I need a break.

[henrypie]

Not from y'all,
But from watching it.

Truth is, I got my DVD two days ago and haven't watched it.  I did watch tent scene one through tent scene two, because that's what I thought I really wanted to see, but I felt mighty detached.  I feel at least two things:

One: I devoted two-and-a-quarter-hour chunks to see this movie in the theatre, and I did it with reverence and total concentration.  As much as I want to watch the tent scenes, or the reunion scene, or the lake scene, I don't want to chop the movie up -- I want it to remain the reverent, and dramatically complete, experience as before.  And because I have to watch the whole thing, I sort of don't want to.  It's too exhausting.

Two: it is so disappointing on the small screen, in my living room, with the cats and the rug and the kitchen door over there on the left, and the bathroom door over there on the right.  I complained of the "digital" look on another thread; really, it's weird and I don't like it.  And the sound is ... different.  Kinda tinny.  Makes me sad because no matter how much I upgrade (better copy of the DVD? better receiver? better TV? better living room?), it'll never be the same as in the theatre.  It's only now that I really feel regret at not dragging more people with me to see it in the theatre when I could have done.  I almost wish the DVD weren't an option because it's an unworthy representation of such a magnificent thing.  A tiger in a cage.

I look at my Brokeback Mountain viewing experience as over.  Maybe I'll hear a little voice in me eventually, when my memories start to fade....

Does anyone share my sadness?

[DeeDee]

Absolutely!  I just finished telling a friend that it's an anit- climatic experience.    I miss so much the big screen, the quiet theater, me with my thoughts, tears and overworked imagination.
I watched last night and was interrupted by my scnauzer needing to pee, 3 phone calls, hubby asking a zillion questions, my dad needing dinner and my own fidgety self.
I am in NY now and Jenny was right, there's not one theater hosting it.
It will never be the same.

[ednbarby]

I share your sadness, Sarah, to some extent.  I had a similar experience the very first time I watched it on the tube.  I watched it through the campfire scene after the reunion and was ready to call it a night - just too distracted.  Like you, I kinda thought that'd be it for a while.  And I did take over a week off and waited until I bought another couple copies on Tuesday.

I lent one of my copies out that same day, and I wanted to see it in the fullscreen version (blasphemy, I know) just for something "different," so I bought it in that format with the free book at Best Buy fully intending to give it to a friend who'd seen it once and loved it and who (gasp!) prefers fullscreen.  Had zero expectations for even being able to accept it in that format, let alone enjoy it.  Funny thing, though - I turned off all the lights, lit some nice candles for that flickering effect in the background, and put on my headphones so as not to be distracted.  And I heard and saw stuff I'd never heard and seen before.  I was also jazzed to know that someone I'd lent it to would be watching it that night, too, and for her first time - I kind of tried to live vicariously through her and "pretend" I was seeing it for the first time as well.

Sigh.  Again, I must say that of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

So - give it a bit of a break, then watch it in the dark with candles and headphones some night when you're ready.  I promise you'll get at least some of the magic back.  I figure if I could get it back with a fullscreen version (that I must say was the most brightly-lit in certain key places, if younodamean, of all the ones I've seen it in), you'll surely be able to, too.  Familiarity does breed contempt, but I haven't reached that point with this one yet.  When I start feeling it coming on for real, it'll be time for me to give it a rest for a while, too.  Like I said yesterday, I figure that'll be in about three months and at least 100 screenings.  

[cmr107]

That sounds so sad. I'm watching it (the DVD) for the first time tonight. My roommate won't be here, so hopefully I won't have too many distractions. Seeing as how my TV is about 12 inches, I'm sure I'll be disappointed too. 

[RouxB]

I know what you mean-I've been feeling this for awhile though, even before the DVD. Kinda like the wonder and amazement-and pain-were starting to wear off. Happy-but maybe not-about the pain leaving and definitely worried about the wonder and amazement leaving. BUT at some point, I just settled into my love of the story and my love of the characters. The "slammed into a brick wall" feeling is bound to fade but what remains can be almost as good-the warm fuzzy "connected" to something that has been integrated into your very being. I miss miss miss the boys on the big screen but I am finding excitement again in my DVD. The lighter projection is allowing me to pick up little things that cause me to gasp with surprise and delight. I will be sad when the day comes that The Wings doesn't cause my chest to tighten and my eyes to water, when  Brokeback I, II and III don't give me a joyous feeling of anticipation and when The Maker Makes does not fill me with melancholy and regret,  but if I hold on to even a fraction of what I have had the past few months, I will still be rich indeed.

