Secrets and Lies...

[chefjudy]

  I only know of the Roberta Flack version, but it is one of the most hauting songs ever.................

[starboardlight]

it never occurred to me that a movie could change my life. it also never occurred to me that a movie could show me who my true friends are.

When I first saw the film, I felt like it was my life and soul up there. Many of you might have read my post about how painful it was to relive the painful times of my life through Ennis. I felt that if you get this film, I mean really understand it, then you understand deeply a part of my soul. I wanted everyone in my life to at least see the film. I even secretly hoped they'd be moved by it like I was.

I've mellowed out a bit. I don't demand that my friends understand the film in the same way. I guess it's okay that they don't connect with it as deeply. Some have, and as we shared our emotions, it feels like we have a bond that very few people can build. Certainly, with you all, I've gotten to know so intimately because of this film. For the family and friends who don't "get" me, I've come to say that it's okay. It's like my art. I have a deep passion for image making and designing. I don't really share that with my family because they don't have the same passion for it. Or how I don't have the same passion for hockey that some of my friends do. We are in different place in life, and we have different concerns. Our souls are on different planes, and that's fine. That we have other things in common to come together about is great.

Where the lines is drawn, however, is if the people in my life choose to belittle me for my passion for the film. If they say "Get over it", that's it. They get no second chance. Everyone knows that this film is important to me. They don't have to like it, but they are not allowed to be disrespectful toward my feelings. Those are the people who try to make me compartmentalize my passion, to make it into a secret and that just hit too close to those high school years where I felt like I had to be closeted. The film woke me up, and I won't go back there. If any of my friends can't understand that, then they're not my friends.

[RouxB]

See Nipith, you have brought me to tears-I don't know much, but I know I love you and that may be all I need to know

the colored girl in the black cowboy boots.

[ednbarby]

"Where the lines is drawn, however, is if the people in my life choose to belittle me for my passion for the film. If they say "Get over it", that's it. They get no second chance. Everyone knows that this film is important to me. They don't have to like it, but they are not allowed to be disrespectful toward my feelings. Those are the people who try to make me compartmentalize my passion, to make it into a secret and that just hit too close to those high school years where I felt like I had to be closeted. The film woke me up, and I won't go back there. If any of my friends can't understand that, then they're not my friends."

___________________

Yes, this is exactly what I'm talking about, too, Nipith.  If someone I care about sees it and it doesn't resonate with them for whatever reasons, I can accept that.  But if they refuse to see it on my recommendation (and they're the type of person who normally does enjoy seeing new and innovative movies and/or movies I recommend), or if they belittle or condescend to me for having such passion about it, they're done.  Doesn't mean I never speak to them again - I'm not that militant.  But it does mean that anything of significance they have to say from there on out has absolutely zero credibility with me.  If that sounds unforgiving and cold, so be it.  I find people who are supposed to be my good friends taking my word that this is a great, transcendental film that everyone should see as having apparently zero credibility as being equally so.  And in the case of people like you, Nipith, who have lived their story to a large extent, I'm sorry, but anyone close to you who can't at least sympathize with what it must mean to you upon seeing it and at least try to be sensitive to that when they talk with you about it aren't very good friends at all.  Not only that, but they're not very warm and caring people, either.

[YaadPyar]

I'm fascinated with these responses.  I'm disappointed when someone doesn't at least like the movie.  I think it's so polarizing because as Nipith said, BBM tells my story, and if they don't get that, if they don't get the movie, then how can they get me?

And when folks react with homophobia or concerns about the morality of the film, it shows me that our value for humanity and its frailty are world's apart.  I've been pretty fortunate to be surrounded by supportive people, who kind of get a kick out of my intensity and interest. 

I've never felt so represented by a work of art, so invested in it, and so personally connected to it.  I love, love, love the Tao Te Ching,  Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance and Siddhartha, but have always known there were many who wouldn't relate to those books. 

What I didn't know is how a story, not a philosophy, could change me so much - hit me so hard.  I didn't know how self-selecting, self-defined we'd be as a group, those of us who were 'got good' by BBM. 

[ednbarby]

That's a very good point, too, Celeste - when someone reacts in a homophobic way or thinks it "promotes adultery" (AAAAGGHH!), I also feel I'm pretty much done talking to them on any kind of a serious level, because, as you said, our viewpoints on the frailties of the human condition and compassion for our fellow human beings are too vastly opposed.  Generally, I've found that the same people who didn't react passionately about the *proven* ineptitude of our "leadership" after hurricane Katrina are, lo and behold, largely the very same people who have no interest in seeing this movie, or in having seen it, don't find it the least bit touching.  Again, it just really separates the men from the boys for me.  And I'm not ashamed to admit it.  As my husband said about the Academy on Black Sunday, fuck 'em if they don't get it.

[Lumière]

To add to what Celeste said -
It shows a singular lack of human compassion when people don't just focus on the fact that love is sacred and pure when shared between 2 human beings, regardless of gender. 

This buddy of mine who is so 'against homosexuality and not gay people themselves' , claims that people can 'overcome' the 'temptation' of being with someone of the opposite sex.  I mean, how do you even start arguing with a statement like that?!  Sometimes I have wondered about my relationship with her because of these views.  That friendship is automatically curbed because there are some intimate things that I could never discuss with her.  The other day, we were at the video store and I was looking to rent some movies from the Gay&Lesbian section and she wouldn't even stand there with me, let alone check out the movies  ...

I guess it is a fact of life that not all of life's journeys will be shared by the people who are close to you...some walks in life are solitary.  That's how I see it I guess.

[Chanterais]

Oooh, Yadie, good thread.  Good posts, all of you.

Last week I went out to dinner with some friends that I hadn't seen in about six months.  Two bottles of wine later, my friend Will (straight, not that it matters) announced, "Well, I just saw the most amazing movie.  Brokeback Mountain - have you seen it?"  I smiled and nodded, and everyone else at the table chimed in and said "Oh my God, wasn't it incredible?"  They all nattered on about it for fifteen minutes or so, until the conversation evolved into something else, and I just sat there and listened to them, delighted in their excitement.  I thought about telling them about how much I loved the film, and about you guys, and about our wonderful connection with the Tremblays, but I didn't. 

On the way home, my boyfriend asked me why I had kept so quiet, and I told him that in some ways, my relationship to the movie is so private that I find it difficult to discuss it.  I can write about it, but when I try to talk about it, my brain goes all soggy and I can't get the words to work.  It all sounds so inadequate.

Also, I love having private passions.  Unlike some Tremblayans, I have been affected like this by a few other films and novels, though not many.  It's part of my emotional make-up to be drawn deeply into things.  My family are all sensible pragmatists (but nice ones), and so I learned very early on to keep some of my feverish obsessions for myself.  It's a pleasure to have a secret.  I don't have to expose my beloved little passion to their scorn or ambivalence, but I can treasure it in my own way.

I also don't feel overly angry at my friends who haven't taken to Brokeback in the same way, because I know I've read books and watched movies that are deeply important to them, and *whisper it*  hated them.  It's terrible when that happens.  You want so badly to love them, but you can't.  People are moved by different things, and at different times in their lives.  C'est la vie.

Are secrets and lies always insidious?  I don't know, but I don't think so.  I may be distinctly in the minority here, but I'm not convinced that honesty is always the best policy.  Sometimes I want people to lie to me.  The truth can be a terrible weapon.

[Ray]

I told him that in some ways, my relationship to the movie is so private that I find it difficult to discuss it.

This is the EXACT way I feel about the film.  I gave up discussing it a while back simply because I couldn't get my head around the indiferrence that my friends displayed.  My sister told me that the credits woke her up.  A work mate asked how many of the sheep were real. A cousin said "Meh, maybe I just haven't felt hurt badly enough to relate to it." Even my best mate, a gay man who I see very much as an Ennis, rolled his eyes when I pressed for discussion about the movie, signing "uhoh, here comes another addiction!"  So I keep it to myself, and in doing so I find I'm keeping to myself.

[Ellemeno]

So I keep it to myself, and in doing so I find I'm keeping to myself.

Beautiful phrasing, Ray, and describes me too. 

...in some ways, my relationship to the movie is so private that I find it difficult to discuss it.  I can write about it, but when I try to talk about it, my brain goes all soggy and I can't get the words to work.  It all sounds so inadequate.

This describes me too.  I feel like when I do try to talk about it with people who are not-you-guys, I sound like "Me...like...Brokeback Mountain."  Nothing of worth comes out.

So I went out and saw my friends this morning.  The most honest (re BBM) that I got was saying that I've been out of practice talking as much as usual, and didn't quite know where to start.  I wound up mostly catching up on what's been going on with them (feeling like a bad friend that I hadn't been keeping up like I usually would have) and when I did talk, I mostly talked about parenting stuff, which is always a fascinating topic for me.  So I came home feeling better, more connected to my friends, but still pretty clogged (referencing my earlier post).  I am going to try Chanterais's philosophy quoted below and see if it can fit me.  I like it.

Also, I love having private passions.  Unlike some Tremblayans, I have been affected like this by a few other films and novels, though not many.  It's part of my emotional make-up to be drawn deeply into things.  My family are all sensible pragmatists (but nice ones), and so I learned very early on to keep some of my feverish obsessions for myself.  It's a pleasure to have a secret.  I don't have to expose my beloved little passion to their scorn or ambivalence, but I can treasure it in my own way.