As you all know, lawyers can ruin anything. Including Christmas...
A Lawyer's Christmas
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at
a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter referred to as
"the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but
not limited to a small rodent. A variety of foot apparel, e.g.
stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope
and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter
"Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter.
The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House,
were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal
hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats,
including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and
otherwise appear in said dreams.
Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter
referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the
party of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for
a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in
various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.)
Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon
the unimproved real property adjacent and appertinent to said House,
i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or
circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House
to investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that time, the party of
the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature
sleigh (hereinafter the "Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly
through the air by approximately eight ( 8 ) reindeer. The driver of the
Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.
Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and
guidance to the approximately eight ( 8 ) reindeer and specifically identified the
animal coconspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet,
Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter the "Deer"). (Upon information and
belief, it is further asserted that an additional coconspirator named "Rudolph"
may have been involved.)
The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the
Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several
residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that
the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of
unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either
expressed or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said
House via the chimney.
Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered
with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a
portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was
smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of
local ordinances and health regulations. Claus did not speak, but
immediately began to fill the stockings of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the
chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute
"gifts" to said minors pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax
Code.)
Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and
flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where
the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately
departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the
Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear
Claus state and/or exclaim:
"Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"
Or words to that effect.
