Author Topic: Holding the Man  (Read 17444 times)

Offline Kerry

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Holding the Man
« on: January 07, 2010, 07:39:36 am »
“Holding the Man”

by Timothy Conigrave


* Beware – Spoilers *

 It is easy to forget. To allow the memories of the relatively recent past to slide away to a possibly helpful distance.

Australia's experience of HIV/AIDS in the 1980s and '90s is thus ancient history, and so much of that time is gone: a time of the dead and the dying; vigil shifts at ward 17 in Saint Vincent’s Hospice; watching brilliant and beautiful men sliding into garbled dementia; polite efforts to avoid funeral scheduling conflicts; two full pages of obits in the Sydney Star Observer; anger and love and screaming horror at the waste of so many lives. Surprisingly easy to let all that go.

Timothy Conigrave's memoir, Holding the Man,  which I re-read during the recent Christmas holiday period, is an act of urgent remembrance, an unflinching, devastating, moving and funny reanimation of that awful time. It is also the true story of two people in love.

There's a famous slogan from that time: "knowledge equals power". It still does, but knowledge isn't just safer sex and treatment regimens. It's also knowing how the past helps prevent recurrence.

Holding the Man  is compelling, wrenching and essential. I laughed, and I wept. Put it on your reading list. It's an experience not to be missed.


Timothy Conigrave

Holding the Man  is the best-selling memoir by the Australian writer, actor, and activist Timothy Conigrave. It was adapted for the stage by Tommy Murphy in 2006, and has become one of the most successful Australian stage productions in recent years.

Holding the Man  was published in February 1995 by Penguin Books in Australia just a few months after Conigrave's death, and has since been published in Spain and North America. Holding the Man  won the United Nations Human Rights Award for Non-Fiction in 1995 and was listed as one of the "100 Favourite Australian Books" by the Australian Society of Authors for its 40th anniversary in 2003.

Holding the Man  tells the story of Tim's life, and centrally of his relationship with his lover of fifteen years, John Caleo. They met in the mid-1970s at Xavier College, a prestigious all-boys Jesuit Catholic school in Melbourne.


Tim Conigrave (L) and John Caleo (R)

The term "holding the man" comes from Australian rules football - it is a transgression that incurs a penalty. John Caleo was a star footballer at high school - captain of the football team - winning the Public Schools Best and Fairest trophy in 1976. He was also an avid supporter of the Essendon Football Club, one of the reasons Tim Conigrave appropriated the term as the book's title.

The stage version of the memoir, adapted by Tommy Murphy and directed by David Berthold, is one of the most successful Australian theatre productions of recent times and the winner of multiple awards. It premiered in 2006 in a critically acclaimed, sold-out season at Sydney's Griffin Theatre Company, Australia's leading new writing theatre, and became the company's highest-grossing production in its 30-year history.  The production returned for a further five, highly successful seasons in various theatres around Australia, including the Griffin Theatre, Sydney Opera House, Belvoir Street Theatre, Brisbane Powerhouse and the Melbourne Theatre Company.


Matt Zemeres as John Caleo (L)
and Guy Edmonds as Tim Conigrave (R)
in the Griffin Theatre production of
Holding the Man
Sydney 2006

The North American premiere of Holding the Man  was staged by San Francisco's New Conservatory Theater Center, September  - November  2007.

A New Zealand production was produced by Auckland’s Silo Theatre in August 2009.
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Offline Kerry

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #1 on: January 07, 2010, 11:46:49 pm »
The blurb from the back cover of Holding the Man:

"The mid-seventies - and satin baggies and chunky platforms reigned supreme. Jethro Tull did battle with glam rock for the airwaves. At an all-boys Catholic school in Melbourne, Timothy Conigrave fell wildly and sweetly in love with the captain of the football team.

So began a relationship that was to last for fifteen years, a love affair that weathered disapproval, separation and, ultimately, death. Holding the Man  recreates that relationship. With honesty and insight it explores the highs and lows of any partnership: the intimacy, constraints, temptations. And the strength of heart both men had to find when they tested positive to HIV.

This is a book as refreshing and uplifting as it is moving; a funny and sad and celebratory account of growing up gay."
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Offline Front-Ranger

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #2 on: January 08, 2010, 12:11:56 am »


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What a great cover and premise for a story! I'll look for this!
"chewing gum and duct tape"

Offline Monika

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #3 on: January 08, 2010, 07:22:23 am »
Thanks Kerry, for bringing this to our attention.

As soon as I read your post I googled and read everything I could find on Timothy Conigrave.
I just have to get this book.

Offline Berit

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #4 on: January 08, 2010, 07:32:02 am »
And when you have read it, Monika, you can mail it to me...... :-* :-*
Ennis.....always Ennis.....

Offline Kerry

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #5 on: January 08, 2010, 08:16:56 am »
What a great cover and premise for a story! I'll look for this!

It sure is a great cover, Lee. I find it so very evocative of the dozy embrace from Brokeback Mountain. Only thing is, the cover I posted is a scan of my personal copy of the first edition of Holding the Man,  which I purchased in 1995, long before Brokeback Mountain.
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Offline Kerry

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #6 on: January 08, 2010, 08:26:34 am »
Thanks Kerry, for bringing this to our attention.

As soon as I read your post I googled and read everything I could find on Timothy Conigrave.
I just have to get this book.

I'm sure you'll love Holding the Man,  Monika. It's a wonderful coming-of-age story. And for such an ultimately  tragic tale, it is also a surprisingly uplifting and celebratory, life affirming story.

Holding the Man  is available through Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Holding-Penguin-Viking-Plays-Screen/dp/0140257845
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Offline Kerry

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #7 on: January 08, 2010, 08:35:37 am »
Here's the plot of Holding the Man  from Wikipedia (spoilers):

In 1976, Timothy Conigrave fell in love with the captain of the football team, John Caleo. So began a relationship that was to last for 15 years, a love affair that weathered disapproval, separation and, ultimately death. With honesty and insight, 'Holding the Man' explores the highs and lows of their life partnership: the intimacy, constraints, temptations, and the strength of heart both men had to find when they tested positive to HIV.

The story opens at Kostka, Xavier's junior [preparatory] school in Melbourne. Here, the author begins to sexually experiment with other boys, and comes to the realisation that he is gay. Several years later, on his first day at Xavier College (the Jesuit senior school), Conigrave sees John Caleo for the first time.

"On the far side of the crush I noticed a boy. I saw the body of a man with an open, gentle face: such softness within that masculinity. He was beautiful, calm. I was transfixed. He wasn't talking, just listening to his friends with his hands in his pockets, smiling. What was it about his face? He became aware that I was looking at him and greeted me with a lift of his eyebrows. I returned the gesture and then looked away, pretending something had caught my attention. But I kept sneaking looks. It's his eyelashes. They're unbelievable."

The two form a friendship, and at the suggestion of Pepe, one of Tim's female friends, John is invited to a dinner party at Tim's house. The girls know Tim is in love with John, and 'pass a kiss' around the table for his benefit.

"Juliet kissed Pepe. Their kiss lingered. Pepe came up for air. 'Tim'. As I kissed her she opened her mouth. Her tongue was exploring mine. I felt trapped. I was afraid to stop kissing her because I knew what was coming. I don't want John to think I'm enjoying this. Before I knew it my hand was on his knee, as if to let him know it was him I wanted. His hand settled on mine as Pepe continued kissing me. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was a virgin being led to the volcano to be sacrificed. I turned to face him. He shut his eyes and pursed his lips. Everything went slow motion as I pressed my mouth against his. His gentle warm lips filled my head. My body dissolved and I was only lips pressed against the flesh of his. I would have stayed there for the rest of my life, but I was suddenly worried about freaking him out and I pulled away. I caught sight of his face - fresh, with chocolate-brown eyes, and a small, almost undetectable smile."

A few weeks later, Tim rings John at home, and asks "John Caleo, will you go round with me?" The reply is an unambiguous "Yep".

The two graduate from High School in 1977, Tim attending Monash University and John studying to be a chiropractor at College. Despite parental opposition, Conigrave's eventual move to Sydney and the National Institute of Dramatic Art (NIDA), and youthful experimentation and infidelities, the relationship continues.

Tragically, when Tim and John finally move in together in Sydney and are genuinely happy, they are diagnosed with HIV. The year is 1985.

Until 1990, the men have relatively mild symptoms. Sadly, in the Autumn of 1991, John begins to rapidly deteriorate, suffering from lymphoma. Tim cares for his partner, whilst nursing symptoms of his own. The misery of HIV/AIDS is laid bare before the reader, with Conigrave sparing nothing in detailing the cruel progression of the disease. He watches as his lover's once-strong body is ravaged. The reader helplessly looks on as the story moves to its devastating conclusion.

At Christmas, in 1991, John is admitted to the Fairfield Hospital in Melbourne. A month later, on Australia Day 1992 (Jan 26), he dies of an AIDS-related illness, with his lover by his side, gently stroking his hair. Nearly three years later, shortly after finishing 'Holding the Man', Tim Conigrave passes away in Sydney.

The final passages of the book are some of its most poignant:

"I guess the hardest thing is having so much love for you and it somehow not being returned. I develop crushes all the time, but that is just misdirected need for you. You are a hole in my life, a black hole. Anything I place there cannot be returned. I miss you terribly. Ci vedremo lassu, angelo."
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Offline Kerry

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #8 on: February 04, 2010, 10:09:36 pm »

Holding the Man heads to the West End

by Drew Sheldrick in the Sydney Star Observer

Wednesday 3 February 2010


The smash hit Australian production of Holding the Man  is headed to the UK.

The play, adapted from Tim Conigrave's award-winning and best-selling memoir by playwright Tommy Murphy, will make its West End debut this spring at Trafalgar Studios 1 in London.

The true life story about the relationship between Conigrave and his high school sweetheart John Caleo experienced unprecedented box office success and critical acclaim when it opened at Sydney's Stables Theatre in 2007 and took a swag of awards after its multiple Australian seasons.

The Trafalgar Studios 1 version will again be directed by David Berthold, who helmed the original Australian production, and designed by Brian Thomson, most recently known for his work on the musical version of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert.  It will be produced by Daniel Sparrow (All About My Mother)  and Mike Walsh.

Berthold told Sydney Star Observer  the UK production had been in the pipeline for some time and the English producers had been interested in bringing it over since seeing the show in Australia.

Berthold said the ensemble (which is yet to be cast) was likely to be a mix of British and Australian performers.

This won't be the first time Holding the Man  has been performed overseas. In 2007, the show was staged by San Francisco's New Conservatory Theater Center, and it had its New Zealand premier last year.

 Murphy is expected to travel with Berthold to London for the new production. It begins its run on April 23 and is booking through to July.

You can find more on the UK production at www.holdingtheman.com


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Offline Kerry

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Re: Holding the Man
« Reply #9 on: April 15, 2010, 11:52:28 pm »

Front cover of the 14 April 2010
edition of the Sydney Star Observer
featuring the Australian cast
of London's forthcoming
West End production of
Holding the Man


A Man-Size Success

As reported in the Sydney Star Observer
by Drew Sheldrick

Wednesday 14 April 2010


http://www.starobserver.com.au/entertainment/2010/04/14/a-man-size-success/24005

There are so many threads to the Holding the Man story that in four years since its premiere it seems to have amassed its own strange mythology.

From the moment it debuted at Griffin Theatre Company’s Stables Theatre in 2006, there’ve been unusual tales about Cate Blanchett and leaky air conditioners and unending serendipitous connections between the creative team and the original novel.

Most remarkable of all has been the seemingly unfaultable ongoing collaboration between playwright Tommy Murphy and director David Berthold.

Back in early 2006, I interviewed Murphy while he was adapting Timothy Conigrave’s memoir to the stage. Even then he had so much of a connection to the source material that it seemed portentous he was involved.

He and Conigrave had both worked extensively at NIDA and Griffin, and Murphy was even writing sections of the play at his local Potts Point coffee house, Hernandez — one of Conigrave’s favourite haunts.

The fateful convergence of artists involved in the show continues now that Holding the Man heads overseas to make its West End debut. Joining Berthold and Murphy to head up the London production is comedian Jane Turner, who was close to both Conigrave and his partner John Caleo during their time in Melbourne.

“We knew of Jane’s connection to the story very early on, while we were still working on the adaptation,” Berthold said.

“We were given a photograph of that school production of Romeo and Juliet that happens very early on in the book and play. To our astonishment, we noted one Jane Turner in the cast. The English producers first suggested her, without knowing any of this, and of course it seemed right.”

Given the work’s far-reaching connection to many in the Australian arts community, it was also no surprise that the show remains one of the most successful theatrical productions in Australia in recent years. But after four seasons and a national tour here, all eyes are on the reactions of the British.

“Speaking to the locals involved in the production, I’m extremely encouraged about the universality of Tim’s story,” Murphy said.

Berthold noted that despite it being a very Australian story, he and Murphy were very happy with the responses they saw to productions of the play in San Francisco and New Zealand.

“Both audiences received the story in much the same way as Australian audiences had. So I’m hoping that will be the case here in London.”

Guy Edmonds and Matt Zeremes will reprise their roles as Tim and John at Trafalgar Studios. They’ll be joined by Turner and new recruits Simon Burke, Oliver Farnworth and Anna Skellern.

On his decision to bring back Edmonds and Zeremes for the London production, rather than assembling a completely British cast, Berthold said it was hard to imagine the show without them.

“They were very young when they first did it — around 23 or 24. I had a feeling that a new maturity might be found now in their performances and so it has proven. They were always good, but now they completely inhabit, own their roles,” he said.

Of its various incarnations, Murphy said the very first opening night will remain his most intense experience. The guest list on the night included people who had worked closely with Conigrave in theatre, and his parents.

“I watched their [Tim’s parents] faces perhaps even more than the show,” he said. “At interval, I realised that the framed photos of Tim and John we had planned to be in the foyer had been left on my desk. I jogged home so their photos would be hanging when the audience departed. And, really, I think I just had to get away from the intensity.”

Both Berthold and Murphy have had great success outside of Holding the Man. Berthold now helms Brisbane’s La Boite Theatre Company and comes to London direct from finishing work on his critically-acclaimed Hamlet.

Meanwhile, Murphy teams up with Neil Armfield at Belvoir later this year to debut his new work, Gwen in Purgatory.
But if you wanted any more proof that Berthold and Murphy’s winning partnership was foretold in the stars, you only had to look at the success of their Sydney Theatre Company production of Murphy’s Saturn’s Return. Part of STC’s main stage season in 2009, artistic directors Andrew Upton and Cate Blanchett quickly graduated the show from its experimental season in the Wharf2Loud season soon after its premiere.

Along with Holding the Man’s international success comes the unavoidable talk of a film adaptation. Murphy insists any such project would be a difficult undertaking.

“The key to the stage adaptation was that Tim had been a theatre maker; theatricality was embraced. That game provides nothing for a screen adaptation. I’d be confident that a love story such as this has the potential to make a beautiful film, but that all remains to be seen,” he said.

But as to whether the meaning of the text has changed for Berthold or Murphy over the years, it’s clear they’re in agreement.

“The central idea of the play has remained firm: this is a great love story, told through the language and play of theatre,” Berthold said.

“I have always trusted that Tim’s story transcends its era, it transcends sexuality. Holding the Man aims to place the love story centre stage. That is something that never shifts,” Murphy added.
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