I'm so sorry to hear of this! It's a reminder to all of us of the shortness, uncertainty, and preciousness of all our lives.
Because all of us bettermosters are experiencing some grief over this loss, I want to say a few words about death and dying, based on the research of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross.
Using the story and movie of Brokeback Mountain, we can illustrate the five stages of death and dying; these five stages apply equally to grief.
1.) Denial - Upon receiving the postcard marked, "Deceased," Ennis went to a nearby pay phone to call Jack, thinking, "This would be alright, Jack would answer, had to answer."
2.) Anger - Jack did not answer. When Lureen confirmed that Jack really was dead, Ennis began to feel anger at her: "He wanted to curse her for letting Jack die on the dirt road."
3.) Bargaining - Ennis hoped to find comfort by fulfilling Jack's wish to have his ashes scattered on Brokeback Mountain. He did not get the ashes, but at least he got the shirts, making a shrine of them.
4.) Depression - The shirts were a cold comfort. Ennis faced life in his lonely trailer, knowing he had lost the love of his life, without ever having realized that he had been the love of his life.
5.) Acceptance - Ennis learned that loving and being loved is the most important thing in life, asking Alma, Jr. if Curt loves her, and deciding to attend their wedding. Ennis's dreams of Jack were his grief and solace. Sometimes the pillow was wet, sometimes the sheets.
These five stages are universal, and each person has to pass through them in our own time. Sometimes we move through them backwards and forwards, and no one can tell anyone else how it must be done or how long it should take. "If you can't fix it, you've got to stand it."
