Author Topic: Holiday Cartoons  (Read 12128 times)

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #30 on: November 27, 2007, 04:26:48 am »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Dagi

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #31 on: November 27, 2007, 05:08:55 am »
Great cartoons, Dottie!!  ;D

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #32 on: November 29, 2007, 01:28:24 pm »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #33 on: November 29, 2007, 01:29:25 pm »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #34 on: November 29, 2007, 11:28:40 pm »

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and
cuddled my children on demand, visited their doctor's
office more than my doctor and sold sixty-two cases
of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on
the school playground. I was hoping you could spread
my list out over several Christmases, since I had to
write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back
of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and
who knows when I'll find anymore free time in the
next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache
(in any color, except purple, which I
already have) and arms that don't hurt
or flap in the breeze, but are strong
enough to pull my screaming child out
of the candy aisle in the grocery store.

I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine
somewhere in the seventh month of
my last pregnancy.

If you're hauling big ticket items this
year I'd like fingerprint resistant windows
and a radio that only plays adult music,
a television that doesn't broadcast any
programs containing talking animals,
and a refrigerator with a secret
compartment behind the crisper where
I can hide to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a
talking doll that says, "Yes, Mommy"
to boost my parental confidence, along
with two kids who don't fight and three
pairs of jeans that will zip all the way
up without the use of power tools.

I could also use a recording of Tibetan
monks chanting "Don't eat in the living
room" and "Take your hands off your
brother," because my voice seems to
be just out of my children's hearing
range and can only be heard by the dog.

If it's too late to find any of these
products, I'd settle for enough time
to brush my teeth and comb my hair
in the same morning, or the luxury
of eating food warmer than room
temperature without it being served
in a Styrofoam container.

If you don't mind, I could also use
a few Christmas miracles to brighten
the holiday season. Would it be too
much trouble to declare ketchup a
vegetable? It will clear my conscience
immensely. It would be helpful if you
could coerce my children to help
around the house without demanding
payment as if they were the bosses
of an organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is
calling and my son saw my feet under
the laundry room door. I think he wants
his crayon back. Have a safe trip and
remember to leave your wet boots by
the door and come in and dry off so
you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table
but don't eat too many or leave
crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM...


P.S. One more thing...you can cancel
all my requests if you can keep my
children young enough to believe in Santa.

*Santa has asked that this gets passed
on to all the mommies you know.
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Dagi

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #35 on: November 30, 2007, 06:33:42 am »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: this made my day, Dottie...I would quote my favorite passages, but I´d have to quote it all, so I don´t...thanks for the good laugh!

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #36 on: December 07, 2007, 02:03:28 am »
The Twelve Days After Christmas

 
 
The first day after Christmas
My true love and I had a fight
And so I chopped the pear tree down
And burnt it, just for spite

Then with a single cartridge
I shot that blasted partridge

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

The second day after Christmas
I pulled on the old rubber gloves
And very gently wrung the necks
Of both the turtle doves

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

On the third day after Christmas
My mother caught the croup
I had to use the three French hens
To make some chicken soup

The four calling birds were a big mistake For their language was obscene
The five golden rings were completely fake and turned my fingers green.

The sixth day after Christmas
The six laying geese wouldn't lay
So I sent the whole darn gaggle to the
A.S.P.C.A.

My true love, my true love, my true love gave to me.

On the seventh day, what a mess I found The seven swans-a-swimming all had drowned.

The eighth day after Christmas
Before they could suspect
I bundled up the
Eight maids-a-milking
Nine ladies dancing
Ten lords-a-leaping
Eleven pipers piping
Twelve drummers drumming
And sent them back collect

I wrote my true love
"We are through, love!"
And I said in so many words
"Furthermore your Christmas gifts were for the Birds!"

Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtle doves
And a partridge in a pear tree!"


Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #37 on: December 08, 2007, 03:57:27 am »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #38 on: December 18, 2007, 10:16:35 pm »
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline dot-matrix

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Re: Holiday Cartoons
« Reply #39 on: December 18, 2007, 10:21:49 pm »
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said,'You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.
 
'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.
 
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said,
'They're bells.'

Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just what do those symbolize?'

The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

And So The Christmas Season Begins......
Life is not a dress rehearsal