Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her,

"Grandma, what is that called when two people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback,  but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said,"Oh, OK"  and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,  "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds and Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you!!"

[Kerry]

Best "Out of Office" automatic e-mail replies . . . . . .

1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I am at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team. 

4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 

6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over.) 

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 

8. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 

9. I've run away to join a different circus. 

10. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Bob' 

[pettifogger]

A sweet grandmother telephoned Mount Sinai Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said "I'll be glad to help, Dear. What's the name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Holly Finkel, room 302."

The Operator replied, "Let me check. Oh, good news. Her records say that Holly is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The Grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Holly your daughter?"

The Grandmother said, "No, I'm Holly Finkel in 302. No one tells me shit!"

[pettifogger]

[pettifogger]

The Four Stages of Life

[pettifogger]

If It’s On The Internet, It’s Gotta’ Be True!

Selected anticdotes from Artie Wayne On The Web blogspot

At the annual Girl Scouts dinner, Alec Baldwin and David Hasselhoff, had a fistfight over who was more deserving of being “Father Of The Year”

When The Houston Museum Of Natural Science, said they would buy cockroaches for 25 cents apiece to fill a new exhibit, they never expected to shell out 2.2 million dollars. Nor did they expect the board of health to shut them down so quickly!

An international incident was narrowly averted, when Ex-President Bill Clinton was taken into custody before he could grope the Queen, at the Kentucky Derby.

When Chelsea Clinton, asked a returning US Soldier about fear.He said that there were only three things he was afraid of: “Osama, Obama, and Yo’ Mama.”

The Frito Bandito, was arrested yesterday by the authorities when he tried to sneak across the border into the US with 1000 lbs. of salted contraband.

While packing to go to jail, Paris Hilton and her mother were watching the Republican “Mass Debaters” on TV. When it was candidate Mitt Romney’s turn to speak, Paris exclaimed, “He doesn’t sound like a moron!” Her mother smiled and replied, ” I said he was a Mormon…not a moron, dear”

The 65 million dollar lawsuit against a dry cleaners by a Washington D.C. judge for losing a pair of pants, has been thrown out of court! The Supreme court ruled that the suit was ridiculous and no pair of pants is worth more than 60 million dollars!

If you want to see Brooke Shields go viral!
http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=d552500a833ac828cd63

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were outraged when the Berlin Zoo wouldn’t sell them Knut the baby polar bear for daughter Suri’s first birthday present. Tom immediately commissioned, “The greatest doll in the world to be made in Suri’s likeness!”. Tom’s been known to go to extremes, but I don’t think he expected this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBXr15K2uSc&mode=related&search

Copyright 2007 by Artie Wayne

[dot-matrix]

Look closely.....     See the diagram at the bottom of the page? ......    Can ya guess what this device is for 

 

My those Japanese engineers are CLEVER! 

[dot-matrix]

Thought for the day:

[Kerry]

[Shasta542]

Oh, so now she's gonna act all innocent and angelic.

Ya'll oughtta go visit her on the J&E fanfic page!