Secrets and Lies...

[starboardlight]

To this day I still have to choose, moment to moment, not to live with those old barriers that no longer serve me, and it's tough sometimes.  I don't have much of a social life because I never got the hang of "hanging out," having been a loner for so long.  It doesn't occur to me to make plans in advance so I can see friends with busy schedules.  Basically I'm lacking in social skills, although I've gotten much better in the past 5 years or so.

...

There was a quote I read some time ago, I forget who it was credited to, that went, "Never suppress a generous impulse."  I've adapted that to "Never suppress an affectionate impulse."  It's a very easy reminder to keep love at the forefront of my activities and my dealings with people.

such a beautiful post, Kirk. There were so many things that I needed to "hear", though I didn't know it before I read it. You and I are so similar. I completely get the whole choosing moment to moment to take down those barriers. You're right, they don't serve me any more. And your adapted quote "Never suppress an affectionate impulse." will now be my new mantra. Like you, I find that when I let down my guards, I'm a friendlier, more affectionate, more easy going person. And I find that I'm happier with me and with the world when I am that way.

[isabelle]

I'm so envious of all of you who can share this wonderful movie and experience with your significant others. Hang on to them; they're treasures! My experience is depressing... my husband refuses to see it or even talk about it.

Hey Front-Ranger -  Looks like we have LOADS in common. I'd say, if you're going to have the same experience as I had watching it with your hubby, then you're better off NOT seeing it with him. It can be even more depressing, and lead you to the bottle, albeit temporarily!
Hang in there, methinks you got plenty of friends here.

[silkncense]

  I think when you have an event in your life that shakes you to your core and you don't try to resist the experience, you gravitate to the people who should be there with you.  Hence, here we are.  I don't talk about BBM much to anyone else besides you guys because I know you all get it.

After my first viewing, I went to work so astounded that I HAD to tell everyone.  I guess it is no surprise that my enthusiasm was not similarly met.  I then contacted some of my best friends that live far afield.  Said they had to see this film.  Only one ever got back to me to say they had (two said they would); several would not even acknowledge my e-mail.  So, you are correct. Yet, I am still having difficulty processing the fact that my heartfelt endorsement of a life altering film was met with silence.

[Front-Ranger]

Thanks for the warning isabelle, you're probably right! I told my husband today that I don't care if he sees the movie or not, just that he needs to be less hateful. Now, I'm planning a summer getaway to get my head back in order. Last summer, I went with my daughter to Mesa Verde, a highly spiritual place near the junction of New Mexico, Colorado, Arizona, and Utah. She will be travelling to Ireland this summer, so I'm on my own. I'm thinking about going to Calgary or Vermont to meet fellow Brokies. Those New Yorkers have inspired me!!

[serious crayons]

Beautiful, moving essay, Kirk. Thanks so much for writing it.

Ditto to what everybody else has said. Not only do none of my friends totally get it (a couple kind of do), but the very people I live with and theoretically am closest to -- my husband, for example -- have NO IDEA.

Also, regarding our community here, I'll have to say call this one of the weirdest social experiences I've ever had, but I love it. I'm blown away when I stop to think that every day, several times a day in fact, I am spending time with a group of people I feel genuine affection toward, even though I only have the sketchiest concepts of the superficial demographic things that you learn about people in "real life" the moment you look at them. I mean, I know where some of you live, but not all; I know what some of you look like (at least what can be determined from avatars), but not all; I know some of your ages, but not all, and so on. In a few cases I'm not even entirely clear on your genders! And yet disembodied or not I feel like I really know you well, at least in some ways, and I can say things to you guys that I wouldn't say to anyone else I know, including my spouse. How weird is that? But I also find it very, very interesting.

What would we have done if the movie had come out 10 years ago?

Oh, and one other thing I've wanted to say for a long time. You guys are SUCH good writers. I'm a writer by profession (I know a few others here are, too), and I know a lot of writers in "real-life," but I don't know anyone with whom I'd rather exchange thoughts in writing with than you guys. You are so articulate, thoughtful, and sensitive. I am constantly amazed at what I read here.

Katherine

[kirkmusic]

Just wanted to say thanks for all of the nice replies.

Great post kirk.  You go, boy!

As for:

As far as obsessions go, ours is of exceptionally high quality.  I'm just guessing, but I'd be willing to bet that Trekkies and Star Wars fanatics don't get into these kinds of discussions.

Well, you'd lose that bet.  After all, Trekkers and Star Wars nuts are people too and not all of them are pubescent fanboy geeks.  The movies have made personal impacts in their lives as well.

You're absolutely right, dell.  I knew there was a reason I felt a little funny writing that sentence.  Plus, shortly after I read your post I remembered my own life-changing Star Trek experience back when I was 15.  Now I feel really silly for saying what I did.

BTW - The picture you posted of your cats is currently the wallpaper on my laptop.   

[delalluvia]

Just wanted to say thanks for all of the nice replies.

Great post kirk.  You go, boy!

As for:

As far as obsessions go, ours is of exceptionally high quality.  I'm just guessing, but I'd be willing to bet that Trekkies and Star Wars fanatics don't get into these kinds of discussions.

Well, you'd lose that bet.  After all, Trekkers and Star Wars nuts are people too and not all of them are pubescent fanboy geeks.  The movies have made personal impacts in their lives as well.

You're absolutely right, dell.  I knew there was a reason I felt a little funny writing that sentence.  Plus, shortly after I read your post I remembered my own life-changing Star Trek experience back when I was 15.  Now I feel really silly for saying what I did.

People can find meaning in many things.

BTW - The picture you posted of your cats is currently the wallpaper on my laptop.   

   Wow, thanks.  My cats sure do get around (more than I do anyway).  The breeder I got Kabuki from also has a picture of her on her website.  They're just too cool 

[MaineWriter]

Thanks for the warning isabelle, you're probably right! I told my husband today that I don't care if he sees the movie or not, just that he needs to be less hateful. Now, I'm planning a summer getaway to get my head back in order. Last summer, I went with my daughter to Mesa Verde, a highly spiritual place near the junction of New Mexico, Colorado, Arizona, and Utah. She will be travelling to Ireland this summer, so I'm on my own. I'm thinking about going to Calgary or Vermont to meet fellow Brokies. Those New Yorkers have inspired me!!

If you make it to Vermont, I hope you'll consider moseying on up to Maine--I'd love to get together!
Leslie

[YaadPyar]

Also, regarding our community here, I'll have to say call this one of the weirdest social experiences I've ever had, but I love it. I'm blown away when I stop to think that every day, several times a day in fact, I am spending time with a group of people I feel genuine affection toward, even though I only have the sketchiest concepts of the superficial demographic things that you learn about people in "real life" the moment you look at them. I mean, I know where some of you live, but not all; I know what some of you look like (at least what can be determined from avatars), but not all; I know some of your ages, but not all, and so on. In a few cases I'm not even entirely clear on your genders! And yet disembodied or not I feel like I really know you well, at least in some ways, and I can say things to you guys that I wouldn't say to anyone else I know, including my spouse.

Katherine

Y'know Katherine -

I think this is just exactly how relationships are at their best...where the true nature of the person shines through, and all the individual differences created by the details of our lives disappear.  For me, it's always best when the pure light of the sould shines without any shadows.  And I think BBM keeps inspiring all of us to leave behind whatever limitations exist for us, and this has become a great place to try out being our best.

[henrypie]

Kirk!
Thank you for that post.

Starbie: Speaking for myself, anyway, the reason I could be articulate about Brokeback Mountain at La Cabana was because I knew you guys already, and I knew you were all coming from where I was coming from.  The inarticulateness strikes in the presence of doubtful, blank faces of the uninitiated/unobsessed/unsympathetic.