Author Topic: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..  (Read 3591 times)

Offline ashleyjb

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Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« on: December 12, 2006, 03:00:11 pm »


This was my IMDB post back in Jan 06.
   
Why it stays with you and what to do about it.., 23 Jan 2006 - 10/10

Author: ashleyjbear from Paris

One of the most overwhelming aspects of this film, and at the same time its genius, is how its story absorbs you into itself, finally wounds you and leaves you bleeding; yet it is a wounding that is also healing... Rather than fading by the time you get home and back to 'life', instead grief and bittersweet pain visit in waves until, alone, in private moments of the day, tears well-up.

It's at once exhilarating and disturbing to be so deeply affected by a film. When it persists more that a day or two, albeit gently, you begin to wonder just what is happening to you.. Which brings me to my point: Brokeback Mountain is not staggering in its impact on you because of superficial concern for characters, but for how it somehow seduces you into confronting vicariously your own thwarted dreams, missed opportunities, thinly covered disappointments - even shame of your own unhappiness; so too your first loves, your great loves, the memory of love. One is ambushed by one's own phantoms and fondest memories, in potent and distilled form. It's not so much the movie that won't seem to leave us but our own soul's joys, sorrows and hopes, surfaced and in need of the light of day.

So what are we to do? See the film endlessly? It is tempting to believe one more viewing will give me something more.. Probably not the final solution. What we need to do is read the text of our own life now, albeit as dramatically surfaced and illuminated for us by a film. We need now to re-enter the adventure of responsible liberty and walk resolutely and courageously into this storm that has come to visit us. We cannot out-source this profound task to film makers or anyone else, no matter how they may have inspired us. It is for us now to finish the story...

As Proust wrote on the ultimate inability of other's books (or films) to satisfy us in our quest for truth and spiritual life,

"Reading (movie-going) is on the threshold of the spiritual life; it can introduce us to it: it does not constitute it."

Bon courage à tous...

Offline Lynne

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #1 on: December 13, 2006, 02:36:38 am »
Welcome, Ashley!

I had not seen this post of yours before.  I didn't see BBM til late January and was quite non-functional for weeks afterwards.  By the time I started lurking around IMDb, I saw Phillip's post and red-lined all the way to BetterMost.  It was his vision of providing a venue for 'finishing the story' in our own lives that really spoke to my heart and allowed me to start healing.  I think your post summarizes exactly why this touched me the way it did, although I could never come close to articulating it this well myself.

-Lynne

Quote
Brokeback Mountain is not staggering in its impact on you because of superficial concern for characters, but for how it somehow seduces you into confronting vicariously your own thwarted dreams, missed opportunities, thinly covered disappointments - even shame of your own unhappiness; so too your first loves, your great loves, the memory of love. One is ambushed by one's own phantoms and fondest memories, in potent and distilled form. It's not so much the movie that won't seem to leave us but our own soul's joys, sorrows and hopes, surfaced and in need of the light of day....

What we need to do is read the text of our own life now, albeit as dramatically surfaced and illuminated for us by a film. We need now to re-enter the adventure of responsible liberty and walk resolutely and courageously into this storm that has come to visit us. We cannot out-source this profound task to film makers or anyone else, no matter how they may have inspired us. It is for us now to finish the story...
"Laß sein. Laß sein."

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #2 on: December 20, 2006, 05:59:09 pm »
I saw it in the theater on January 23, 2006 just as you did.  NOTHING has been the same since.  I could have wrote your original post a few days ago but not with such beautiful prose.  I have seen the film 5 times in the theaters and had to stop when my uncontrollable sobbing started making me feel very self conscious that I was annoying anyone within hearing distance.  I have seen it 5 times on DVD, the last time with Subtitles on (A MUST!) and I am so shattered for days that I have to plan my viewing where I will have a few days without having to be around anyone.  I plan on watching it alone on Christmas, followed by "Latter Days" another life rocking film that was introduced to me in a chat room with Lynne (above) and Daniel.

What to do about it?   Be Grateful that we've had a life changing experience!  Grow and take it one day at a time...

peace :)
br. patrick
« Last Edit: December 20, 2006, 06:14:11 pm by Br. Patrick »
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #3 on: December 21, 2006, 03:47:39 pm »
What to do about it?   Be Grateful that we've had a life changing experience!  Grow and take it one day at a time...

Amen to that! Is it possible to go through withdrawals? I have now seen BBM twice (one week ago) with carefully planned viewings each time (as Br. Patrick alludes) in an attempt to not become desensitized. I now find that I am craving it. I was also worried, that since the movie has been intellectually dissected on these forums and I have been reading intensely all there is to offer - that I would lose interest as well because but that also does not seem to be the case.

