Would you have lasted 20 years?

[DeeDee]

Wow, I would love to read what you wrote.  Do you mind?  Do I just go over there?

[twistedude]

There are guys I would take back after 48 years--except he's in Denmark. But then, I didn't have to LIVE with him all that time! (Neither did Jack and Ennis, for that matter, but I think they were well-suited, if Jack could have kneaded Ennis ariound to taking that step...)

There better not be any cowboys in this post..I didn't order any...

CLICK TO ENLARGE...

[OddlyEven]

Would I have lasted 20 years in that kind of relationship? Wow...cheers for the original question. It's really made me stop and think and I have to say, no I don't think I could have lasted that long. If I put myself in Jack's shoes, as in the moment he drives to Wyoming right after he learns of Ennis' divorce and he gets rejected. I think that would have been the last straw for me. I couldn't have went on any longer.

[DeeDee]

Would I have lasted 20 years in that kind of relationship? Wow...cheers for the original question. It's really made me stop and think and I have to say, no I don't think I could have lasted that long. If I put myself in Jack's shoes, as in the moment he drives to Wyoming right after he learns of Ennis' divorce and he gets rejected. I think that would have been the last straw for me. I couldn't have went on any longer.

I was just thinking that before I read your post.  After that rejection, that would have been it for me.  That scene was about, what, 1975?  12 years is long enough.

[ednbarby]

Would I have lasted 20 years in that kind of relationship? Wow...cheers for the original question. It's really made me stop and think and I have to say, no I don't think I could have lasted that long. If I put myself in Jack's shoes, as in the moment he drives to Wyoming right after he learns of Ennis' divorce and he gets rejected. I think that would have been the last straw for me. I couldn't have went on any longer.

I was just thinking that before I read your post.  After that rejection, that would have been it for me.  That scene was about, what, 1975?  12 years is long enough.

Hmmmmm...  Easier said than done.  As I've said, I never really did get over that first love of my life to the point that I didn't long for him anyore until he was seriously with someone else (and yes, that was after I'd been seriously involved with someone else for two years after we broke up).  If Ennis had taken up with another guy (of course, that's impossible considering all the aspects of his character, but just humor me, here) and gotten serious with him, Jack could and would have walked away.  But Ennis didn't do that.  So Jack always knew he was the only one for him.  That's some powerfully motivating force when you're deeply in love and don't want to let go to begin with.

[mg501]

ednbarby...

That is an interesting point. Ennis didn't get involved with any other guys and he didn't re-marry. Jack wanted to believe they would get together and Ennis' lack of involvement with anyone could have fueled Jack's belief that eventually they would.

[ednbarby]

Exactly, mg.  For what it's worth, I know that this is absolutely what it took for me to be able to really move on from him.  Had he remained single/unattached for any length of time all these years, I'm fairly certain I'd never have stopped pining for him.  Ego is a funny thing.  It will make us hold on to a dream when all signs point to its never being a reality if we can make believe the object of our affection hasn't had any better offers.  When that delusion is finally proven false by their being capable of loving someone else, it hurts like a son of a bitch, but the spell is broken.

Now, look at Jack.  Even more motivating for him is the fairly certain knowledge that Ennis has never been with any other man.  And that he doesn't even have any close platonic male friends who could potentially become objects of affection.  The one thing he thinks is keeping them from being together - his commitment to his wife - is over, so naturally he thinks, especially in that Ennis went out of his way to share that information with him (that he of course misread), that they are finally free to build a life around each other.  He neglects to examine the idea that maybe what Ennis was shown as a child had such a profound impact on him as to make that impossible.  Just as I, on a much lesser level, neglected to examine the idea that the man with whom I was so in love only found me really interesting when he could no longer have me.

[serious crayons]

Add me to all of you above who are in love with Ennis and Jack. But I sure hope I'm not still pining this much for them 20 years from now, or I'll definitely be nothin and nowhere.

[Aussie Chris]

Hmmm, I must say that this topic has called me back.  I read it a while back but didn't think I had anything useful to say.  But after a couple of weeks on an emotional roller-coaster, today I realised that my opinion on this has changed.

Here's the two weeks ago view: I wouldn't have lasted past the post-divorce rejection.

There is no way I could sustain a relationship where I was kept on a leash, short or otherwise.  It would be unbearable to rise to the height of ecstasy for a few days only to have that passion taken away again, over and over again.  I would become embittered and withdrawn.  In a way I speak from experience.  The first person I came out to was my (straight) house mate and friend who for reasons only immaturity can tell, I just could not quit him.  Stubbornly this went on for 4 years, some 10 years ago, and each and every day that went by I became less, like chipping away at a block of stone, childishly hoping to reveal a work of art, but ending up with a pile of rubble.  I vowed never to fall for someone unwilling or unable to return the feeling ever again.

But...

Here's today's view: Indeed, reciprocated love is hard to find, but hardly anyone finds a love like J&E's - there's no way I would quit.

The fundamental difference between my situation and Jack and Ennis, is that I was not in a reciprocated loving relationship while they were.  Even if it were only a few days a year, and no doubt I would be as frustrated as Jack, but I would/could never let it go.  Anyway, what's the alternative?  Do you quit Ennis, return to your wife and make her life miserable?  Do you spend all of your time driving to Mexico for one-night-stands?  I know we're given Randall in the film as an "alternate love interest" (let's not bring him into this), but there's one thing for sure: lovers are easy to find, but true love is much much more difficult to find, if at all.

This has been a difficult healing process for me.  Revisiting these feelings is not something that I wanted to do.  But in a "ready or not" sort of way, Brokeback Mountain made sure I did.  I can't say that I'm completely confident in this conclusion, and maybe I'd change my mind if I were in Jack's shoes and 20 years has passed, but I can't get it out of my head that a love like that is worth any sacrifice.

[serious crayons]

I'm with you, Chris. It would have been torture, but I don't think I'd have been able to tear myself away. It was too perfect a love. It was fully reciprocated, just not sufficiently honored. Ennis and Jack had everything -- admiration, respect, affection, longing, intense physical attraction, etc. Everything except time.

Thinking about it that way, and reminding myself that many people go through life without ever finding that kind of love at all, is about the only thing that helps console me when I start to dwell on their tragedy.