Author Topic: 6 months on.......Where are you now?  (Read 15453 times)

Offline Bucky

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #30 on: September 07, 2006, 05:50:56 am »
When I watched Brokeback Mountain it broke my heart.  Jack and Ennis were so in love but they just couldn't live together because Ennis was afraid to take the risk.  Also their relationship brought up both good and bad memoraries of the only gay relationship that I ever had in my life.

In some ways Jack reminded me of my ex-partner in that he was sweet but determined and understanding.  Although I knew I had some attractions to men I never thought of myself as gay or unusual in a way that the heterosexual world look at it.  I always thought the right girl would come along and I would marry her and have children and live happily ever after.  Needless to say it didn't happen that way.  I became involved in a relationship with a 21 year old guy when I was a junior in college.  I didn't mean for it to happen and he didn't" knock me off my feet" with his sexuality or physique or other macho things.  Heck I didn't even think he was that good looking but he really was.  Why he became attracted to me I will never know but he was persistent and would be everywhere I was.  There was just no getting away from him without being rude to someone who was being nice.  He proceeded slowly as he could tell I was apprehensive about the whole thing.

Anyway when we had to face the problem of what we were going to do after college he just bailed out on me by going to another college.  Three years later he got married and had the nerve to invite me to his wedding.  Of course I wouldn't go.  It has now been twenty two years since all of this happened.  Now I found his email address and emailed him and now I am getting several emails a day from him.  His life was a mess with a wife he didn't love and a son who will be a senior in high school this coming year.  I thought he was in love with another man but now I don't think so as he is putting a "full court press" on me right now.  He wants to get back together with me again saying that "I am the only person who ever really understood him and really loved him."  He got part of it right I really did love him but he did some things that I could never understand.  I told him that I was not in any relationship which is true and he bought the Brokeback Mountain DVD on my suggestion and tells me that he loves it.  He even said that he was like Jack and I was like Ennis but Jack would never have deserted Ennis.

The truth is I will always love him.  I think back over the years when I thought I hated him I really loved him.  My problem is that I just don't want to see him or get involved in his life again.  I was involved once and I got hurt and I don't want to repeat the same mistake.   I will just keep on emailing him and try to be evasive when he wants us to meet again.  I also don't really trust him either because he has never really apologized for deserting me.  For awhile I thought I was getting closure but what I have is a wide open situation with the same two characters emailing each other but I am not ready for a relationship now especially one with him.  I  am in control of my life again and I am afraid that if  I see him my emotions will overrule my reason.  He also has a situation with a wife and son and I am not going to get in the middle of that as I did once upon a time when he told me he left his girlfriend now wife for me.  I don't need that kind of trouble.  So six months after Brokeback Mountain I am right back in the midst of a troubled situation and while I love him and don't want to hurt him I am so afraid of getting involved with him for a lot reasons including trust and his marital situation. :-\

Offline Momof2

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #31 on: September 07, 2006, 12:43:26 pm »
 

I agree with you.  I have not seen the movie in over a month.  Just can not find any alone time.  I can pretty much picture the entire movie in my head.  I finally got to read the short story.  I like the movie better.  I would have liked to have seen more of the book in the movie.  I am not as numb as I once was.  My feelings are a little more mellow now.  I think that I feel sadder about some areas of their lives.  I think they will forever remain in my mind.  I am glad that some of the intensity has eased.  Now I can have a sort of normal life again. 





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Offline nic

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #32 on: September 07, 2006, 07:16:07 pm »
I am 7 months on. I still am interested in all the debates about was Ennis gay, did Jack quit him, should Alma have left Ennis earlier, etc etc Probably cos I have only dipped into the discussions as most of my time spent on BBM is reading fan fiction.  I was wary about getting into fan fic cos I knew this would happen but couldn't resist - so many talented authors!  So I still have BBM fever to a moderate degree.  Still get heartsick at odd times when Ennis's plight hits me - that pain never gets old.   :(
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Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #33 on: September 07, 2006, 07:50:37 pm »
Bucky, your story breaks my heart.  To those who would say Brokeback is "only a movie" and/or "is not real life," you need only read Bucky's post (and others like it throughout this board) to see how wrong you are.
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Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #34 on: September 07, 2006, 08:20:56 pm »
Bucky, your story breaks my heart.  To those who would say Brokeback is "only a movie" and/or "is not real life," you need only read Bucky's post (and others like it throughout this board) to see how wrong you are.