Put it away for a couple of weeks-if you can. You might realize in missing it, how much it still means, even on the little screen.

Or go buy a big-ass rear projection 52" screen, move to a new place with no doors or rugs, divorce your husband, send the dog to the shelter along with the cats. In reality, some "moving on" is bound to happen-you just have to find that little place in your heart where only BbM lives and will always.

Good luck and big love

[delalluvia]

Poor things.

I have no roommate.  Any time I want to look at BBM, it's just me, the K-cats, a nice big TV and surround sound (a gift to me from one of my Ennis').

[ednbarby]

"The "slammed into a brick wall" feeling is bound to fade but what remains can be almost as good-the warm fuzzy "connected" to something that has been integrated into your very being. I miss miss miss the boys on the big screen but I am finding excitement again in my DVD. The lighter projection is allowing me to pick up little things that cause me to gasp with surprise and delight."

* * *

This is really beautiful, Rouxb.  And I agree - this movie has taken on a new level of intimacy for me in my own home, especially because of the lighter projection.  And with headphones, I find I'm actually much less distracted than I was in the movie theater by popcorn crunchers, cell phone talkers, gigglers and gum smackers.  I miss it all being larger than life, too.  But like you said, I feel more connected to it now than I did after those five theater screenings.

[YaadPyar]

I haven't watched the whole DVD yet - some of it.  But I'm not a good movie-goer.  I love watching films in snippets and pieces, and I know the story, the dialogue, the characters so well that it doesn't seem to be a problem for me.  Even with BBM, I have the hardest time sitting still through the whole thing, so I'm not a good example.  

What I saw on my tv I loved equally.  I don't have the distraction of ofther people, and enjoyed that I could watch is completely undisturbed - no audience reaction to pull me out of my own experience.  True the screen was smaller, but in some ways I felt closer to the characters.  i've been lost in their world, and now they are also in mine, which I love.

I've read the short story and screenplay again as well since getting the DVD, and find the magic still there as well.

But - all that being said, maybe this is the most compelling reason of all to have a 'Brokie Convention' of some kind...to resurrect the power and majesty of the story to the big screen.  Where we can watch it ensconsed in an environment where the shared reverence for the filmic experience elevates our individual experience.

My thoughts on the matter, for what it's worth...

[YaadPyar]

Not from y'all,
But from watching it.

May I just express my appreciation for this NOT being a good-bye thread.  Thank you!

[henrypie]

Yeah I know I was jerkin yall around just the tiniest bit.  But it's a happy ending, see?

Hmm, thanks for your words.  I think I'll just wait a bit, and when I do attempt to watch it, I'll try and do as Barb recommends.

Sssss

[ednbarby]

I haven't watched the whole DVD yet - some of it.  But I'm not a good movie-goer.  I love watching films in snippets and pieces, and I know the story, the dialogue, the characters so well that it doesn't seem to be a problem for me.  Even with BBM, I have the hardest time sitting still through the whole thing, so I'm not a good example.  

What I saw on my tv I loved equally.  I don't have the distraction of ofther people, and enjoyed that I could watch is completely undisturbed - no audience reaction to pull me out of my own experience.  True the screen was smaller, but in some ways I felt closer to the characters.  i've been lost in their world, and now they are also in mine, which I love.

I've read the short story and screenplay again as well since getting the DVD, and find the magic still there as well.

But - all that being said, maybe this is the most compelling reason of all to have a 'Brokie Convention' of some kind...to resurrect the power and majesty of the story to the big screen.  Where we can watch it ensconsed in an environment where the shared reverence for the filmic experience elevates our individual experience.

My thoughts on the matter, for what it's worth...

For what it's worth, it was worth all the while... 

And I *love* this:  " i've been lost in their world, and now they are also in mine."  That's It.