Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

    Love it !

[dot-matrix]

Confucius Says



Passionate kiss like spider's web, soon lead to undoing of fly.

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratches butt should not bite fingernails.

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong, man with four balls cannot walk.

Panties not best thing on earth but next to best thing on earth.

War not determine who right, war determine who left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib but one screw to fill it.

Man who drive like hell bound to get there.

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

Man who lives in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fishes in other man's well often catches crabs.

Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Man who lay woman on ground get piece on earth.

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out." They both were very faithful, loving wives... However, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Margaritas at the Rio.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery.

One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them... Luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it... So she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls completed their "business" they continued toward home.

The following day, one of the husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over.

He phoned the other husband, and said "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!"

"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read: "FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!!!

[dot-matrix]

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first-graders using Lifesavers. He gave all of the children the same kind of Lifesaver one at a time & asked them to identify them by color & flavor.

The children began to say,"Red-cherry; Yellow-lemon ; Green-lime",etc.

Finally, the professor gave them all honey Lifesavers. After tasting them for a few moments, none of the children could identify the taste.

"Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue. It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out & yelled,"Quick everybody, spit them out-they're assholes!!"

[Kerry]

Oops!!!

[Kerry]

Couch-potato Kitty   

[Kerry]

Two more Jack & Ennis look-alikes. Jack on the left and Ennis on the right. I love this pic!      Looks like it might have been taken up on Brokeback!   

[David In Indy]

You thought that one was cute, David. What about this lil cutey . . . . .



[[[Puppy]]] 

Awww! I thought that was a stuffed toy animal until I looked at it closer! 

He's cute!!

[dot-matrix]

A guy is driving around Tennessee and sees a sign in front of a house:

Talking Dog for Sale

He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting
there.

"You talk?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," the Lab replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I
was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about
my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to
country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a
dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for
eight years running."

"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't
getting any younger, so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the
airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and
listing in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of
metals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asked the owner what he wants
for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you
selling him so cheap?"



"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that shit."