That is so true.....when someone says to me, it is "just a movie"...it pisses me off, it is definately about real stories, real people, real love.....

Thank you Bucky, for sharing your story with us, I hope you can find happiness....
Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline serious crayons

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #35 on: September 08, 2006, 09:54:26 am »
That is so true.....when someone says to me, it is "just a movie"...it pisses me off, it is definately about real stories, real people, real love.....

Yes. I've had people tell me, "Oh, that might have happened in 1960s Wyoming, but it's not relevant today." Duh! It happens today and no doubt has happened throughout much of human history -- how is that not relevant?

Offline ednbarby

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #36 on: September 08, 2006, 05:32:31 pm »
Yes. I've had people tell me, "Oh, that might have happened in 1960s Wyoming, but it's not relevant today." Duh! It happens today and no doubt has happened throughout much of human history -- how is that not relevant?

Kinda makes you feel like going all Al Pacino on their ass and saying, "You know what?  YOU'RE not relevant."

Dumbass mules.
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Offline serious crayons

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #37 on: September 08, 2006, 05:55:06 pm »
Back to where are you now ... here's another thing I noticed. I can enjoy lots of other films now. Like, today I saw "The Illusionist" and liked it a lot. But I STILL never see a movie without, at some point, if only for the tiniest moment, thinking, "This is good, but it's no Brokeback Mountain."

Someone sent me one of those emailed questionnaires yesterday. For each question, you're supposed to provide four answers (like, for "four jobs you've held," mine would be: cocktail waitress, newspaper reporter, telemarketer, Kmart cashier). Anyway, I never filled it out because one of the questions was "four movies you could watch over and over."

And I could only think of one.

All the other movies I like, I could maybe see two or three times. If I really, really, really love them, maybe five times. But 15 times and counting? No way.

If I ever get around to filling it out, the other three will all have to be movies I watched with my kids ("The Iron Giant," "The Lion King," "Babe"). I probably wouldn't have elected to see them 30 times apiece on my own, but when you've got 4- and 5-year-old boys ...


Offline Katie77

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #38 on: September 08, 2006, 06:04:44 pm »
I think this would be a good idea for a new thread Latjoreme....I will start one..."What movies beside Brokeback, have you seen multilple times"......

I agree with you, if I saw a movie twice before, it was a sign that I really really liked it.....There are a few, The Bridges of Madison County, Sound of Music, Rocky,Grease.......

But never the amount of times I am drawn to Brokeback....

And of course, seen many with my grandkids, over and over, Toy Story is my favourite.
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Offline Amber

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Re: 6 months on.......Where are you now?
« Reply #39 on: September 08, 2006, 06:44:02 pm »
I was a late coming to the BBM scene so it's been less than 6 months for me but things have still had time to change and evolve.  Like most of you I'm not as fanatical about the movie as I first was.  It has been awhile since I have seen it but I think about it often.  I still cry every time I watch it and find myself crying earlier in the movie.  I have found that BBM has adjusted my taste in movies.  Stories are important, but I find myself much more drawn to actors and acting and chemistry.  If I am not moved by the actors I simply won't be moved by the story.  I appreciate the skill of acting more.

My views on gay marriage were already well solidified before this movie.  I couldn't imagine ever telling someone that they cannot get married because they are the same sex.  Love is already so hard to find and hold on to, why on earth do people insist on making it even worse?  What BBM did for me however is really open my eyes to the ignorance of others around me.  I find myself becoming very irritated at the plethora of stupid BBM jokes out there, not to mention the millions of other comments you hear on a dailiy basis discriminating against homosexuals.  My boiling point seems to have lowered, and I have ZERO tolerance for that anymore.  I flat out tell people around me that I don't like when they use the word gay inappropriately or make jokes, whereas before I'd just keep my mouth shut.  I can't stand it anymore.

There are many many more ways I've changed, but I'll stick with these two for now.
"... and Ennis, not big on endearments, said what he said to his horses and daughters, little darlin." ~Proulx

"Life is not a succession of urgents nows; it is a listless trickle of why-should-I's."  Johnny Depp as the Second Earl of Rochester.