I have started my descent down BBM, but very gradually.
Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #4 on: December 21, 2006, 04:25:50 pm »
I have started my descent down BBM, but very gradually.

I envy you.  No, I can't say that, I LOVE what this film is doing to me, even if it is pulling my guts out a foot at a time.  I guess I just plan on staying up here "flying in the euphoric, bitter air, looking down on the hawk's back and the crawling lights of vehicles on the plain below, suspended above ordinary affairs and distant from the ranch dogs barking in the dark hours."   Annie says it so well.

peace :)
br. patrick
« Last Edit: December 21, 2006, 04:52:23 pm by Br. Patrick »
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2006, 02:27:08 am »
I love that quote as well....and really admire the courage to 'stay up there'. I would describe my daily descent as purely functional - have to work and take care of other things, but I always look forward to the private moments when I can re-ascend. Never been so entranced before in my life - I'm doing my daily things, but at the same time, feel so far removed from those things - BBM is constantly on my mind in some form or fashion whether it's a trigger in the environment, or the willfull directing of my consciousness toward it.

I was interested in the other movie title you mentioned - not that I can think of watching or enjoying any other film right now - but, is it worthy of merit?

I envy you.  No, I can't say that, I LOVE what this film is doing to me, even if it is pulling my guts out a foot at a time.  I guess I just plan on staying up here "flying in the euphoric, bitter air, looking down on the hawk's back and the crawling lights of vehicles on the plain below, suspended above ordinary affairs and distant from the ranch dogs barking in the dark hours."    Annie says it so well.

peace :)
br. patrick

Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #6 on: December 23, 2006, 05:35:48 am »
I was interested in the other movie title you mentioned - not that I can think of watching or enjoying any other film right now - but, is it worthy of merit?

Latter Days is an incredible film introduced to me by Lynne and Daniel.  We were in the chatroom and they were simulaneously watching it on DVD.  I ordered the unrated version from amazon.com then and there.  This film's climax did what Brokeback did for me for the first nine viewings when Ennis leaves Alma crying the morning after the reunion in the Motel.  I cry so intensely that everything goes white and I can't hear anything.  Then I slowly come back to 'reality'.  Therapy revealed it was LOSS that triggered these white outs.  Loss is my major trigger for the Chronic Major Depression that I have been on disability for since 1997.  The climax of Latter Days did exactly the same thing with one addition.  I was laying down watching it on my widescreen computer monitor.  Major Tears, whiteout, no sound and the next thing I knew I was on the floor!  Reflection on that brought out the reason.  Love!  It has expanded my ability to love God exponentially (and that is a GOOD thing when one is a monk (actually, more of a hermit)).  Nothing will ever replace BBM in my heart but Latter Days hits the same buttons in me.   Before these films, I never experienced such emotionally charged experiences outside of prayer.  And I just don't want that to end...

peace :)
br. patrick
« Last Edit: December 23, 2006, 05:39:35 am by Br. Patrick »
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline BBM-Cat

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #7 on: December 23, 2006, 08:49:21 pm »
Thank you for the tip on Latter Days - will definitely view it when I feel I can depart for a bit from BBM. Thank you also for sharing your incredibly painful revelation regarding LOSS, your longstanding struggle with depression, and the healing impact that BBM is having on your life. I am glad that you were able to make the connections through therapeutic intervention, and that your heart keeps opening up to the possibility (not the 'impossibility') of God's love. What a blessing indeed! Although BBM means many different things to many people, I believe it is exactly the concept of loss that unites us all (though some would disagree). I hope you are able to continue in your journey, "flying in the euphoric, bitter air, looking down on the hawk's back and the crawling lights of vehicles on the plain below, suspended above ordinary affairs and distant from the ranch dogs barking in the dark hours."  And, peace be with you.
Six-word Stories:  ~Jack: Lightning Flat, lightning love, flat denied   ~Ennis: Open space: flat tire, tire iron?

Offline Br. Patrick

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2006, 07:41:00 am »
peace be with you.

Peace right back at you!  May this time of the year touch you in a special way as you view it through the different world you now live in after experiencing this incredible film.    (BTW, I agree with you about our universal sharing of loss.  An ending is also a new beginning, no way around that.)

May 2007 be the best :)
br. patrick
Lean on me, let our hearts beat in time,
Feel strength from the hands that have held you so long.
Who cares where we go on this rugged old road
In a world that may say that we're wrong.

...Cause I know - A love that will never grow old.

Gustavo Santaolalla & Bernie Taupin

Offline Lynne

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Re: Why it stays with you and what to do about it..
« Reply #9 on: December 31, 2006, 03:21:32 am »
...I agree with you about our universal sharing of loss.  An ending is also a new beginning, no way around that...

A lovely way to phrase it, Brother Patrick.  Thank you.
"Laß sein. Laß sein."