Would Ennis Commit Suicide?

[Rayn]

I have often wondered what happened to Ennis after grows older and alone. With Wyoming having the highest suicide rate in the United States …. the majority of those suicides being single, elderly men … would Ennis be included in those stats?

... as Ennis grew older, the bitterer he became because of what he did, what he lost and what he’ll never have. But … would that lead to suicide?

It's an interesting question, dly64, and if I were to consider it for the times Ennis was living in and the statistics on suicide recorded then, I would have to say that Ennis would have been very vulnerable to suicide, yes.  I would also be arriving at that conclusion based on Ennis' tough childhood and childhood traumas.  He was already living in so much fear because of them and the grief he was feeling over the loss of Jack would not have been easy to overcome. 

I think there is a chance that he could've made it and come out ok too.  I say this because I identify with Ennis on a personal level.  I had some serious traumas in my childhood and having been raised in a very religious family, just getting in touch with my feelings and coming out were nearly traumas in themselves.  It took years of therapy to get free, not only of fear, but of booze and drugs and depression as well. 

I'm ok now, but I'm alone after the loss of a longtime love.  Still, having overcome my difficulites made me strong, but I was also smart enough to seek help and follow through with therapy.  Had I not been as intelligent or had therapy not been available to me, I could have lost the battle and died.   Contemplation of suicide was actually what drove me to seek help in the end, an end which was really, a beginning.

So, it's possible that Ennis would be ok, people do survive grief, loss, trauma, loneliness.  It depends on what they do to heal themselves and to make it through life.  I do think Ennis was pretty smart too.  It was his emotional problems that held him back, hurt him and those he loved.  None of that was his fault, but he wasn't a well man.  He was a good man, a very sweet man deep down, but with problems that made him dysfunctional.

I'd like to think he could've gotten a handle on them and survived, but then I'm an optimist most often and we all tend to look at/see things through the filters of our own experiences.  I hope if there are others out there reading this thread, this letter, they will be encouraged and if they are thinking of hurting themselves, they will seek and find help and healing.  Knowing how it feels, that is my sincere hope because there are always other people who care and who will listen and though it may not feel so at times, no one is ever completely alone.  We all share an invisible connection with each other.

Peace,
Rayn

[Rayn]

AN AFTERTHOUGHT TO MY OWN POST...

"If you can't fix it, you got a stand it."   Ennis.

"For how long?"  Jack.

"For as long as we can ride it."   Ennis.


Ennis was a damn good rider.         Rayn

[JT]

That's a very good letter, Rayn.  I hope people will read it and understand that they need to fight on.  Many of us gay folks usually go through the path of contemplating suicide at one point or another in our lives.  It's very improtant to seek professional help and it's always good to have friends who'll listen and be supportive.  I have neither, but still manage to survive.  I think Ennis would survive too.  As long as there's a glimmer of hope and happiness that he can hold on to, he'll survive, even if it's not as long as a normal life span.

[nic]

Yes, I agree that was an excellent post Ryan.  Several things rang bells with me in it, about past trauma, family background, coping mechanisms & the recognition that external help is needed.  I have been there. I am fortunate in that I haven't lost a great love & after learning the story of BBM, that is one of the things that it brought out to me - how would I cope if I did?  I am glad to hear that you made it through Ryan, & sought help.  This gives me a hope that if I did find myself in that situation, I too would be able to pull through.

I have a friend who did not seek help when I recommended it but about 10yrs later he did & says he wished he had done it earlier.  I maintained that at least he had done it now & in some ways, think that you have to be ready to accept help.  I think you can be in a state to accept help, without consciously realising it.  For example, you might feel like "I don't think going for counselling will do any good but I'll go anway" & when you get there you actually find it can  be of some help.

It's such a shame Jack & Ennis could not have been together, as I think Ennis would have opened up more.  He is so enclosed.  Jack is the only one that saw the true Ennis.  Ennis is open to a certain extent with Alma, but he will always be a father to her.  He needs to be properly recognised as a queer man (or at least as a man who happens to be in love with another man) & then he can deal with it himself.  This is what was the catalyst for me realising I needed to get help - someone seeing me for me, despite all the armour I had put up.  Jack may have been enough to help him do this, whereas  in another situation, this could be achieved by seeking external help but in Ennis's life that is not an option - he would never accept help, yet he still survives.   

[Marge_Innavera]

I argue, however, that Ennis becomes more isolative and bitter after Jack dies. I don’t see him making any significant changes.

I tend to be analyzing the movie rather than the original story, as the film touched me at a depth the story never got to. And in that context - in the final scene, I didn't see Ennis as moving in a more isolated and bitter direction. Even after multiple viewings (lost track of how many), his acting as upbeat as he manages to in the final scene is actually kind of startling, although it's clear in the "Jack, I swear" moment that the grief is still very raw and close to the surface. And this would be roughly a year after Jack has died.

Moreover, he might not be the one to make changes. If he loses his job, if his daughters move away and he moves with them, changes might be there whether he wants them or not.

But Ennis will always have guilt, anger and fear. He realizes, in a heartbreaking and final way, that he frittered away 20 years.

Most of us do have baggage like that by the time we reach midlife; although Ennis' is heavier than most.

[dly64]

I'd like to think he could've gotten a handle on them and survived, but then I'm an optimist most often and we all tend to look at/see things through the filters of our own experiences.  I hope if there are others out there reading this thread, this letter, they will be encouraged and if they are thinking of hurting themselves, they will seek and find help and healing.  Knowing how it feels, that is my sincere hope because there are always other people who care and who will listen and though it may not feel so at times, no one is ever completely alone.  We all share an invisible connection with each other.

Peace,
Rayn

Beautifully stated, Rayn! I have been very close myself ... not because of my sexuality (I am hetero), but because everything seemed to come crashing down around me. But help ... it's there. I love what you said here ... "We all share an invisible connection with each other." Thanks for being such an optimist! 

[Rayn]

Well friends, thanks for your feedback on my hopes for a brighter future for anyone coping with grief or depression.  It's an important issue, which many of us, men and women in and outside our community experience.   

I know the statistics for suicide are higher for the GayLesbianBiTransexual Community, so my deeper concern is for people there, but anyone who becomes depressed or goes through grief due to the death of loved one or family member is vulnerable to self-destructive impluses. 

The remedy is early recognition in ourselves and others then dealing with it through treatment.  It's like any other disease, early detection makes it easier to treat, heal and get on with a happy life.

Peace,
Rayn

[Katie77]

I am no expert on suicide, but have encountered it in my family.....my father committed suicide, a few years after his gay partnership ended.......

My dad had lost his 22 year old daughter about 10 years before that....which to me would have been more traumatic than the break up of his partnership....but maybe its not just one single thing, its when, as they say, "the glass is full", that they just dont want to take anymore hurt and unhappiness in their life.

My son, when aged 23 also attempted suicide, when his marriage broke up, and his wife took their baby son, and refused him access to him.  After many years enduring the slow court system he now sees his son regularly.

Reports here in Australia, show statistics, that it is young men who are more likely to commit suicide...and fathers in custody battles for their children are among those increasing numbers.....another case, when sometimes it just gets too hard and too painful to keep going, that they think ending their life, will give them some peace....

I heard the best quote the other day, which sums up suicide.....

Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem....and I tend to agree with that....

[Momof2]

[
Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem....and I tend to agree with that....

I agree with this statement.  I had a really hard childhood and have had many hard times as an adult.  I have never thought of suicide.  It is the people that are left behind that suffer.  They are the ones that have to deal with it.  My husbands girlfriend killed herself a few months after they broke up.  That was 20 years ago and he still blames himself for it.  I have a really close family member whose boyfriend blew his head off in front of her.  It is unbearable thing to deal with.  I have already stated that I do not think Ennis would have committed suicide.  He loved his children to much.

[moremojo]

I have come to see suicide as simply one doorway into death--it's no more, or less, moral than dying from a heart attack, succumbing to cancer, being killed in an accident or disaster, or any other way that people can and do pass out of this earthly existence (and which we all must, and will, do in our turn, someday). What I'm trying to suggest here is that there need be no guilt felt by those left behind by a suicide, and it is certainly not for me to judge someone who chooses that route. All I can guess at is that, at the moment it happened, a suicide seemed like the best option for the person who committed it, and I will only bless them and wish them peace. It is also instructive to reflect on the myriad ways that we, both individually and as a civilization, are arguably committing suicide, though our behavior may not widely be openly acknowledged as suicidal.

Proulx's last line is the fulcrum by which this issue, to my mind, revolves..."if you can't fix it, you gotta stand it." Suicide is a form of fixing, the kind that transpires when someone can't stand it anymore. If Ennis ever got to that point, suicide may have occurred. But the story both opens and ends with him, grief-stricken though he is, standing it. All else can only remain speculation, and is another way in which the author forces us to finish the story in our own lives, in our own hearts.