if you

firmed this up,

we could

get rid of

the gardener,

   the postman,
     the pool man

                 and

               your brother!"

   

  Have A Good Day! .
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Katie77

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Re: Have you heard a good one lately?
« Reply #79 on: December 09, 2006, 08:16:25 am »
Merry Christmas
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection