I have been away from BetterMost for a while. I want to tell you why I left and why I am, tentatively, returning. I also would like to point out something about the BBM phenomenon that others have probably noticed, but so far I have not seen anyone formulate. This is why I am putting this posting here.
I first came to BetterMost several months ago. Until then I had never posted to a website, and was quite naive regarding the ways of the cyberworld. Those of you familiar with my postings know what I mean. I would go too far, backtrack, and apologize profusely when I realized I was behaving like a bull in a china shop. Gradually I at least partially caught on. I distinguish between 2 kinds of postings--those about BBM and related matters where the cut and thrust of the debate capture the spirit of the thing, and those that are very personal and difficult to write. I have read many of these on BetterMost, and I feel for those writing them because I know how difficult it is. As for my own postings I may have stumbled and trodden on toes, but I never lied or tried to deceive. I have led a rather unconventional life, but at my age I take that as a plus rather than something to be reticent about. Some of this shows in many of my postings. This did not concern me until I was confronted by someone criticizing me using phrases like "sceptical," "unbelievable," "a teller of tales" etc., seeming to lump me with some previous inhabitants of BetterMost who had lied, and tried to take advantage, some financially, of other BetterMostians. I could not understand why I would be put into this category. The best answer I could get was that it was better to be wary than be thought a fool. I didn't really care about postings about literary analysis or human behaviour--those are open to as much argument as they will bear. But when I was led to believe that my personal postings drawing from deep wells of memory and regret--like those of so many people I read here--were being greeted, especially by BM old-timers with scoffing, I was deeply discouraged, even more so because it was pointed out to me, that gay men were especially likely to be the villains trying to take advantage of other BetterMostians. I tried to find out if this was one person's opinion or was widespread across BM, but I could get no answer. I didn't feel much like posting after that. I was especially discouraged because, as Alma sings in Meet Me on the Mountain, "It wouldn't be bitter if it wasn't so sweet." And being in BetterMost was sweet; I felt at home, even if a bit awkward about it. Now that all seemed to be gone. But now the call of the mountain is hard to resist. So I thought I would try again. I would like to think I have grossly misunderstood, but in my heart I still have doubts. I take BetterMost very seriously, perhaps too seriously, but I can do no other. Now, to BBM:
Has everyone noticed that we seem to be in a post-short story, post-movie phase of the BBM phenomenon? Minute parsing of the story or screenplay for yet new hidden meanings seems increasingly beside the point as BBM moves on. We now have Shawn Kirchner's Meet Me On the Mountain, Steven Robinson's song Jack I Swear, many YouTube videos of acting classes filming scenes of "BBM Continued," the playlist on BBMRadio, which is shrewdly done, and lots of things I am leaving out--now including the opera.
What they all have in common is the unwillingness to leave BBM where Proulx and Lee left it, and to extend it into areas we all wanted it to go, but were frustrated by the (purposeful) ambiguity and missed opportunities of the story and movie. I doubt that any brokie can read or watch BBM as pieces of text, external to our being, to be examined objectively; instead we weld them to the deepest parts of our psyche. For us BBM is a rich compound of story, movie, and our selves. There is little point in trying to establish what something in the movie or story really means, because that leaves out the equally important question of our own individual experience, so the "real" BBM is different for each of us. The further explorations of BBM I mentioned before serve to bring our own insights of the "real" meaning into focus. For example, I noticed in postings in several places that some people still wonder what Ennis meant by "Jack I wear"--even the story leaves that unclear. But when I first heard Robinson's "Jack I Swear" I recognized exactly what Ennis meant--or rather I felt what it meant when I said it, substituting another name for Jack, with all the anguish the rest of the song so eloquently tells--I knew all too well. The song is a meditation on the scene in the trailer, a further legitimate elaboration We can all do that unrestrained by fidelity to story or screenplay. In Meet Me On the Mountain we have Kirchner's reflections on what followed, or what might have been. "Lookin' All Right To Me" is what we want Ennis to be thinking the morning after the 1st night in the tent. To say that it violates the meaning of the story just won't do. BBM has picked up steam, and is moving on to where we want it to go. In "I'm On My Way" we have Jack, now dead, saying goodbye with no regrets to the final argument or the dozy embrace. There are more examples, but this is enough. No one can stop BBM now. We need not fear that the stars over the tent will dim any time soon.
